Hey Veeky Forums bit in the dumps tonight, and I don't have a great outlook on the next few months...

Hey Veeky Forums bit in the dumps tonight, and I don't have a great outlook on the next few months. Can I get a story thread? Old or new I'll take it, looking to smile for a while.

Capt Drake

Feel better user

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I got about to the second post before I realized this was the dumbest shit ever.

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And one more before I let the thread die. Hope things stay manageable, OP.

Alright user, I've been meaning to type these stories up for a while now so... what do you want to hear?

>The saga of The Grand Viscount Jacob Von Semaphore III, Former Scion of the Cassomir, Disgraced Memeber of the Blades, Venture Captain of the Society, and Esteemed Brother of the Snowmask Clan

> Marak Dawnblade, the paladin who refused to fucking die.

> user plays an Angel, and accidentally the entire world

> Confessions of a Part-Time Cult Leader

Confessions of a part time cult leader sounds promising!

Alright, gimmie a few minutes to put on my writefaggin' pants.

user the angel seems co

I got just the thing for you

Ignore my typo, that's supposed to say 'cool'

Ah fuck... looks like the part of this I had already written up is gone... goddammit

>Confessions of a Part-Time Cult Leader

Achan stepped into the grimy tavern and wrinkled his nose in a mixture of relief and disgust. The people within were unwashed, uneducated, and unambitious. Just how he liked them. A few looked up as he entered, a few faint echoed through the bar. Achan glanced around the room, vainly searching for the perpetrators, then sighed and brushed it off. He chided himself for being too sensitive, these people just weren't used to seeing someone of his.. heritage.

Achan walked confidently up to the bar, his hooves clicking on the wood floor. The bar tender glared up at him, "we don't serve demons. I'd suggest you move along."

"Can't a man just enjoy a quiet drink?" The tiefling sighed, and drew a cheap cigarette from his pocket. With a snap of his fingers it blazed to life. He could feel the bartender's anger rising with each passing second.

The bartender shook his head. "Maybe you don' understand, Get. The Fuck. Out." Achan smiled, then took a long draw. The cheap acrid smoke stung his lungs, but he held it in, savoring the pain, and waiting for the inevitable. Achan hadn't wanted this, but he'd be damned (again) if he backed down.

The bartender came in low, a suckerpunch. Achan could almost admire the man's lack of honor. "Stop." He said quietly. The man's eyes widened as his hand slowed to a stop, mere inches from Achan's face. The tiefling took another draw, the man's will was weak, putty in his hands.

"The fuck'd you do to me!" The bartender bellowed. Achan could see the rest of the patrons rising to their feet, and reaching for various weapons.

He held up held up a hand, and casually gestured for them to sit. "Nothing unusual is going on. Please return to your drinks." There was a wave of muttering, and Achan could feel something pushing back against his control. One of them was warded. Fascinating.

Achan spun around to face the crowd, and lounged back on the bar. "On second thought, I have something far more important for you to do." He looked out over the see of listless eyes, searching for the one which still retained it's spark. He locked eyes with a young woman sitting in the corner. Achan grinned, showing rows and rows of razor sharp teeth. "That woman has a ring, gold with three white gems. Please remove the ring and bring it to me." Achan looked back to the bartender, still frozen with his hand outstretched, "I'll take that drink now."

To her credit, the woman nearly made it to the door. She got one hand outside before the mob over took her. Achan sipped on his mug of ale and watched her struggle. Definitely some sort of military training, possibly a paladin. Not that it mattered. They dragged her before him, and one of reached out to offer Achan the ring. It burned as he turned it over in his hand. Finally he dropped it on the bar and leaned down to look the woman in the eye. "That's an expensive trinket, not many need to be perpetually warded against Evil, even fewer can afford it. I'm curious how you got it."

The woman spat. "Mariah Turner, Knight-Sargent First Class. Serial number 11242--"

Achan waved the words away. "A paladin?" He clicked his teeth, "on leave from the front. I presume? Here for a quiet drink when things became... complicated?"

She glared back at him. "Mariah Turner. Knig--"

Achan sighed, "yes, yes, I understand all that. You're a good solider, name, rank and serial number only." He leaned back on the bar. "See, I'm here for the same reason you are; I don't want any trouble, I just wanted a quiet drink. Unfortunately this man," he gestured to the bartender, "intended bodily upon me, so I was forced to defend myself. These people seemed intent on following suit, so I had to defend myself against them as well. I really do mean no harm to you or anyone else here."

From some of the last messages in that it sounds like there would be another followup after that. I did a bit digging around on google but didn't see anything. Anyone know if there is anymore of this story?

That's it.

Mariah's eyes narrowed. Achan rolled his eyes, "and now you're trying to figure out if what I'm saying *actually* makes sense, or if I'm just controlling your mind. Fine, how about a show of good faith on my part?" He reached over and knocked the ring off the counter.

She gingerly reached forward and put it on. After a moment she nodded. "If you really don't mean these people any harm, then let them go."

Achan shrugged, "I was planning to. Just had to have a backup plan in case you were less than reasonable. Since that's clearly not the case." He snapped his fingers, and the people returned to their tables. "Remember, none of this ever happened." He said cheerfully. As soon as they sat down, the spell was broken, they looked around, then returned to drinking and talking as if nothing had ever happened. Achan offered a hand to the paladin.

She took it, and pulled herself up. As she did so, a dagger fell out of her sleeve. She looked to Achan. "Glad you're reasonable, I would have hated to kill you."

Achan laughed raised his glass to her. "I would have hated dying."

She laughed, picked up the dagger, and took a seat next to him. The bartender nodded, and began to pour another glass of ale. "Forgive my curiosity, but what's a demon-kin doing here?"

He shrugged. "Same as everyone else I suppose. Looking to spend a little time out of the world. What about you? This isn't the kind of place I'd expect to see a paladin."

She shrugged and took a long drink from the tankard. "I've seen too much death today. I.. I guess I just needed to forget."

Achan nodded sympathetically. "I thought the front was weeks away from here?"

"I'm a hospitaller. All the sick, the wounded, the dying, they filter through here, and I meet every one of them." She drained the mug, and motioned for the bartender to pour another one. "What about you? Your clothes are too nice to be from around here."

He thought for a moment. "I guess you could call me a teacher."

"I reach out to the poor, the sick, the broken, really anyone in need of guidance. I do my best to lead them."

She snickered. "Gods, that sounds so pretentious. Is that what you tell everyone?"

He let out a single chuckle. "I 'spose it is. In truth it's all bullshit. Truth is I lead a cult, they give me everything, and in exchange I give them some advice from a half-remembered tome. To answer your previous question, I'm here because... I need to be. I'm exhausted. Every of every day they're begging for miracles I can't bestow, I can't cure the sick, heal the lame, or raise the dead. But they believe I can, and I need them to believe I can. When they ask for these things I respond the same way, I turn it on them, 'if you have enough faith, it will be done." Every. Single. Time. I say this. I blame mothers for their children's death, I blame children for their siblings' deformities. It-it takes a toll. Forgive me sister, for I have sinned." He sighed and buried his head in his hands.

He felt a heavy hand rest on his shoulder. "You are forgiven." She said quietly. "Everything you've done was necessary, those people's lives would be far worse without your guidance. You have nothing to be ashamed of." Achan mouthed the words as she said them.

He sighed and stood up. It felt good to talk, even if it was to no one in particular. The real ring weighed heavily in his pocket. Achan considered taking Mariah back with him, his people could always use a healer, then decided against it. He'd done enough for one day. "This is all just a dream Mariah. When you wake up, you're going to feel rested and at peace. You've done a good thing today." As Achan walked out of the bar, he dropped the ring on the hearth. The gold band bounced twice before coming to rest on the grimy wood floor.

ah fuck, that should have been Cultanon 4. Fack.

Lurking and reading between preparing stuff for my next session. Thumbs up so far.
Awaiting the rest, hoping to hear how an angel accidentally the entire world next

Once the Angel that accidentally the entire world is done I vote for

> Marak Dawnblade, the paladin who refused to fucking die.

I hope it involves something like a legitimately practical BBEG who double takes among other things each time the Paladin is there to stop him.

Alright, this is a long one, but imma try to get it done before my battery dies. In order for this to make sense, I'm gonna need to explain the entire campaign.

>user plays an Angel and accidentally the entire world

>The Party:
>Alchemist LN (later CE) natural weapon focused alchemist who believes he's the reincarnation of a dragon. Player was an absolute douchenozzle but RP'd the character well.

>Wizard N (later NE) not a ton to say about this guy. He was literally a wizard. Imagine every single wizard stereotype, and you know exactly what this guy looked like.

>Witch N? (later NE) A fourteen year old female witch who was having sex with the 60-ish year old wizard. Player had 0 personality, he literally just did whatever the Wizard's player told him to. Honestly, we played together for more than a year and I couldn't tell you anything else about them.

>The Sorcerer CG (later CN) Character believed he was some kind of a bridge between humanity and water elementals. Pure blaster sorcerer, kinda just did things because it was fun, had no real plan.

>Cleric LE (later LN) Pseudo social darwinist, obsessed with money and capitalism. Started out as LE and kinda a huge dick, got wayyy better as the plot went one. Player eventually took over as a GM when the original GM had to bail.

>Investigator NG (me) Naive but kind-hearted character who just wanted to do the right thing and be a hero. Highly intelligent, but ultimately mentally unstable.

>Party starts out, getting jobs from the local government to deal with whatever weird shit goes down that the guard doesn't want to deal with.
>Get assigned to search some nearby ruins for a set of documents for some subplot that got forgotten, so it's not important.
>Prior to leaving, I research everything about the area, the creatures, the terrain, etc. Character is super scared of actually going out and fighting, especially since I'm one of two frontliners.
>Get to the cave, find signs of bandit activity. Make contact with them.
>Character utterly fails sense motive, thinks they can be negotiated with. Goes up to them with no weapons drawn.
>The obvious thing happens and I get shanked in the stomach, and taken prisoner.
>I get tortured while the rest of the party retreats and tries to figure out a plan.
>Eventually get a hold of a knife, kill one other bandits and escape.Find party sitting outside doing nothing.
>thanksdicks.jpg

>This is how Every. Fucking. Mission. Goes. My character gets the shit kicked out of her, party does not much to prevent it.
>Highlights include: Getting a daemonic rune carved into her neck and getting cursed, so that she takes Con damage everytime she sleeps.
>Slowly the sweet, naive kid I started out with is replaced with quick wit and an unhealthy (but not unjustified) paranoia.
>One of the few things keeping her sane is a reoccurring NPC rogue who she has a crush on. She's too nervous to be more assertive, and he's too oblivious to pick up at her clumsy attempts at flirting.

>About 6th level we get called in by the government to investigate a mysterious island and find an artifact.
>Government is tapping all resources, so NPC rogue is also with us.
>They flirt a bit, then teleport to the island.
>Look around, realize we teleported into a jungle island. Fun.
>After several days of walking, we come to a clearing where the artifact supposedly is.
>Suddenly T-Rex. oh fuk.
>Nasty fight ensues.
>Rogue dies saving me.

Alright, battery is almost dead. Gonna finish this story, then call it a night.

>Have tearful goodbye with husbandoo, while party looks around for the artifact.
>GM says there's not enough of the body to raise and we don't have enough for resurrection for an NPC. Fuk you GM
>Party finds a cave buried behind a rockfall.
>We dig it out, and head inside.
>Find a large sphere with overwhelming universal magic. Wizard theorizes that it's some kind of portal.
>Fuckit. I'm depressed, I'll try it.
>Character steps through the portal. I find myself in a place the GM calls "out of time" I see past, present, and future. I watch myself born, I watch the rogue die over and over, I see civilizations rise and fall. No matter what I do, I see a ruined future. My home city destroyed, the land blasted and ruined. Over all of it I hear a single phrase "You can stop it" repeated over and over.
>Wake up back in the city three days later. Party says I touched the artifact and passed out.
>apparently they did what we needed to do while I was passed out, so we got paid.
>I mourn my husbandoo one last time, then move on. I have a new mission.