Mfw have an interview tomorrow

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I had an interview for a lab technician job (have a chem degree) and the only technical question they asked me was how to make a 1 molar solution of sodium chloride. What a joke.

>"Who has had the most impact on your life and how?"

2 minutes... can't think of an answer. Would literally be silent for 2 minutes if that was an IRL interview.

SANA BOYS

ive got a bit of experience in lab work and the specific testing they do so im expecting a few technical questions. as a chem grad, did you ever use XRF? if so, do you remember how to use one?

just make something up that sounds like you have your head firmly on your shoulders

one thing i learned many years ago is that blunt honesty is usually not appreciated in interviews - they're looking for specific types of answers and to see that you're mentally within the "range" of what they're looking for. thinking that being super honest will somehow give you a leg up is delusional and you'll most likely end up hurting your chances if you say something too outrageous or have no answers at all.

If they ask you about impact on life and how just say some generic shit that sounds nice. a relative (your uncle) or a teacher you had in highschool or university, or a good friend who helped you get into better physical shape which cascaded into more opportunities, or something along those lines. It can be complete bullshit that never actually happened. This applies to pretty much every interview question besides the most technical ones, and even those can be bullshitted

fucking lol. you're gonna bomb you autist

Easy as fuck to use.

If you can follow SOPs, keep good notes on what you do, and use a pipette you're fully qualified. Lab Technician isn't a job that requires much. Your presentation and impression at the interview matters more than your skill set for that job. When I hire a lab tech I'm just looking for one if two people

1. Someone who is really good and I'll get maybe two years out of before they move up to a better job at another business

2. Someone who is slightly less competent I know will never leave because they have little ambition, who can train my carousel of actual intelligent fresh out of school hires from category one.

People are retarded. It doesn't take much to be category one compared to most of the people I see.

this, just say like "my father. he inspired me to be productive and not waste my youth, and his advice has continually pushed me to become the best version of myself possible"

I never operated the actual instrument, but I know how it works.

It's sorta a problem I found with my degree. I covered 100s of characterization techniques like that via lectures but there is no time or money to actually use most of them.

Genie appears in front of you and granted you 5 wishes. But the wishes have to be about your job. What do you wish for?
I have failed that part and was asked to leave. Good thing I didn't get in there, got a better job.

How do you pick out the people in category 2? What kinds of answers do they give you?

wtf that would be easy to bullshit
>wish for a warm and happy work environment
>wish for friendship with my coworkers and superiors
>wish for a clear, upward path of mobility within the company
>wish a long-term career at the company
>wish to continuously learn, improve, and become a more skilled and effective employee as time goes on

There is such a shortage for lab technicians that if you managed to get an interview you're probably going to get hired.

Why department are you going to be working in? Try to avoid bloodbank like the plague if at all possible, shit is horrible.

I’ve never gotten that question, but that’s the correct answer.

coal testing, most likely using analytical techniques

You were honest and said what any reasonable person would, right?

"Bigger paycheck"

that's good on multiple levels
>shows good family relations
>shows good work ethic
those are the ideal answers- those that look good on multiple levels

thanks for the reply, its quite helpful

bizraelis like from israel?

they ask you a bunch of stupid questions , written by dumbarse millennial's. acting as if they have a degree in psychology

I'm giving someone an interview tomorrow. If you drop the word "bizraelis" during it...I guarantee not to hire you.

>situation where you went above and beyond

>what is your greatest weakness

getting angry and going apeshit.

>where do you see yourself in 5 years

Well i hope i'm not working here, with you miserable cunts

>give me an example of a time where you solved a problem on the job

Well. my former boss was being a total fuckhead and spoke like shit to me, so i knocked the cunt out and smashed his head in with my office chair. he's got permanent brain damage and i got charged with manslaughter. Hopefully we dont have any similar issues here. will we?

is bomb the israeli's better?

Wow important man conducts job interview, bravo, bravo

Hired

>be me 19
>have a solid portfolio and several years of experience freelancing as software developer
>go to Deutsche Bank Job interview
>fill out basic IQ test
>get introduced to interviewer
>asks me the most cliche job interview questions ever
>she then asks: "What are your 5 greatest fears?"
>I immediately stop her
>tell her following: "Sorry, but are you serious? Did you really just ask me that? Ok, thank you very much for the opportunity, but the interview ends here"
>she looks totally buffled
>I immediately leave the bank
>4 days later I receive two phone calls and one email from Deutsche Bank asking me to come back for another interview with the local VP of Tech
>Haven't answered yet

You need to be arrogant if you can back it with a solid portfolio and experience OP. Don't let them take advantage of you.

Remember, THEY need an employee, not the other way.

You can do all this without help of a Genie.
No, that is sane and probably would have gotten me a job. But I had an autistic brainfart and told about "each worker would have a personal jet, clients would live on resort islands, teleportation device" but was asked to stop.

Who is your role model? Question had me spitting out fake answers like "m-my grandfather"

lol this guy

Easy to say. I'm turning 35 and I have no portfolio. I was deceived by society and had to work on menial jobs instead of recording everything and self-improvement.

Lads I have an interview in about 30 mins and I’m in a really bad mood to the point where I can’t be bothered to anything but tell the truth

I already have an online business that makes me cash each month I just need this job for the wage slips so I can get a mortgage and then quit

I will let you know how it goes

When I was 13-14 I made the decision to no go party like all my friends did every day.

I was constantly learning to code through the years and managed to get freelance and part-time gigs in respectable companies and startups.

Now, I have a HUGE advantage against my pears that literally have no job experience because they constantly went on vacations and partied.

Most of them are now wagecucking at apprenterchips earning $400-500 a month working 30 hours a week.

>What is your weakness?
Giving answer to a question like this. I can't really lie and say "none" - I'm not Superman, and even he had one weakness. Or tell the truth and say "anime tiddies".
>Do you aim to achieve results?
Fucking double-edged shit. If you strive to achieve results, it means that you have to do you work hastily, which results in poor quality, also you have to deceive and fight your colleagues, so you get more easy and noteworthy tasks. But HR people refuse to acknowledge this: they want people "who go for the bigger numbers instead of putting effort".
Anyone knows how to answer these questions?

STAR - situation, task, action, result and make sure your result goes into how you will apply that at the new company. People love hearing that shit. Other than that just be cool and calm, embrace the nerves to let it elevate you.

There's a reason people PR in races, the nerves get you to be top notch. Embrace it and be clutch.

no questions atm, but i wish you luck
we're all gonna make it

>pears
It’s not hard to be better at programming than a fruit
Maybe you should have relaxed and enjoyed yourself a bit when you were younger

When I was 13, I was riding a bus back and forth, alone. I was collecting bottles on the street to sell them for some coins, so I can buy a chewing gum or ice cream. Sometimes I was walking, just walking and imagining some stuff. I didn't know about coding, self-improvement, adult life, difficulties and other shit. Parents just wanted me to have better grades at school, but I hated it.

>Weakness
I say something that isn't too bad for the job. Interviewing for sales positions I say attention to detail but then explain how I've been working on it. For a finance job, I probably wouldn't say that.

The second question you should answer yes but not at the expense of bad work. Then give an example of when you or a team member had rushed through to get results and it bit you in the ass. You got it bro.

My typical jobinterview
>open door
> come in
>"Who are you?"
>"What are you doing here?"
>interviewer calls security
>get dragged out of the building

Somehow just going into random offices in my city never works...

Sometimes I do regret it that I didn't enjoy my teenage years, but at the end of the day, I am glad that I will have an adult life without financial problems like my friends have.

I'm not currently seeking a job, but thanks for answers. I would too say something along those lines.
Many people (like me) have not enjoyed those times, and they still have financial troubles. You can take solace in that.

Get out normie

>me

And you are better at programming than your pears

Hey man I smoked weed and drank throughout high school and still didn't really enjoy my teen years. I enjoyed college a lot more and drank a lot more but still secured a good job at graduation.

>what can offer this firm that other sollicitants can not?

How do you answer this question when you have little experience?

I meant peers you fucking autist

You need to motivate yourself.

IMO the only legitimate way to do that is by watching movies.

Watch business/tech movies like The Social Network, Steve Jobs(2015), Limitless, Ex Machina etc.

But you don't need to just watch them once, you need to watch them in a loop and completely understand their messages.

Movies are the most powerful weapon to influence a human, the Nazi and Goebbels knew this very well.

kek

"Agility [trendy HR word]: not only as a part of my own existing skills and experience, but also in the sense that there is rarely one correct solution to any task. I am able to adapt quickly to new challenges and I am able to match the internal culture of the organisations I work within and alongside".

>But I had an autistic brainfart and told about "each worker would have a personal jet, clients would live on resort islands, teleportation device" but was asked to stop.

holy shit no offense user but I wouldn't have hired you either if I got an answer like this

i drank my life away
and i fucking hate that
fuck fleeting joy

Thanks, but don't worry about me. I'm happier than I've ever been during the first 30 years of my life. Surely, I live and work in hellish conditions, but it's luxurous compared to what I've had in teenage years. For example, I didn't know that there is a place where you can talk to other people all around the planet, and they will be honest with you, will help and support you. Some people really need that even now, but they don't know where to start searching.

interview idea:
"strengths:
can lead AND follow- both are important
willing to pick up slack when needed"

(this was my fav)
weaknesses:
pessimistic- I can tell you what could go wrong- when, where, and how (i'm in engineering, so this is actually handy)

2 problems with that:

1. Interviewers loathe candidates who try the "strength as a weakness" thing. It is a personality test question, and this shws you are a closed, defensive person, and/or fragile ego.

2. Right now, the trendy HR theory is that culture match > competence. It's a bit grotesque, but itäs the idea that it is better to have teams of mediocre shiny happy people than sociopath over-achievers, in the long run. Calling yourself pessimistic may be seen as . . . "problematic".

I know no one cares but the interview went as bad as expected. Not an autistic meltdown but I’m sure it was pretty obvious how little I cared:

>why do you want to work here
>I don’t know if I do yet. I like [the shopping centre] and you guys seem alright but you never really know what it’s like until you start working

It was only the first stage as well. Not expecting a call back but probably won’t go anyway.

The position was marketing manager

I said that in an interview for McDonalds and the guy gave a look of disapproval and said everyone said that. This was in the height of the recession a few years ago though.

>interview for Mcdonalds

kek. What does he expect? Not everybody has some amazing mentor or inspirational role model come in and change their life or else you wouldn't be applying for Mcdonalds. Most people just have their mediocre parents, their mediocre school teachers, and friends that they smoke weed and play vidya with. Why should I be punished because no outside influence came in and "impacted" my life?

They don't give a shit about the answers, they care about how you look and present yourself. Be alpha chad.

>Why do u want to work here?
>I don't know if I do

Topkek

Literally been asked that before. I.was asked to name five of them

>When have you been in a situation where you were forced to go the extra mile to get something done? What did you do and what did it teach you?

>If you hire me maybe I will know
>Else I might just quit

>At least you have a shopping mall near

kekekeke, best interview ever OP

it's ok user, you can take this experience with you to the next job interview

Just be yourself bro

>they will be honest with you, will help and support you
reddit?

A couple of other answers:

>where do you see yourself in 5 years?
>running my own ecommerce business [I do this already but didn’t mention it]
>the look on their faces is one of disappointment
>” I guess it’s more of a 10 year plan”

>how do you go about organising your workload?
>prioritise and allocate time for each task. What else can I say? It’s not complicated

>running online store
I'm sure you flourished when you delivered your answer, but this is a misstep. You basically told them that you'll bail on them. They're looking for a person who will stay long term (mkt manager, not some entry level scrub).

I know m8 but I didn’t get my story straight and think up lies to these obvious stock questions beforehand so just told the truth

KEK I can imagine someone saying that and the guy answering with
>Is that why you're applying for a cashier job at McDonalds
I would be fucking crushed. I can imagine the weaker mentally people just bursting out crying out of the room.

That’s not good advice. You need to gauge the room. You need to determine who the dominant person is in the room and play to their sensibilities. Rule of thumb is that a woman will be more receptive to token platitudes and virtue signals. Since women are more homogenous in their sensibilities, this should be the same. The less logically creative and imposing you are, the more they’ll like you. Women hiring managers also prefer people who follow procedures and are attentive to detail... smile and be very cordial (be a beta). In a room full of men, the alpha in the room will seek to surround himself with other alphas. Find the alpha, and play to his sensibilities. Hard work, ingenuity, logic, IQ... these are things you want to demonstrate. While women will judge you on your obedience to procedures and process, real men will admire your ability to question imperfect processes and suggest improvements or changes that will make life easier for them. Men also prefer honesty, but don’t go full retard.

Bottom line, assess the room... hiring managers are humans with egos.

If (subject of job) was a sport, what would it be?

kousaka kirino
i love her

>"Who has had the most impact on your life and how?"
Adolf Hitler.

virgin

>t. nekofag

Lol pear programming get it?