What things might you find in a senile old wizard's tower?

a senile old wizard

Penguinboots

A Gelatinous cube/rust-monster hybrid.

WMD's.

A young wizard trying to figure out how to reverse the aging on his tower.

A mirror which keeps constant watch over his grandchildren and a construct with the bound spirit of the bet chef cook the realm has ever known for when his grand children come visit him.

An enchanted, gold-plated anal dilator

Kek'd

Magic viagra.

Bags of Poop Holding in a pile, along wiht his bag of diamond holding.
His Library filled with nothing but Books of Explosive Runes.
Secret access to the loft, where he keeps his old Wizard Mask and a small colony of dogheaded kobolds whose society is ordered around the playing of card games and smoking of cigars.
An access way to several, increasingly smaller, other wizard towers he made over the years.
The pit arena filled with the corpses of 100 duck sized horses and one horse sized duck.
Thailand's redlight disctrict.
a room filled with water except for a small pool shaped area filled with air.
HAT ROOM *FEAR SORTING IF YE ENTER*
An elaborately locked door marked "do not open" and if you open it it reveals a brickwall with "all your wives are dead, steve, you just don't remember" spray painted on it"
A set of Children's Shoes, never used.

I think those are called "immovable rods"

>a small colony of dogheaded kobolds whose society is ordered around the playing of card games and smoking of cigars.

I like it.

an old senile wizard

A phantasmal sex-doll

>an old senile wizard

...right next to the
>senile old wizard
mentioned in , because the wizard experimented with a Mirror of Opposition and now neither remembers which one is the original.

I'm stealing those. So fucking much.

But a wizard has no sense of right or wrong and is therefore neutrally aligned!

Faerie rape victims
Mystical implements for sexual activity
Illusion spell times focusing on mystical dominance, sexual pleasure, and the strange arcane

...

Animated portable holes that anxiously follow people around waiting for poop to drop.
A dusty viewing mirror set to a very brown looking dimension with a few angry demonic entities with shovels inside.
A wooden stairlift powered by two overworked imps.
Signs everywhere with such helpful directions as:
-The cheese is this way!
-Don't forget to water the Aboleth.
-Fire is hot, except on tuesdays.
-The poopholes are your friends.
-A wizard hat is not a kettle warmer.
-Living room this way.
-"Living Room" that way.

Multiple, unfinished copies of a magical sword commissioned by a hero who died 30 years ago

5000 shotguns, so he doesn't have to remember where he left it.

>Orb of confusion
>is a tit
well played, wizards.

...

Bottled Red Dragon, seasoned to mindless rage

Oh, yes. Very much things like this. Imprisoned extraordinary and extraplanar entities that have just been forgotten.

drive.google.com/file/d/0B_ogKTnp49LkbF8zZ1ZZcnE4UFU/view?pref=2&pli=1

A bowl of Lemon Drops

>What is Spongebob

Netflix DVD HQ.

Armor stand with a suit of ruined Plate on it, deep gashes from a dragons claws have ruined the armor forever. A shattered sword and mangled shield attached to it.

Burned set of leather armor with a charred bow.

A grisly looking greataxe festooned with barbarian fetishes and tokens.

A elfin woman dressed in the trappings of a Bard, made entirely of crystal, looks like she was trying to shield herself from something.

Piles of books on Necromancy, Temporal Magics, Other Planes that may be like ours but with only minor differences.

And an old senile man at a desk, talking to a painting on the wall of Five young adventurers that this time...this time he'll get it right and everything will be better.

Wands of Wonder, but labeled as "Fireball", Lightning", "Magic Missile" "Healing", et cetera...

...geez, user.

Sorry i misread the threat title. Thought it said "Things might find in your senile wizards tower" my mistake.

A lich that thinks the universe is a construct of his mind meant to keep him sane.

A well-dressed bear that addresses the party in perfect, upper class english/common and offers to show them around.

The kidnapped princess of the dragons.

A tiny model of the selfsame tower, with a tiny wizard living in it.

A fireball (as the spell) with permanence on it. So it's flying through the air in one spot forever.

A number of rooms that are completely identical. Wear, furniture, knickknacks, stains, the whole shebang. The players can investigate to find out that it is not the same exact room (move something, go back to the one they passed earlier and it's not moved).

A cure for sanity.

Meta jokes.
>a manuscript for a story about the players
>an experimental design for a scrying mirror that responds to touch
>several fruits that act like walkie-talkies, including bananas and an apple with a bite out of it

A shelf or display cabinet of several random weird items that you know your players own IRL and will know that they own IRL given a description.

The wizard's magnum opus: several leather-bound volumes detailing the exact mechanics of magic in the setting. The party opens the books to see that everything is written in ink on some kind of cheese.

A pantry of various and sundry rare delicacies -unopened, or otherwise preserved- along with much more common and perhaps local ingredients and foodstuffs, opened and well-used.

Who hurt you, user

A monster of a GM who forced our party to suffer consequences for our mistakes and failures. And seriously that's a tame thing I came up with on the fly. And shit what he did to us DnD IS NOTHING compared to the emotional trauma we get in our Supehero Game with him...the horrors i've seen.

His escaped memories.

A different wizard's escaped memories.

Is that a uterus?

Wizards don't rape fairies, they just keep them in bottles, collecting an ever larger and larger collection of them until there are only 4 glass bottles left in the nearby kingdom that are not owned by the wizard and full of fairies.

...

underrated post

It's sad when an Alot outlives its owner.

If the mage is female - gentle tentacles. Mild magical realm, may join the party and quintiple-wield falcions, for example.

>Wizards
>Female
Where do they keep the beard?

>His Library filled with nothing but Books of Explosive Runes

It's DWARF WIZARD

Or she just keeps on baking gingerbread and muffins and cakes for her grandchildren who are coming to visit her, but has forgotten the exact date when and just keeps on baking daily so there will be fresh confections when they arrive.

A gate to hell with various That Guys in place of demons. And That GMs as demon officers.

These two still staring each other down.

A perfectly balanced edition of 40k / DnD / Warmahordes / MTG / any other game, really

Obviously this wizard lives away from the sea.

(yes, it's a meme reaction image, don't bully plz)

A book that completely and fully explains aligments. But no one read it.

Downstairs.

...

Walls with living paintings on them

Rooms full of strange and volatile magical garbage, like flouting clouds of barely visible razor filaments that burst into flames when moistened, unconstrained spacial anomalies, half finished magical experiments, abandoned midway through, and monsters that have made themselves at home in the disused wings of the building.

Opened bottles of various magical potions. Some of them are half empty, others half full.

Third tome of "Dead souls" (russkaya joke)

xaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxaxa

Гы.

A cupboard full of coasters, all unused and yet to be taken out of their packaging.

Zdrasde.

A computer with a browser open to this page.

Shotguns.

99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer
take one down and pass it around, 100 bottles of beer on the wall

I didn't need to feel these feels

How many?

choo choo

>Alignment pH 7
Maybe that's why they don't know!

Looks like Deadpool combined with one of the WoW warlock summons

>What things might you find in a senile old wizard's tower?
A senile old wizard. DUH. IDIOT.

Clever

Stealing this. Seriously.

>DMing LL for a group who's never played D&D before
>they fight their way through the wizard's lair
>walk down a hallway with these things
>open the door to the library
>he's in there frantically scrawling in books with his old arthritic hands
>squints as he sees the party and for an instant, thinks he sees his old friends again
>adventure (hopefully) ends with them spending time with, playing music for, and posing for magic-painting-box pictures to make an old man smile

>edgy rogue stabs wizard
*unsheathes behind you*
*teleports katana*
Nothin' personnel kid

Unlikely, given the people I'll be playing with.

Holy shit man please do this, I need to know how it ends. When it's done for the love of god post the tale.

I wish my group wouldn't murderhobo. your group sounds nice

If they do show the old man kindness, I'm going to use it as a hook for another, much longer and more arduous adventure where they can get a wish, which they'll have to decide whether to use or to bring it back to him. If they bring it back to him, basically true good end with him resurrecting all his friends, de-aging himself, and the group of them going off on their own grand adventures, possibly to bump into the party again at some point in the future.

Basically, I want to show them early on in their D&D career that being good rather than murderhobo-y can really pay off.

Thoughts?

Can I get the first picture in that screen cap? Does anyone have it?

If it ends with them trying to "fix" the Wizard (not like that you perverts) I'll be happy.

>Expecting anyone over 18 to have watched Spongebob.
What color is the bong on your coffee table?

Some stuff I've been working on for a necromancer.

Windchimes made of bone that never make a sound from the wind. Some clatter when a living creature is within 60ft, others only move of their own when a living creature is close enough for them to strike.

A fish tank with the skeletal inhabitants still swimming around. May or may not have water in it. If it doesn't have water removing the lid may release the fish, and they will attempt to bite intruders. It does no real damage unless the tank was big enough to hold massive school, but spreads disease.

Rugs made of the hair of humans, elves, and dwarfs. With the proper command they will drag themselves to another part of the toward, taking anyone or anything on top of them.

Bottles with tiny skeletons in them. Most dance, many others come in pairs and fight each other (usually fencing), and some are constantly assembling and disassembling tiny ships.

A room full of dead trees and various clothes. The trees try to put the clothes on anyone in the room.

A mirror. The reflection of any undead seen in the mirror is of its skeleton, regardless of the flesh still on it.

Potions that give an insatiable craving for rotting flesh. Effect lasts several hours.

Potions that coat the drinker's bones in steel. Lasts between 24 and 48 hours, remains permanently if they die while it's active. Overuse has often lethal results

Leather armor that polishes itself when unattended. Polishes other things if it gets bored.

A jar of animated fingernails.

Buckets full of ash.

I'm 27 and I watched sponge Bob as a kid. Shit the episode it was first in was shipped in June 2000. (Season 2 episode 31, Mermaid Man and barnacle-boy III)

Seriously? Spongebob is 17 years old now.

Do you yell at kids to get off your lawn too?

A senile old wizard.

What is that, six?
SIX senile old wizards, NONE of which live there.
They all wandered in and thought it was their house.

They don't mind the company, but they also might think that some of the other ones are constructs or illusions or some such.

"Did you go in the Fire Room? No one's allowed in there, not even me. Did you at least say hello? No? Well the fire's going to be terribly upset. I'll talk with him later."

I can dig it. Always good to reinforce the non murderhobo options.

There's always at least 8 wizards in any given wizard tower, via magical manipulation of fortune, chance and there always being at least 2 toilets per floor do they ensure that no two of them ever set eyes upon another.