ITT: Autistic shit you did that not even your gains could make up for

>Senior year of high school
>Veeky Forums
>Everyday I wore a different-coloured, cotton v-neck with a plastic shark tooth necklace that I wrote "Surf, sun, fun with my 'guns" on in sharpie
>on some days I even kept Kanye West sunglasses on top of my head
I thought I looked so cool, Veeky Forums.

fuck off Braden, everyone thought you were a faggot

>mfw i used to not wear any underwear because i didnt have any clean ones

I had 8 or 9 of the same v neck tee from target, 8 or 9 pairs of levis 501s 504s and 505s, and one pair of gh bass bucks that I'd wear every single day in the summer and spring time because reddit told me it was fashionable. My gains did make up for it though so I guess it wasn't too bad

popd my collar on school uniform for last 3 years

dont regret it though

>used to make salsa and chips and bring it into class.
>one day made bean dip and brought it to school.
>as i was walking the Tupperware lid broke and was leaking brown bean dip down my leg and onto the floor.
>became known as that kid who shit his pants and tracked it through the lunchroom.
>no amount of damage control could save me, kids like being mean I guess.

All I can do now is look back and laugh at all the autistic things I did. This isnt even the start guys...

>used to make salsa and dip and bring it to class

You should have stopped right there. That’s the most retarded shit ever. I’d accept your invitation to fuck your wife if you even had to balls to talk to a female.

Used to slide in to random girls' facebook messages with the weeb emoticons (yknow, :3 uWu -.-) and then post statuses about how lonely I was when I never got a response.
Middle school was a dark time

wore jncos

This is why I'm so happy Facebook wasn't around when I was in high school. Faggy shit like that will get you bullied

pls no bully him

Tried to get the clear layer of liquid above the ink put of a pen by suction. ended up spitting gobfuls of ink and crying.
was 11 in 8th grade. fuck im a faggit

i was a brony because i was a teenager who need friends

Yeah I would never share my salsa with faggots like you.

Please don't. I myself have done so many cringy throughout my life.

>13 or 14 years old
>staying at my grandma's with my family
>little brothers are 8 and 6
>mom puts them to bed around 9
>puts them on the bed on the left every night
>importantpoint.log
>let's me stay up till 12
>go to bed on the right bed
>have awesome dream about getting my dick sucked
>doesn't feel like masturbating
>feels like I'm peeing but really good
>wake up pissed all over the place
>musthavedrankme15drpeppers.forestgump
>to autistic to just man up and say it was me
>quickly change my pajamas and put them in the bottom of the washer
>pick little bros up and move them on my now soaking wet bed
>bitches sleeping like a rock thank God
>grab a cup of water and pour it on their pants
>bed is now soaking wet
>climb in their bed and fall asleep
>wake up to my mom and grandma in my room
>asking me why I'm sleeping in my brothers bed
>ohshittheyknow.avi
>make up some bs about them waking up scared and wanting to sleep with me then when they fell asleep I switched beds so id jave more room
>that's when they say they must have peed the bed
>grandma isn't buying it
>says there is no way they both peed on the same night not to mention didn't wake up or the fact that the mattress is basically a swimming pool
>eventually find my piss soaked clothes in the wash
>opened it up and it reeked to the high heavens

Never seen so embarrassed in my life family still calls me the bed pisser or potty princess.

Top kek I shamefully pissed myself like 3-4 times when I was in high school

>be me
>freshman year in college
>in a group project with a few Spanish stacys
>one of them asks me what I do for fun
>I tell them I go on the chan
>They ask me what the Chan was
>I show them /b/, Veeky Forums and /r9k/
>Get an email from the professor a week later saying that I needed to find a new group and that I'm not allowed to talk to the Spanish girls


C-could be worse, right?

>be me like last week
>not fit, maximum SKELLY
>last day of class(college)
>did one 5 minute activity and free to go
>do it and trying to gtfo cuz didn't talk to anybody
>teacher is talking to some student
>I'm about to get to the door to leave
>teacher: "Bye user"
>me: "Bye"
>teacher: "It was nice meeting you"
>want to say "thanks, y-you too"
>said "thanks"
>open door so fast and speed walk and don't look back
>Im so autistic

You tell him, user.

i was too quiet and awkward to do anything autistic desu, probably seemed like a school shooter when i think back on it

>be me in highschool
>wore the same pair of red camouflage cargo pants everyday for almost two years straight
>they had zippers at the knees to convert into shorts
>had super long hair that i wore in front of my face like the "loner kid" in some japanese cartoons
>by the time it grew to my chest was threatened with expulsion if i didn't cut it.
>always standing in the same spot leaning against the same wall listening to the same 30 or so songs.
>my only pair of headphones was an off-brad gaming headset.
>wore sunglasses that never fit right over my regular glasses.

If the trailer park mattress never offered me sex for my energy drink and a bag of chips i never would have lost my virginity.

When I was a child I would put my finger up my ass and scoop shit out instead of just shitting regularly in the toilet.
Also I like to piss in sinks

same brah

>mfw I rarely use underwear

The only girl i ever had a crush on was in 7th grade. She laughed at me when i finally had the guts to say something. Would do cringy shit to see if she liked me, like playing mini footsies and occasionally make movie reference jokes, never had an actual conversation.

In junior year of highschool I was in my anime phase and me and my best friend were between nerds and druggie emo kids ,we took AP classes, skipped class and broke stuff, drank and played weird music. My friend was genuinely funny and could interact with people but i was an autist, i would always go for shock value or try to make people angry. One day i started messin with a girl in our class, just sending her weird anime shit and talking nonsense. Then it escalated and became something weird, i was obsessed with getting a rise from her that i didnt realize i was basically stalking this cunt. Then one day i made the fatal mistake of liking one of her pictures and it went from me trying to be a dickhead to the whole school thinking i was genuinely autistic and trying to tell her i liked her. So from then on the very little common ground i had to laugh about with everyone in school from nerds to jocks evaporated and i was the prime time omega.

>Be me when I was in high school
>Pretty good looking never had a problem with girls
>Had sex before
>Recently moved havent with anyone in this new town
>Mom and me are arguing
>It starts to get personal
>She says "well you have a tiny penis like your dad no wonder your so angry"
>Never thought much about my penis size before
>This cuts me like a thousand knives
>Constantly dwell on it
>Two girls want to have a threesome one day
>All I could think about is "my tiny penis cant please one woman let alone two"
>They are coming on strong
>Make up some excuse and bolt on out of there to avoid them telling all their friends
>Start to avoid relationships dont want the word of tiny penis getting out
>One day meet a girl
>We get pretty comfortable with each other
>So comfortable I decide to fuck her since she most likely wont tell
>Whip it out
>"Wow user its huge!"
>I say you dont have to lie to me
>She says no really it is
>My insecurities are causing me delusions and I say you really dont have to try and make me feel better about it
>Kills the mood
>No sex
>Go home
>Look up average penis sizes on the net
>Less then 6 inches
>Go to measure mine to see how I measure up
>Over 8 inches
>"FUCK YOU MOM" I was heard screaming from my room that day.

Pretty damn autistic. Cost me lots of sex and made me look like a weirdo that I always turned girl down people even thought I was gay.

How did you end up on Veeky Forums, chad?

commando in itself is ok, it's about hte context.

>winter, under jeans or suit pants
vomit.jpeg
>summer, strolling about town with a board short and nothing underneath
my balls are in breazy heaven

holy shit that's hilarious

Thats not mild funny pseudoautistim, you prob need therapy

>Exposing your power level
It was a chad play, but it didn't work out in the end. If you can make something that is inherently pathetic cool your a chad. Atleast you didn't show them /pol.

Last week
>Finished shopping groceries and just walked out of the store
>Man all this studying i could use a cig
>Walk back in and stand in line
>Man cigs are for losers i like my lungs, looking confused since there is an inner war if i should get them or not
>My turn at the cashier
>contemplate for 2 seconds than decide i dont need them
>walk back a bit
>Realise im just gonna be a fag and take from roomies and its better to have my own
>Get in line again
>Cashier spots me in the back of the line
>Starting to imagine how this must look and that its probably similar to the body language of somebody about to rob the place
>My turn
>"im not going to rob anyone"
>Awkward silence
>"pack of camels"
>Theyre above you
>Desperate curtesy laugh

I used to run full speed far too often to destinations on campus. Class gets out late and gym is open for another hour? SPRINT UP THE STEEP AS FUCK HILL. Wake up perfectly on time at 7 to the sound of shonen anime music? TURBO MODE CUT ACROSS THE LAWN WHERE OTHER STUDENTS ARE RELAXING SO I CAN BE THE FIRST ONE IN THE GYM AS IT OPENS. NO ONE ELSE IS GETTING THAT RACK. Somehow I still managed to get a gf all of last year so..?

I freeball like 80% of the time.

>"im not going to rob anyone"

I don't think you did too bad. Nobody that works at a grocery store actually wants to work there. They just want to punch out and leave. So because of that they are not going to be "engaged" in the details of their job.

That and cashiers have to put up with a lot of bad jokes by customers.
>item doesn't scan properly the first time
>customer: it must be free then right HAHAHAHA
>repeat 100x a week

Yeah I think you're analyzing this interaction too closely. What you need to do is look at the bigger picture of your life and decide if this interaction is of a large enough impact to your life to be considered significant.

As this is a routine purchase at a grocery store I would say no. Move on and Don not dwell on such an insignificant event.

Nah I did that too it's normal. You also like posting in bottles and feeling it get heavy as it heats your hand up?

holy fuck i can only imagine

You guys want to hear some GOOD chuuni shit, listen to this one

>be sperg in highschool marching band
>before marching band competitions, parents and spectators could donate money to the school to have the announcer read a message over the PA system
>one of our band members who is an even bigger sperg than I am in who doesn't socialize with anyone decides that he will submit one from himself to himself as a joke
>announcer reads it out 'to past user, good luck on the competition right now, and dont forget to do the dishes before mom gets home tonight, from future user'
>everyone in crowd laughs
>be next year
>decide with all of my band mates that I would submit his joke under his name again and get him to laugh and maybe open up a little bit more to be in our friend group
>announcer reads it out
>the dude literally throws a shit fit on field next to me and asks around to who decided to pull that piece of shit move
>finds out it was me and shits on me for stealing his intellectual property, and how it was supposed to be a one off and how his legacy is now ruined
>never talk to the guy again

really dropped the ball on that one

Kek you made it seem like he tried his joke again since it was successful last time, well memed

True, cashier work is depressing, the wierder the customers the more fun it gets

I have so many but the one that always stands out is freshmen year English in uni

>professor is passionate about the environment
>talking about the oil spill that was happened a bit before
>prof asks “does anyone know what BP stand for?”
>I answer “butt plug” thinking I was being funny and would get a laugh
>no one acknowledges it
>continue on thinking I shouldn’t have said that

Fuck I was one weird buff motherfucker in uni.

I would have been friends with you, user

Not really the environment for these kinds of jokes

>potty princess

...

>>summer, strolling about town with a board short and nothing underneath

my dick would literally fall out of the shorts if i did this

>First day as Freshman
>Autism and social anxiety are at their peak
>Prof says we are playing 2 truths and 1 lie and we have to get on stage for it when it is our turn
>Oh shit I need to think of something that isn't super lame
>5 minute long brainfart and it's suddenly my turn
>I lift 3 days a week
>I can write with both hands
>I like doing crossword puzzles

believe it or not, some of us are swinging huge pipe, but still incredibly socially autistic

>>I lift 3 days a week
And they all thought this was the lie.

>used to wear beige cargo shorts and heavy metal tees with a shitty short haircut
>Was 6'1 77kg 14% bf

Be current year
>Wear larger beige cargo shorts
>Wear larger heavy metal tees
>Have jarhead haircut for functionality and Veeky Forumsshion
>Be 6'1 110kg 15% bf

Who gives a fuck. Just b urself. I always get complimented on how easy I am to talk to and how comfortable I make other people feel because I'm comfortable being myself. Funny how life works.

Yep, the thing with writing both hands is what pretty much everyone believed (lie), doing crossword puzzles was identified as a lie the most (it's true) but lifting was very close (also true)

lmao

You did gods work user

...

>super pale and white
>Whitest person you've ever seen
>6'1 scrawny Lanklet
>Shave arms and hands because the black hair on them is obvious and looks weird
>Shaving them makes me look more weird
>Wear the same black Nike jacket to work every night for the past year
>Everyone thinks I'm weird asf except a few managers
>People look at me like I'm a freak
>A few 7/10s still somehow attracted to me
>Wear jacket because self conscious about my body and extreme whiteness
>Have had legit body image problems since I was 12


Literally think about suicide every day. I'm in the process of trying to reach otter mode and get a tan. Then I will come out of my cage. I hope to God I make it soon. Not sure how much longer I will last in this hell.

How is that a bad thing? You look like a samurai whn you wear those. Nobody will mess with you

>used to wear cool white souvenir jacket and not talk much like the Goose from Drive

Just take 6-8mg of beta-carotene, it really helps on the whole vampire look.

I laughed so hard the guy I'm working as a personal assistant for wondered what the fuck I was doing

Thank you, user. I'll look into it.

>Pale, frail body akin to moonlight
>Considered an outsider by many
>Strange physical appearance
Sort your shits out and become more confident and you could be doing great !

>am poor child
>spend time playing with empty bottles and such, imagine they are spaceships and such
>youth movement christmas party
>give one of my favorite bottles, say its a spaceship
>everyone looks
this hurts everyday

I don't know if I'm legit autistic or not but Middle School was a fucking nightmare of autistic reasoning and actions. High School it got a bit better but it wasn't until I had a mental breakdown lasting from Freshman to Sophomore year did I start to get my shit sorted out and appear normal.

I spent the entirety of middle school only wearing
>Black with white striped athletic shorts
>White t-shirt
>Winter I would throw on just a jacket
>Wore shades 24/7

I also used to
>Keep my eyes lazily half open all non-chalant and bored like and my teacher always thought I was sleeping
>Look at people from the corner of my eyes as opposed to turning my head
>Other autistic shit that I want to kill myself for doing and refuse to tell another living being out of shear fear the laughter will drive me to suicide.

No amount of physical appearances or facial aesthetics could save me from my overly vulgar personality and straight up autistic behavior

I know. I think I'll make it. I will die trying.

Went to a private high school. On days where we could wear whatever we wanted, I'd wear some stupid flashy band shirt or an obnoxious neon green shirt. Glad I fixed my wardrobe for college.

I was sexually abused by another student and the school covered it up

I spotted a fucking bowl cut the entirety of school + first year of uni and was proud of it. Worth noting my hair gets oily after a day, and not only did it look unclean, but my forehead was acneopolis in return

Still had two people somehow fall for me, despite not even showing interest in them and looking like that. No explanations

OwO what's this

Man, that isn't even autism, that's just pitiable. How are you today, user?

Ups and downs.
That was the worst form my childhood and is the only one that keeps me awake at night. It's the first time I tell someone this so its a weight of my chest.
Now I have enough money, not rich by any means, but enough to live a good life.

What ever you do user don't take the onion pill its really bad for vampires

It's garlic, retard. Not onions. Kek. Nice try though.

I'm pretty sure he was referring to you getting laid casually like a Chad, not your weenie size you dumbo

Being pale doesnt mean youre fucked, it just amps everything up, if youre a looser you will be even more of an outcast but if youre interesting and attractive you will be even more magnetic.
Dont buy into the jew lie that you need to be tanned, they just want you to die from skincancer

children imagination and creativity isn't autism
i came to this thread to have other type of feels

Bless you lad
I hope one day you will be proud instead of ashamed of it

Holy shit, everything about this is way too accurate.

you fucking wot m8?

>be in middle school
>have a crush on a girl from class, big boobs, nice ass and pretty cute face, also funny
>we talk often and it's obvious she likes me
>two weeks before valentines day
>talking with the girl at school
>she goes "You know user, I have no boyfriend and the valentines day is coming. It would be nice to have someone to go out with, hug and kiss on that day, user. Don't you think?"
>reply "Haha, yeah I guess. Don't fret, look, B (the biggest loser in class) has no boyfriend but even he isn't sad, don't worry haha."
>she laughs awkwardly and changes the subject

Only two weeks later did I realize she was basically asking me out and I not only turned her down but basically compared her to the loser B.

>same girl as before
>be walking with her back home
>she says "You know user, M. once hugged me here. But wait, why am I telling you this? I don't know WHY, REALLY, user."
>answer "haha m-me too"
>...
>a few minutes later, in front of her house
>parting our ways for the day
>she is just standing there in front of me like she is waiting for something, pretty close too
>stand like that for a few good seconds
>"w-well, see you at school, hahah"
>"bye user"

Again, realized two weeks later.
WHAT THE FUCK. At least now it isn't so bad, but I'm still pretty autistic with girls desu

Jokemogged

>showing normies Veeky Forums

Havent pissed myself in a long time
Shitmyself constantly tho

i still piss in sinks and im 19

...

>turned down a salsa making scholarship to Harvard

I had a grill alone in my dorm rubbing my inner thigh and completing my physique and i still didn't get the hint that she wanted to fuck. We just sat and she watched me play madden for 20 min before we went to class. If only time machines were real...

>threatened expulsion over long hair
What the fuck

yeah, that`s what`s weird there

how are you doing now?

Piss in sinks too user. Saves on your water bill.

I worked in a shitty store, in a shitty part of my city, selling bottles of vodka worth 14.79, to stinky, dirty junkies, who empty pocketfuls of 1 and 2 cent coins onto the counter accompanied by half smoked cig butts and shit, while they try to distract you from counting so you'll get mixed up and maybe charge them less by accident. Fucking cashier work is all about location man, it really is

I took a shit in my bathtub and made my mom clean it up.

When i was like 13

Not that bad but

>Cosplaying as SF Ryu at a convention
>See qt cosplayer from a previous con that I didn't talk to
>Tell her "oh hey I remember you from x con! I like your cosplay :3"
>she stops walking and tries talking to me, says she also remembers me even though I never even talked to her
>u wot
>I wasn't prepared for this, mind is blank
>I tell her "yeah actually I have no idea how to talk to people I'll let you go" while giving her those "after you ma'am" arms.
>She just says okay and walks away
>See her a minute later smirking or laughing at me as she's walking away

That kid that shits all his underwear baka

>Anything but 511s shiggy diggy

Omfg this post reminds me when id wake up crying and sad from a nightmare and i had pissed the fucking bed; continued into my early teens.. i thought i forgot this shit

And this continued into my early teens... christ..the sobbing...the piss...

>Second grade
>worried my penis would fall off
>to make sure it was there I would let out a little bit of pre
>tried to do it once and ended up pissing my pants
>start crying
>Everyone starts asking what's wrong
>dont say shit
>mfw they thought it was because I wrote my 3s backwards

>I'm anti social for a reason

Girls would usually try to talk to me throughout my life

Anyway, being a kid getting a car with my cousin driving. She brings her friends along and I'm like 13 at the time, her friends are 16

They say hi, and want to talk to me. I tell them to shut their mouth and I just look out the window the whole time not focusing on the girls sitting next to me

>quiet ride home