Veeky Forums how long would you last?

Alright Veeky Forums, you're tasked with surviving 48 hours in the 40k universe as an imperial guardsmen.
The day of the week that your next birthday falls on will tell you who you're fighting.

Sunday: World Eaters
Monday: Tau
Tuesday: Orks
Wednesday: Tyranids
Thursday: Sisters of Battle
Friday: Necrons
Saturday: Eldar
Remember, you have to survive 48 hours. So if your birthday falls on a Wednesday, you'll the nids first and then the sisters of battle on Thursday.
How did you fare and why

Well it's Orks so I do my best to stay on the Valkyrie and be a gunner. Do what I can to stay off the ground or as far from the front line as I can. From there hope the Orks roll shit.

>Saturday: Eldar

I know fuck-all about 'em, but they seem reasonable compared to the other options. I keep my head down and dodge the giant shuriken or whatever.

>Sisters of Battle
Why would I be fighting the Sisters? They're an Imperial force.

>Necrons
Nope.

>Sunday you have to fight the World Eaters

You're fucked.

Are we in Soulstorm? If so, there's a good chance we'll survive under General Vance Motherfucking Stubbs.

Against Tau on Monday, if I survive the long-range duel by hiding in a trench I might stand a chance against Orks on Tuesday.
>Artillery would be nice mr lord commander

>Wednesday

>Nids
Burn everything! Promethium the shit out of everything in that general direction. Move up some more hellhounds!

>Sisters of Battle
The only fighting I'm going to be doing against them is fighting to see who can burn more Tyranids in the Emperor's name.

Soo necrons...
Well, it was nice knowing you. Maybe I can scribble "Veeky Forums was here" on a Russ before I get Tesla-Blastered to shit or end up in one of Trayzns exhibitions.

Veeky Forums was _____

Then ded.

Only if I'm on a world, though, right?

>Monday: Tau

Fug.

I suppose if i use cover well enough and win my dodge rolls i'll stay alive long enough to make it out.

>Tuesday: Orks

Well... i suppose that if i stick with my squad, use our bayonets... maybe even chainbayonets because thats what i gave my last OW regiment. Maybe make good use of flamers too. Fuck it, im gonna try and put as much distance between me and them as possible. Longlas get. Or perhapse hot shot charge pack and some frag grenades.

Come to think of it. If the regiment i had to go to was the last one i made in OW, i'd be pretty boss. I'd get a chemgland that glands stimm and frenzon, aswell as a chainbayonet and flak armour. And of cource a command that doesnt send us on suicide missions.

>Wednesdays: Tyranids
>I NEVER LIKE LIVING ANYWAYS!

>Orks
Let's hope I'm a Basilisk operator. Or at least tank crewman.

>World Eaters
>Tau
How the hell are the tau going to land if the world has been exterminatus'd?

I'm going to take a quick guess and say I was shot by the commissar for crying in a ditch instead of charging the berzerkers.

Actually, I'm pretty sure I would know how to use a vox-caster. I could lure the heretics into a killzone and call down artillery on my position.

I could do that.

>necrons
Every guardsman better have a plasma gun while crowded around a baneblade formation. Otherwise duty ends.

Hopefully when the eldar show up they fight the necrons because muh ancient enemy

>sunday
Hide like a pussy
>monday
Accept greater good and live happily ever after.

>Friday
It was nice knowing you Anons, but even if I somehow end up in that lucky position away from key targets and the Necrontyr phase-strikes, the Eldar won't let any witnesses live.

And then, user was blown apart by a Basilisk round the next day, in a fitting end for a traitor.

>Monday: Tau
Easy, I just ambush them in Melee and I cannot lose.

>orks are next though

I hopefully get placed in the rear trench and get to hold the line from firing range.

Better traitor than emperor.

My birthdays Saturday so Eldar first then World Eaters? Challenge accepted I'll take the odds of living since they aren't much better then a regular day in guardsmen life.

Besides, the Emperor protects.

... I would take being Emperor rather than traitor any day, unarticulate user.

>Sunday: World Eaters
>Monday: Tau

The blueberries wouldn't stand a chance!
Why you ask?!
Because chaos will even fuck up the bloodstain that's left of me.

Friday. Necrons First. If I run away, hide, stay back, they won't bother me. I'll man the battlecannons or something.

Saturday, Eldar, same strategy, possibly fight them in close quarters combat if they're too close, I may survive but it's unlikely.

fuck me I got necrons, rip.

>Tau
>Then Orks
>Just wait till the Orks show up and let the two sort each other out, then kill what's left.

Provided I'm in a Leman Russ.

I got world eaters then Tau....my odds might not be that bad. after all shooty is king of recent edition and the guard are doing good, so we might be able to beat of the world eaters. as long as i'm not in the foremost trench i should be alright. Tau...they'd be too busy shooting the tanks, i should be k.

actually i'm totally fucked, i die first day

>Orcs, then Nids

Could've been worse. It could've been Crons then Eldar.

>World Eaters and Tau

Could be worse, right?

>Thursday: Sisters of Battle
>Friday: Necrons

Difficulty went from EZ to Might As Well Kill Yourself

>Thursday
Well, at least I die with a raging boner.

>Orks tuesday
easy
>Nids wednesday
............

Sisters of Battle and then Necrons.

Why the fuck am I even fighting the Sisters of Battle? Please tell me my regiment commander didn't try to rape theirs. Regardless, nothing will matter when the Necron nation invades.

>Tau/Orks
Not too bad the first day, fucking impossible the second.

>Necrons and Eldar

Well, shit.
I'm just going to hope for being rear guard.

why are so many people afraid of eldar?

I'd rather outnumber some skinny lanklet who rather dodge all the massive firepower that's coming to him ....


... than actually being outnumbered 10-1 by 7 feet tall 500 pound monsters that needs about 100 las shots to kill

>Tau
>Can't even go to ground because cover ignoring bs

shitshitshit.jpeg

then if I survive I get an ork sandwich will probably end up dead in a ditch before that though.

>World Eaters and then Tau
So very, very fucked. Even if we win the first fight we won't have any melee guys left to go skullfuck the blueies.
Well, we could get lucky, and Basilisks and Manticores can lay the hurt on anything, but if things start going south I'm willing to fail "survive as an Imperial Guardsman" if I get to survive at all. And I'd rather venerate the Blood God than a corpse shackled to a gilded latrine anyway.

>Sisters of Battle
Should I be worried? Also, why am I fighting bolter bitches
>Necrons
FUCK

orks then tyranids, i don't think i have enough ammo nor manpower in the sector to last, tell my story to the emperor

>Necrons
Okay, first I would sever my arm in elbow's height, then surrender. Recognizing them as rightful rulers of the galaxy and pleading for assistance to a humble disabled servant, I would manage to get a cool necrodermis prosthesis.

>Eldar
Why I should be afraid of space pixies??:^)

Orks and Tyranids. I'm going to quote the German infantryman from company of heroes 2. "I tried to get into artillery, I'm good at math." It's been a while since I hear the line so I probably butchered it.

>shot by commissar

Or in melee!
>I2

THE TAU DONT EVEN ENGAGE IN GLORIOUS MELEE COMBAT !!

Tyranids and Sisters of Battle. Well I hope I'm in an Artillery Regiment