Long time lurker and casual poster here. As we all know, this is the very best board in Veeky Forums, and as such, I bring you an offering.
I've started writing a webcomic with a friend, based on the stories of the best campaign I've ever played. It was set in a homebrew world called simply "Abnor", which heavily relied on collaborative input from players that were free to create lands and cultures and loads of crazy shit. Our DM was very skilled at improvisation, and we had lots of fun with our light hearted game with no "that guys" or any drama at all. Well, being a three similarly minded men group, DM included, surely helped a lot in that respect, and I really wish every one of you may experience such a delightful game someday if you already haven't. Sometimes I wonder if traditional games aren't the ultimate way to create memories and make friendship bonds stronger...
So, as this project is a love letter to everything rpg related, I wanted to share it with you. I took some narrative liberties to make it a little more interesting in this new medium, but the spirit is the same of the original game. The DM of the campaing highly approves it, and I think it might be better than a simple greentext storytime.
You can read it at www.abnor.com.br, with a new page every monday, but I'll dump everything we have published so far. Thanks, Veeky Forums, I really like you all!
Cooper Davis
Dumping 1/12
Josiah Sanchez
Dumping 2/12
Jeremiah Barnes
Woops. Dumping 2/12
Luis Brown
Dumping 3/12
Liam Martinez
Dumping 4/12
Nathaniel Young
Dumping 5/12
Dylan Roberts
Dumping 6/12
Dominic Wood
Dumping 7/12
Jonathan Kelly
Dumping 8/12
Sebastian Perry
Dumping 9/12
Luis Sanders
Oh neat, I will definitely keep an eye on this.
Bentley Sanders
This is pretty good.
Who did the drawing?
Elijah Cooper
Dumping 10/12
Hey, please do!
Nathan Lee
Dumping 11/12
Dattan is the name of the artist, he's a friend I met on the internet a long time ago. We played together in another campaing set in the same world as this one. He's really good and gets ferociously better as the pages go on, I wish you could see it.
Landon Davis
Dumping 12/12
... Aaaaand that's a wrap. Hey, thanks for your attention and I'll stick around so we can chat, just fire away your questions and shit. We're all friends, right?
Levi James
The English is a lil' shaky in spots. From the .br I'll take it English isn't your first language?
Also, some of the action scenes are a little hard to read. Better choreography will make things a little clearer.
Juan Morgan
You're right, english isn't my first language, but some things are really hard to translate. I try to do it in a way that it retains the same rhythm and meaning, but I do know I'm not completely comfortable with the task yet. But I am getting better, I think... I hope, at least.
As for the action scenes, and the comics overall, we got a really shaky start as neither of us really knew what we were doing: me as a writer of comics and him as an illustrator of comics. I don't want to sound repetitive but we do get better at that too. Thanks for your input, it's really helpful and makes us try harder.
Ethan Price
So far it's cool.
Thanks for sharing, OP.
Matthew White
I'd definitely recommend finding someone who speaks English natively if you're trying to put things out in English. Fans of niche things will put up with sometimes-stilted translations, but it's going to be hard to drum up support for your comic right off. I'd say consume English-language comics, and try and find stuff that's been professionally translated from Portuguese to English, and look at how they did it.
Eu sei que traduzir pode ser dificil, mas no fim, vale a pena aprender.
Luke Lee
Thanks, I'll have that in mind and try to brush up.
No caso, você sempre pode ler em português mesmo, em que as piadas e diálogos funcionam melhor. Valeu!
Noah Reyes
Awesome comic OP.
Eli Cox
I think that your English is quite good.
There's a couple of typos ("it it" instead of "if it" and "croovy" instead of "groovy") in page 4, by the way.
Aaron Brown
Thanks, you guys. It means a lot.
By the way, the "it it" typo was well spotted, but the term "croovy" is an abnorian slang that means... Cool and groovy, I guess. Thanks for pointing the first one out, I'll make sure to repair it!
Christian Young
>pizza with ketchup What in the living fuck is this nonsense
Lucas Kelly
I liked it OP, but I have a tendency to like Neanderthal like Iberians, and Tadeus hits all the buttons. Sanaa is cute too.
Jayden Gutierrez
Great stuff.
Jason Barnes
brickwall pls go
William Allen
Neanderthal-like iberan is a pretty good description for Tadeu, congrats. Thanks for the compliment!
Luke Evans
This is actually pretty great. The art is phenomenal too!
Gordon Ramsey/10
Hudson Baker
I thought that croovy was a typo as well, but after the second and third time I realized what you were going for.
Good comic solid 9/10 so far.
Jace Campbell
My wife is from Rio, she does that everytime. At least its not like my ex, who used to break the pasta in half before boiling it.
Asher Gray
I approve of this
Christian Phillips
This is really nice. The tone reminds me of early Adventure Time, which is a huge compliment. I love how expressive the art is, if that makes any sense. Even if you took out the dialogue it would still tell a coherent story.
Yeah, your English is fine. Not perfect, but I never had stop and try to figure out what you were trying to say, and the humor comes through well, which is really fucking hard to do in a foreign language.
Would you like a proof reader? I could do it for you. It would hardly be any work at all.
Landon Wood
Cariocas are well known offenders of gastronomic values, pizzawise. I feel you.
Croovy! That's really cool of you. How can I contact you?
Isaac Clark
>Croovy! That's really cool of you. How can I contact you? Just sent you a message on Facebook
Jacob Jones
This is really really good!
The only criticism I have is that timeskips and flashbacks are not clearly delimited, which is a bit confusing sometimes.
Leo Harris
This comic has a very fun character, I really like it.
I know some people have knocked the English, but there's something about the imperfection of the translation that lends itself well to fantasy.
Brandon Rodriguez
The silly jokey nature of it did play well into the comic, too.
You got a website for this, OP?
Carson Stewart
What the hell this is incredible
Kayden Jenkins
croovy comic, op keep it up
Aaron Wright
The weird engrish makes it better somehow. Great art though.
Thomas Price
WORDS WORDS WORDS
Seriously though it's breddy gud man. Keep it up.
Luis Reed
I had no expectations and was pleasantly surprised. Your english is fine, really. The artist is also really good.
Luis Smith
Hey, thanks for your critique! Yep, I guess sometimes it does get a little confusing, but due to the nature of these comics - a single more or less self-containing page every week, not really meant for binge reading - I believe that's not too bad. Is it?
Sure, dude! The website for Abnor is www.abnor.com.br! It's regularly updated with a new page on mondays, so check us out every once in awhile!
Wyatt Phillips
Thanks for the new reaction image broseph I'll be checking out that comic whenever I can
Tyler Kelly
Another thing I like about the comic is how you reuse art assets. Like in the comic where they threaten the elf king, his crying face is used three times. Now, most people would knock the comic for being "lazy", but I think it highlights that he's reverting to the same reaction. It's good use of repetition for humor.
Ethan Hill
...
Cameron Gutierrez
This is insanely good, OP. Like, this beats the piss out of OotS or LFG. May even outpace Oglaf since the dip in quality over there. I bookmarked your site, I'll see you Monday.
Dylan Cox
Please tell me there is a site with all of this goodness somewhere.
Ethan Scott
>www.abnor.com.br
Jack Williams
The guy who does the drawings here... Thanks anons, we're glad you guys are enjoying it. We were not sure on how the response would be, and we are happy it's this positive!
All this goodness is on abnor.com.br where we post a page every monday, and also we have a patreon with bonus comic strips every thursday for every patron. Pic related, it's the first panel of one of them
Anthony Nguyen
It's a great source of reaction images.
Josiah Walker
You could honestly just crop most two-panel gags right out of it for filename threads.
Levi Green
Bump
Owen Gomez
>mfw that last panel
Jose Taylor
OP here. By the way, that really happened!
Easton Bennett
Made a thing out of it.
Brandon Mitchell
Late to the thread. The character design is great. If you have some character sketches to post so i can shamlessly steal them that would be great
Jaxson Sanders
Pretty good OP, really enjoyed it.
But what DOES a duck eat with soup?
Jayden Gutierrez
Quackers.
Cooper Scott
1/2
I'll show you guys a couple of first draft artworks for the protagonists as a thank you for taking your time to read my comics. These are actually part of our rewards at patreon but what the hell, I love you guys.
Ryder Davis
2/2 And this is Sanaa. Her design changed a lot since then...
Isaiah Moore
...
Ryan Collins
This comic is good. I liked the little detail with the spices actually being religiously important.
Jack Clark
This is marvelous. You should be proud, OP.
Joshua Kelly
Bless you and your artist, OP, added to my webcomics reading list, throwing it to a couple friends, following the social media accounts, etc.
Jaxon Scott
66 posts in and nobody has mentioned how the precinct chief is literally Ron Swanson?
Jeremiah Moore
How did I not notice that?
Aiden Gutierrez
Just for starters, in the second panel of the first page, the correct expression is "under his belt".
Evan Jenkins
> websites 'read in English' option an American flag Triggered
Brandon Watson
What the fuck is up with the head on that baby ?
Matthew Nelson
Eh, speaking as a native english speaker that's done professional editing work...
...it has a certain charm to it as is. It feels more like something really from a make-believe world with make-believe languages that include slang that's close, but not quite, to proper english.
That might just me being patronizing, though, I guess.
Charles Cruz
I second this. The dialogue has a certain, rhythm, to it, I guess. It would be lost if you got somone to re-write it for you. I've noticed this in a few other translated works and its one of those things that, when done well, can't be duplicated.
Also your English is fucking great, I honesty can't spot anything wrong with it even after two read-throughs.
Nathan Young
It's based of someone's D&D campaign, so of course there'll be little details like that in there.
Still pretty fun.
John Thompson
But English was invented by the Americans...
Benjamin Sanchez
I hate you more because I know it's a joke than I would if you were serious.
Levi Kelly
OH man, glad to see Brazil getting that sweet fantasy action. Where are you guys from? São Paulo here.
Joshua Thomas
>"Yes, I enjoy [unusual thing] so just deal with it!"
Not really a joke unless you're on tumblr
Elijah Smith
There's a few. Panel 4: "We tried dipomacy, but you said you didn't SPOKE our language." ->Should be "speak our language"
Panel 4. "Do you rather have justice..." ->Should be "Would you rather have justice..."
Panel 6. "You are miserly and chooses food over justice." ->Should be "and choose food over justice"
Third last panel "Do you see that misterious structure that some..." -> Mysterious is spelled with a y.
"do you rather have freedom than food?" ->should be "would you rather have freedom or food?"
I won't go through the rest, since it is 95% good, but just a couple of minor slips here and there. Mostly, it makes Sanaa sound foreign since she does 60% of the talking, so it's ok, though. But it's actually everyone.
There's one guy offering to be a proofreader so it's ok, though.
Bentley Thompson
Yo, OP here!
Haha, busted!
Don't get too mad, user, there's a conceptual reason for that. Abnor is a new world continent, somewhat mirroring the experience of former colonial countries like the USA and Brazil. That experience speaks closer to my heart and I thought it would be interesting to put it in the comics. That's one of the reasons the flags chosen are historical (the first USA flag and the brazilian empire flag) and also why neither of them represent the countries where the original language came from (english and portuguese).
Cool! I am from São Paulo too, but the artist is from Linhares - ES. We met only once in real life but we are good friends even though he likes his pizza with ketchup. Hey, make sure to read these comics in portuguese too!
That's part of the joke but I'm sorry it wasn't for you. Maybe the next one will appeal to you more?
To everyone else leaving awesome comments, thank you very much. It's really reassuring and makes me want to continue doing it even more.
As for the translation debacle, a fellow fa/tg/uy has offered his help to proof read the pages for us. I'm glad most of you didn't care too much about the mistakes I made and even found some charm in it, but I don't want to put off people who aren't so inclined. Thanks for all your input, you're all great!
Camden Gonzalez
Also lurking and enjoyed this very much.
Isaac Rodriguez
thoroughly enjoying this comic OP, nicely done!
Nathan White
Welp, found a new favorite comic to add into the rotation. Great stuff, guys! Thanks for sharing!
Jeremiah Murphy
Alright, I grinned several times. It's a little rough, but it's still good. Great Job OP.
Sebastian Butler
Bookmarked.
Kayden Cook
This entire exchange had me grinning the whole time, it's just so childish but played completely straight. I like you and your style, anons!
James Martin
Bumping to keep the thread alive. More people need to read this
Joseph Morris
Hey, OP here. Such warm reception is taking me by surprise, can't even believe the thread is still up. Thank you all!