Depression

Change is such a good stimulater and motivator. Start frsh and new. I lived in london for 8 yearsand it fucking drained me. Im a social person with lots of friends and good social skills. Banged loads of girls but i got into a rutt. Didnt feel like ihad a purpose or meaning to my life. Smoked lots of weed would answer calls for friends. Just worked smoked and played video games. Then i moved back to south africa where i am from. 3 years later im loving life. Have my own little business and am super motivated! Having a support network is important thougj. Maybe being closer to family might help but change is something that will inspire you!

hey autist if me and the lads are being social and one of us wont engage with us/ignores us/"buggers off" why tf would we want him around? he literally said they want you around

Forgot to mention, third year of college lived in a shithole house, my room was the size of a fucking closet.

Currently
>start of fall semester I live at home and commute to classes twice a week
>finally start taking an SSRI and seeing a shrink
>beginning to push myself back into shape, being serious about lifting and not giving up
>graduate in December, feel most of my worries gone
>feeling noticeably better, being more social - go to a bar with a meetup group for trivia once a week
>be open and tell peers about my struggles “wow user I never expected you of all people to suffer it!”
>making serious lifting gains
>quit soda and drinking more water
>only see shrink on occasion rather than weekly
Had I known what I would have gone through I would have either gone in a trade or a different college. I’m never stepping foot in that fucking college town of mine again; I only feel that sickly depression when thinking of it.

It’s been a hard fucking climb out of the hole, and I’m nowhere near out yet. But the hardest part is behind. I can’t even describe how hard it was to get started. The complete lack of support you get as a guy is sickening.

I’ll never forget that group counseling and realizing how I had NO friends, NO intimate relationships that could aid me like the girls there did. And the looks they gave when I answered the counselor’s prompt on why I was depressed just made me feel worse.

The dude is saying you take yourself away like you’re not even there, I don’t get the “not wanting you around part”.

I need to be doing something always. High school was ok because it was high school and I was working my ass off. Summer break I was anxious because of a shit relationship that I eventually broke off and then I was fine when I got a job to work. If I’m busy I’m ok. But then emergencies came up and I couldn’t pay for college and recently I hurt my foot real bad and I couldn’t work and I couldn’t even remember not being depressed. I feel like if I’m not always doing something I can’t live. Some of my friends understand and it’s getting better for everyone. Plus in a few days time I can get back to running and working and back to college. Feels like the less time I have to myself, the happier I am.

>no job
>no friends
>no gf
>living with parents
>college turned out to be a huge waste of time and money

Working out is pretty much the only thing in my life right now that makes me feel something positive

That’s something I’ve found out as well. I need some sort of routine and order in my life to keep me motivated and going. Detract from that and you start feeling like shit.

Feels like they're just being kind, I only leave after they give the impression that they don't want me around (ignoring me in conversation or another slight against me).

Literally about to go and meet these guys again tonight, will post results if thread is still up.

>London

That paki-infested shithole is enough to make anyone want to kill themselves

Good luck mang, they are probably missing you. I know that when I reappeared at social settings people remarked that they were happy to see me again. You just have to go out and engage, you'll be good.

If you don't engage in the conversations or add anything then yeah, people will probably ignore you and not really care that much if you don't show up. You have to make some effort.

Then again, if you can't think of anything to say to anyone or nobody seems to care about what you have to say then maybe these aren't the people you should be hanging out with.

>be me
>6'0 205lbs at a decent bf% (dont know exactly)
>still feel small and am not even sure people can tell I lift
>my arms are literally twice the size of some of my coworkers yet I feel like I am small
>pair this with my crippling fear of rejection and my self image is very bad
>this shit is making me depressed, I mean I love where I am at in my life I just want a girl to share it with and it would be perfect there is nothing else I need I worked on everything else these past years
>deep down I know it wont happen, I mean how could anyone love me if I dont love myself
>girls mirin occasionally but I just cant take it seriously because I feel like I am auschwitz mode

this shit is really fucking with my head guys. I am thinking of roiding and getting over 220lbs maybe then I wont feel like a skinny lanklet. but I guess it would just get worse...

I see people around me that are objectively worse looking and they have gfs. I have no problem talking to guys or even groups of people but if there is a qt girl around that I am into I just try to be someone I am not I just cant shake it. For some reason I desperately want to hide my true self from them for no apparent reason. I mean my life is good, social life could be better sure but my life all in all is pretty cool and there are so much things I would want to do with a gf but I guess it is faith I stay alone and strive for greatness until I inevitably die.

lamo your a loony

He's literally telling you to tell him when you're going to leave, you have to the initiative sometimes user. You can't expect people to like you for no reason, those types of friends are very RARE.

>Tell me how you make it through.

Kinda, I Jump randomly from ethier absolutely loving myself and thinking I'm the best thing ever, or I absolutely hate life and myself and and went to die. I've been feeling the second one a lot recently

I tried not to. Sometimes you just do

same dude.. is that bipolar??

This is that classic inner battle, mediation would help you. You probably look much better than you think, doubt is holding you back.

Both are unhealthy

Maybe, however my happy mode doesn't really seem to be severe enough to really be considered anything manic so I really don't know

>Cut down on your internet uses
>Dont smoke weed everyday
>Control your impulses for porn
>Make a daily schedule no matter how tiny the tasks are
>Clean your room
>Be physically active often
>Take walks
>Dont isolate yourself
>Dont be afraid of other people and their judgements about you
>Realize that depression is a victim mentality that people take on when they feel bad for themselves
>Self pity is an evil circle

I was depressed troughout my teen years, and am now running an IT company along with two bars. It all happened when I decided to say fuck off to my depression and I took some responsibility for myself.

>meds make me feel good
>side effects
>meds do nothing
>no side effects

One day I will find the proper meds r-right

I have always had this in everything I do. People tell me I do great coaches put me in the starting lineup but I feel like my backups are doing a way better job. I mean it keep me working more than them so for sports and a few other aspects in life it is a good trait. the problem is when it comes to girls and confidence it is a horrible trait. the only gf I had were the ones that basically asked me out (or had her best friend tell me straight up that if I ask her out she will say yes)

yeah maybe I need meditation, the thing is I am not sure it will help me out because I already know I wont like what I find if I truly look into myself.

I am not even sure bigorexia is my problem because honestly this has been every aspect of my life, I always feel my work/looks or whatever is inferior even when other people tell me otherwise. The funny thing is when I look back at old pictures where I was less fit and a bit chubby I think that I look pretty good and I wonder why I hated my looks so much back in the day. I can only imagine I will look back at my pictures from now in 5 years and think the exact same. But honestly it is so hard to shake it.

>And the looks they gave when I answered the counselor’s prompt on why I was depressed just made me feel worse.

what looks?

Shock, surprise, almost some disgust; as if they couldn’t comprehend the thought of someone without friends

I'd try to get a pityfuck from them like I tried with my therapist

I had no self esteem left at that point to even beg for a pity fuck

please ... help us

Yeah I get that, it's probably the only good thing a guy can try to get from psychotherapy though. I honestly think it's a scam after having therapy for a year, it was the same shit over and over again.

IMO its only good for lowering emotional/social inhibitions since they basically had to listen to my bullshit and telling me to fuck off would be unproffesional.

>Tell me how you make it through.
By finding out only me can make it better no drugs, pills, women or hobbys.

Dont be mistaken they still have a place but the only way out of the hole is getting out if it yourself.

>be me
>problem child black sheep of the family
>massive aggressive temper since I was a toddler
>kicked out of 7 schools
>kicked out of the special boarding school I got sent to
>dropped out of high school
>no degree or school certificates at all
>got into drugs
>prison 3 times
>homeless
>neet until 30, probably held down a complete time of 1 year employed
>mum dies of cancer
>gf dumps me at the same time and doesn't let me see my kid
>30 years old homeless sleeping in parks and beside any large public building air-conditioning outlet for warm air

Now I'm head of a major international IT dept for one of the largest finacial banks in the world. Ive emigrated around Europe and now settled with a Polish cutie (career doctor) and our daughter, in a big house with cars, motorbikes, fancy garden and my own gym etc etc. I'm 42.

You can do and get whatever the fuck you want, lads.

What virtues would you suggest?

How’d you get from being a homeless junkie to that cushy job? Apply to the same business and do grunt work?

i really hope this is true

>do grunt work?
Absolutely, there's no substitute for hard work and a positive attitude.

Although my work isn't really cushy, there's a whole heap of hardworking smart people waiting to step into it. I work really hard Tbh.

Be fat and depressed. Decide to stop being fat. Am no longer depressed.

it sounds like your problem is your thinking that looks are the only thing that matter when it comes to getting a gf.

they're important, don't get me wrong, but I have a friend who seems to think that
>hot body=perfect gf comes out of nowhere
and it always amuses me when girls he was interested in date dudes who might not be quite as fit as him and he gets infuriated and can't comprehend it

>Be me at 18 years old
>Attending college I like but have switched majors 5 times, also have gf of 2 years that i'm just not happy with
>break up with gf
>Drop out after a year and a half
>Go through MEPS, almost join the air national guard but decide to enroll in community college
>Now communications is exactly what I want to do
>Don't fuck with anyone but have good grades and go to the gym twice a day
>had another gf for three months but she cheated on me and made it public
>Crippling depression
>Work out even more and go to counseling
>About to graduate community college then go to a SUNY school
>Have new lady friend that says i'm the best she's ever had
>Feel like i'm the man again, still got good grades, still working out, and depression is basically gone.

Lots of ups and downs, but life has a way of working out boys.
>Decide to

>23 years old
>no job
>best friend died in car crash
>no gf
>small dick
>manlet
>ugly
>àddicted to drugs(weed, opiates and benzos)
>and last week i got diagnosed with cancer

happy life :)

>at ~13 years old I notice my emotional life becomes ''flatter''
>realize at 15/16 that I'm depressed
>take no pleasure in being social
>take no pleasure in being with my family
>Veeky Forums and vidya give me pleasure in a purely hedonistic sense
>start lifting
>does nothing for my depression, maybe even makes it worse because my rest periods are spent by staring into nothing and thinking about the wrongdoing I've been inflicted which just makes me angry
>somewhat seriously consider suicide at age 17/18
>start on antidepressants
>they do fuck all except make me nauseous
>stop doing them
>start at uni
Which is where I am now. Depressions is still here, I've just been able to distract myself from it so the suicidal thoughts have largely dissapeared.

Have you guys cleaned your rooms yet?

every morning bb

moving made my life alot worse

OP HERE

Common advice is getting a hobby you're passionate about. considering twitch streaming as I really enjoy gaming and have an amiable personality.

is this a meme or should I go for it bros.

same in a way but it was more LSD helped me realize my depression / anxiety was very real and couldn't be ignored anymore. Sought professional help the next day and I've been never regretted it

Whoever wrote that right like a fairy fucking faggot, christ.

I would advise to avoid psychedelic drugs if mentally unstable. I've heard of similar positive experiences like yours, but also horrible life altering results. not worth the risk imo.
>have used shrooms and smoked weed like a chimney in my youth.

Meme. Unless you're stupidly funny or entertaining you'll be making $20 every 2 months on twich.

My friend's gf is a 10/10 and makes a couple hundred on twitch. Good luck with not being a hot girl.

That is sound advice. Go for it.

cool

Not doing for income although that potential is appealing, more so doing it for fun.

ty, we are all gonna make it.

Read what he wrote, he said he's looking for a hobby he is passionate about. He didn't say anything about cash or fame.

Stop being a negative little prick.

not but

been pretty fucking depressed for the past 4 years or so, finally feel like i'm coming out of the slump.

moved cities during high school and didn't have any friends for about a year, started drinking a lot and taking pretty much every drug i could find. graduated hs and went off to university which i thought would make it better, fresh start and everything. but it was much worse, had even fewer friends and partied even more. transferred to a different uni with the same outcome. finally just decided to move home and work.

since then shits been working out. some general shit that has helped me in the past:

antidepressants, even if you don't want to rely on a pill (which i didn't) at least give it a try. i tried 3 different meds before i found one that worked for me

to-do lists, write down a few things every night that you want to accomplish tomorrow, even if it's just getting out of bed and taking a shower. also keep a list of things you're grateful for and add to it everyday. it can be anything at all. it sounds cheesy but it really helped me get into and stay in a positive headspace.

working out, preaching to the choir here but working out was/is one of the few things that gave me purpose

sobriety, no need for any drugs/alcohol, it only make it worse. even when you're stable take it easy with that stuff

also if school is a problem for you get the fuck out. university was the worst 2 years of my life.

hope this helps someone, best of luck anons

are you me?

its a meme, get an actual skill

Holy shit are you me

It's good to use a system that reminds you of what you want to do in your free time and what's important, but don't set absurd goals for yourself. Some flexibility is required.

Twitch stream because you like gaming, not because you think you could make a quick buck off it. Be a fun streamer, actually do stuff with your subs rather than just hoovering paypal or keys/crates.

This is absolute bullshit. I work in financial technology & I guarantee you no bank would hire anyone with convictions, especially not prison.

thank you user

I would add, unironically, spirituality / a relationship w Christ. Church/Prayer/Bible reading provides a lot of stuff recommended in this thread and /SIG/. But also, there's the question eternity and your soul, which in Christ is ultimate redemption from depression/all sin.

please reply if you have any questions. I came to Christ only 4 years ago and He completely turned my life around. now I pastor to high school youth / homeless ministry sometimes. I want you all to experience the joy and freedom in Christ that delivered me from depression.

love you guys.

I feel like there is two conflicting sides of me.

One is comfortable relaxing, lifting, enjoying life and not sweating the small stuff. More NEET, less ambitious.

The other one is hardcore driven and angry as hell, wants to climb to the top of society and implode it. Angry that the other half is content with relaxation.

The only thing they can agree on is to keep in good physical health and get good grades.

tl:dr, I'm struggling to decide if I even care about being a part of this world or not. I could live happily doing very little.

Depends.

Bipolar disorder manifests differently in different people to different extents. Its natural for a person to have fluctuating moods over time if they're sensitive.

What's no natural is feeling borderline caffeinated and confident to a fault and then crashing and feeling depressed and imovable in turns between weeks/months.

This! He's right you know.

Do what brings you the most joy

>get dumped by gf
>feel like absolute shit
>start getting with new girl
>hang out once or twice a week
>cancels on me yesterday
>hasn't been on messenger in almost 24 hours
>snapchat location just pinged to same place it disappeared at yesterday

can't do this shit anymore lads

you got exchanged for Chad, what's so strange about it? should be used to it at this point

it's just weird. she asked to see me this week and then this. we aren't dating so i can't ask her but it's a pretty bad feel.

Don’t know where to start on how to do it but trying to find a balance between these two emotions would be ideal

thats because womans dating preferences are dependant on their ovulation cycle

Stay strong user

Or if they are on Birth Control or just downing a fuckton of estrogen...which makes them want feminine "beta" men, twinks, and outwardsly detest fit virile men.
It also makes them smell wrong and look bad to said men while also making them anorgasmic and kinda frigid.

This is why said women constantly bitch about men not lasting long enough and sucking in bed.

Women not on or exposed to excess estrogen are popping off orgasms at the drop of a hat and are as fertile as fresh turned earth longer and the children will have fewer side effects.

we are all gonna make it brehs

I don't know if I was ever "depressed" in a medical sense but growing up I was dealt a pretty bad hand:
>fat
>bullied all the time
>bad family life, dad left
>stepdad was abusive
>older brother had serious drug problems

Getting beaten up at home and at school made me pretty whimpy and anti-social and lead to me having no self-esteem and pretty much failing everything. The gym might have been the #1 thing that helped me change that, because it taught me self-discipline and how systematically challenging yourself can transform you. It gave me principles that I apply to everything. When I want to learn something or overcome a problem, I do my research and I develop a program, and I challenge myself until I feel improvement. The feeling of security that comes with a structured, regimented life and self-discipline is something I think most people with a bad history could benefit from, particularly if you're the type of person who can lose yourself for hours of daydreams and operates with short spikes of enthusiasm followed by longer periods of ennui, without ever achieving anything.

Other than that, I just try to keep the right habits. I try to be always learning some new skill and I don't allow chaos in my life: no shitty people, no shitty jobs, no shitty girlfriends. I know very well I can't take some of that stuff emotionally/psychologically so I just walk away, and if I have to lose a few things with that or limit my ambitions a bit, so be it.

(OP) #
Have a few projects I'm working on. New projects come in related to other projects and I'm sitting there while the company is talking about all the other things that need to happen and there's millions on the line here and I'm literally deep in other projects. They give me other personal to assist and now I find out those people are working on something else as well and they're busy.... I don't know right now what to do. This one project to be completed in a month or so from my end but right now I don't know how to deliver on everything here. Literally have millions of dollars on the line and what do they have expect from me??

>first girl I ever truly loved breaks dumps me
>I work with her, see her often
>hooks up with new co-worker/gym buddy within 3 weeks
>my presence pisses her off and I'm dead to her

At least my lifts are going up and I'm getting anti depressents

>it was more LSD helped me realize my depression / anxiety was very real and couldn't be ignored anymore

Shrooms made me confront how much my bad sleep hygiene was hurting me, more so than any painful symptom of sleeplessness I ever had. I started doing a proper and timely sleep routine since that experience. I improved a lot because of it.

>be me, 13
>want to end life, I live next to a train track
>failing almost everything in school, and getting worse
>have no friends, except maybe for one kid who I should have appreciated more
>mom has brain tumor, medication she's taking makes her act as if she has dementia, me and little sister have no idea what's happening
>dad unemployed
>be very underweight
>don't do it (honestly I think I just procrastinated on it to avoid it)
>slowly start to do more good things & less bad things (very slowly)
>somehow make some friends through vidya
>get into martial arts, be shit
>get into calisthenics, weak
>start to read, I've always had below average language capabilities so it takes forever to get through a whole book
>Slowly become bigger and better at martial arts, still borderline autistic but start getting more respect from peers
>now almost 19, still get suicidal thoughts but have built myself into someone the people around be can depend on
>tfw your friends know you as the big friendly scary looking bald guy

Still into fitness, very very slowly getting better at lifting, still into martial arts although the last year I couldn't afford to train, still reading, somehow more than doubled my grades by the end of school and got into college to study physics, it's surreal to me to finally be in college doing what I've always wanted to but I'm still struggling with keeping up.

Still live with a slightly better than dysfunctional family, still have no idea how to talk to girls and I still haven't even beaten dark souls 2 yet.
But I'm not dead yet, and I don't plan on dying anytime soon. Even if my conscience tries to tell me otherwise.
Soz for splurging guys I don't talk a lot. Stay strong man. Best tip I can give is a cliche one, don't quit, do whatever you want to convince yourself not to, just don't do it. I wish you luck friend, don't you dare go hollow.

Nigga I know it hurts but how can you take the fact that she treated you like trash and not fly into rage?

Same exact thing. LSD allowed me to act like a normal human being for the better part of a few hours by clearing my extreme mental fog and allowing me to freely think and compile words for the first time in years. After wondering why I felt so "normal", I realized that LSD acts as an artificial serotonin, and that my brain was actually getting normal amounts for the first time in an eternity.

Bro good for you. Remember to rake care of your sister. She might need you to love her like the upper family she doesn't have (BC mom. ) make us proud user

Now I want to try this shit baka

Engineering fag here. Good luck with physics.

it's 2:21 am here

I am flying to Hong Kong in 2 days

have never been to Asia, I know no one there, and I will have to survive all by myself for 5 months.

My house is a mess, I need to clean everything up, drinking coffee at the moment

Jesus Christ, I don't even know why I agreed to go there.

How is it that you came to really, truly believe in God? I considered going to church but having gone all my life without it I can't say that I have any sort of belief in there actually being a higher power controlling the universe, and I feel like I would sort of be an impostor if I went but didn't actually believe in God.

Hong Kong is fun, bro. Go to Happy Valley racetrack on Wednesday nights. It’s a blast!

Are you gonna check out any red light districts?

Been depressed for a while now. That empty feeling where I only feel love or happiness if I’m on drugs. Horrible anxiety that comes with the physical symptoms, blushing, sweating etc so I’m addicted to benzos and trying to taper off. And just got diagnosed with HIV. I’m not suicidal and I know so many more people have it worse than I can imagine, I just wish life would throw me one bone right about now, I could really use it.

Been depressed for years now. I'm kinda lost in life. I have no idea on what I want to do in life. I keep changing majors and its really starting to worry my family. I've been also just kinda working at this shit club as a bartender for the past 7 years now and its really killing me. I'm tired of having to deal with drunk bimbos and also try hard wanna be chads that fight over dumb shit. I don't even really like people so working there makes me feel even worse. The only reason why I'm still at the bar is because the money isn't too bad on some nights. I also can drink on the job (but I should probably stop because I feel like I am slowly becoming an alcoholic). And also, because I have been working there for so long, I feel like I am stuck there forever.

I've been thinking about getting into IT because it just seems like a safe field. There is a part of me that kinda doesn't want to do it though, mainly because I'm a brainlet and I just feel like I won't be able to handle it. Idk I just hope somethings works out for me. I'm always tired and lonely. Fucking hate my life.

am so unhappy with life and bf that i'm having an anorexia relapse for the first time in 5. i dont even care. just want to be rail thin or dead