Lifting late night

all the manlets are busy giving you messages and showing off bloodstains

>DYEL lets vampire into the gym
>vampire zeroes in on me to steal my gains
>is a manlet and too short to bite my neck
>trys to bite my massive natty dino quads but i flex and his fangs snap

NICE TRY LITTLE GUY

>shorter than a fucking doll

>fucking doll

The Doll is a 6'7 Aryan goddess, no one can compete

>gym vampire bit me a month ago
>can only lift and go out at night
>gain significantly up but still not satisfied
>tfw no sure if the onion meme will kill me or not since its related to garlic

where were u when you hear werewolf is loose?

I was squat rack when francois ring

"hello?

"werewolf is loose"

...
..

"no"

and you???

>p-please respond to my nogf thread though

>his gym doesn't have a priest

kek

is this achievable if ur atheist

pls respond

God loves all of his children, you just need to follow his guidance. So do crossfit

Ask Dr. Van Helsing how he did it

>in the gym shower getting washed up
>commotion from outside
>ground starts shaking
>hear a thunderous roar
>the crashing sound of heavy footsteps gets louder and louder, closer and closer
>its the gym t-rex
>holy shit
>don'tfuckingmove
>he walks past my stall, then stops
>shitting bricks made of diamond
>it growls, then proceeds further down the line
>hear screaming coming from the short shower stalls
>realize that t-rexes can only see manlets

Is this the gym werewofl?

Nah that's just Jim the wolf

Mirin desu

Is this him?

I hope so.
I've never seen the gym werewolf myself.
I hope to catch him off guard while he's benching so I can sniff the musk between his legs.

>be at the gym late at night, just finished arm day
>just finished
>about to leave, when I hear a whispering
>"gains, gains"
>turn around, and see it
>a gains zombie horde
>they are eating one of the chads
>turn around
>there are more zombies
>totally surrounded
>prepare for my demise
>zombies walk by and ignore me

>Gym priests and gym palidins started cracking dowm on manlet ritual sacrifice

Absolute bullshit, to make it all worse I came in this morning and found they even destroyed the whey pentagram, I'll never make it now

You're just trying to get one last joke on a SIR comic aren't you?

>Doctor Rippestein's monster is roaming around the gym again

might i ask what a 'manlet motion' looks like?

>Not using silver plates

>finish my last set of squat
>Heading to the bench
>suddenly hear metallic galloping
>its the headless manlet
>bench he rides is normal height, his legs just dont touch the ground
>tries to decapitate me but he cant reach
>he turns around towards the manlet pit and leaves me be
someone has to deal with these guys

>its christmas

guts did it

what kind of gyms do you guys go to????

>at gym
>see a glimpse of the full moon
>totally blackout
>next thing I know I wake up next to a spilled, near empty jar of creatine
>don't know how long I've been lying on the floor
>surrounded by scores of spilled protein shakes and dead DYELs with their buttplugs pulled out
>all the weights are unracked
>bench in the power rack
>mfw the creatine beast came out again

Rofl trapsylvania thread

haha

xD

>gym priest is molesting the manlets again

I lift in my bedroom. I do not like being in public, and I do not like being around strangers.

>he doesn't know the manlet motion by heart

They don't let you into the gym, do they?

>gym reactor starts leaking radiation
>my arms begin to grow their own arms
>have to work biceps twice as hard now

>walk into gym
>dyel guy walks up to me and says "Do you get to the Crossfit District very often? Oh, what am I saying - of course you don't. " and just walks away

Creatine, not even once.

You forgot
>all your body hair is missing

>headphones don't go loud enough to drown out the gym banshee shrieking in the Squat room

Fuck you santa!

>manlets sacrificing lanklets to the gym demon for height gains again
>they fucked up the ritual so he stunts their muscle growth

>not calling him the headless horsemanlet
fuckin idiot

>He doesn't do reps for Jesus
It's like yall don't want to make it

I leld

>At gym
>chilling after sets
>hear roaring
>what the fuck
>See the monohydrate monstrosity that is the creatine beast tearing manlets apart and devouring them
> "I NEED PROTEIN ' it roars in its barely understandable voice
>it rushes me
>looks at me and walks away
>tfw lanklet

>gym banshee is doing sprint screeches again

>late gym session
>forget it's the Monthly Midnight Monday Monster Mash
>zombie falls off the side of the treadmill
>knocks into his whole crew, causing a pile-up
>hands start getting caught under the track, gore everywhere
>blood of the dead spilled in the cursed gym
>fuck
>demon appears
>goes straight for the bench
>set after set
>he won't fucking move on
>an hour passes
>demon still benching
>need to perform and exorcism
>go to locker
>take out bag
>search for my holy water and bible
>fuck I forgot my bible
>again

It's a short type of motion

>doing 5RM for squats
>ass is to the grass on the last one
>suddenly gunshots
>receptionist screams and ducks behind the counter
>an army of 5'5" manlets run in in operator gear
>they're shouting in some foreign language
>"Uglúk u bagronk sha pushdug Tinytrip-glob búbhosh skai!"
>mow down every lifter in the gym with AKs
>i hide under a body
>they take a ladder to the manlet pit, all the manlets escape
>they feast on lanklet corpse
>i start to cry

>you're in the gym
>this guy blocks your path to the squat rack
what do?

>unplug headphones

Blast the music box tune on the gym speakers ofc

But you've got double the surface area for deadlifts, meaning less pressure.
No more need for straps or mixed grip.

>onions
>related to garlic

I'm going to turn you into a fucking chair, fledgling.

>gym priest is molesting the gym twink

>gym gargoyle perched on pull-up bar
>violent stare if I even get close

Guess I'm doing pull-downs today

>first one at gym in the morning
>manlets escaped pit
>manlets are using all the barbells as stilts
>I settle for hacksquats as a group of men on stilts calls me short and tell me I'm never going to make it

>enter gym
>lanket is trying to squat the bar
>kick him in his wobbly skeleton knees
>lift him with one hand
>throw him into the manlet pit
>they devour him
>I can see they are growing

SOON, MY MINIONS, SOON.

>kys yourselves

> injure self at gym
> gym cleric already used his lay on hands for the day

fuck this gay earth

>lifting innagarage, listening to heavy metal
>clock strikes midnight
>weights begin to rise off the ground
>begin pumping themselves
>mfw gym demon is possessing my fucking gains again

Sort of like a Roman Salute

Underrated

>go to gym
>hear screaming
>run around trying to help whoever is in trouble
>turns out it's just the voices in my head again

I don't think Guts was an atheist, I mean it'd be pretty hard to be an atheist after seeing the shit he saw.

>on the bench press
>finish up
>suddenly bench locks my wrists and legs
>raises to the roof
>''oh shit its finally happening''
>gym Dr. Frankenstein chose me to become his monster
>get hit by lightning
This was 2 months ago, my gains have never been greater

It's a meme you dip

You can still be an athiest even if you see "God". You just see him as a force/being instead of a divinity.

lmao

>Walking to gym through snow
>Stumble upon a barbel with 1000 lbs. attached
>Two massive, padded footprints with giant claws trail away from it
>The Gym Yeti is skulking about

>gym banshee doing good mornings
>shrieking like shes orgasming every rep
>ears bleeding
>weights vibrating off the rack
>half of gym unusable because loud
>notice shes wearing flesh colored tights
>tights are actually flayed human skin from cardio bunnies
>stare for more than a moment
>get banned from gym
>reason "sexual harassment"

>midnight Monday at gym
>lights are off, 24 hour gym
>nobody inside, no cars in lot
>finallyalone.jpg
>trip over stack of hardcovers
>gym Frankenstein out of his pit beneath the Manlet pit and lanklet pit
>moaning about Paradise Lost and Werther
>closet where his creator's corpse is stored is locked until 8am
>quotes paradise lost and Dante all night

XD

underrated post

sick

>not bringing your bible to the gym
Being this new

>gym chupacabra didn't rerack the severed sheep's torsos again

third time this fuckin month

>the gym free software advocate keeps building elaborate shrines to richard stallman in the squat cage

Can anyone help me get rid of this guy? I tried scaring him off by spraying protein shake from a super soaker at him, but I must have added too many scoops because all it did was make him into a textbook beefcake

now he screeches at people if they don't call the barbells "GNU + barbells" and he forced the gym twink to memorise the list of software freedoms

>gym owners decide to remove chalk fountain and move to BYO chalk model
>won't reduce membership price
>a bunch of us decide this is an outrage and form a picket line around the squat rack
>gym owner furious
>hires gym pinkertons to bust our protest
>I get a black eye and 3 months of gains confiscated

At least I didn't end up like poor Jimmy, they beat him so hard he lost 6" of height and got confined into the manlet pit... they say he'll never be a real man again