Barmaids Veeky Forums, describe your most common interaction with them in your compaign

Barmaids Veeky Forums, describe your most common interaction with them in your compaign.

>We pay them to eavesdrop on other customers because sexual advances from our wizard isn't getting anywhere.

...

Order food and drinkd, pay for the service as per costs listed on the menu.

What, no tip?

Is it historical to assume barmaids can easily be prepositioned into whoring?

Yes, there's a reason "wench" is synonymous with whore.

In that knowledge(history) would yield the chances of a particular barmaid being a whore? Yes.

How would you go about convincing one to do the deed if she wasn't sure though?

It's a running joke in my group that the first barmaid the party meets will always be a wizard.

Offer money?

You're a peasant with a shitty job who's only advantage in life is that you happen to be kind of attractive. I will give you more money than you could hope to earn in several years of work to have sex with me.

Someone has to listen to all those adventures.

I'll give you the tip, and then some ;^)

Why pay when you could be sweet talking them into it instead?

Usually just for drinks and food. Current game my character stays away from them since his mother killed and ate one out of jealousy after they held hands and sat together and kissed.

How much?

Because then when I'm gone she'll at least have something to make her life somewhat better.

Not every adventurer is a bard or equivalent.

Economic Stimulus.

Imma trickle down on that bitch.

You can still give her an absurd amount of money, you just get to phrase it as a gift rather than a transaction.

So you're going to shower her in gold?

No, even medieval cultures thought tipping was retarded user.

Just as in reality, there are none because medieval taverns and shit didn't exist.

not so much whoring as it is nailing the chick that served you alcohol all night. Most of those taverns were also inns, towns weren't as big as cities so she probably lived nearby, or in the inn itself. and because shes serving people drinks all day shes probably had a few herself.

When did taverns start existing?

Victorian era, late Victorian era at least anything could be identified as anything close to the establishments seen in typical fantasy.

It seems like it won't be logistically feasible for this sort of thing to happen very often, otherwise barmaids will be getting pregnant all the time from one night stands?

>alcohol has existed for thousands of years
>humans selling alcohol in bars has only existed for hundreds

Mankind had all sorts of contraceptive tricks since antiquity, they were to as reliable as what we have now but still worked for the most part.

thats where the term bastard child came from. sluts have existed since the dawn of time.

>sluts have existed since the dawn of time.
It sounds like they didn't have much choice. You were a barmaid? You give the customers sex, for free

not all the customers lol, even back then she probably just banged the ripped dudes that looked badass, or if any military/royalty where for some reason in town. actual whores didn't have a choice, but tavern girls aren't actual whores.

>Try to impress tavern wench
>Take out 1,000 gp and make it rain
>Literally weights 20 lbs
>Tavern wench now has bruises and the guard think I beat her up

Kind of makes you wonder how good the tavern wenches and whores looked back in those days.

This seems like a rather shitty job. Does it pay well? Cos if it didn't it seems like they would be better off just go whoring full time.

Aren't you supposed to, like, throw a handful or two at any one time, not dump the bag on their head?

lol

Then she wouldn't be a whore.

women have been sexy as fuck since humans first existed. We see a good looking chick today and we're all like "dam shes hot" back then you wrote a fucking legend or a play about her she was so hot.

>but soft, what light through yonder window breaks, it is the east, and Juliet the sun

>Throwing large amounts of metal coins at people
No one who grew up in such a setting would be this stupid. This is a failure of logic by the player.

You probably got to eat the scraps and maybe even had enough surplus to take home with you.

The prospect of getting to marry someone better off also sounds good.

>That Shakespeare quote
Literally, he was saying that she was hot.

Oh, they had contraceptives all right.

They had a contraceptive herb that was so effective, it was literally harvested to extinction.

People who try to argue that the "good old days" were less smutty and sex-filled as today are delusional, to these people getting fucked behind the barn was the only really fun way to burn a couple hours before going back to their backbreaking existence.

No really think about a world without books, television or internet. You worked a 10 hour day and slept for 8 hours. What do you do those extra 6 hours?

All the games I'm playing at the moment take place in medieval fantasy settings where table service has not been invented. Well, so long.

...

>Be friends with a wizard
>He teleports us to orc lands for some sweet orc wenches
>Later on we teleport to the halfling lands for some relatively less violent halfling wenches
>End the day by teleporting to gnome lands and get some delicious gnome wench blowjobs

Being friends with a wizard is the best.

I've always heard that long work days is an artefact of the industrial revolution and historically people worked much more reasonable hours. Depending on the circumstances of course. Harvest is a bitch if you're a peasant, but then you have fuck all to do all winter.

You know, between this picture and my own inebriated state, I have to wonder.

Were breasts really that large in the Middle Ages? I keep hearing about how women lacked the proper nutrition to keep up large chests, but then we get reports like with Joan of Arc where she's noted as being a busty peasant girl.

Shit, this isn't even a lewd question for me right now, I'm genuinely curious if boobs were in the olden days.

Also, if you need more proof of that, look at art, literature, and graffiti from various time periods.

Pompie? Dicks. Dicks everywhere, and most indications are that it wasn't anything special at the time.

Shakespeare? Dick jokes, fart jokes, and innuendos.

Graffiti? No matter what era you go to up until fairly recently, people were drawing dicks on everything.

Brewing is your hobby during winter.

Yeah it's true, before electric lighting people got up at dawn and went to sleep at dusk. That has to include both work and non-work hours.

In winter farmers went hunting/trapping for fur.

>I've always heard that long work days is an artefact of the industrial revolution and historically people worked much more reasonable hours.

There was always work to do, user. Tending the chickens, pulling out weeds, collecting the eggs and so forth. You'd be working all the time, but said work was usually pretty damn reasonable.

Consider the alternative of NOT HAVING WORK. What did you do when you didn't have work? You couldn't read, you couldn't turn on a TV or go online, you couldn't do anything really, so what did you do?

>Were breasts really that large in the Middle Ages?

It obviously varied. Sure women had a harder time with worse diets for their chests to get large, but they also had kids younger and more often, which gives large chests.

People are probably thrown off somewhat by all the stuff from back then about how valuable and important it is for girls to be virgins.

I'd always figured Joan was pretty flat-chested after one of her sub-commander's comment that even in her nightcloths he felt no lust towards her.

Actual size would depend a lot, I suppose, but the average size would have likely been much smaller than today for the reasons you stated.

Of course genetics have a huge role in that too, so you likely had the same issue with bust size as height in that time period. Some places were titty town, other places are ruled by the itty bitty titty comitty.

>Shakespeare? Dick jokes, fart jokes, and innuendos.

You think Shakespeare was the only one who did that? Bro, read some Canterbury Tales, the stories from the "common folk" were FULL of sex and crude humor.

We're talking about people that knew what sex was almost as soon as they were old enough to UNDERSTAND what sex was, with hours and hours of just recreation time devoted to nothing but hanging out with the cute girl from across the river, who started having funny feelings between her legs and thought maybe you could show her a way to fix that.

Chastity was of course always a valued trait in a person, it just wasn't something they expected was mandatory, nor did they particularly demonize people who didn't bleed on their wedding night.

And to answer your question, you fuck but more often you talk, eat, drink, sing, dance, tell stories, play games, play field sports, have a smoke, beat your wife, go poaching, spread malicious rumours about the draper's daughter...

It's a little depressing if you can't imagine human enjoying their leisure time before books or tv.

>I'd always figured Joan was pretty flat-chested after one of her sub-commander's comment that even in her nightcloths he felt no lust towards her.

Naw brah, she was supposedly quite chesty, enhanced with good pecs which kept the girls perky.

The sub-commander, at least as far as I remember, did not feel any lust towards her because Joan was just that virtuous; lusting for her felt like a sin even he couldn't bear.

See Virgins were valuable, they were not expected to be the norm.

It's like, it didn't hurt you to have had sex, but it helped you to be a virgin. There's a big difference between that and "shun the whore, expect a virgin."

>quite chesty
Medieval women tended to be flat and have late puberties because of malnourishment unless they were aristocracy.

Also french fashion has never really been big on large tits, idk how far back it went, but 300 years later they thought Marie-Antoinette's slightly larger than average breasts were basically comically large.

Sorry for disrupting your fapfic.

So in other words it came down to good genetics that encouraged large breasts, rather than trusting your hormones.

Shit, this is reminding me of a woman in Napoleonic France that was notable simply because she married a nobleman at 14, and at the same time had already developed breasts.

>what do you do those extra 6 hours?

Average breast size has likely increased over time due to large breasts being a positive survival trait (attracting mates and nursing children) but there is no reason large breasts couldn't have existed at earlier points in history.

Also what the fuck is up with Captcha

>Sorry for disrupting your fapfic.

Well shit, I was just parroting what I hear on Veeky Forums so often, sorry if I sounded like I was jerking off in my own little corner of America.

There was that, but not everyone read Chaucer's work in High School. Even the most uncultured swine has heard of Shakespeare.

Most people assume you just didn't have free time before electricity, what with making your own cloths, grinding your own flour, and all that.

That makes sense, I suppose. A life of manual labor, assuming you weren't starving, would do wonders for one's physique.

>you will never follow a beautiful woman sent by god into combat
>you will never see her undress in front of you and feel only righteous fury

god we've lost our ways

Drink, fuck, and be merry!

>grinding your own flour

The common peasant didn't do that, they'd have someone else in the village do it.

Ooh, lemme try to find a book I have of primary sources during the Middle Ages, I think they actually had letters dealing specifically with peasants.

Act like dumb assholes who grope them and are indistinguishable from other dumb assholes so the guy we're tailing on the other side of the room either doesn't think we're the one following him or underestimates us.

Wheat flour, yes. Corn flour in civilizations beside Europe's? Better get a rock, bro.

>Ooh, lemme try to find a book I have of primary sources during the Middle Ages, I think they actually had letters dealing specifically with peasants.

>"'I haven't a penny left' said Piers, 'so I can't buy you pullets or geese or pigs. All I've got is a couple of fresh cheeses, a little curds and cream, an oat cake, and two loaves of beans and bran which I baked for my children. Upon my soul, I haven't a scrap of bacon, and I haven't a cook to fry you steak and onions. But I've some parsley and shallots and plenty of cabbages, and a cow and a calf, and a mare to cart my dung, till the drought is over. And with these few things we must live till Lammas time*, when I hope to reap my harvest in the fields. Then I can spread you a feast, I'd really like to."

*Lammas Time is usually the first of August, when the first crops ripen and are ready for harvest.

Some did, some didn't. A fair number of places excavated had grindstones in them for that purpose, but those were generally in areas without wind or water mills to do it for them.

>that dude on the rug
>"you gettin laid tonight boy"

>tfw the rest of these primary sources are too long to reliably write down

I JUST WANT TO SHARE WITH YOU GUYS THE JOY OF ACTUAL TEXT WRITTEN BY THESE PEOPLE.

FUCK.

>Child in the back wearing glasses
>Violin
>Stall selling unprocessed grapes
>Dress is a mishmash of European cultures from different periods of time
>PUMPKINS
>PUMPKINS

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>That makes sense, I suppose. A life of manual labor, assuming you weren't starving, would do wonders for one's physique.

You'd need good nutrition, and a lot of people just flat out didn't have access to much in the way of diversity of food. Travel was slow, which sucks for getting around all but a specific set of foods. There are a lot of common diseases from medieval times that are actually the result of missing particular vitamins etc.

That's, of course, setting aside the fact that calorie intake for much of human history came pretty much down to the wire. People expended a ton of calories because so many tasks relied on muscle powered, and a lot of them barely got enough in their diet to make up for the loss.

So what you two are saying is that large breasts would only really be found among courtiers, merchant's daughters, and noblewomen?

>believing Veeky Forums on JoA
Veeky Forums here is 40% French propaganda, 40% British propaganda, and 20% idiots who read the Wikipedia page and think they know everything.

nah you'd get all sorts of chicks with huge tits, but they would probably be rarer than today.

>40% French propaganda

Kek, the French don't go on Veeky Forums, I'd pin it at 80% British propaganda.

Perfidious Albion is infamous for being petty historical revisionists.

>AD&D
>be a fighter.
>go to tavern, wenches want my dick
>take her to the back room and proceed to tell her my life's story.
>get out after an hour game time and start drinking "ye olden rooted beer"
>dm is relieved I didn't going to magical realm on him.
>mfw
Feels awesome man.

Is that Piers Plowman in modern English?

well please do tell the rest of us what Joan was really like, im sure you met her personally.

Good genetics could get you a nice pair of tits, but being able to rely on that alone wouldn't be as viable as it is today. Otherwise, a 25 year old woman who has had seven kids could have large breasts.

That and well-to-do peasants in general. Owners of larger farms with more livestock, for example.

>In this fourteenth century poem, Piers Plowman reflects on the hunger that prevailed annually until the first crops ripened in mid-August (Lammas-Day is 1 August.)

Well shit, I guess it is!

Really makes you understand why there's so many feats in Fall and Winter, though.

They've got the food, and not much else to do.

Such as peasants with large numbers of cattle?

I do recall the Frisians, Danish and Scandinavians in general had a thing for animal husbandry back in the day, that might explain their habit of being taller and bustier than other Europeans.

>well-to-do peasants in general

Where would I go to find well-to-do peasants, anyway? Was it more a case-by-case basis, or was there ever a region in Europe that had a habit of holding more "healthy" peasants than others?

Like, if I was a peasant in 1250 Europe, where would I want to be to earn my livelihood? For some reason I want to assume it's Northern France or the Low Countries, but I could be wrong.

No, I'm part of the 20% Wikipedia assholes.

I remember reading something about Norway being fairly terrible for agriculture for the most part, but great for sheep, goats and the likes.

Kind of a bitch. Super religious too.

The Low Countries, Bohemia, Poland, or the Ukraine.

>but great for sheep, goats and the likes.

Sheep and goats are wonder-beasts that can live basically anywhere, eat almost anything, and produce valuable cheese and milk almost constantly.

Almost everyone will have a goat, those things were invaluable. The whole "gotta drink cow milk" era was fairly recent and added a whole lot of fat to our diets.

But yeah, the Scandinavians had terrible land, which forced them to value meat, fish and dairy above everything else. This had a habit of giving them large amounts of fat and oil, which arguably was what helped them keep fat on their chests.

>muh perfect paladin waifu Joan of Arc
>not Frog propaganda
The sinister hand of the baguettes is everywhere.

>Bohemia, Poland, or the Ukraine.

What is it about Poland that lends itself to producing huge amounts of grain? I've always heard it's (and the general area around it) one of the biggest breadbaskets in Europe since almost forever, but whenever I look at a map I just see a place that's kind of cold and cut off from the coast.

butthurt bong detected

PERFIDIOUS ALBION PLEASE GO.

Some were tradesmen, some were farmers who just happened to own more and/or better land.

The term peasant just meant anyone not a noble or a serf.

Low density, boring, flat, and the climate is too shit for a lot of the good cash crops, so you either grow grain or maybe wine, flax and hemp.

It is good to know I can imitate the land of the enemies of my ancestors.

>Scandinavians
>cattle
Maybe Denmark or Sweden
Also there were heavy punitive taxes on commoners raising cattle.