The end goal in life is to fall in love

*7 years

This very much

don't worry brah you can do it. Humans are a resilient species, you have the strength to make it through and grow from the experience. As long as you are honest with yourself, for honesty is paramount

Thanks - I appreciate it

>tfw fell in love
>she's also in love
>the girl lives too far away from me

i know that feel bro. worked a summer camp in NJ a few years back and fell in love. She moved to Oregon and I came back to Ireland and started a new job as a wageslave in a kitchen. Used to cry as i was washing the pots. It's not easy but it gets easier. You learn to appreciate it for what it was and what it still is, you learn something from it.

I always say that we're all on our own roads, and sometimes they intersect, and sometimes then they split off again. It can be hard, but that's how it is. Sorry for blogpost, hope this helps

>be me in 2013
>dating a cute girl for 2 years, casually talkin about marriage n kids n shit
>she decides i don't care enough about the relationship because i don't want to fight with her about stupid shit
>tells me she cheated on me, i insta-dump her
>feel like absolute useless trash for months
>find out from her friend that she was lying and just wanted to piss me off so i would fight with her

this really fucked with me for YEARS but i am starting to get back on track. honestly i have to take some responsibility because i was a shit boyfriend and i really didn't care about things in general as much as i should have - i was an alcoholic video game addict and it took this whole sequence of events for me to realize it. even though it took a while i am out on the other side of that ordeal, better off for it.

don't make the mistake i did of getting too deep into mgtow/trp or shit like that. it's helpful to understand the core concepts (because they are true) but there is a lot of useless bitterness in that scene.

hope you are able to learn from your experience and carve out a future for yourself, user.

>dire straits so far away started playing in the head
kek

i'm on a similar track as yourself buddy. I'm not that user you replied to, but it sounds like you're on the right path to sorting yourself out and being contemplative and honest with yourself. I'm sure you realise that she was a bit silly to do shit like that. Good to hear you're doing better!

is depersonalization disorder spiritual ascendancy?

>find out from her friend that she was lying and just wanted to piss me off so i would fight with her

I feel your pain but it sounds like you dodged a bullet

I mean, she's not THAT far. It's roughly 800 km.
The big problem is that there are no direct transport to there and I don't have a car to go by myself.
I could take two busses but then it would be a 12+ hours trip and it would be a waste of a weekend.
We met at NYE and it was amazing. We saw only one more time after she went back to her place.
The only good thing is that she will move closer or even to the same town next year. I can only hope.

*urp* love is a chemical reaction user. riiiiise up. focus on sci-hic-science

She honestly sounds like she has mental problems.

Not that user but it is fucked up when you fall in love with the girl who has mental problems.
You know she is bad for you and you are bad for her but when that cocktail of chemicals is hitting your brain it's hard to stay logical.
Fuck I still miss her after 7 months but I think I'm getting better the more training I do.

not that user but I'm going to say no, that seems to mean a disconnection with the world and I can't see that as being "ascendant". To me, "ascendancy" is acceptance. it's mindfulness. It's realising that for all suffering there is an equal joy and that one cannot exist without the other. It's the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference. It's figuring out how you want to be in this world, and how you want to treat people. It's acceptance.

I kinda rambled there. I'm having a beer here, and i'm watching the thread so i'll keep an eye out for you. Maybe i'll be less rambly then

I'm the one you replied to and since you were so kind to tell me your story I will tell you some of mine.

We had a great relationship - at first long distance, then finally moved together after couple of years back and forth. We even got married after a few years.

Then she started developing anger issues that eventually become some kind of fucked up mental health problem.
At first she would just scream and shout a lot and escalate even small arguments. I though it was my problem for not trying hard enough and tried to better my self, work more, study harder, do more stuff together.. But then she went outright crazy.
Like one day we would have a great time and suddenly she would remember something from 5 years ago, where she claims I didnt behave proper (minor things) and then started smashing furniture, throwing over book shelfs, throwing plates, cups glasses and even banging her own head against the wall. While she agreed that there was something wrong with that it seems she didnt really get how fucked up that was and claimed it was just me "making her angry".

Then she went up one more level and started freaking out more and more extreme. Several nights she started screaming at like 3-4 a.m. as loud as humanly possible. Waking up everyone in neighbourhood. One night she even woke me up by pouring a fucking bucket of water over me while i was sleeping.

Another day I took a day off from work to study for an exam (masters while working part time) and she would suddenly pour a bottle of cola over me and my study material, smash my phone and other valuables and personal belongings and in the end when i was leaving she ran after me and bit into my hand in front of the neighbours who were wondering what was going on. She didnt even let go of my hand for like 10 seconds. I lost feeling in of the skin in parts of my hand for several weeks from that - but luckily all recovered eventually.

I mean, you could make it work if you really wanted to. Just like I could have made it work long distance between Ireland and Oregon. I think in my case, it just wasn't meant to be and that's ok! I think i still love her, but it's not a painful love.
I mean, all that travelling would be super tough, but if you thought it was important enough then I can't see it being a waste. Every moment on this planet is a treasure. And maybe you guys could meet halfway sometimes.
Also worth considering is how you actually feel. I'm not trying to diminish your feelings, I can't speak for them, but I've had relationships where I thought I was in love but really it just felt good to be validated and to have sex. Be honest with yourself on it.

she did, but so do i. it's hard for me to click with people who are not adequately in touch with their "dark side" (shadow as jung would put it) because it seems like they willfully ignore basic tenets of reality and their own nature.

i'm not totally positive but i think this is a big reason why i only end up with damaged people - there aren't many people who see reality for what it is and aren't also completely horrified by it on some deep level.

>i was an alcoholic video game addict and it took this whole sequence of events for me to realize it

This is me god fucking damn it. I knew at the time I wasn't doing so well, but I never wanted to face it. It took my gf deciding she wanted to open up the relationship and not taking no for a answer and me subsequently breaking up with her to realize how shit of a boyfriend I was being before that. We lived together for three years, now I'm back with my parents at fucking 27, feeling like a loser while she just got back from a trip to Peru with a guy she wanted to open the relationship for, and they spent the whole time doing drugs and fucking.
It's only been three months and it still hurts so fucking much, bros. But what I have going for me is nursing school, and I'm not a skinnyfat slob anymore. Still DYEL but lifts are going up. Please tell me I'm going to make it, I really need that right now.

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yeah it's tough. Personally I would not put up with people trying to manipulate me like that and I think we're all better off keeping well away from bitches like that. It can be hard but life is too short to deal with that kinda of insanity.

Like on what planet does getting into a fight mean you really like the person? I really hate that "i want you to fight for me" bullshit. It's not my job to make you feel good, I'm not a feel-good vending machine. Be around me because you like me for me, not because I make you feel good

It's easy to just write someone off as 'crazy' or 'bad for you' when they do something drastic, like lie about cheating to urge a reaction out of someone. But a big part of making any relationship work is considering others viewpoint. Under what circumstances would you personally feel so neglected that you felt your only way to gain attention was through a severe lie?

Not saying she was right in what she did, but I doubt it is as simple as 'she is bad, you dodged a bullet'. A good female friend of mine cheated on her boyfriend because he wouldn't take a stand for anything that displeased her. She told him about it, and when he accepted it (sadly) and said they could work through it, she dumped him. Good looking dude, pretty good in bed (her words), and very socially popular. Just kind of a pussy.

She then dated another guy who was less attractive, less fit, and less social for 2+ years. Main difference is he would yell at her when she acted out. Romantic partners want you to show you care.

>am 45294620

yikes. this sounds like she may have developed some kind of brain damage, possibly even a tumor. something outside her control was probably messing with her emotional regulation REALLY badly.

that is a really sad story. again, i wish you the best.

I moved out then and moved back to my parents. She then said she was sorry about everything and wanted to talk. We met and she just started arguing again. It was late and I just went to sleep on the couch.
Then she woke me up by repeatedly punching my face. I called the cops again and they took her to a mental hospital.
There she acted normal, pretended everything is more or less fine and that she is just unhappy with life. They suggested taking some meds, but she refused. And she let her self out after just 2 days and there was nothing I could do. She wouldnt even let me talk with her doctor, pretending I'm the one causing the trouble.

What concerns me most is that the only cases i could find online where people suddenly changed and became crazy like that were some types of cancer, especially brain cancer - but she didnt want to go to a doctor and get checked up.

She is a completly different person now ( a terrible one) and i have no idea what happened.

Tried to get her better again for a few months - but it was pointless. Havent seen her this whole year yet. Slowly starting to feel better - but still my life sucks and I feel pretty guilty why i couldnt prevent this, or what could have been different

Get out of it now, odds are you will regret wasting time on the relationship years later.

I have done long distance twice. Both times were mistakes. I thought I learned the first time, but had more faith the second time. Everyone I know who has done long distance is against it, unless you were already living together for 2+ years.

You're going to make it user!

Depersonalization disorder is physicalist lingo for "awakened". Unless you didn't induce it yourself, then no it isn't.

Thank you, man, really.

Kys OP

Sage

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This nigga gets it

whew man. That's a tough game to play all the same. Can I ask you though, do you differentiate between people with a "dark side" who have contemplated and accepted it, and those who have not? Because there is a big difference. You say "in touch" with their dark side, what do you mean by that?

And to be honest with you, everybody has problems. I feel with you(from what little i know) that you only seem to deal with people who are noticeably a bit fucked up, when truly everybody has problems, just some have learned to deal with them. I'm really struggling to get my thoughts clear with you(i blame the beer) but i'm trying!

right. it's not logical or "fair" from a male perspective, so it seems most of us have to learn the hard way. i don't think what she did was ok and had i known, i would probably have broken up with her anyway, but it's definitely not as simple as "i dodged a bullet".

Keep your head up user you're going to make it!

people have been given the amazing ability to FUCKING TALK

there's no excuse for cheating, none whatsoever, not even beatings, divorce has been a thing for a while now and so is dumping his ass. what did she expect from cheating? he screaming at her? how did she expect that to "help" them and the relationship in any way? she did that out of spite to break the guy, instead of straight up telling him to grow a pair or break up with him. They are both shit and deserve each other

i mean, sometimes you gotta take chances and make mistakes. Life is too short bro

Time will help, though sometimes the pain never fully goes away.

Dissociate yourself from her bro. She wasn't the cause of your previous lifestyle but she was a part of it. If you want to undergo a restructuring of your mind you can't worry about where she is at or long to be with her again. Going back to past loves is comfortable because the past feels safe.. it is the discovered country.

You are forging your path towards the undiscovered country. This is a path you walk alone, at least initially. You are going to make it bro.

Keep it up user. Keep on your path of self-improvement and awareness, turn into your pain head-on and learn from it. I know you can do it.

We're all gonna make it.

...

get out of here stalker, we're having a good time dealing with our problems

Yeah I think so too - but I really dont know what to do about it if she refuses every bit of help.

All I can do is stay away and start a new life... I'm really conflicted though. On the one hand I'm terrified to what happened to the woman I loved and married - and on the other hand I'm afraid the one she turned into might outright murder me one day or do something else really really fucked up

/r9k/ wouldnt even get close to girls, let alone have relationship problems

and sometimes you can't help. Sometimes it just won't work. I admire you for still caring but you know yourself, getting involved wouldn't help anyone. You can't make someone change, they have to do it themselves.

Communication is important, I have a feeling you know what you are talking about.

It's good to atleast have you guys who are honest with yourself and still mentally strong.
Thx guys for being who you are.

She talked to him about the assertiveness (at least she told me). Hell, I talked to the guy about it per her request.. I probably could have been more clear at the time but it was pretty awkward.

I agree, cheating is not justified under any circumstances. But what I am saying is if you want to get better at relationships its important to consider why people do the things they do. Just because the cheating isn't rational doesn't mean her underlying reasons aren't 'real'.

There is not always a way to reconcile differences. And people don't always behave logically. Do you think she rationally thought 'oh I will cheat and then my relationship will be solved' or do you think she thought 'my relationship is lacking, and he never stands for anything, and I want to fuck this other dude. I guess there are no consequences so why not'.

I agree, but I would have agreed even more years ago. You are only young once, I guess I am beginning to look at odds more and more.

Most relationships don't go the distance, in general. Most LDR don't work out, but the nature of them makes them take longer to fizzle. Say under normal circumstances it would take 2 years for you to realize you don't love this person enough to spend the rest of your life with them.. in LDR time (which involves weeks or months of not seeing each other) this 2 years of interaction can be stretched insanely. Not to mention you can write things off as being a result of the distance rather than the relationship itself.

This is rather cynical though.

If you feel it, go for it bro. Best of luck.

kys incels

>Can I ask you though, do you differentiate between people with a "dark side" who have contemplated and accepted it, and those who have not? Because there is a big difference.

there definitely is, although i think we can rule out the type of dark that regularly do things that would land them long prison sentences and lean more towards the type of dark that is cynical, acknowledges the immendable fallibility of human nature, has maybe done a few fucked up things to other people but learned from the experience, etc.

i realize that 'everyone is a bit fucked up' but i notice that people who are a similar kind of fucked up to me also have similar tastes, sense of humor/irony, whereas i have a hard time talking about anything with "normies".

i appreciate this questioning because i think there is a lot i don't understand about myself, and it's making me call into question some of my assumptions about how i orient myself to the dating world.

>end goal get shredded

i'll be quite honest with you my dude, she prob had the dude she wanted to fuck on the radar for a while, and the relationship also had been broken for quite some time. She could have done the right thing, broke up with the dude and went to fuck the other guy 2min after. Instead she choose to cheat and rub it in to get one final reaction from the guy, sure he was a pussy and she wanted to see how far he would fall, but i can't think of someone like this as a "good gf"

>Fall in love
Pathetic

This guy is right, be VERY careful of anyone who uses the excuse "that's just the way I am." My dad says this to justify being a whiny pussy and not doing anything to fix his various terrible situations that he got himself into. I feel bad for my mom. Other people will use that as an excuse to be awful because "that's just the way I am." Always look for people that are self-reflective and strive to CHANGE the negatives about themselves. I myself know I have a somewhat addictive personality but instead of letting myself wallow in it, I take steps to change that about myself.

NOT FITNESS RELATED

yes, the brap thread is

yeah you're right bro. isn't love an awfully fickle thing? I guess in a sense, love is like religion.

25 KHV in grad school for the sciences. Some of my friends tell me to just fuck a call girl already. They say it will boost my confidence because that's what is holding me back. I think it's that no one wants to be apart of my life because I'm a loser and using a call girl will further cement that. Can anyone give me some advice? Sorry for the blog.

The end goal is to be rich, powerful and create a pure Aryan race

I really appreciate it, bros. Thank you. We're all gonna make it.

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No.

...

Go traveling abroad, stay at hostels and such where you meet other young people.

If you couldnt get anything done in your current social setting for so many years, its unlikely something will happen there - so you need to change your surroundings, even if its just temporary. That could be an eye opener for you.

Or try to join some kind of club/hobby where you meet girls. Like dancing courses/schools, differnt sports, outdoor activites whatever. Just make sure its something where you will be involved in girls and will interact with them in a completly new social setting. change those hobbies/activities if the first ones are not working out. eventually something will turn up. Keep your head up.

Meeting new people is the key

You know, one of the issues that I might take with your cynical stances(most of which i share), is like what I said earlier in the thread somewhere. Let's take the fallibility of human nature. There are many problems with humans as a species, and a lot of our nature does tend to the bad. And yet I believe that for every mildly shitty deed, there is an equal and opposite mildly good deed. I think it's in the averageness that we prevail, that's where the honey is. It's realising that the world is built upon normal people, greatness stems from that. Paying for the next persons coffee is on par with Elon Musk trying to save humanity by colonising Mars. I think it's ok to be cynical, but one must always remember to see the good in the world too.

I feel i got a little side tracked there. Maybe it's more a commentary on you, I'm not entirely sure desu. And you know, it's entirely possible that the people you meet who have similar interests to you just are coincidentally fucked up in a similar way. I would imagine it's just coincidental. Again I feel like i've not communicated very well here lol

It's actually to cum balls deep in hot wet tight silky soft pussy

this is a good feel but not an admirable end goal

DELE-

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yes this is one step beyond what i was saying. acknowledging the horrors of the world and the fallibility of human nature and trying to live a good life with that knowledge in mind is what i'm aiming for (because i can't unsee), and i think to truly understand these things a person has to know how to see the potential for evil in themselves and be OK with it.

i know my sample size is pretty low and all, but i have definitely sensed this struggle in many of my friends and all of the people i've been romantically involved with.

it's ok if we are not 100% understanding each other, hard to accomplish that through this medium anyway

There's an old song by Bach called "Komm süßer Tod" - Come, Sweet Death.

Come, Sweet Death,
Come, blessed Rest!
Come lead me to peace, for of this world I am weary.
Oh come, I wait for thee!
Come quick and lead me!
Close my eyes in rest.
Come, blessed Rest.

Now I bring this up because in today's times, many many people are scared of death and really worry about it. They don't want to grow old, or be wrinkly, or grow up, and yet it's the only certain thing in life. In 1736, when that song was written, death would have been considered pretty good because life sucked. It would have been "Don't worry, you'll die soon! It will all be over!"

This is the heart of what i'm trying to get at. For each moment of pain there can be found an equal moment of joy. That power is within us all. Learning about that song helped me be at peace with the fact that I will die. It helps that I also believe that death is the end, so if I'm dead I won't care. i'll be dead! So with the pains of human nature, there is also the child who offers to share with their classmate, or the conversation and time shared between friends.

I haven't really tried to put this into romantic terms because that wouldn't make so much sense. A relationship to me is bringing stuff to the table and working through all the rest of the shite. A relationship is a friendship; it doesn't really matter what you do as long as you are with someone you enjoy. Relationship or no, you are still existing in this world and it's worth thinking about what that means for you and for any person.

Not that user, but that really cheered me up. Thanks bro

I feel so lonely, bros. Deep in my soul. I have no passion, no dreams to fulfill, no goals in life.

Still, my life is fairly together. I don't know what else I can do to finally find happiness.

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that is interesting, i do not know that song. i'm not sure i agree completely about pain and joy equaling each other as part of some balancing act the universe is pulling (i know this dichotomy is just an example of the larger metaphor and isn't the whole picture of what you're saying) although i do more generally believe things like 'people usually get what they deserve' which is along similar lines.

fear of death is also an interesting angle that i haven't considered this issue from.

I've been with my first gf for 4 months and now I want to go back to being single

What are you, 12?

Oh, this one's easy; just dump her.

just broke up with my gf of 3 years bros, she moved out and took the dogs now I'm 24, alone in a town where no one knows my name i just want someone to want me again