Derealization/Depersonalization Disorder

What up /fit. I been dealing with this for a while. Curious to know if anyone else on this board goes through DP/DR?

Happened to me about 2 years ago and was the original motivation to start working out, thought it might it clear up. Excercising/meditation is probably the most helpful thing but from my experience it seems to be rooted in fear. Mine was a result of a bad spice trip so it only started to be less intense after I worked out the fear that brought. Still not completely over the fear so it's not completely gone away but it isn't constantly at the front of my mind the way it used to be. Sorry to you you're caught in it too, it fucking sucks.

Had some weird episode the other day. An anxiety attack of some sort that threw my through a loop, the world felt as though it was closing in and i was unable to breathe ao good. Like claustrophobia of the world. The world felt dark and i felt like such shit all day. Ive had small attacks in the past but that day changed me a bit. Ive since let go of any external supplements/weed(wasnt a regular smoker exactly) and just been working out and doing things to feel normal again. I miss being carefree

Got this shit after a weed panic attack. That was 2 years ago. I don't think it ever goes away. Same with the visual snow that accompanies it. Sometimes I have nightmares where I feel so dissociated that I want to die and I do whatever I can just to feel that I am in my body. It used to give me anxiety but now it doesn't and I just go on living, but that doesn't make it go away so I don't know what will.

What the fuck are you bitches babbling about?

Bro. I had something like this after a bad shroom trip that landed me in the hospital. Visual snow. Terrifying nightmares. Inability to get my thoughts straight. I dropped out of school and sat around smoking cigarettes for a few months.

Not sure you and I had the same shit, but if we did: it goes away eventually.

I think a lot of anons are schizophrenic. It's not always for life! It tends to hit high-IQ men in young adulthood and often clears up in a few years. Leaves you pretty woke IMHO. You sort of level up. Seems like what Kasimirz Dabrowski was talking about with "positive disintegration."

First, if you are doing drugs, stop them or slow down drastically. including weed. This shit is normal tho. This is sorta related to what people call existential crisis. Youre learning how odd life really is. im guessing youre young 20s? I read a few philosophy books, figured out what i wanna do with my time here, and am just living the best i can. Setting goals and accomplishing them just for the fuck of it

happened to me about 6 months ago after weed panic attack.

went to the doctor got meds for anti psychotics. you will get tough it. exercising and just being mindful of what you are doing and what you are feeling will help.

i do agree with the whole woke thing.

im surprised so many anons have similar experience.

For the first few months I definitely felt psychotic, thought I was gonna lose my mind. But I don't know if feeling like the world around you is just a dream is exactly "woke". On the other hand I also started getting out of body experience type dreams. Still, this shit bothers me when Im doing things that I should enjoy, like hiking in the woods or having sex or something, because it feels like those things aren't happening to me but that I am just watching them from far away. The other day I put my hand on my knee and I could feel it, but it did not feel like my own knee.

Modafinil used alone has been reported to be effective in a subgroup of individuals with depersonalization disorder (those who have attentional impairments, under-arousal and hypersomnia). However, clinical trials have not been conducted

Something I just read while researching this disorder. I find psychiatric issues interesting. Is your depersonalization like that? You have trouble paying attention, sleep a lot, your senses seem dulled? You could try to get a script for Modafinil, but it would be an offlable sort of deal, or you could use it to treat sleeping too much, I'm sure you could get a script for that. If not you can actually buy adrafinil which is not a controlled substance in the US and it gets converted into modafinil hepatically. You just have to get your liver checked periodically due to toxicity concerns.

I was diagnosed with PTSD and severe depersonalization disorder to the point where I'd have memory blanks from hour long stretches of time. I'm better and improving now, but even at my worst exercise really helped keep me grounded and gave me at least one routine to structure my day around.

What sort of symptoms do you have, OP? I've always been curios about this.

if you work in an office setting like i do, this shit is a fucking must or else you'll kys or lose it

What is a must?

What sucks is that you remember the days when you were a kid and could feel feels, not so much these days I'm completely detached from everything. Just the other day I spun out on the freeway and almost died but I was completely relaxed, no adrenaline rush, no worries about dying. I talked with someone that had depression and they said that they experienced this too and that it was the main factor in the person wanting to kill themselves, it wasn't from sadness or anything like that they just wanted to feel again. You put up this front of what you believe is a normal person just to get by but people always catch onto your weirdness and it only pushes people away. This is one of the reasons I'm joining the military perhaps my instincts of survival will kick in and I'll be set back to normal, god willing.

I think the "wokeness" (and I'm going to stop calling it that now) comes after you get better. You become more philosophical. Having dealt with illusions before, you're less likely to fall for new ones I guess

Is this the inspiration for that shitty black mirror series?

I don't think there's any connection at all between this and black mirror. If there was it might be a little less shitty

I believe (scratch that, I KNOW) that reality is a dream entirely created by my mind (well, not really "my" mind, but let's not get too deep into that for now). I've always had a hunch about it and once I started lucid dreaming, and got really good at it, it just became obvious. There is zero, ZERO difference between dreaming and the "awake" world. They're just different realms, this one appears to have a high level of commitment to it (which explains the consistency, I've been able to create "persistent realms" and once I stopped caring about them, I no longer go to them).
Apparently this is considered depersonalization or something, but I don't care. I live a completely normal life for the most part, except for when I practice magick (not /x/ meme-tier muh demons magick, but more like working with intention and manipulating my subjective reality).
I tend to get lost in the dream and go back to my physicalist mindset time to time, but it's a hard mental habit to shake.
I also know that when I die, I'll just go to another dream (exactly what happens when you die in a dream). If I do well enough, I'll have more control in my next dream, just by knowing it's still a dream (this is assuming I dream a similar restricted realm like this).
In the meantime, I lift (until I learn how to change my body using my mind alone) and have fun experiencing this dream, since nothing really matters. I'll die to others, and others will die to me, but I'll never die to myself.

teach me how to lucid dream pls

Reminder that you're still virgin even if you had sex in your dream

>MUH DEPRESSION
>MUH EXISTENTIAL CRISIS

Read a book faggots

All I did was consistently write a dream journal until my dream-recall was clearer than my actual memories. You have to remember every single dumb detail, then it comes naturally.
Also helps that I went in with the mindset that it's not hard at all to lucid dream.
Most people have this mindset that lucid dreaming is some impossible thing to do, and their experience only responds to their assumptions, like a feedback loop. They're unintentionally intending as a fact that "lucid dreaming is something that I'm uncapable of doing".
There is no fundamental law that declares lucid dreaming should be hard for you, it's just your own intention making it hard for you and providing you evidence that it's hard, and that evidence is also self-generated.

I had depersonalization/derealization after a bad weed trip (edibles) about 6 years ago. It changed my life drastically, fear controlled me and I became weak/beta. I promise you it gets better and you will come out of it stronger. Get on a good workout program, eat well, focus on a hobby and find guidance from a counselor and your church. These last few years have tested me in a way nothing else ever has, but I can feel myself becoming the man that I'm supposed to be. There is nothing wrong with you, and you will overcome this. I've got you in my thoughts brother.

cool post that makes me want to read moar philosophy

Depression is one step up from this, at least they can feel sadness or have something to be sad about.

>I also know that when I die, I'll just go to another dream
Whatever helps you cope user. A dream is no different from reality as reality is just ideas perceived by you and by God. This perceptive ability is finite and temporary; when you lose it, you lose it indefinitely until matter that was once you rearranges into the form of a subject to be perceived by God. Even then, it won't be the "you" that you think you are now, as that idea is illusionary. There is no "myself" there is only one whole substance that you are a part of and is inescapable (while also maintaining material form).

My bouts didn't come from drugs, it was a depressive episode based around some of my memories that made everything seem so far away it wasn't real. Also because I had just being doing schoolwork for a month without any social contact

>Whatever helps you cope user.
Not sure what makes you think I'm "coping", I'm completely unafraid of death. The only reason I'm not willing to die is because deaths are usually painful and I don't particularly enjoy pain. Also I'm still somewhat attached to this realm (parents, friends, etc.).
>A dream is no different from reality as reality is just ideas perceived by you and by God. This perceptive ability is finite and temporary; when you lose it, you lose it indefinitely until matter that was once you rearranges into the form of a subject to be perceived by God.
I don't really like the term "matter" since that would imply there's something "out there" that has a "solid foundation" but I mostly agree. However, that "God" that would perceive me happens to be me too :)
>Even then, it won't be the "you" that you think you are now, as that idea is illusionary. There is no "myself" there is only one whole substance that you are a part of and is inescapable (while also maintaining material form).
I mostly agree, however that would mean I am that substance, since any thing made "from it" is fundamentally indivisible from that substance.

>I don't really like the term "matter"
I don't know if you are directly referring to what I wrote, but If you read what I wrote I'm not implying that there is something out there. I'm claiming that matter is an idea born from our (God and the finite perceiver) perception. I should have explained that further in my first post.
>God who perceives me happens to be me too
Yeah that's what I meant by
>there is only one whole substance
But your perception is still finite compared to the infinite perception of God.
>however that would mean I am that substance
Exactly.

Suffering from this badly at the moment. Think it came from disclosing childhood abuse/stimulants I was prescribed.

Going to try BPC-157 because there's anecdotal evidence it helps with 'brain fog' returning the brain back to pre-stimulant baseline.

Whatever you do don't take any pharmaceutical drugs like SSRIs.

fake disease stop being a pussy

I second this. I was actually on SSRI's when mine started (mixed with weed). Man if I could go back in time...

Oh, now I get what you mean. I agree completely now. That's nice, it's rare to find people like you lol. I like you already user.

>unironically thinking your god
lol

>I had a similar experience 5 yrs ago or so

I used to have these all the time and would be accompanied after/during with a bad panic attack

It was a fucking nightmare

And made daily life a living hell
After I started my SSRI medication and started lifting and eating healthy and doing a but of meditation when I could

I slowly started to not experience them as much then hardly ever, and now I very rarely have DP/DR

Just have panic and anxiety though
Which goes in waves of severeness through the yrs
Some yrs hardly any and very mild
Some yrs it's everyday and severe

>I hate it.

I think a lot of my panic and anxiety would leave if I had a life with good friends and a good relationship and a decent job

I think a lot of these things happen to guys cause of meaningless boring and extremely lonely and depressing lives with little to live for

Fundamentally I am. You're the God of your own reality too, however I will never experience that reality, only mine. So you're merely a dream character to me and I'm merely a dream character to you. Your body and mine are also part of the illusion too, so don't think you're limited to your body, or "brain". That's not what you are at all.

Yes, idealism is very underrepresented in contemporary western culture. Very unfortunate. I guess secular materialism is the best way to keep this economic machine running.

>until I learn how to change my body using my mind alone

Wut

I get it randomly maybe once a week, usally last a couple minutes to an hour. I can actually trigger it by staring into a mirror long enough.

>mfw derealization describes what I've felt since my DWI

I had this for a couple years and for the first six months I was sweating it
Then realized I could just put myself on auto pilot for a bit and become who I wanted to be physically and in my career field
The lights switched and I ended up where I always wanted to be and now just had to better myself mentally
It is a bit rough at first, but it allows you to power through a lot of the shit

I had/have this.

Started on a period of my life i was smoking weed heavily. When i first started it felt very scary and my anxiety went through the roof. First 2 months were horrible and i thought i was losing my mind. However after 4 months i was mostly back to normal. What really helped me was talking to my girlfriend about it, working out and going to work. All kind of things that give you something else to think about.

Its been nearly 2 years now and i still get DP/DR type slight panic attacks rarely. I dont feel it makes my life worse in any significant way. Sure, my life would be better without it, but i learned to live with it and it is getting better all the time.

I feel like the DP/DR episodes coincide with the periods in my life when Im drinking a lot of coffee and following a high volume program. Dunno though.

>Modafinil

This OP. I used to get it really bad a few times a week but have managed to get it out of my life completely. Moda is great but in general you should be looking at stabilizing your serotonin levels.

Do plenty of cardio.
Take Moda, Vitamin D(3), Fish Oil, and Zinc in the morning.
Take L-Tryptophan and 5-HTP before bed. These will be converted in your body into serotonin and melatonin.
Seriously, and perhaps most importantly, get more sleep. Give your brain a chance to regulate itself.

If you are heavy on the stimulants- caffeine, nicotine, taurine, etc., it's time to cut way back. The same can be said for alcohol if you are affected particularly hard by its depressive effects. If you are on SSRIs and/or prescription pain killers, talk to the doctor first. Don't fuck around with the possibility of serotonin syndrome.

Man, I know you're trying to be helpful, but SSRI's can be extremely helpful for many things. I was suffering with panic attacks on and off for twenty years, since I was 10, and the only thing that keeps me stable is an SSRI. And believe me man, I've tried EVERYTHING.

When I get really mad/demoralized and Im at home I like to take a walk.
I think about how my problems are tiny and insignificant on the grand scale of the universe and then find solutions to my problem.

I dont come home until I am fully relaxed.

SSRI's are chemically castration pills for the self-identified undesirable.

Fo real, fuck spice!
Would rather smoke crack

I've had it for 6 years now, and I'm unsure how I feel about it. I was smoking pot at the age of 14 and when I went to bed high, I woke up the next day with the same feeling of disconnectedness. That feeling never went away, and the first 6 months felt like nothing was real and that everything was a dream. I cried myself to sleep half the time because the demons in my head were just too much, the feeling that I was alone and that nothing was real was just too much and I thought about suicide for a long time. The first 6 months were hell, and the first 2 years were painful. I asked my parents for help but clearly didn't want to tell them about the smoking, so when I was taken to a multitude of psychiatrists I never told them about the drugs because they would tell my parents. Every single psychiatrist I talked to had absolutely no clue what depersonalization disorder was despite me explaining it to them. I eventually refused to go to any more psych's because they clearly were not helping.

I didn't stop smoking immediately, but when I decided to stop smoking I let my friends know I couldn't be around it as it made my condition worse, and they immediately found excuses to not hang out with me unless we could smoke. So I cut them out of my life for the better. I've been on Veeky Forums since I was 12 (2008-2009ish) and got really caught up with /news/ raids on /b/, so I enjoyed redpilling myself over there throughout my high school years, but otherwise sucked shit at school because I couldn't focus on menial tasks like homework, but could easily ace every exam and essay. My statistics teacher in High School introduced me to Plato, and through philosophy I really took control of my mental state. Despite the fact that I've got it under control now, I starkly remember the different state of mind I had before this happened to me, and I long to return to that normalcy. I don't feel AS disconnected, but I still am and I know it. I've almost forgotten what normal is.

(cont)
Does anyone else know what I mean when I say I'm in a different state of mind still despite being stable for years? Its not as painful as it was originally, but it definitely isn't normal. I still get episodes of dp, especially when discussing it. Would you guys recommend getting meds for it? I'm typically very anti-western medicine because I feel that pharmaceutical companies are more interested in treating symptoms than causes, and I don't want to permanently alter my body or mind for the worse from using drugs.

I just feel like I've been living with this for so long and I just want it to end. Am I stuck like this forever?

Few times I took my ADHD stimulants and couldn't recognise myself in the mirror.
That what you mean?

As alluded to by another poster, I think this issue primarily affects a small subset of the population -- those with gifted IQs. At least for me, what kicked it off was a serious existential crisis around 18. It takes an ability to think on a scale that most are incapable of reaching. Also, fundamental realizations about the nature of being/reality that are really abstract aren't going to be things that normies come upon. Basically, we live in an infinitely large universe that has somehow existed forever (because something exists outside of time itself) and we're a bunch of insanely complex biological machines walking around on a floating sphere suspended in the vastness of space. If that doesn't trip you out at least a little, well sir, I don't think you're getting it. The fundamental fact is life is ABSURD. We have no idea as to what our origin story really is -- plain evolution, ancient aliens seeding the earth, intelligent creator, etc., and we have no clear direction for the future. There's supposed to be the heat death of the entire universe in some tens of billions of years. What then? And think of the fact that before you were born, there was a near infinite amount of time that elapsed, and once you die, a near infinite amount of time will pass again. What are we to make of that? Things taking place on scales we can hardly fathom. At any rate, something beyond our conception is certainly at play, but what that is will forever be unknowable to us in this form. It's fucking cucked. I think that most people have 0 awareness of most of these facts, less have some dim awareness, and then then a select few really grasp the insanity of the whole fucking situation. NONE OF THIS *SHOULD* BE HERE. NONE OF THIS *SHOULD* EXIST. It's fucking wild man. Who knows what's really out there.

I think that it's really unfortunate that whatever created us gave us no hint.

My heart goes out to you man. I too began down this road after a weed induced anxiety attack. I think that getting caught up in school stuff helped, but the existential stuff that came to mind after dealing with severe DP will haunt me forever unfortunately. I think that genuinely the best remedy I've had has been exercise and being with loved ones.

It's interesting that Jung/some other early psychologist said something to the effect of be careful of psychedelics because you may receive knowledge that you're not prepared for. I haven't ever been the same and it fucking sucks sometimes, but I guess it's easier to take things less seriously at least. Also just recently started a low dose of Prozac and it's tough to say if that's making it worse or better. I also take cbd oil and that helps with some of the anxiety (ironic, considering the original cause). Stims definitely make it worse, though I still play with fire because I love the caffeine high. But try cutting it out. Drinking makes it worse. Anything that affects your already tenuous grasp on reality is gonna set you off. But yeah, that really sucks man. We've both had it for about the same length of time and it's something I'm just living with now.

You pretty much described my story. I guess I'm at the same stage you are at too. My whole being is so scattered right now though that I hardly focus on getting out of the dp, instead I've been trying to find a solution to my new fear of death after my weird out of body experience on spice. My prediction is that being in nature as much as possible is the closest "cure" though it's frustrating being in the woods or whatever and still feeling like you can't connect to it at all

TSUKI

Gateway

Get out.

I'm considering taking adderall again since it really helped me as a kid. Only thing I worry about is if it will affect my mental state. I'm extremely stable and I don't remember having a problem with it when I took it (after dpd set in). Hopefully that works out alright. In regards to just living with it, I feel the same way. I don't notice it anymore, its just part of who I am. Kinda like being a cyborg, you forget that part of you isn't real but you get used to it. Being around loved ones seems to be a medicine for many things, especially this. Sadly its getting harder to do that as I get older. Currently trying to substitute it with brotherhood type friendships but the quality of people is abysmal and I've only found a few people in my life that were worth being around.

Plato has not only helped my depersonalization but also my entire life. Neoplatonism taught by a proper teacher is a guide to living the good life. Philosophy, in Socrates/Plato's eyes is preparation for death. Perhaps you'll find some usefulness in that. I did.

What caused your existential crisis? Was it a purely intellectual realization or did you feel different?

Same user, i have generelized anxiety disorder/panic disorder and i suffered from depersonalization for a while. I recently smoked weed (because i was stressed) got a bad panic attack.and ive been having it again

Still don't get where your existensial crisis rooted at, i know all these facts but it doesn't lead me to any EC, it's just like another red pill, what's so different?

Not that user but it really depends on how you perceive these things.
As many others here, I've personally suffered a weed induced anxiety attack myself that set off derealization a long time ago.
I can still feel it creeping up, especially when discussing it like this, but it's a part of me now and one I can accept.
Think of this way user: You can watch a sad movie, listen to an emotional song, read an amazing tragic novel....without feeling anything, if you're not trying to connect on an emotional level.
While I don't agree with everything he's saying,
>If that doesn't trip you out at least a little, well sir, I don't think you're getting it.
seems about right to me.

I agree. Part of it is false self coming to the surface and your world view/delusions falling apart. In the end I feel more aware and focused but the intensity of the fear was something I wasn’t used to. It’s like putting on glasses at first and now you’re used to wearing the glasses where as before it was scary how much you saw.

Don’t do drugs. It makes it worse and can actually cause the depersonalization/is the cause of it. Don’t run from the fear let it consume you, it’s your awareness growing. Don’t be afraid. Life will take care of you. Nothing is wrong.

Force yourself to be around people, I think what eventually snapped me out of this, 6 years ago, was seeing and talking to a girl i liked.

I'd gotten into games from a super young age, literally sitting in my Dads lap playing Quake and MechWarrior II when I was like 4. Played games constantly, especially first person shooters/rpgs, I think those games and the constant internet exposure in general may have led me here. I'm 25 now and nothing feels real, all of my life experiences feel like they're happening to someone else. It's a constant battle to try and conceal just how distant I feel from my surroundings and those near me. It's getting to the point where the premise of death doesn't even really bother me because I think some part of me is already dead.
>inb4 edgy
Nope, I don't relish this and it doesn't make me cool, it just makes me borderline autistic and makes interacting with others like someone who's normal a huge labor.
Here's a question for you OP, I'm curious if you do this as well. When you find yourself really enjoying something do these thoughts go through your head as well?
>This is just a moment
>Soon this will be over
>This is already a memory, the moment has already passed
I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me.

but it seems like you're the one who isn't getting it, those facts are understood by literally every scientifically aware people
what i want to know is which point makes you have existential crisis, not just 'wow it's so overwhelming i'm nothing but self aware evolved apd in an eternal universe'

Derealization for 3 years now after a concussion. Pretty sure at this point its not a condition and I've just been made aware of how hollow everything is.

Oh well, at least my shoulders are developing nicely.

Kinda cringey but I'll contribute. So when I lie awake at night, I think about and understand the smallness of the scale we're living in, and feel like I can comprehend the void and inevitability of death. I don't want to go into too much detail since talking about things like this in depth to other people has made them depressed. But it gets particularly bad at night, and the feeling is just awful. We don't have a soul, when we break down and die, that's it, like an old computer. Then I get extremely nihilistic for a while, and avoid going to sleep until I basically drop, which really fucks up my sleeping pattern. Does anyone have a method for dealing with this? I've been going through it since I was about 12, so 8 years ago, or maybe before, I don't remember too well. The best method I've found is just ignoring it and trying not to think about it but I don't like that method and it doesn't always work

Yup. You're just wrong. But I thought the same shit when I was 20. Read some Jung, he'll snap that nihilism right out of you and replace it with something much, much worse.

I've read some Jung, got really interested in him after playing the persona games as a child for obvious reasons, but what specifically do you recommend?

>'wow it's so overwhelming i'm nothing but self aware evolved apd in an eternal universe'
That's all there is to it man, you understand it but you're not able to empathize which is fine and healthy.
You probably know this but there's evidence suggesting mental health benefits if you experience this in the right way (Psilocybin etc.).

See, I can ponder these facts without any stong emotions as well and I would do that most of the time but a bad trip which left me in a mentally vulnerable state led to that "overwhelming" aspect you've mentioned.
Now, almost 10 years later, I can appreciate the experience for putting things into perspective and for raising my mindfulness 24/7 but the first ~2 years were terrible.

My first was Symbolic Life, because I was forced to read it. But considering nihilism is your problem, I'd say start with Psychology and Religion, West and East. Of the ones I've read, its the most relevant to your comment.

Modern Man in Search of a Soul is also relevant, except for the parts about dreams. Not because they're bad, just because they're not nearly as practically applicable as the rest of the work.

It's kind of odd to find such an active thread on here from others that have gone on similar trajectories as me: loner/gamer/introvert -> marijuana-induced panic attacks -> depersonalization
Funnily enough I'm going to see a specialist today to determine whether or not I have ADHD (in order to receive Adderall/Vyvanse/Ritalin/etc). I'm 23 and I've had depersonalization for almost 7 years now. I smoked weed for the first time in January 2011 and the second time I smoked, in February of 2011, I had a panic attack. I felt as if my body was "lagging," meaning that my brain was telling my arm to scratch my nose, but my body would do it a second or two later than normal. During this time I honestly wanted to die, I laid in my bed with the feeling that I just wanted this feeling to stop. About an hour or so into it I finally got used to the "lagging", but even with this experience, I smoked again after. April 2011 is the time period where I've noted that my chronic depersonalization began. I remember sitting in a car with my friends and saying that I felt like I was dreaming. This is exactly what depersonalization is: You maintain rooted in reality, but you feel as if you're experiencing less of it than you were before. You know you're touching your knee, but it is a fraction of the sensation you had before your depersonalization began.

cont.
Every panic attack after my first one was the same: I'd smoke, my palms would get sweaty and I'd start to get nervous, and then a feeling of some sort of divine "test" would come over me. I felt as if the entire world was in on a game, much like The Truman Show, and I was the contestant. I felt like if every choice was a test, and that if I chose the wrong answer, I'd die. If I went to the bathroom should I turn the light on or off? Should I drink from my water bottle? Should I move my elbow? Should I call my friend? Every choice felt like life or death. Oddly enough I had my first sober panic attack this September after not having smoked for over 3 years. It was my most intense one yet and it came after having a phone call with someone that I had strong feelings for and I thought that phone call was going to sever our ties completely. I'm not sure if others can relate, but after my interactions with this girl, I'm almost positive that I have Borderline Personality Disorder. One of the side effects of BPD is becoming dissociated (DP/DR) from reality. I have come to realize that I have a fear of being alone, and that almost all of my marijuana-induced panic attacks happened when I was left alone. My friends would leave and I'd be alone, this girl wasn't going to talk to me again and I'd be alone, etc. I've never really had any kind of connection with anyone before in my life until I talked to this girl, yet I'd never tried before.

Thanks, I'll get them now

One of the funny things about BPD is that you want to be close to someone, you want to love someone, but you do everything in your power to destroy the relationship or put road blocks in front of yourself to never even honestly try to attain a true connection. If you ever look at those redpill flow-charts where you go from liberal to conservative to libertarian to alt-right, I feel like we all are on the same flow-chart and that depersonalization and feeling alone is a product of this atmosphere: Veeky Forums, the internet, shitposting, etc. We feel alone in our day-to-day existence and seem to only connect with those online. We isolate ourselves, yet yearn for love. We evolve politically into more and more ostracized views. We look down on everyone around us. We continue to make our bubble smaller and smaller due to our opinions of others and ourselves. We are alienated because the world around us is crumbling and we see no future for us. I do think that these feelings of depersonalization are the consequence of society going to shit. Everything has flipped: The ugly is beautiful, the talentless are the geniuses, the deformed are held in higher regard than the normal/sane, the sick are treated as normal and the normal are treated as sick. I believe that being redpilled (cringe ik) forces our minds to detach from reality because of seeing all of these things. One poster before said that this tends to be something only those with high-IQs can suffer from (DP/DR), and I agree, but he used a macroscopic lens to outline that us acknowledging that our universe is practically infinite, the universe will experience heat death, etc, is what causes us to undergo detachment from reality. I think grasping our tangible future affects us more than seeing that the world existed without you, exists with you, and will continue to exist without you after you die.

I know exactly how you felt, I felt someway similar to this back in elementary school. Me getting over it was literally the most profound moment in my life.

Ego death cures a lot of this.

I honestly believe, at least for me, my depersonalization is connected to BPD. I do almost all of these except self-mutilation and I guess you could call being previously morbidly obese an eating disorder, lol.

>Soon this will be over
fuck. everytime i take ecstasy. literally everytime my minds starts to clear up again i feel this
>soon this will be over
i still take it just to be happy at least once every couple months. fuck my life and the people in it.

I think i kinda get it and sometimes thinking about the same thing in different state of mind would feel different even though in my case not about the importance in the universe
Funnily enough i'm about to take shroom for the first time in the next couple of months, maybe there's chance for me to get dp but i'm still taking it kek
Thanks user

I can trick myself into finding enjoyment in the simplest fucking things. I live life because I enjoy it. You guys need to learn how to tap into your primal instincts that allow you to enjoy life. An example would be, looking at the pitch black sky right now and enjoying it. If you can't find a way to do this you'll never be happy

Shit bros I had this happen to me with weed like 2 times but it went away after 3 days or so, I googled this shit and it seemed pretty common but after reading this thread I realize this is more common than I even thought.
And I couldn't find any research or studies on this thing, guess weed is not that safe after all.

>another thread where depressed narcissists complain about problems they caused themselves and proclaim their high iq but still haven't thought their way out of depression

>Avoids taking risks for fear of being embarrassed
>Intense, constant anger

The absolute fucking state of borderline people. Imagine being sith lord-tier angry all the time but too nervous to do anything fucking lmao

Partly agree with this. A lot of these threads can get a bit too "we're so intelligent and it's a curse, ignorance truly is bliss", that's not to say that's all they are though

used to feel this way quite a bit before getting fit

helped to stop smoking cigarettes, marijuana and drinking alcohol

i work out first thing in the morning, make sure to take at least 4000 ui vitamin D in winter months (3000 in summer), plus 200mg htp-5 daily

I'm going to implement meditation and journaling into my morning routine

if your depression isn't going away, make sure you are living clean, working out and heading towards progress - sometimes you may have a chemical imbalance which is not just a "situational depression" where you would need to consider medication.

it may be a meme on Veeky Forums, but invest $20 in Jordan Peterson's Self Authoring and it will at least give you some semblance of the direction you want your life to head

accomplishment makes you feel less depressed

good luck bros, if you work hard - you'll make it

what else did you do to improve?

Woah this is a big cope. You don't need to be a genius to be mentally ill user.

Damn, pretty clear cut observation for a Veeky Forums post. I'm impressed.

My ex girlfriend went full depersonalization mode when we broke up. She went from a lovey dicey sweetheart to an emotionless robot, she just goes to work, comes home, goes to class, comes home. It’s been three years she still has no new boyfriend and has the exact same 1 friend as she did before. Spookier even still is one of our mutual friends told me she has yet to score less than a 100% on any assignment in college so far. Literal genius sociopath and I’m not sure if I escaped or if I created a monster. Either way, women are legitimately inhuman, and you should turn gay ASAP if you know what’s good for you. Unfortunately I am addicted to pussy and cannot make the jump.

I have this and my IQ dropped 50 points. I have extensive knowledge from topics ranging from mathematics, philosophy, and history prior to being afflicted. I can explain how calculus works in theory but have difficulty doing anything mentally beyond 3 digit addition and subtraction. I feel as though I'm an old library that still uses a book inventory system, storing lots of information but slow to add more. Stoicism and lifting are two of the primary reasons I haven't commited suicide at this point.

I wish I read this when I was going through it. Took me a good few years to deal with this shit.

It's not something that happens on purpose user. It's when your perception betrays you, your world view collapses, leaving you with nothing, starting again from zero.

Although shrooms is probably the most safe drugs out of all the research chemicals psychedelics on the market. Be responsible if you're going to do drugs.

1/???

Oldfag here (28).
I don't post here often but I've had so many similar experiences to what is being posted I thought I'd share what worked for me. I'm not gonna TLDR this shit so I hope you faggots read it.

Here's a brief backstory:
Took LSD multiple times at age 16. Smoked weed a few times a week from that point on. Fast forward to age 19, I'm in an existential philosophy course at college, and still smoking weed regularly. I have a massive panic attack one day. I won't go into the details but I'm reasonably certain it was caused by the shock of the realizations I was having while reading Camus and Sartre. The bottom fell out of my life and I was confused about the meaning of anything.

Healing process:
I'm 27 now and working on my PhD on the other side of the country. I've had a bunch of run ins with anxiety since then and have tried a bunch of things in and out of therapy that have helped. I believe that DP/DR is a condition that affects people that are extremely creative, and are introspective thinkers. I also believe IT IS A SYMPTOM NOT A PRIMARY ILLNESS. It can cause more anxiety but I believe that it is always CAUSED by another thing, whether that is primary anxiety, depression, or drug abuse. What follows is a list of things that have helped ME that I would suggest people struggling with DP/DR should try. YMMV.

(I hope I remember how to greentext, it's been upwards of 10 years since I've posted here)

2/???

> Look into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy - read Feeling Good by David Burns, relatively easy to self-teach. The thought journaling exercise is the best. There are apps you can get on Android/iOS that employ this technique. Basically gets you to logically examine your flawed depressive and anxious thoughts. Kind of like having a therapist on call at all times. Feeling Good should just be standard reading for all adults.
> Look into Exposure Therapy - best bang for your buck for phobias and specific fears. Involves doing the thing you're scared of. Not for the faint of heart. Most effective therapy I've tried. Agoraphobia is at the core of most of my fears. I don't feel like I'm completely rid of it, but it's made travel manageable again. I actually sleep when I'm in hotels now.
> QUIT SMOKING WEED. I'm not going to get drawn into a conversation about whether or not weed is addictive or good or bad. I'm a libertarian. I think it should be legal everywhere. That being said there is no where near enough stigma surrounding it in terms of how bad it can fuck up your mental health. If you have DP/DR you probably smoke weed - you need to stop, cold turkey right now! It will suck. I had insomnia for like a month afterwards (but remember, smoked multiple times a week for YEARS), but the DP/DR started receding afterwards. Maybe one day you can pick it back up but you need to stop until you get your shit back together.
> STOP GETTING DRUNK. Have a glass or two occasionally. Don't drink alone. Only drink socially. Don't get drunk. You're going to feel depersonalized as fuck when you wake up with the hangover.
> Exercise. Lift weights, do cardio, whatever you're into. You gotta get that anxious energy out.
> Stop eating shit. You don't have to go keto, but stop eating sugar, and refined grains. The energy spikes and dips will make you feel weird and could trigger the DP/DR feeling.

3/???

> Watch your caffeine intake. When I had my first panic attack I was drinking about 1.5 liters of coffee a day. I keep it to about 4 cups now. Same reason as "stop eating shit"
> Be social. Get out of the house. Go to meetups. Do your work in coffeeshops. IDK why but this seems to help despite feeling uncomfortable at first.
> FIGURE OUT WHERE THE FUCK YOU'RE HEADED, AND WHERE YOU WANT TO GO. On a deeper spiritual level, what really helped me was getting some MEANING back in my life. I was born and raised Catholic but got rid of this when I studied existential philosophy. I was left with a hole in my being where the prepackaged meaning of Catholicism used to be. I no longer had a strong moral compass or sense of life direction. This is probably a path every actualized person has to walk at some point, but the thing that really helped me to visualize what I wanted for my self was to do Jordan Peterson's Future Authoring Program. I took a trip to the desert by myself. I stayed in a hut in the middle of nowhere. This allowed me to think for myself without the influence of friends and family. Through the future authoring program I wrote extensively about what my future versions of heaven and hell were essentially - the best and worst possible outcomes for my future. The program isn't groundbreaking, but if you're like me and need prompts to journal in a really focused way this is a pretty cheap way to get it.

4/4

> Quit lying you faggot. Stop lying to yourself. Stop lying to your girlfriend. Stop lying to your family. About everything. This is going to stir up some shit, I'm not going to lie, but it's for the long-term good. If you have to tell the truth about shit you're ashamed of - i.e. fapping to 2D QTs - maybe you shouldn't fucking be doing it in the first place. Divergent thinking is NOT GOOD IN IT OF ITSELF. It's only good when it has a clearly articulatable purpose. We define sanity as a culture, and it's generally good to stay within those bounds. Doesn't mean you can't do divergent things. I'm doing a PhD in my field where the topic I'm working on is EXTREMELY controversial, BUT I have clear, evidence based reasons for pursuing this topic. I see colleagues doing avant-garde shit that are doing it just to be weird (i.e. not evidence based) and all of them are having some kind of massive existential crisis, and masking it to some degree with weed, booze, or workaholism. That shit will come back to bite you.

Anyways, I hope some of that's helpful. A lot of the shit I listed is triage for when you're really in it. The deeper spiritual healing stuff is figuring out your life direction - this seems to keep my demons at bay for the most part because now I know where the fuck I want to sail my ship.

like you weeb?

are you me?

I felt this way for a while, but I felt these feelings your describing strongest when on shrooms. It still lingers in my mind, everything is so random but yet so specific.