Thursday /Feels/ Thread

Yesterday I broke up with my gf.

Our relationship was wonky the last 3 months, but I still really liked her, close to loving - like I did months ago.

She has some troubles, with herself, at home and such, but I just couldn't do anything about it. I also decided that I need to start working on myself, forming my personality better, but mostly gym and I just didn't WANT to make time for her with how harsh things have been, how we've been all angry with each other when we interaced.

We had an hour long talk out in the cold and she was just suggesting one way to fix it after another, but I knew that no matter what, the relationship would stay on status quo like it did these three months, which I used mostly to sleep and work out and she to study and be depressed about our failing relationship.

I decided to break up. I was thinking about it for weeks, but I did it today. I'm devastated but it hasn't hit me yet with full force, I'm expecting it at bedtime. It was heartbreaking, there was so much emotions in it yet my eyes didn't even water. I don't know what was wrong with me, my throat was feeling all weird, I was kind of close to puking, yet I was stone cold.

She asked a few questions before the moment, I stayed quiet as every truthful answer would be selfish and hurt her, until she asked something which has had the meaning of "Want to try and do our best to work this out together, so it could be like the before?"

I told her that I don't think we could make this work, that I'm not feeling like this could work and that I want to work on myself first, before I can work on a relationship.

She was devastated, saying something along the lines of "I'm sorry that I couldn't be the one for you." and walked away.

I don't know if I've done the right thing bros, but staying with her, I know I wouldn't do anything about where our relationship was and where it was going. Making this take longer would hurt her much more. Only time will tell.

It absolutely is my fault. She had to go back to finish her school anyway, but marrying her would have given her a fast-track pathway for coming back. I just pussied out. If her vista had been two years and not one I could have known for sure. She tried to extend it but her program advisor wouldn't sign off.

Also her job prospects are total dick here compared to back home (she's in music academia) where she can get a decent teaching job at the college level.
She straight up told me the only reason she would have to come back to America would be for me. It's those factors that proved to me she wasn't some green-card seeker.

She's from China. inb4 waifu memes

I think about this all the time. I'm working to get a better job (I'm at some bullshit start-up as a designer) to get some cash saved.

cont.

I stopped drinking (and smoking, few weeks clean) completely so I wouldn't end up like the alcoholics in my family, so no escape for my feels. Got a few panic attacks today, I feel like I'm getting insane.

To top this all of I've got huge problems at home with my family, my OCD is off the fucking charts, my hands are gonna be bleeding again probably soon from how I'm washing them over and over.

But no matter what, I'm still fucking going strong anons, haven't binged today, haven't drank any alcohol or anything that could slow my tempo of making it. I'm depressed as shit but staying clear of anything degenerate.

I've been a lead for a few months now for a client and the fucked up thing is I had nothing to do with the initial design. Anytime something is wrong people look at me like I should know the answer right off the bat and even my own boss act sthis way towars me but the problem is I was given something and put on as lead after someone else did all the work and than they left the company

1. Anything they did wrong they blame me today and say why was this done this way.
2. Why is this and that still this way today, and I just sit there like umm this wasn't my design at all
3. They say it is mine, but I was not the one who had any hands in this design or project at all. I was given all this shit after someone else left....

>i fucking hate my job sometimes when i work with this one client and this client is huge for the company
>i just dont know what to say to them, yea i didn't have a big hand in this project so what do you want me to explain???

>reposted from the dying "bar" thread

I'm starting to believe that this "self-improvement" thing I've been doing for a year and a half is not actually making me better, but rather is just numbing me so I don't feel the pain anymore.

The demons of my old self are still working hard to drag me back to the delusion road again. They want me to believe that the world is beautiful, that people is nice to each other and you can always rely on others; but I know that the truth is that I'm alone and I will only have the chance of achieving something if I work hard, on my own.

Whenever I go out, I can't help but feel envy and intenal-rage towards the ones that seem happy and that seem to get everything so easily. Faking this with a smile makes it impossible for anyone else to notice, though.

Quit blaming your predecessor and figure your shit out. I bet you sound like a whiny faggot with your excuses.

AHHHHHHHH GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HEAD FOR FUCKS SAKE

Gonna get drunk lads, not going to text her

Not whiiny at all

just bored since there's so much wrong with this design but im not the one who build it. Now I have to support it when nobody knows hsit and they ask me why it iwas done this way

How am I supposed to answer? I dont know but i'll find out?

>She's from China.
Kek. You could have been any white guy and she would have done the same.

theres hope op, the both of you obviously still care for eachother, and you are still young, for all you know you might make some good decisions and become rich or very wealthy. Then you can travel and see her freely, or if you really love eachother it is not to late to marry

iktfb, i also envy the normies who seem happy in their lives. what really fucks me up is that they dont always have things i dont have, they just seem to be happy in same or similar situation to the one i hate, but if you are able to you should try to keep up the "fake it til you make it" mindset, beacuse once you stop faking it just gets worse.

Personally i cant really identify the problem, i just feel bad. I keep telling myself that once i reach a certain milestone i will be happy and/or content, but everytime i do that happines last a very short time, for eksample, get laid, be happy for the rest of the day, its over. Or the other day i got my drivers license, i thought id be really happy beacuse i did put in work to get it, but i feel no different. I get more gains but it dousent make me happy, it just makes me more critical towards myself, guess im just meant to be a sad cunt :(

Good lad. Hang in there. We stand with you.

How do you get over a Veeky Forums gf any 101?

My friend

You'll make it out of this, continue with self improvement

It is quite a journey, You'll be fine as long as you keep trying

>iktfb, i also envy the normies who seem happy in their lives.

Not many people are that happy with their own lives, they all have to put a face on and go through life with masks. We all do it, don't focus so much on the mask someone wears

i mean of course all people are not happy all the time, but i just cant picture the people i know from class or childhood who i interact with on a daily basis goes through some of the things i do, i have some close friends and they all admit to beeing down sometimes but no one i know has this constant sort of depression (dont really want to label myself as depressed since im not a doctor or anything). but who knows, i might just be a really negative autist

Seriously I leave fit for a few years and theres more FUCKING feels here than ever. This is supposed to be an INSPIRATIONAL BOARD.

AND AT LEAST TALK ABOUT HEALTH.

it is about mental health man, sometimes you just need to vent, and allot of people on fit probably dont have people irl they want to talk with this about

OP, enjoy your fun times for what they were and move on/stop whining.

Getting married to a girl who isn't culturally connected and doesn't even particularly like being in the country is an entirely different thing than casual fun. She would be isolated living in another country and would end up thinking life was shitty and that would put strain on you. Being married is entirely different than having a fun relationship while studying abroad (with a built-in time limit), and it's extremely unlikely that the relationship would have worked under such difficult circumstances.

How about "This was done by X before he left the company. How would you prefer it so we can make that happen?"

You will never make it in your career if you put in the least amount of effort possible not to get fired, faggot. Literally only 10% of the work force really and truly give a shit. The only requirement to outshine everyone in your company (unless you work in silicon valley) is to simply give a shit. Give a shit, and you will rise like a star. Keep that "I don't give a fuck, not my fault, I didn't do it" attitude and you will never be much higher than the median income for your age group. It's your problem now because someone left. Step up or someone else will.

Fucks sake.

>Keep that "I don't give a fuck, not my fault, I didn't do it" attitude and you will never be much higher than the median income for your age group
mfw thats me

I mean, whatever, if you're fine with being average, you do you I guess. Some people are content with renting a house and coming home to drink a few beers and sit in front of the TV at night. I want more. Funny thing is, it's not even that hard to get more. Just give a shit. Care about what you're doing.

Fuck... that kinda hit me hard. Gf is deployed and we aren't sure what we are going to do when she gets back as we both feel our relationship as kinda bleh at this point

>i want more
you will ALWAYS want more if that's how you think
you will never be satisfied with what you have be it things or people

I pray you are right. I never want my ambition to stop. Contentedness is my biggest fear.

>i pray you are right
that you always want better?
i already feel deeply with your gf as you will change her soon then

>Contentedness is my biggest fear.
Looks like your biggest fear is settling down

>. I want more
Define "more"

I'm married for 10 years dude. I'm not OP. My posts are:
Also I have two kids. I'm content in my family life. The ambition kicks in when I leave my driveway in the morning and doesn't turn off until I get home at night.

so why post
>Some people are content with renting a house and coming home to drink a few beers and sit in front of the TV at night
when this is the same thing you're doing, adding kids

So get a visa, go over there and marry the bitch, nigga. It's no rocket science.

>but muh job and blablabla

>Implying I rent
>Implying I drink beer
>Implying I sit in front of the TV
>Implying

I said that because with the shitty "I don't give a fuck" attitude that the other dude had, that is the BEST you can hope for.

I hope for something better. Like bigger houses. Nice vehicles. Sending my kids to top schools. Vacations (fun fact, at higher levels of management you get more vacation time). Being able to give to charities that I believe in. All things that are well within my grasp. Some have already materialized.

I'm not content with just being a zombie through my life, and you shouldn't be either.

What field are you in? I wish I still had the drive you do...

>bigger houses
>nicer vehicles
>bigger better
when's your divorce then

I was in IT for 12 years. Hit a ceiling in the IT field because I was already the IT Director for my company, and I like my company and didn't want to leave. Got my MBA and moved into a finance role last year.

Never. My wife is the shit. Even lifts with me.

>24
>kitchen porter
>in a foreign country since mine is too shit
>haven't touched a girl my entire life

Top me, faggots.

fine you win

IT here too, how did you advance

Three weeks until I turn 21.

I'm one of the smartest lads in my cs uni class. Out of 600+, there's 40 of us left, all of us which went to separate co-ops before the last year. I didn't coast by, I killed it with 3.5+ GPA, and I never touched code before I started. I led study groups for two years to help first years, and those who were in my sessions are top of their shit now in their third year. I was a TA in my third year and made class full of shenanigans but useful at the same time. Helped my friends not flunk out all the time.

Yet. That's it. Now I'm at my co-op term. None of my friends are around. None of my students are around. I never had a gf, only a drunken makeout with a close friend. I'm sitting in the office without anyone to talk to. No social circle. No social hobbies. Birthday will be spent with my family. What was the point of anything...

I'm trying to improve, but god. The crippling despair of being alone, I can't handle it. I make strides but the abyss comes ever closer anyways. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore

mfw at 26 i would not have imagined my life like this with 20

just imagine how your situation would be if you were stupid
be glad that you have something going for you friend

I used my gift to lead myself to despair, not happiness

I'll finish my co-op, come back for my 4th year, graduate with a future... that has what besides a guaranteed jobs?

Looking at the smiles and joy others had around campus, the events, the intimacy, it hurt. I was one of the 40 that made it, but if I could give that up to experience what others felt? Genuine joy, interaction, parties, someone that texts them casually? I would

sometimes i think tomyself "thank god i'm not fat and ugly"

RUN FOR HER BOY SHE'S WAITING FOR YOU

>Started at an MSP straight out of high school. Got exposure to a lot of general stuff.
>After a few years, went to work for a data center as a tech, did amazing, eventually managed the NOC.
>Relocated to work for a family owned business as #2 tech.
>Quickly showed them I was better than #1.
>Number one gets fired, I move up and start building my staff.
>Obtain bachelors degree through night school
>Move on to another company, gets merged with a much bigger company that outsources all their IT.
>I was only supposed to stay on during transition.
>Work closely with COO and CFO, show value in internal IT, they hire me on to build their internal IT department and transition away from 3rd party support.
>Do that for 7 years, share with my boss (COO) that I want to further my education via MBA
>They pay for MBA school as long as I stay with company for a few years after
>Get MBA
>????
>Profit

All of the above happened SIMPLY because I gave a shit about what I was doing with my job. I treated everything like I was the owner of the company. Like people would be without a job if I didn't do my best every day. Like the profits were MY profits. If you act that way, it won't go unnoticed, and it will be rewarded. I've only ever hired ONE person like that, btw, and he took over for me when I stopped being IT Director.

Best advice I could give you is learn as much as you can, and move after a few years. IT folks stagnate if they start turning into SMEs. Don't be an SME. Ask if you can be a lead on a project, then give that project everything you've got. Show them you can manage people. It might be scary at first, but if your goals don't terrify you, you aren't setting proper goals.

i wish i lived in the US...

>IT folks stagnate if they start turning into SMEs. Don't be an SME. Ask if you can be a lead on a project,

Fuck I'm an SME and I run multiple projects

I'm on a solutions architect team

Any tips? I'm losing my drive for this career and I'm not even 30 yet

>solutions architect
>mfw helpdesk 1st level support
despite the job being stressful but making fun, i really don't see myself doing this the next 30+ years

What area of IT specifically? Do you run the entire project, or just the part that falls into your specific area?

Have you talked about your goals with your boss? Shared your five year plan? Told him you want to advance in your career and you want to partner with your company to achieve those goals?

I shouldn't have been too generalizing. I would have stagnated as an SME. Some people can turn it into a million dollar salary, though that is rare.

I'm not in tier 1

Frankly, I started in tier 1 and I moved up. I kind of hate dealing with the tier 1 techs these days and mostly because they really don't know what they're doing and I have to clean up the mess. I'm tired of cleaning up messes I didn't start

I get it though, you have to be the guy who can clean up any mess even if it means working 12 hrs a day...

exactly...need to advance

>What area of IT specifically?
Cybersecurity

I'm on this team who design solutions to companies and I'm the one who does everything in the POC stage and even some support (If the support guys don't know what they're doing)

My role is a mixed one, design engineer for networks, security infrastructure etc...

There's tons of work here and we're growing. This company will probably be a top company in a few years. Rather not mention it but I work a lot and am tired of "advancing"

I've always been comfortable in an SME type role but my company actually forces me to learn new shit

anyway, I have emails coming in and i'm on Veeky Forums while I'm trying to troubleshoot a design..

>kek
I should probably leave Veeky Forums for good...

>cybersecurity
exactly the field which interests me the most
how to?

I've already advanced, the only thing to advance for me is a senior or management role

I hate management

There's another role as well but I'm too busy to study certs these days and too depressed to advance farther ..

Helpdesk is a great way to launch your career as long as it's not like "You work for the helpdesk for this one specific application"

If you are a generalist, you already have a leg up. Yes, it's a bitch and a half fixing printers and resetting e-mail passwords. But take everything that comes across your desk as an opportunity to advance yourself. Find different ways to look at a problem. Suggest a better incident management process to your boss. Document your tickets like a fucking rock star. Be sociable and kind to everyone. If you do half of the above you will advance.

Also, never stop learning. Ask some level two or three bros to give you some of their bitch work.

nah, doing helpdesk for literally everything, small problems up to vmware stuff

Certs, get some certs, find a SOC or private company in a blue/red team who can help you learn about this field. There's a lot to do here and not everything is investigating attacks

anyway, i got to get back to work...

I work from home

>tfw
>Wage cuck

sounds nice man, thanks for the chat

You won't enjoy it as much as you think you would. If you were a social animal, you'd already be in the midst of it, texting random bitches with shit nobody cares about and partying on the weekends with some random fuckboys.

But you're here.

It's the genuine fun that you see people experiencing that makes you think that you're missing out on something super special.

You're not.

It's all a stupor caused by drugs and booze. When the monkeys snap out of it they'll feel the same disturbing emptiness inside as you do right now. It's all fake, an illusion.

Keep you life in order, focus on a career, build your name. That's what matters.
When the money comes in, you can drown yourself and whores and drugs and see for yourself what I'm talking about and the words "I missed out" won't even cross your mind.

I have a job interview with UPS tomorrow for a seasonal position, I'm kind of nervous because I've only worked in retail management for the last four years. I feel like having a temp job would be good though, because when it ends I can just focus on college instead of juggling work and school.

Bro if that's honestly how you feel then you need to find a new career.

You are going to burn out. If you can't/don't want to move into management, and you're not happy with remaining an SME, you should seriously consider doing something that interests you more. You might have to take a pay cut, but at least you won't hate your job?

I kinda envy where you are right now, but I think we view the situation differently.

>he wants more and more
This is the stuff that'll keep you leaving the good opportunites on the side because "oh there might be something better"

>You are going to burn out

I'm already burned out. BTW I dont lift/workout so im sure maybe that has to do with this. I dont release the energy and just sit at work and constantly working...

I enjoy the engineering field. but I'm just tired these days and have stopped studying...

Been trying to get a job for a while now. I want to work for a big corporation, but I keep getting denied. I was on the companies Linkedin and then started to see all the people who work for the corporation. I started to stalk a few people on LinkedIn and saw that lot of them have bs degrees like business admin, lib arts, communications...ect.

How are these people even getting jobs? I was told that these degrees are worthless. Id networking the only way to get in now?

>came in my gf mouth yesterday
>she then spit it out on the sink
>noticed it was a bit orange-like in colour
>disregarded it, could be her mouth or something
>today had morning sex
>checked the condom out
>the same white-orange tainted colour
>starting to get worried a bit

anyone ever had it happen to him? I have a really healthy lifestyle as in exercise and diet(99%clean and plant based) so I dont understand

>I was told that these degrees are worthless
They are. The people you meet in school while getting them, and the recruiters who come to campus, and the professors who write you letters of recommendation are not.

>>she then spit it out on the sink
ok
>orange color
duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude
your dick is infected, internally

I broke up with my ex 6 months ago. After almost a year of dating something happened with her and her ex who she dated for 5 years. I found out not from her that he kissed her and she pulled back. I still don't know everything that happened and don't believe her entirely. She wanted to take a break around the time this happened and before I found out. I was in love with this chick and have known her since elementary school. She was the most trustworthy person I knew up until that shit happened. It killed me. I mean she was my fucking oneitis in my head. I used to go out to bars and clubs and remember not giving a shit about other girls or even looking at them. Anyway we got back together and dated for a year and a half after that. I never trusted her again and started cheating on her. At first I felt bad but it eventually became something like a crutch to allow me to keep dating her and not feel like I got cucked. It was almost like she died though. I saw her as such an honest and trustworthy good person and after that shit happened no matter what I did I couldn't trust her again. I should have ended it back when this shit first happened but sometimes it's hard to give up. God dammit I miss her

uh what happened again?

>She's from China
w e w

you got played son

wisegeek.com/what-are-the-common-causes-of-orange-semen.htm

Orange semen may be caused by bilirubin, blood, urine, or other factors such as the individual’s diet and age. Semen, or ejaculate, is typically a cloudy white, gray, or yellow color, but temporary discoloration or changes in consistency are often harmless. A consistent change in color, odor, or consistency that persists for at least three weeks should be brought to the attention of a medical professional. Orange semen may be an indication of hematospermia, damage to the individual’s bladder neck, or a liver or gallbladder problem as well.

>Is networking the only way to get in now?
If you came out of a typical public/private university, then networking is PARAMOUNT. It takes priority over your degrees, your internships, and to an extent your grades. Some shmuck with a 2.7 gpa, but a few internships and a hell of a lot of push from college professors has a lot more chance than the autist with a 4.0 and virtually nothing else on his resume. A professor once told me that your degree is nothing more than a piece of paper which tells hiring managers and recruiters that you're apt at following orders, but nothing else. A degree with recommendations from accredited individuals at your institution is what opens doors.

t. Some fuck head in the same boat as you.

>networking mandatory
well
fuck...

Go to doctor user.

Red, brown, or orange semen can be a symptom of several different conditions. The color may be the result of blood in the ejaculate from hematospermia. Red or pink semen indicates the presence of fresh blood, while venous or old blood will make a color closer to brown. In some cases, the amount of blood is small, giving the semen an orange tint.

Hematospermia can be caused by prostate cancer or adenocarcinpma as well as infections. Bladder cancer, a cystoscopy, or a prostatic biopsy are other possible causes. Some men with ultricular cysts or malignant hypertension may also develop hematospermia. In most cases, the blood in the semen comes from the seminal vesicles or the prostate gland.

A rarer cause of orange semen is the presence of bilirubin in the ejaculate. Bilirubin is a product of the normal breakdown of old blood cells. An individual with liver or gallbladder problems can develop a buildup of bilirubin. This buildup normally presents as jaundice or a yellowish skin discoloration, but a deeply jaundiced patient can have bilirubin in his semen as well as his sweat and urine. Bilirubin results in bright orange semen.

2 more days till I'm back in my own country and can lift again.

>tfw up at 04:45 to catch a flight that lands back on home soil at 09:30. Then 1 hour drive home, put washing on then getting straight out to the gym for chest and arms.

I will not let this new me slip, I will push through and carry on where I left off! Too long have I been away from the alter of iron. We're all gonna make it...

Her ex moved away. They didn't see/talk to each other for 2 years. I started dating her a year after they broke up. After a year of us dating he moved back and they ran into each other at a funeral. They ended up talking and he apparently tried to kiss her. She basically broke up with me after this. We got back together then I found out about it after one of her friends texted her about it while we were both looking at something on her phone. Then one night soon after I found out we were at a bar the night before thanksgiving and he was there and she basically ditched me and was talking to him/his group of friends that night. I'm 99% they would've fucked if I wasn't there. Worst part was that she was the only person I knew there so I basically sat alone and watched. Eventually I left and she followed me out mad at me for leaving and pretending like everything was normal. idk man just a miserable experience for me that I haven't gotten over. Was going out on dates with this absolute smoke recently and I ended up just ghosting her because I'm still kinda jaded after this whole thing.

translation:

you're going to die

green text that shit

its not orange orange its like white but you can see bit of orange in it

>can be harmless, wait 3 weeks

ok I guess

>girl I have a crush on in class
>Leaving after the lecture
>She stops to talk to me
>In an a hurry to get too the gym so I just say see yah and quickly walk away
>Only realize after that she was trying to have a conversation

At least I got my anger out on my lifts

>be in shitty college relationship for almost a year
>gf goes out to bars/clubs almost weekly with her girlfriends
>been to a bar grand total of one time with her and she tried flirting with some guy when I was in the bathroom
>regularly says she loves me etc. very caring
>doing stem meme and am dumb so I need to work constantly

What do I do brehs, this doesn't feel good.

You'll get another chance bro.

>white-orange tainted colour
RIP

>meet qt at a party
>shes from aus
>we hit it off, a four hour long conversation
>she tried rejecting me but i called her an idiot
>became my gf the next day
>six months into the relationship she tells me she can renew her visa but is leaving it up to me
>we're both 20 so i think its probably best that she goes back
>i tell her to stay
>fast forward 5 years and we're engaged and moving to aus in December

you fucked up

>in class

Fucking hell where do we hard working anons get a GF nowadays

I know it's hard not to get discouraged about it, but if you've close friends on LinkedIn with some decent connections, start out there. Stalk companies and focus on them prior to the people, find local places which mesh well with you and then start reaching out. Find out of these companies use ATS for their application system (chances are better than not they will). Always retool your resume to beat said ATS and couple that with the LinkedIn networking to brute force your way into an interview. That being said, if you're fine with giving away another 2 to 5 years for a leg up on federal jobs so as to skip this bullshit, look into Peace corps/Americorps/or the military. Not sure about the alternatives of your not an Amerimutt.

damn thanks a whole bunch for the info user, really appreciate it

>moving to aus
That shithole?

She's homesick, the fuck am I suppose to do?

>Have big fight about her nagging about everything i do and how i am
>Month passes by with her being all sweet
>Break up

Was i played here or am i oblivious

Didn't you hear that they're full and you should fuck off?