HELP ME THE FUCK OUT FIT

HELP ME THE FUCK OUT FIT
I HAVE A FUCKING SPIDER IN MY EAR HOW THE FUCK DO I GET IT OUT

My head has been pounding for two days like a fucking cluster headache and the inside of my left ear swollen which I thought was from my headphone catching it or something... Anyway... I'm sitting on my computer and I feel like a scratching on my ear so I itch it but it keeps itching so I look in the mirror and tilt my head and see a fucking spider JOLT the fuck back into my ear and its still fucking in there as i ytyping this and i cant get it the fuck out

I pourted water in it and smashed my finger in to kill this motherfucker but I can still feel shit moving in my ear what THE FUCK DO I DO im about to throw up

Pci unrelated

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go to a hospital?

I don't know of this will work, but when I was a kid I used to get water in my ear a lot and my mom would mix a 1:1 solution of distilled white vinegar and isopropyl alcohol and fill my ear. I would then wait like 30 seconds and let it drain. I would think that would kill the spider hopefully wash it out.

FUCK NO I HAVEN'T WASHED IN WEEKS

First try the lightbulb trick. Go into a dark room and shine a bright flashlight into your ear from about an inch away. See if that lures out the bug.

If not, get a peroxide ear rinse from a pharmacy. Mix with hot water, as hot as you can stand without pain, and pour it into your ear. That will drown/burn the bug and disinfect at the same time.

go see a doctor you dingus

This is truly the most disgusting thing I've ever heard. Kys. Why thr fuck are you posting this on a fitness board!??

DON'T WE HAVE JANITORS? DO YOUR JOB AND KEEP THIS BOARD FITNESS RELATED

>janitors
>on fit
They're probably masturbating to this post at the very moment.

posting in the best thread on Veeky Forums today

iT'S HEALTH AND FITNESS FAGGOT FUCK YOU THIS IS A MEDICAL EMEGENCY

get a baby ear irrigator, pouring water won't work, you have to flush your ear out. don't shoot it horizontal towards your eardrum or you could rupture it, shoot it towards the top of your head. stand in the shower with a coffee mug and keep at it for a couple minutes, hopefully you'll see a little arachnid corpse sloughing down your arm.

go to a doctor you fucking idiot fuck

THANKS I JUST SQUIRTED MY EAR BUT CAN HEAR A CRACKLING NOISE NOW AND DIDNT SEE SHIT COME OUT

IM FUCKING CRYING BTW I HATE SPIDERS SO MCUH

No its just fitness, look again. What you need is a board not yet created called "im such a fat disgusting unhygenic pathetic loser that i have spiders living in my ear but haven't showered in weeks so can't go to the doctor"

/isafdupltihsimebhsiwscgttd/

You are pathetic.

>fat
stfu faggot im likely fitter than you've ever been or ever will be

A FUCKING SPIDER CRAWLING IN MY EAR IS NOTHING TO DO WITH HYGIENE YOU FAGGOT FUCK

It takes about two weeks to learn everything there is to know about fitness lol the people who say this shit are the guys who used to tell the teacher that you copied someones homework before turning it in

Put another spider in your ear to find his buddy get him out of danger

Dont worry its making webs around your brain to protect it from all the misinformation spewed out from the internet tehehe

fuck you that is my worry maybe it can get into my head man im about to throw the fuck up from this shit its still moving in my fucking ear and ive put water in

Go to the hospital unless you're literally already braindead. OP is an utter faggot bitch.

Go to a hospital you idiot

This is pretty funny that i saw this cuz my niece is listening to the itsby bitsy spider right now

Pay some manlet in your gyms manlet pit to take a look inside and ask the spider to leave.

hospital jesus

Hold a fly just outside your ear. Spiders love to eat flies so it'll come crawling out

>medical emergency
>doesn't call 911
>goes on a gay weightlifting forum instead

lol my dad is an urgent care and they just pour in some kind of drowning agent then pull the dead bug out with tweezers or just tweezers and no liquid if they can. More common than you think.

how did this post go ignored

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Kek

It hasn’t been health and fitness since like 2013

It's your choice op, either choose to live in harmony as one with your new arachnid housemate, or evict her from your ear. I heard she was pregnant, you may want to take this into consideration before making the decision..

wtf

How's your mental health OP?

Perfect im no shiczo or anything nor am i even depressed this isn't some crazed madman shit a spider genuinyle crawled in my fucking ear

it was a joke

>Has live spider in ear
>Doesn't go to hospital

No bro, you're either a troll or a person that is not mentally sound.

I got it out now but I was about to go yeah

I got in the shower and put the thing to my ear and yeah...

Post pic of spider

Dude, it's long gone now. I got in the shower so it went down the drain but my ear actually feels empty, weird as fuck

you make me feel better about myself.

t. someone whos been lying in bed for the past 5 days

Would you be open to the notion that perhaps there never was a spider?

i think the reasonable thing to do would be to watch asmr ear examining videos an kill it with the tingles.

Why?

No, there definitely was one. Lol, I'm not crazy man, unfortunately. Like I said, I'm not even depressed so that's something considering were on Veeky Forums

>heartykek.jpg

The spider was inside us all along

the fuck? why do you care? there is LITERALLY zero damage the little dude can do inside your ear. and fuck off if you think I'm a spider posting this it's not funny.

What if the spider laid eggs in your ear? That would be pretty spooky

...

Fuck you, man! Not even funny

I heard spider eggs don't hatch with heat like chicken eggs do.
The outer layer just kind of dissolves when it rains, then a gang of spidlets pop out.

Imagine tons of these could be crawling around inside your head soon

...

You thought one spider in the ear was bad, wait til the fucking colony hatches.

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user...

fucking americans

It was a joke
I was just riffing on the notion that 4channers are slovenly beasts

If I don't shower every 2 days max I start to feel like how I imagine a negro feels

Kill it with a few drops of rubbing alcohol. Hold for a minute and then allow to drain. Add a few drops of caster oil to the ear and then pull it out with fine-tipped tweezers.

T. Dad to a toddler

what

The little red eyes of the spider are the best part.

Good point. This is spider breeding season.

OP will have to do this to his ear youtu.be/PcNELjCcxaY?t=59 it's the only way.

OBSESSED

Ah, the infamous brain spiders. Sorry bro, your juicy insides make a nice nest for babies.

Peroxide doesn't disinfect shit, that's a meme.

kek

Those tits aren't that bad

toasting in ebin bread

Go to a hospital, idiot.

Drown with high ethanol liquor, rubbing alcohol or something.
Just lay on your side and drown your ear. If it dies in there, you can just get it removed.

this is actually quite likely

post pictures faggot

Burn it with fire

go see a doctor or go to the emergency room jesus dude. just take a quick shower and wash yourself then go and get the fucking spider out of your ear lmao

you need to put a bird in your ear to get the spider out

how did it feel, now that you can look back at it? I had a buddy who had an earwig crawl inside of him and he said the non stop scratching noise was the worst part of it

Suck it out with a vacuum cleaner. My cousin had this happen to him and that's basically what they did at the hospital.

then youre going to need a cat to get the bird out

It sounds like you're having a schizophrenic episode. Please seek immediate medical attention.

Underrated.

kek

This thread is going places

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Thanks for the good laugh OP

This makes me nervous

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We really are here forever

Hang a fly in from of your ear. Has to be fresh, living. Spider will come out to eat it.

Include me in screencap

You should be fucking happy a little bro-spider chose to chill out inside of you, he'll keep the flies from living in your ears and will give you the occasional, friendly tickle. You should name him, he'll be in there for a while because you are providing him a warm, moist hole for him and his eggs.

>now has spider and maggots in ear

Glad to hear you got rid of it. My spider story
>be me
>2 years ago
>helping my dad at his auto shop
>place is covered in webs because he never cleans it
>see a little baby arachnigger hanging on the gate from his string of web
>take him down by swinging my finger across his web string
>web stuck to my finger
>top of head itches so absentmindedly scratch it
>web string was still attached to finger
>little guy swings into my ear like tarzan
>fugg.jpg
>make up some bullshit excuse to go home
>take shower
>doesn't help
>pound my head with my hand
>doesn't help
>I can feel him crawling around inside
>can't go to hospital because no health insurance
>resign myself to my fate and lay down to warch russian dashcam videos
>30 minutes later
>arachnigger crawls out on his own
>promptly kill him
>nothing personal, little buddy
>actually feel a little sad

Spider could have laid eggs though.
Considdering the warmth of the inner ear, all the hatched ones will be female.

Light up a candle and pour hot wax inside your ear canal. Works everytime

Spiders don't have eggs. They have egg sacks that they use to carry around hundreds of tiny spiders that are so small that they can literally ride air currents(ballooning).

I MUST BE PART OF THE SCREENSHOT

Lol imagine if it lays eggs

wat da fak man nasty shit

have you tried GOMAD?