Gym mime starts miming your form

Gym mime starts miming your form

>gym pianist keeps mocking me with goofy songs when I walk by

>have to line my short with ham to throw off the virgin detecting dog at the gate
>security constable starts taking the dog for rounds of the floor
>I've since eaten all the ham as a post rep snack
>kicked out again

>walk in door
>immediately greeted by the gym camel
>sigh
>proceed to grab bucket and makes 27 trips to the water fountain to properly hydrate the camel according to my legally binding contract

>gym pianist starts playing natty anthem
>suddenly surpasses humanity and dies

>Walk in gym
>Gym police officer pulls me over
>Under the minimum walking speed
>"Spead em, slow boy"
>oh no I'm gonna get it bad
>confiscates my thigh ham
>bummer, dude.

>gym tranny checks you for a squat plug with her dick. You forgot you’rs so her dick goes right up your ass

>the gym braphog is out of baked beans again

...

>forgot to charge squat rack before workout
>it runs out of battery mid squat
>have to wait 3 hours for it to charge before I can stand up again
I need to find a new gym asap

>barbell smith is 2 weeks out
>have to use the gym-supplied wood barbell
>snaps on a 3pl8 squat, splinters everywhere

>gym falcon does more flys than i do
>tfw his rep max is like 10000
>tfw i can't even do 1 rep of flys
>tfw forever a groundlet

>Gym sissy is keeping all the cages

Lmao, these are all pretty good

>squat day
>rerack weight heavily
>awake gym parrot, it flies over and lands on my power rack
>sigh
>attendant walks over and says "sorry bud, you know the rules"
>spin in circles for 10 minutes waving my hands and singing Last Christmas
>fucking parrot bobs up and down and wont stop calling me a faggot

>gym monarchy bans capital punishment
>can no longer use the smith guillotine

>That guy who brings his cinema falcon to the gym
Fucking jew

>sitting on bench grinding beans while water boils
>"hey mind if I work in with y-"
>"AAH-AH, NO BENCH PRESS BEFORE FRENCH PRESS!"

>walk in the gym
>see no horseshoes in foyer
>heheh, alright
>go upstairs
>horses in every rack
>meanmug the one doing 15lbs for reps
>get charged out of the door
I-I tried guys

>the gym cheerleaders cheer Chad but not me despite me lifting more than him

>gym joker keeps adding plates to my barbell between sets

>warming up to 3pl8 bench
>gym jester takes the bench next to mine
>oh no
>puts 3 clips on the bar, starts busting out reps with incredible speed
>gets up, struts around holding invisible watermelons
>all the girls laffin
>mfw
I miss our old jester, he just made fun of the manlets and left me the fuck alone

> santas grotto is back in the gym this month
> wait in the line to sit on his lap with the other lifters
> manlets dressed as elves tell me it my turn that sit on santas lap
> "so user, what do you want from santa this year?"
> "a...a gf"
> everyone burts out laughing including Santa and his manlets
> "hoho even IM not that magic user", gives me a cheapo squat plug and sends me away in shame

Shitty time of year

Kek how did you even think of this

>gym futa has been hanging out in the men's locker room
>every time I go in to change she's cornered some poor sap who didn't check the shower first, and is noisily straightening his colon
Wish she'd go back to knocking up chicks in the women's showers

>park my car
>in the corner of my eye, a flock of birds takes off
>oh no
>walk into gym
>greeted by hippo in a santa hat
>FUCK
>immediately forcefed 3 'zas and 2 mint fraps
>it's 'za night
>try to speak up and defend myself
>hippo points to 'no heretics' sign
>clap along as I accept that my gains will always be soy

I'm getting more drunk desu

>fat as fuck
>terrible social anxiety
>I know life will never get better if I don't finally conquer this obstacle and start working out
>arrive at gym
>super helpful sales associate walks me through it
>alright, I guess this is it
>"did I mention our equal opportunity hominid policy?"
>I'm thinking, "shit, niggers"
>walk upstairs
>nobody home
>halfway through a squat set
>suddenly there's baboons hanging from the rafters
>a macaque pulls down my shorts
>3 silverback gorillas stroll around the corner and start laughing
>tfw self conscious about my 3 inch dick
>try to tuck it behind my legs but its too short