/fph/ stories

>be me
>was only a freshman in high school but already Veeky Forums, lifted regularly and ran track
>developed a deep hatred for fat people at a young age partly because of this
>need to get haircut but every place had a long ass line except for the great clips, not ideal but I have very low standards for haircuts
>walk in and immediately see sugar walrus working the counter, this bitch looked like she had type 4 diabetes
>disgust.jpg
>of course she was the only barber open so she was the one who called my name to cut my hair
>eh its a haircut, her being a fatty shouldn't affect it much
> how could I forget fat people fuck up everything
> I sit down and just say "trim it like two inches please", and just watch her go to work
> immediately hear a struggling gurgling sound coming from her, it repeats about every 10 seconds. Sounds just like listening to someone with sleep apnea
>realize that's just her breathing
>a few seconds after every breath, the most disgusting fucking smell I've ever smelled hits me
>smells like she's only ate fish for weeks and her entire digestive tract is venting air into my face
> I have a clear wrinkled up face during the whole ten minutes I'm forced to sit there, other barbers turn around and look concerned
>nearly brought to tears by the smell of her insides decomposing
> during this time she has barely fucking cut my hair at all
>tell her to stop and that it's a good length just to fucking escape
>literally vomit when I get home
>brother sees me
>"user, why is your hair still so long? Didn't you just get a haircut?"

haven't been back to great clips since

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Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=CziHrYYSyPc
twitter.com/SFWRedditVideos

not cutting his own hair in 2018

pls greentext better

>REEEE
youtube.com/watch?v=CziHrYYSyPc

>Not going to a mid-priced barber and having a thicc, great smelling iranian girl cutting your hair
Never gonna make it

>Combining shitty pop and mumble rap

What the fuck

Found a great barbers that does 45 minute slots rather than paid on commission. They take their time and do it right.

It cost a bit more but it’s really worth it.

Also they are open late as they know people fucking work during the day.

>not making an appointment
>not waiting for someone else
>not asking for asian lady or grandma (if you know the place has them)

>tfw always got people i went to high school with who would fuck up my hair and not fix it so i would always ask for the old ladies
>tfw last time got stuck with trans women who was nasty to dyel me who didnt want to look like a chad with some fuck boy haircut. She kept shoving her fake breasts in my face, her butt pads were all over the place and her breath stunk of cigarettes as she hovered as close as physically possible. when i finally let her gel my hair "to find me a cutie", "her" jaw dropped when i said i was already in a long term relationship because i look like an autistic neet.

Holy fuck, please tell me this shit isn't even close to normal. Place I go to is straight out of Barbershop, but I don't live around a lot of modern educated liberals.

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>go to barber
>always ask for that specific guy
>never fucks up

Shitty story desu
My fat hateness hasn't increased

My hairdresser is a flamboyantly gay hispanic man named Frankie. Dude is a hair wizard and I've never let another barber touch my hair aside from him in three years. Perfect Look sometimes has great people and they aren't 15 minute haircut assholes like Great Clips.

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Fuck everything about this video.

Insane that she got even bigger
Lesson: If you give a girl security her standards drop, and you will never truly reel her in again

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>Guy looks less and less enthusiastic with each picture
>Last picture she's alone
Kek

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>It doesn't take much to keep me happy!
You really think someone would do that, just go on the internet and tell lies?

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I need to tittyfuck a pair of jugs like that before I die. Not proud of it but I just feel like I need to do it. I can't be alone here right?

>not making your mom cut your hair
wagecucks when will they learn

Is she saying actual words during those clucking bits, or just imitating her favorite food?

hahaha

>getting your hair cut

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>mfw bald

Don't know whether to laugh or cry.

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Where do I find a barber like this?

What the fuck. That's nauseating

probably not normal. The trans women was downtown/chinatown at a cheap place. I was just passing by with time to spare and figured i might as well trim my hair. Looking back i shouldve known because it was downtown...but from the outside it just looked like cute asians and grandmas.
The high school classmates are 30-45 mins outside of the city. My town is known for staying thier their whole lives and rarely ever even visiting the city.

last one got me

Not sure why i always find this to be the most disgusting thing that gets posted

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I like how most reacts are angry

The first one is understandable everyone wants to feel attractive. But the second one is just hypocritical kek

Wakemeup.jpg

Me too, that and the "mayo soup" one always chase away any cravings while I'm tryna cut

not necessarily hypocritical. what would they do in bed, bump bellies?

Imagine being this thing.

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>Used to be chubby
>Drop quite a lot of weight in a short time span due to working out ~6 times a week and watching my diet
>Ex used to be a PT
>She's also a feminist that will at points rant and rave
>Is "body positive" and wants "healthy changes" rather than "reactionary extremism"
>This, to her, means it's better to only work out lightly once or twice per week, even if you want to do more
>Doesn't like the fact that I'm losing weight
>Straight up tells me that me working hard toward fitness goals is "idiotic" and "shit"
>Grab a coffee on good terms since she's a decent person otherwise
>Asks me if I want a cookie or something with my coffee
>Tell her no
>"WHAT IS IT BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT EATING SUGAR NOW?"
>"No, I just don't like the taste."
>She goes quiet
>Never mentions it again
>She's the only one in my friend circle that hasn't at least noted that I've dropped a decent amount of weight in a short time

good on you user! Keep it up and shove that shit into her face for being an weak and enabling cunt. Stay on that path and never falter; I believe in you!

Is Dome a new meme now?

>be me
>work shitty office job where 90% of coworkers are fat fucks
>group of landwhale women always buying cookies and donuts and shit for people in the break room
>I always decline whatever junk food they buy and they get uppity when I do
>"nothing wrong with living a little user" "a couple snacks a day won't kill you" etc.
>go on a cut for summer
>visibly losing weight
>land whales now really making an effort to make me eat shit
>actually get called into hr because they're all concerned
>hr lady is a fat fuck too but she understands what I'm doing and doesn't make me do anything
>fat fucks always making passive aggressive comments
>"you should to be happy with who you are"

They're all so fucking annoying I hate it

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I don't know about shoving it into her face, because I don't need that kind of toxicity right now. Got another story about her actually.

>Browse facegains thread
>Find pic related
>Audibly go "holy shit", and without thinking show it to my ex
>We still share articles and stuff and discuss things
>Not this time though
>She pretty much just starts ranting about how "Weight loss doesn't equal happiness" and how that guy isn't necessarily happier in the second picture, also the second picture is better angles and black & white photo etc etc.
>I just tell her regardless it's an incredibly impressive change
>She just goes "whatever" and shuts down the conversation

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They see it as a personal attack that you're fit and they're not. Don't let them drag you down user. Stay strong.

Anyone else think it's a shitty French onion soup and someone's shopped (or the poster is sarcastically lying) the text?

Surely no one would do this

I don't know how I'd react if somebody openly discouraged my weight loss to my face. I've never had anyone say anything except encouragement and positivity towards my own weight loss, even from very obese people. At least to my face anyway.

You are certainly alone when they belong to an obese piece of shit.

These fuckin' longshoreman arms, damn. For some reason that looks even worse than the walrus gut. Can anyone explain this using evolutionary psychology or a holistic theory of aesthetics?

Bucket o Crabs user, bucket o crabs

>was going to professionals, paying 30-50 dollars, and getting a total shitty cut
>learned how to do it myself
>has never looked better, doesn't cost more than a one time $10 to buy proper trimming scissors
I had an asian lady before, she butchered it. It looked so horrible I had to drink my sorrow that night.

That's just a damned waste of food. Stupid fat shitstain.
Get some old bay for those crabs.

I just saw this on Twatter

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La creatura gordo...

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That's from some German comedy show.

Or at least, that's what I was told.

I can get a nice haircut for under 5 euros m8aloni
I ain't gonna risk fucking up the back of my head

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>be me
>last year at uni
>flat mate is first year virgin whose weights stars with 2 if not 3
>keep on taking a piss out of him for a whole fucking year
>graduate move out
>year later decide catch up
>he weights easily 70 pounds less
>ask him what motivated him
>he says it was my insults
>MFW I bullied him into getting in shape

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>being so fat even dogs sense it

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>tfw had to carry fat friend up the stairs to his apartment when he was passed out
probably bruised the shit out of the poor bastard

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>Being so fat rescuers cannot help you

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>israel
Shocker

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>Being so fat your weed dealer backs out on you

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>staying friends with your ex

Jesus

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Speedy Gonzalez over here

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Mother of god
>I also use low fat mayo
kek

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jesus fucking christ

What the fuck that doesn't even remotely look human anymore

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Doesn't this shit hurt or itch or something?
Wtf

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These... These are fake... R... Right?

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>I can't afford to feed my family healthy food because muh poverty

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Leaving humanity behind

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