You're... "bulking"?

>"Creatine" you say?
>Who prescribed to to you? It's not on your file

>Heart rate seems a bit high
>Are you nervous?

Don't judge me doctor. I was once held hostage and was forced to eat a bowl of eggs. After that I got addicted.

>Woah. Those are the biggest hemorrhoids I have ever seen
>And you got it from " squartsing" you say?

Tits or gtfo.

>so how's your sex life

Kek

...

d-dont ask me that PERVERT!

Is this an amerishart thing? Here in Bongland most doctors seem to be decently well versed in the health benefits of lifting. My doctor recently praised me when I told her I pick heavy things up and put them down again.

>"no you see doc me staring at a man's half naked body isn't gay because i'm only admiring his physique and the work he put in , and i know its okay to be gay in 2017 but i'm not gay"

...

>Sister he's in ketosis, put him trough ER immediately!
>what do you mean it was purposely...?

Kyaaaaa. Sensei no ecchi!

>ketosis
>ER

You’re dumb

>you know, normal

>So... around 3 times a week, shall we say?

>I-I'm f-focusing on my g-goals r-r-right now h-heheh

>sir can you please remove this gagging device from your mouth I cant understand what you are trying to tell me... what... you are jawzrsizing... and you think this will make you a "Giga Chad" ?

...

"how are you a doctor? You clearly know shit about the body."

>It's good.

YOU'RE dumb >:|

>Nonexistent, as it happens.

Seriously, at this point I don't even care anymore.

>c-couldn't be better!

there you go

lmao

>sister
What is this a convent?

boi

faggot phoneposter

heh

Y-Yeah doc, you better give me e..every test in the book. I've been up to some c-crazy stuff!

>I'm a doctor not an archaeologist

hate it when they ask this

>I don't know what this "no-fap" is but I think it's important that we get a semen sample from you

...

It's a meme. Doctors repeating, with surprise, the stupid shit that gets meme'd on Veeky Forums, which really throws into light how insane some of this shit is.

This guy knows

w-why are you doing this?

>tfw wife is md

Don't let "medical science" hurt your gains

Why would you copy+paste an old thread

>me: uuuhhh... well
>mum: oh user doesn't do things like that, he's waiting for the right girl, aren't you, Poopy? Now, let's talk about the rash I found on his botty.

Shes here too sometimes so i cant talk right now if i dont want sudden death

>you lift... *weights*?

you have to eat all the eggs

Doctors always have aspergers so it's not like you should think of them as real human beings

Don't pal around with Gaston then.

cuck

Ayo, hol the fuck up, so you be saying you "CONFUZE" yo muscles before goin fo a new PR? Nigga i only got this job because of Affirmative Action and i can tell yo ass is fuckin stupid

kek

I think that's what slavs call nurses

...

Spit out my drink. Fuck.

>it says here you're bulking... but it also says you're only consuming 4000 kcal
>... care to explain?

I hate it when I have to ask this, it's extremely awkward. We're required by the hospital to as for their gender identity as well. I usually just skip the part altogether, you look like a dude, I'm putting you down as a straight dude. If you look gay, then you're gay.

Lol

w..what if I look like a big guy ?

>Why do you throw words like "Framelets,Jawlets Dyels and Lowtestcucks" to everybody in here?

What does gender identity have to do with sexual orientation?

...

classic

>Wh...Why are your chairs covered in plastic.

>"You are what? Counting your calories and macros? I'm going to set up a meeting with a therapist to discuss your obsession with food."

Literally happened to me when I started lifting. Lost 8 kg because I didn't eat enough so I started counting macros...

maybe you sound like a nutter

kek

...

nice LARP faggot

What a based doctor

>No you can't grow any taller by working out... What do you mean escaping the pit?

Doctors are ironically close minded in my experience. Feels like most of their referrals and advice is aimed to milk more money out of the patient. I guess in merica its a business and they dont want to get sued

Kek, your job is to assess people.

Too much of a bitch to assess people properly.

Post pics, then I'll determine your identity.
Why would I lie on the internet user? I'm not a doctor, I'm guessing they don't have to. But when patients come to the floor, part of their admission is asking a really long list of questions, gender identity included. Other nurse anons might be able to confirm this.

Yeah as user nurse can confirm.

Can also confirm if you are too scared to ask the patient questions maybe you should become a carer in aged care instead.

Then let me assess you user. Lean over here and spread your buttcheeks. I need to make sure that fish hook on your thumb hasn't found it's way into your rectum somehow.

You got it. That and most doctors are just spouting what they learned decades ago, and unwilling to challenge the norm.
The doctors working for progress are the ones who spend a large portion in research in stuff theyre interested in.

I-it's great!

You're forgetting you're on Veeky Forums user, I'm as autistic as most people here. I >y-you too all the time. I sort of try and gauge the person them before asking about their sex life. If it's really pertinent to their situation, then I would. But it's really awkward when you're asking a 17 highschool student if they're sexually active, with or without their parent in the room.

>putting them down again
>never gonna make it

REEEEE DELETLIAUJBNEP)$P)UH§$EP)U(G§$P(UIGB$E

>You eat how many eggs a day!?!

>go to doc for abdominal pain, makes me take a blood test
>results come back, doctor talking to me about them
>"...and it says here your testosterone levels came back as above the maximum range, that's probably a measurement error but maybe we should redo the test just in case"
>"n-n-no haha th-that's definitely an error we don't need to redo it"
this actually happened

I like you user.

>You indicated on the form that you are heterosexual, but you say your... partner has a, uh, "feminine penis"? Could you elaborate?

10/10

Fucking dad-posters.

Tfw i had urinary tract infection and the doc wanted to test for std's. I went and said there's no need for that. And she fucking asked:
>How come? When was the last time you had intercourse? We usually do these tests just to be sure.

And i replied never. The look on her face, fucking hell.

Clinically diagnosed bipolar a few months after that appointment.
Still kept cpinting kcal and macros and pretty big now. Therapist even liked I do this, it helps me with routine and a heakthy diet. Makes it easier to stay stable.

>not sure if retarded or the next einstein

Came here for this