How do you play a comically racist fantasy character?

Imitate your grandfather. Grandfathers are notoriously racist, and often charming. Charmingly racist.

Play an actual peasant who's never read the PHB and who grew up in a tiny town on the ass end of nowhere who only knows of other races by stories, fairy tales, and comically racist jokes told by traveling merchants.

Human master race here with some terms for other races you might like:

Elves: Knife-ears, tree-fuckers, pointy eared twats, pretty boys, sprites.

Dwarfs: Dorfs, mole-men, hairies, penny pinching beards with legs, grouchy little shits.

Halflings: Runts, stunties, halflings, thieving little shits, greedy little bastards.

Half Elves: Well their half human.

Dragonborn: Lizards, scalies, lizardborn, jumped up skinks.

Kobolds: Scaled goblins, shit flinging lizards, twigs, runts, scale-rats.

Half Orcs: Uglies, tall dark and stupid, consequences, tuskies.

Remember, humans are the most powerful and widespread race for a reason.

Its a gimmic that might get old fast if you don't make it a real trait of your character

Same could be said about any "joke" character. They are fun for short run games but you can't built much for the long game

Good trips

Refer to all races as "Niggers"

Dwarves are "Beard Niggers"
Elves are "Tall Niggers"
Halflings are "Short Niggers"
Orks are "Green Niggers"
Humans are just regular Niggers

Nords are "snow niggers"
Wood elves are "forest niggers"
Dark Elves are "volcano niggers"
High Elves are "yellow niggers"
Bretons are "magic niggers"
Argonians are "Swamp niggers"
Orcs are "green niggers"
Redguards are "double niggers"
Khajiit are "furfags"
Imperials are "Jews"

I like to use "Kender" for halflings too.

My players usually play comically racist characters because they know it annoys me. Only "comically racist" usually means "socially retarded" or "they think they're being comical but they're actually just being regular racists".
They have done shit like...
>Dwarf who refuses to read anything written in the human language (even though he can) so he takes a shit in the village well (which is clearly marked as a well) because he assumes it's the public toilet.
>Dwarf who thinks all non-dwarf metalwork is an abomination, so he breaks into a human blacksmith's house and burns his hands to render him unable to make any more 'abominations'.
>Halflings who hate all non-halflings and so they make a stuff a bomb that looks like a pumpkin and give it to some humans as a 'gift' with the advice "put it in the oven to cook".
>Dwarf who thinks that the correct way to mourn a dead person is to have a fight in the pub on the same day as the dead person's funeral, and so he smashes the barmaid over the head with a bottle to try and provoke a punch-up.

I lost at cabbage bangers.

You are now Lord Garithos a Paladin or Cavalier or something equivalent. If it aint human: it aint worth shit. Elves are particularly shitty. They are your meatshields. Literally hire elves to follow you around. basic commoners to carry your shit and body block for you (even though you wear the most beautiful full plate mail in all the land). Always remember you did nothing wrong.

YOU DID NOTHING WRONG.

That *is* a pretty insulting thing to call someone, yeah.

Humans:hivers,mud/dirt/maizefuckers,overcompensators,apecattle

Pic related. Replace nigger with the fantasy racial slur of your choice.

>Dwarf who thinks that the correct way to mourn a dead person is to have a fight in the pub on the same day as the dead person's funeral, and so he smashes the barmaid over the head with a bottle to try and provoke a punch-up.

>The Night that Paddy Murphy Died

Pretty good in that it essentially makes the humans look worse than the scalies in the scenario.

"Why are we talking of killing them again?"

Let me clarify, the dwarf in question had no acquaintance with the dead person, nor the dead person's family. He literally walked into a pub full of quiet, sad looking humans, who had all just come back from a funeral, and his next words were, essentially, "Eh, you're not doing it right. This isn't how you mourn." and then *whack* he hit the poor barmaid with the bottle and started chanting "fight, fight, fight!"
He was ordered to leave the pub, at which point he went outside and took a shit in the village well.

1. Go to /pol/
2. Copy
3. Paste
4. Repeat step 1

>Wood elves are "forest niggers"
Wood elves are German?

I lost at Redguards

>Argonians are "Swamp niggers"
>Khajiit are "furfags"
>Imperials are "Jews"
Scaleniggers, furniggers, and best niggers respectively, thank you very much.

Someone didn't play Morrowind

protip:
>Dark Elves are "Jews"

Imperials are just "larping niggers" because they larp about having an empire and being roman

REEEEEEE

>implying Dark Elves aren't literally jews
>ascetic elves who after a long exodus found the promised land and established their kingdom
>due to a great disaster a large part of their population is now refugees living in the slums of the empire
Seriously, you could make Tradition! a song about the Dunmer.

>How do you play a comically racist fantasy character?

>implying Veeky Forums cares about actual hebrew history or anything not lehappymerchant maymay XDDDDDDD
Your ideas are wasted here friendo.

>Trump
>racist
When the MSM says something, it means the opposite is true.

Just like me.

This pic is funny because Trump is literally the epitome of saltiness.

Name one thing hes said thats racist.

Accidentally, have the character have no idea the terms they're using are actually offensive. The only drawback is that you have to be sparing in your slurs, and once your character gets told off on it, you need to have them take that word out of their vocabulary, or at least trip up on it if they try to use it again without thinking.

>My players usually play comically racist characters because they know it annoys me.
I bet you cry on Tumblr everynight about your evil players, you pansy.

>Let me find the very out-of-context backtracking quotes /pol/ tells me to use in these situations since he now has to pander to minorities to win the general.

What about no

Make them act like the stereotypical racist grandpa. They genuinely believe in their on racial superiority, and wont believe anything that contradicts their believes.

>How do you play a comically racist fantasy character?

I am german living in the US. All I need to do is let my true opinions on race, genders and politics slip out and everyone finds it hilarious when I make jokes about killing jews with my thick german accent.

At this point I am not sure whether I should feel amusement or despair.

Forest Niggers leave reeeee; Meds and Anglos are superior.

>Anglos

You'd best not be talking about fucking Celts or Saxons

First you need to be funny. Are you funny, OP?

This thread started poorly, and miraculously somehow got worse.

Fuck was that about the Celts faggot?

Fellow Americans please, there's no need to fight, the ultimate life-form embodies and surpasses the traits of all others.

All we need to do is wait for the lead poisoned generations to die out and the world will be ours

>played a paladin
>party had an evil wizard fuck in it who I hated working with
>walking along without the rest of the party
>come across a lone goblin
>I cut off his head, the wizard turns both halves into frogs, and then I step on both frogs
we bonded that day. Horrific violence is fine, as long as it's on the godless races of the world.

Ours for the taking brother?

>Uncle Ruckus but an orc
Stealing this.

Muslims should be forced to wear identification...

>things Trump never said
Wow, you really drank the liberal koolaid, didn'tcha?

>muslims
>race

They already do though.

keked

Ever see that Comedy Central roast of him? He was so pissed the entire time, it was great.

...

Well, they SHOULD, but he never said that.

You. I like you.

Was thinking of doing a low-int human ranger or druid based off of this racist fucker. Would be doubly racist against orcs, despite having a teenage half-orc son.
youtube.com/watch?v=5ypxx_zj5p0

>Elves: Twiggers

If a GM introduced a racist, misogynistic conspiracy theorizing oompa loompa to a campaign it'd stretch my suspension of disbelief.

You should have the maimed blacksmith come back in another game as a badass dwarf-hunting mercenary with iron claws for hands, a dark enigmatic past, and a name like The Claw. Make him the BBEG, even. See if your idiot players catch on.

Don't actually be racist in any way and someone will read racism into what you're doing regardless. Then tell jokes.

>Kolbolds aren't Tongue Flickers