Tfw the gym jester pulls a plate off mid squat

>tfw the gym jester pulls a plate off mid squat

>the gym poltergeist has been stealing 1.25kg plates and throwing them at manlets again.

I need them for OHP ffs.

>the gym trickster has hidden all the clips again

I literally have a pl8 missing when I was resting in-between my squat workout. Was sitting on an empty bench 15 feet away and when I return to the rack one pl8 at the side was missing. Thankfully I checked b4 I began the session.

Gym's cocaine vending machine is broken again

>forgot to charge the squat rack again
>didn't want to look stupid so tried my usual weight without power hoping no one would notice
>dislocated a vertebrae
>qt receptionist laughed at me as I left and made me tip 3x extra

>gym has started using crank powered barbells
>isn't compatible with steam powered plates

>plate dispenser only takes quarters
>only have nickels and dimes
>have to tie other barbells on either side with resistance bands to lift

>Gym priest is using the preacher curl machine all day

>the piety society won't stop doing crossfit

>want to squat today
>some fucker with a buzz cut using the rack for military press all day

>gym twink getting fucked by chad in the locker room again

>had to wait 4 hours for my turn with chad
>broke nofap 13 times by then so I didn't even enjoy it

>Gym's King chad declares every day to be chest day
>try to sneak in a legs session
>catches me now i have to give half of every girl i fuck to him as tribute

>the gym violinist plays Drunt' in der Lobau instead of Hungarian Dance No. 5, Brahms between his sets
what the fuck how am I supposed to lift like this

>chad is fucking the twink bent over the bar in the squat rack
At least your boislut is courteous

>Some kid took all the straight porno mags in the gym lobby.
>Have to read Trap Digest to get my test flowing.

>The Gym Executioner turned the Smith Machine into a makeshift guillotine
>The manlets are being rounded up

>manlets broke out from the pits and started a revolt

>Haven’t seen ExGf in over a year
>she surprises me by sneak tickling me mid squat
>popped a knee in a KNEEjerk reaction to the tickling
>out of commission for 2 months at least

>Gym Vulture keeps squawking loudly because the cleaners swept away all the manlet carrion

>concession stand is out of onions
>have to pleasure gym ogre for onions

Its been a few years since my grandma died

she never got to see me make it and become a rich successful man

At least you know she'd be proud of you.

>dumbbells won't stop ringing

>he exclaims "gas the lankies!"
>ohfuckohfuck.gif

>personal trainer tells me to do lunges
>haven't even eaten breggfest

>gym executioner executing manlets in the smith guillotuine
I hate the gym resistance

Fuck I didn't read the thread. Mine was funnier tho

No it wasn't

No faggot, 1st one was funnier. Delete this, bitch.

>tfw the gym jester puts a plate ON mid squat

>2018
>using clips

it is like you aren't even trying to have proper form

>Old fart begins openly jerking himself off in the middle of the gym
>tell him to stop
>He tells me hes an Olympic weightlifter

>get handcuffed to the squat rack again
Guess I'll have a thicc bubble butt.

>gym death knight won't stop doing death lifts
seriously it's been four fucking hours and there's only one death lift cage in the whole gym

>tfw gym fairy didn't put a protein bar in my locker
>tfw I'll never be a good boi

>gym junkie stole my roid syringe

>The Cardio Bunny gave birth over the holidays
>All of Chad's spawn have perfect genetics
>They are already more swole than I am

Why even try

>the gym airport shuttle was late again

>the trap door opened mid squat set

>The membership card reader is broken
>Have to deposit coins in the jar after every rep

I think I lost count on calf raises and overpaid but too autism to bring it up with them to get my money back.

>gym caricature artist drew me with a big chest but tiny calves again.

At my gym there's like this indoor turf area for CrossFit shit and for fat people to play around with medicine balls and all the clips will be over there for some reason, it's like on the other side of the gym from the weight area. My gym is pretty huge and I have to constantly hunt for clips. I need to start bringing my own

>Calf raising season at my gym
>Chose not to feed my calves antibiotics while raising them
>Judging season comes around and Chad's roided up cows are huge
>My soycows are the numales of the bovine world
>All the qt3.14 farmer girls laughed at my runt cows

I fell for the natty meme

kek

Kek

>gym Bard put Despacito on replay
>Gym succubi gain +50% hip trust strength

>NYR's are eating all the fucking crab legs again

>Found out that 6 months ago the Gym Jester replaced the Diet Water™ in the water fountain with Full Body Water®
>I've been drinking it after every set and didn't notice
>I've put on so much fucking weight

>show up to gym
>police cars all around the place
>somebody said something about a manlet escaping the pit
>ladder found next to power rack, evidence the manlet couldn't reach the pegs on his own
>pegs for bar set so low, a child tried to squat and broke a growth plate
>kid died instantly
>cops starting hunt for manlet wanted for second degree murder and investigation as to how he got the ladder to escape the pit in the first place
>several people arrested for illegal possession with intent to distribute of soup can stilts

I'm a nervous wreck, guys. A fucking child died because of that god damn manlet.

>strongman troupe has started coming in early on wednesdays,
>tfw all the gym twinks are used up before I'm done with my lats, traps, and grip session

sorry, might've been me, I've been working on my traps in the squat rack lately

>Ab Tractor is offline so I’m forced to do crunches by the ogres.
>They fart in my face every rep.

>My gym has started becoming gentrified
>Classic Strongman routines are becoming popular now
>Indie hipster bullshit with the mustaches
>The gym is slowly replacing all dumbells with triangular weights
>Caught a bunch of the strongmen laughing at my singlet and shorts
>Saving up to buy leopard print leotard now

>gym socom orders all pseudo-chads to patrol the baseball field next to the gym
>look through windows and see their bivouacs at home plate and the far corners of the field
>about to take a picture
>phone confiscated
>get it back after my punishment of 4 sets of 20 rep zercher squats
>nothing but furry porn in my FPH folder
god damn gym jesters intercepting my gym mail again

>the gym has hired a fucking whistler for the pool area
>whistler is in his 50s
>can't do best cardio without hearing the andy griffith theme over and over

>gym skeeball machine overrun with manlets walking up alleyway to point holes
>no one says anything because NYR manlet invasion too strong
>takes them 3 years to get to 500 pt hole
>can't get any gym coins
>have to suck chad for 4 gym coins
>only enough for neck machine
>mfw plante fitness

Kek

>no breggfest
>nod doing bre-worgoud
I shiggy diggy

>cow
>male
Found your problem

I haven't laughed this hard in months. Thank you user

Neither have you.

>Gym put up a 'NO FOOD' sign
>Sign has a big picture of spaghetti
>I know its because of me
>Janitor keeps giving me dirty looks
>Employees keep an eye on me when a cardio bunny is near me
>Little do they know I have spaghetti in my pockets should one of them try to strike up conversation with me

some son of a bitch had a lanklet bear crawling all over the gym and eventually led him into the nigger chamber, but then the trainer took off, leaving the poor ol boy stuck listening to jiggaboos playing basketball.
>had to find at least a 6'8" guy with less than 3pl8 bench to communicate with the lanklet in his native tongue
>even then it took about 3 hours to talk the lanklet into temporarily squatting low enough to get through the double doors
poor guy didn't wanna give up his height advantage. I know it's all he's got but these newfy lanklets get real nervous when you tell em they gotta stoop down to average height to get through a doorway.

What's the matter, can't handle humor?

>Tfw the gym goblin moved under the dumbbell rack again and bites everyone trying to grab a dumbbell

Top kek

I heard about this case too. Fortunately they caught at least one of them, see this leaked video

>tfw the roman baths got invaded by goths again
>tfw have to go all the way to the other side of the gym to use the Turkish baths

>All the squat plugs are taken by the NYR’ers

>French week at gym
>drinking fountains dispense wine
>manlettes made to cycle around the track
>unlimited onions and garlic

>RGB lighting on the squat rack broke again

Workout ruined, hopefully they have it fixed by tomorrow or I'm cancelling my membership. This happens too often.

Why are manlets incapable of being funny?

Why are lanklets so humorless?
>probably because no matter how hard they try, they will never look muscular

>have my earbuds in and cranked to 11
>still can't drown out the noise from the anvil
For fuck's sake, I appreciate that the blacksmith keeps us supplied with freshly forged plates, but does he have to do it at peak time?

>blacksmith doesn't have his own office
the giant foam cowboy hat guy has his own office at my gym. ALL HE DOES IS WALK AROUND TELLING PEOPLE THEY'RE DOING A GOOD JOB.

half a zero?

>resolutionfags keeping the gym priest busy so i can't receive last rites

lol

>gun is depression
>grandma is me

>gym VR is broken again
>missed the session with my virtual PT

without her cheering me on there is no reason to lift at all...

> Jester keeps scratching his asshole then using barbells giving everyone pink eye. Although, I do chuckle when he walks by a line of
> ellipticals during cardio hour and farts an oniony fart making all the carihoes sick

Keks

kek

>gym zombie hogging the deadlift rack

>tfw the gym blacksmith smelted all of the 2.5lbs to 45s
How else am I supposed to bench baka

>gym valet is on strike
>gym drunk crashes into the smith machine trying to park

>1st january 2018
>read something about the manlet cutoff adjustment at the front desk
>dont think much about it since I am 6'0 masterrace
>get to the squatrack
>they have removed a bunch of the lower pins
>cant unrack the bar anymore
>you have to be 6'2 to use the squatrack as of 2018

I guess I will have to squat in the pit from now on...

This is quality

>balding down syndrome guy keeps sneezing and yelling that his taint hurts
>bro soccer dad isn't around to tell downie to go hang out in the high schooler galleria
he's so god damn loud.

>gym jesus keeps turning water into whey
>gym magician keeps grabbing the 10s before I can and turns them into 2.5s
>have to stack 4 of them like a fucking autist
>gym samurai committing seppuku for failing bench rep
>the execution stage is the deadlifting platform
>gym pianist had his nametag fucked with and is now the gym penis
>manlet pit security is actively chasing 2 escapees
>they look like reno 911 cops
>gym hitman contracted to kill gym gorgon botched his shot and hit him in the spine during squats
>gym gorgon turned to stone with barbell on back at the squat rack
>tfw only decent rack ruined now
>gym bazaar keeps getting attacked by dragons
>powerlifters never around when it happens to stop them
>shake and pl8 merchants are smoldering corpses next to the treadmills

>forget dildo in gym bag
>leave gym bag in truck
>truck is on vehicle storage carousel
>won't be able to get dildo until 45 minutes later
guess I won't be doing squats without a spotter today

>gym mom keeps asking me to play uno

user that's not what she meant when she asked you to play with her

>just finished a workout
>huge pump, covered in sweat
>catch the gym mom ogling me and biting her lip

>gym's twink is fucking chad so hard he ahegaos and has a heart attack

Should have done your cardio, fuckboi.

My gym is missing 1 clip. ONE. What the hell happened, did it break? Did take it? It infuriates me cause I airways have to borrow one of the other benches' clips.

my gym has clips from when I was in high school and clips from more recent years. the old ones do not work for shit.
but the screw-tightened collars. oh lordy. those old fuckers, all four of them, are just as snug as the day I signed up. and fucking nobody uses them, which will likely preserve them for until long after that gym goes out of business.

Nothing of value was lost

>gym queen squating 405
>everyone intimiated by her
>me go up "al-al-almost done? it's been 3 hours"
>gym queen whips cock out and fucks me senseless