Marriage

I present a few broadly characterized candidates and then flesh them out when someone shows interest in a particular one. I am the waifu broker.

> make the perfect wife

Trained skill (wifecraft)

The last setting I was playing in had marriage as a strictly political institution with personal feelings between the spouses at the very bottom of a long list of reasons to marry someone.

My Waterdeep mountain dwarf paladin investigator is an amalgam of Samuel Vimes and Fred Colon from the Discworld books. He has a wife who comes from an affluent family of gold dwarf merchants who runs a profitable general store and more or less wears the pants in the family. They have six children, four sons and two daughters, and only three of them are currently living at home. Much like Sgt. Colon, Rutherford doesn't see his wife all that often except for when they're between shifts. There they share a brief kiss, chat about their day and go on about their business. This is the success to their marriage: they rarely see each other and don't interact enough to legitimately resent each other, so they're more like roommates that have boned a couple dozen times and had a few kids. Rutherford's wife is perfect in that she's financially independent and completely uninterested in the frivolities of long term relationships, which serves my (mostly) chaste paladin well enough. She's not beautiful, or kind or gracious, she's fair and "good enough", and that's more than what you can ask for these days.

Well if it works, why change it?

>Find a biological super weapon based on human form
>Ensure intelligence and emotional maturity
>Seduce said super weapon
>Wife super weapon
>Convince super weapon to worship the Murdercube
>Complete Guardsman's life dream
>pic related

I don't lenguage english much, but I got pun. Good pun. Back to forest now.

Only good way to do it, is Monstrous Wife.

Don't play something perfect-but-imperfect, that is fucking boring and will make your GM and or party to want to kill it/kidnapp her or worse: disregard her.

Any monstruos wife will ensure utility/laughs for your party,that will develop in a good party assimilation as a minor "N"PC, and actual value for roleplay plots for your GM.

What type of monster?

> Figure out your player's fetishes and directly appeal to them, in as far as they are appropriate and can apply to non-sexual contexts. Things like motherly older women, tomboys, traditional English roses etc. can all apply

How considerate, not drawing your players into your..."magical realm". But rather selecting things from their own magical realms. BUT......how do you LEARN your players fetishes?

>BUT......how do you LEARN your players fetishes?

By the time you're comfortable enough to make custom waifus for your players, you should be acutely aware of at least some of their fetishes through casual conversation.

>Do you make spouses for your characters?

My woodsman is happily married to a wood spirit he met at a young age, his entire reasoning for adventure is to rescue her and rescue the daughter* they had together.

*They would've had more, but the wood wife left shortly after the daughter's birth due to main plot shenanigans, which left my guy in quite the pickle.

>Do you make spouses for your characters?
no, you fucking virgin

You can always do it like Kirei.

Odd point -if your character was married....what does that do story wise? Why become an adventurer and leave your wife and/or kids behind?

Albeit on the flipside, that would give them extra reason to come back home alive.

>what does that do story wise? Why become an adventurer and leave your wife and/or kids behind?

It's not hard to figure out explanations for this;

>Too many mouths to feed, and the plow doesn't provide quite as well as the sword. Husband leaves family for a year to earn money he'll send to his family back home, culminating in either a session where we meet this family or seeing them go from "dinky cottage" to "luxurious manner."
>Husband is an asshole and wants to scratch that itch he had ever since he left the adventuring gig to raise a family, or maybe he just wants to get away from them for a while
>Missing wife/daughter/son, Husband leaves with nearest available murderhobo flock to find them

we clearly go on different adventures. im too busy cleaning orc blood off my weapons to give a fuck about my make believe family.

Bayushi shinobi, obviously.

Fuck that, Shosuro for subtlety.

You know they'd most likely just gut him for being corrupted, right?
I mean, they might do it in secret while also investigating his known associates, but loyalty to clan first, and the clan takes the sanctity and security of Rokugan very seriously.

Unless they can use him, and trust me, they can use him.

>guardsmen
>Big fucking I
Son of a bitch mate.

Why is she being smug?
Is she rubbing it in the narusakufags faces?

That and
Didn't you get the memo? She's best girl. How can the others even compete?

It was the closest thing I had, I'm pitifully low on guard images

Inquisitorial goons are a thing.

At least 8 INT, 1 HP, and at least 1 STR below and 1 CHA above you. Nothing else matters.
Real love.

So you just hack n slash. That's rollplaying, not roleplaying. Which is okay, but it's also a sign of a beginning roleplayer. Eventually the people you play with are going to start caring more about story and personality than they will over how many monsters you kill in a session, and you'll either have to learn to adjust your own play style or they won't want to play with you anymore.

Look at it as playing a character in a novel instead of a videogame. A book with no interpersonal relationships or interaction would be incredibly boring.

You can still have lots of hack and slash though.

How corrupt?

So dispassionate and businesslike but loyal and functional even if there's nothing in it anyone would ever consider romantic or even tender?

That's hilariously dwarven.
>"Feelings? The fuck do you mean 'feelings' for my wife? I'm fighting for justice, I don't have time for feelings. Do I look like an elf to you son? Do I look like an elf who can afford to wasted time off his question for justice and good on FEELINGS?!"
>"Bah. 'Feelings'. Kids these days."

You know the usual money in politics, underhand deals, orders assassinations of enemies. The classic stuff.

Okay, so not super duper evil. Just...regular unscrupulous politian in a nasty country evil.

I was gonna suggest this chick but she's WAAAAY far down the rabbit hole to your relatively practical evil.

How is she bad? What's she from?

He's a companion you can get as a Sith Warrior in ToR. Go Dark Side for best results.

It's delicious how depraved she gets.

>wife for my corrupt priest
Tie it into his backstory. He was originally a devout missionary but he fell in love with a heathen woman and strayed from his faith. She convinced him to start worshipping demons or whatever too, and that's how he became corrupted.

If it ever intentionally happens, it's the DM making a spouse for my character. Otherwise normally it's my character and a normally made NPC going after either one another.

Only don't like it when the DM tries to shoehorn in something wacky or fetish-related, like when tricked my character into ending up with his mom.

She's the perfect argument for why even if the Jedi must focus on being single they should NOT focus on celibacy.
She gets the TINEST bit of freedom and turns into a cock-hungry murderslut who fucks random dudes until you basically say "Yo, you mah bitch now" and then she becomes a submissive slut who wants to be fucked hard during sex.
"Romance" ends in her pledging to have as many children as you can fuck into her just so log as you never stop treating her like a cumdumpster meant for breeding your babies.

Christ.

I know! She's second companion in the game.

swtor.wikia.com/wiki/Jaesa_Willsaam

I like to imagine that after you marry Jaesa you bring Vette into the bedroom and fuck her brains out in front of her, and at first Jaesa resists sharing until you force her into submission and she happily agrees with her Master that you can turn woman you want to turn into your cumdump so long as she gets to join in as wife. Then you rape Vette's brains out together until she has darkside Stolckholm.

youtu.be/GoPKpuvB204

>Darkside Stockholm
Whelp, hello new fetish.

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeee

Welcome to the club.

The last spouse my character had was a possessive, paranoid former assassin who pretended to be the nicest person in the world when it got her what she wanted. She only got killed because she wasn't paranoid enough to kill a dude who need up killing her (and her death caused her husband's by distracting him).
She genuinely did love him, but in a creepy, brain damaged sort of way. Also, she was insanely good in the sack, which is why they got married in the first place.
They'll be back, though.

*ended up

youtube.com/watch?v=2p8M775wnxo

/d/ & Veeky Forums

God, most of those lines were just lazy as hell.

You could always take the "She is like his unseen hand" route.
Pic related is a blind traveling bard/performer who is an unsuspecting assassin.
It could work.

Vette is a good girl by contrast, but she seems kinkier than Jaesa

youtube.com/watch?v=ElyI2Vp9Szs#t=13m20s

I might do that.

Her voice is so cute.

"a few hours" of kinky shock collar sex and the like every day?! I like the contrast of her cuteness.

"See if you can find a boat!"

What are personal preferences?

You don't even need to know them very well to get someone to describe some of it.

A strong one. Makes em harder to kill that way also its fucking hilarious when the BBEG shows up to try something with their family only to have a

>OH SWEET MOTHER OF MERCY WHHYYY moment

Which is especially awesome if the GM plays its straight and the players somehow get there in time.

Had a BBEG die once because of that admittedly it was partly due to the GM forgetting about just how powerful the PC's spouse was but the GM went with it.

There are not enough orks in the galaxy,
we must make a new klan

Deff rolla engaged, roll for Klan or Freeboota (d10)

shit, ignore this

Of Course

...

Rolled 8 (1d10)

A young noble woman that you forced into marriage after killing everyone in her family except her younger sister.

Often as a player I opt to marry another PC.

If you're talking from a dm standpoint I dunno man maybe an anime

I mean he prob likes anime

Honestly I'm quite fond of the "arranges marriage that both participants dutifully put up with and perhaps even become friendly."

More like
Trained skill (warcraft)

Make her a woman that makes him act like a better person. While he indulges in actions unbecoming for a priest, the thought of his significant other stops him from going to far.
Not only can she tell when he does wrong by the guilt on his face, but thinking about his good wife disapproving of his actions and acts as his moral conscience except when he's drunk.
They might be corrupt, but he still feel guilty for his dirty deeds.

That game was just beautiful.

Rude

not another one

user no. They just got off. I still got PTSD

>not knowing your so-called "friends'" sexual proclivities
That's honestly just sad. It's like you've never had a real friend in your life.

Man, they were sure mad.

I don't get it. What's the problem? That the dude banged the blind chick?

Basically, yes. That's all.
These people are just crazy.

She isn't blind, but yes.
an incredibly vocal, incredibly rabid, incredibly cancerous portion of the fanbase REEEEEEEE'd en masse at the ending, because he chose her over THEIR choice(pink hair).
Wish I had bookmarked the imgur of all the butthurt. It was glorious.

imgur.com/a/XKwJ4#0

Much obliged, user.

>mfw reading that
>Scarves everywhere for some reason

Apparently in one of the movies, Hinata gave Naruto a scarf or something.

LOL

I want to buy the creator a drink or something. The sheer level of Anal Annihilation he caused is glorious.

>tfw you will never troll anyone as successfully as Kishimoto trolled the shippers

Why live?

And it just doesn't stop. I swear, it seems like I could bag any nautard chick by poking her forehead and then throwing a scarf at her.

Yes, one for each of my characters

Only once, and it was for my healbot character. For laughs, I made her imposing and terrifyingly strong to contrast what a meek weakling her beloved is.

It was amusing when GM wanted to send the party her head as a statement from the BBEG, until he remembered who she was. He ran with it, so what happened instead is that she sent the party the heads of the assassins.

Make sure to min/max her for high-speed low-drag housework.

Underrated post. Is the story behind this as entertaining as it sounds?

But why be so ass-blasted? They're imaginary characters in a book.

user, where do you think we are?