How do I play a dwarf who's not a hairy, alcoholic, jew, who has nothing better to say than "Get out of me way...

Go for the estranged noble role. Not overly masculine, refined in your own way, possibly going against tradition and shaving your beard. This upsets your king, and you're banished until you can "live like a true dwarf" to be a legitimate heir or something.

It's really all up to you. Just because your a dwarf doesn't automatically make you every single dwarf stereotype that is normally used in fantasy.

Talk to your DM/GM abd work out a backstory for an unique character.

Use Dream Dwarves for inspiration or try to subvert or counter the tropes.

Same poster.

Wrong pic, but you get the idea.

Be actually STOIC,

Go for the "long-lived, inhumanly dedicated craftsman" angle? Master, I suppose, of some adventure-ready sort of craft, like alchemy, locksmithing/trap-making, or wizardry.

Instead of playing something that is a dwarf but behaves like something else entirely, or a dwarf that has all the usual qualities except for one subversion, consider just putting the emphasis on different dwarven attributes than the norm.

The stereotype right now is a belligerent drunk who is greedy and hates elves. But dwarves have other qualities which don't get played up as much: they are dutiful, patient, have long memories, respect the wisdom of the elders, are ingenious, etc.

So with these, for example, you could play a level-headed, reasonable party leader who keeps calm under fire and thinks things through before acting. Very dwarfy, and not just a hairy alcoholic jew.

This fampai, here is an example.

I just can't like the dungeon meshi dorf, no matter how much I want to. I think it might be his complete lack of facial expression, especially when the facial expressions of that manga are a reasonable fraction of the reaction pics on Veeky Forums

And yes, I realize that blank expressions are part of his character's comedic role, but I just don't like his face I guess

What's the problem, op?

I once played a dwarf whose parents were both immigrants in a human nation.

So by the time he was biologically pretty young (45 or so), he was already considered and felt like an old man. He also had to periodically prove his dwarfiness by constantly drinking booze (and thank fantasy genetics for the tolerance). He also wore a relatively short beard.

It's easy.

First, play a Dwarf. Next, don't do any of those things you listed.

>not hairy
make him a professional swimmer
>not an alcholic
professional swimmers aren't alcholics
>not a jew
professional swimmers aren't jews
>get out of me way, you knife-eared faggot
professional swimmers would knife their ears and be faggots, if they thought it would make them swim faster

By not being a racist or homophobe.

>homophobe
Are Dwarves anti-gay? I've always thought they wouldn't give a fuck as long as people did their job.

Dont get hung up on the stereotypes and just make a character. How were they raised, to follow tradition or to subvert it? Do they consider themselves an individual or as a dwarf? What do they value? For my last dwarf I chose between either an inventor exiled for breaking with tradition, an energetic and cheerful soul with a love of inquiry and debate, or a stoic ex-soldier who had seen too much and held himself responsible for any evil he saw.

Being a dwarf is just another ingredient in a personality

It depends, user.

Which group of dwarves in which city in which culture in which world?

Be creative, jeez

Not that hard.

>thinking that a conservative culture, based around honoring tradition, would be pro-homo
We're not talking about the elves user.

>That's too advanced for a beginner

Is it me or is 4koma humor never actually funny? The punchlines are always so flat and lifeless.

It's called picking another race.

>based around honoring tradition
You still marry the opposite sex and product children.

Wait, that page was supposed to be funny? Then I don't think I understand what's humorous.

why do people always ask this?
>how can I play an orc who isn't a nigger
>how can I play a halfling who isn't a midget rural Englishman
>how can I play a dwarf who isn't a butch Scottish jew
>how can I play an elf who isn't a total fucking faggot

If you don't want to play the race as it's defined in the fluff, why did you fucking pick it in the first place? And if you don't like the fluff, or find the race specifications restrictive, then why are you playing that fucking game?

It's almost like you don't want to hate Elves.

Currently running Roman dwarfs who have a republic in the mts, every now and the leaving the mts fortress ringed vale to defend allied city states from monster hordes.

Wine drinking vs beer, but similar military ethos to society a dwarf isn't a dwarf till he's served his term in the Legion kind of debacle; but while there they learn all of life's skill, warfare engineering, wilderness craft. Preparing them for there lives as private citizens.

Play one of those weaboo loli dwarves.

I've always had a vivid picture of a Dwarven phalanx with interlocking heavy shields, just a spiky metal box that enemies don't know what to do with.

Reminding dudes that Queen's Blade includes a picture of a dwarf citadel, and you can see there are cats EVERYWHERE.
Coincidence?

it wasn't.

Pretty much, with heavy siege weapons used in battle like ballista and onagers.

Instead of javelins the use cross bows for the velite like troops.

#1: That's not a 4koma.

#2: No, that particular panel is not supposed to be funny. There was no fucking punchline because there was no fucking joke.

Base him/her on norse mythology.
Make him/her a horny and untrustworthy alchemist/smith that hold more of a support role in the group. Dwarf mage/necro y'all!

GENIOUS!

As a mage

dwarf wizard.

if this is d&d they have perfectly good stats for it.

play polite, traditional

play quasi-russian

play engineer/alchemist archtype

I usually play my Dwarves as !arabs only they live in a frozen wasteland instead of a burning desert.

>Born the only son of his father's 4th concubine
>No chance in hell of every being heir to the throne barring killing all his half brothers and sisters
>Expected to just being the spoiled baby of the family and take a cush position
>Leans on the body guard who teaches him how to fight and sees him as a father figure, especially since his mother is actually in love with him
>One of his half brothers finds out and thinking he was planning on doing him in rats out both his mother and the body guard having them executed
>Swears to avaenge them both and actually follow through on a plan to kill all of them and his father as well and assume his place on the throne.

oooooh tranny time 4 dada!!!