Body Hair General

>Ass hairs are growing in full force
>It's like a Venus flytrap inside my ass
>Catches flakes every time
Who /Chewbacca/ here? How do I go about shaving it without cutting myself?

not fitness. fuck off, faggot mongrel. no bump. kys.

OP this is very simple.
>eat nothing but salad for a day
>shit a clean rock of nutrients
>shower and scrub asshole like a queer preparing for a porno
>after it has dried, sit in bed with a towel under ass
>ball up hairs around asshole with your fingers
>get a nice good wad of hair
>grab and rip from rectum with the force of a thousand horses
>repeat

At home waxing without wax. Couldn't be any simpler.

jesus

this is the only method that works I do it bi-monthly.

>laser hair removal
I did this a few months ago and it is the best decision I’ve ever made. I’ve gotten multiple waxes and (and bleached) I would have saved money if I had just gotten it laser removed the first time, not to mention it’s way less painful.

>Have woolie Mammoth asshair
>Farts are basically non-existent because the sound catches on the thick tendrils
>mfw smoothfags will NEVER know this feel

Get a can of magic shave (the powder, not the tube)
You can get it at almost any pharmacy like rite-aid or walgreens or whatever

the idea is to simply rip the hair out from around your asshole and leave the cheek fur to retain some suppression.

asswipes or preferably a bidet

I challenge anyone (especially fellow hairy ass apes) wipe yourself with TP til you think youre clean, then hit it with the wet wipe. 95% of the time you will see you werent actually clean and would have been walking around with a poopy butt all day.

dietary change can also help this. If you're shitting solid chunks that leave no residue it doesn't matter if your ass looks like a 70's porno snatch it'll go right thru w/o needing to wipe more than once.

Details? Is it around the asshole area?

great way to get a really bad bleed and get a rectal infection

TFW your buttcrack looks like a suitcase filled with too many wigs

I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble ****ting.
No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my butt-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my buttcheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.
I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.
I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my butt of hair. Occasionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Cont...

Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My butt was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.
Little did I know.
I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two buttcheaks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.
Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic poo- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky ****/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my butt off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering */sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my butt cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own *blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."
Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my butt at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for butt-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my buttcheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.
As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your butt having the texture of a Brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.
Guys, DON'T SHAVE YOUR BUTT-HAIR!

>Not shaving your ass hair and then turning the shavings into a coat
Never gonna make it.

DO NOT SHAVE IT user YOU WILL GET TERRIBLE ASS CHAFFING PLEASE DONT.

Dude just get it waxed every couple months. It’s so nice, but you might get a bit damp back there sometimes.

Girls aren’t afraid to lick a hairless asshole sometimes.

Girls have licked my hairy unwashed ass without me asking, girls are weird.

Traps aren’t girls

This. Before putting bidets in my house I would wipe my ass raw and then twenty minutes later I'd have to go back to the bathroom and wipe again because the butt sweat reconstituted the shit and make me itchy.

do this and report back

>tfw gorilla legs and ass but completely hairless above the hips
I HAVE TO SHAVE LEGS BECAUSE IF I DONT EVERYONE THINKS I SHAVED UPPER BODY ONLY AND ITS JARRING AS FUCK

Fellow apeman here, buy one of these body shavers. They come with an extender so you can get your back. It's also good to get in between your ass crack. I just prop one leg up on the bathroom counter and do mow the ass hairs then switch.