What's smugest you've ever felt while tabletopping?

>What's smugest you've ever felt while tabletopping?

Probably the time we accidentally stumbled into but then managed to very much intentionally completely FUCK the plans of a chaos space marine sorcerer and his cult to take over a large ecclesiarchy ship while at the same time securing a notebook that had belonged to Big E.

>Who's this vaguely racist man?

I think it might be some kind of carved and painted wooden mask.

The evil mad-science Captain in Bleach, I forget his name.

No, I believe it's face paint.

>5e Ranger with Mobility focus

When the party was getting wrecked by a God of War tier boss, and my asinine series of actions actually worked and just so happened to be the last of the monster's HP.

Big monster smashed into the platform I was on, and I made the DEX check with flying colors. Landed on the arm, ran up to the head and launched a few arrows into the soft spot bringing it down. Yeah, it was totally a team effort, but I got the killing blow, so that means I won, right?

Come to think of it, having an Archer that ran like a horse and jumped like a flea was fun. I hurracanrana'd a cultist off of a tree. The DM was great for allowing crazy fun stuff to happen.

While playing a game of 40k, I sent out a 10man team of terminators + terminator captain against a guy using the smashfucker captain build. He was just a bait and switch to distract him with while my actual warlord, a librarian, stayed unmolested the entire game. I lost the terminator captain, but kept a shit-eating grin the whole time cause my opponent spent 3 turns trying to kill off him and the terminators before reminding him he wasn't the warlord.

>playing shadowrun
>one player was being a colossal prick
>full min - maxed mystic adept
>I was playing a flavorful Street Sam
>got robbed most of the game, and because Mysadept was the 'group leader' and determined the missions, most jobs had lots of karma payout and almost no nuyen payout
>about 6 months into it
>Mysadept finally crosses a line
>directly responsible for death of team rigger who was a bro
>my street Sam calls him out.
>most of the game the Mysadept has been channeling a force 15 spirit for obscene stats and powers.
>Mysadept was a shaman, and had been rather poorly treating this spirit by forcing it to hold onto this one service for so long.
>discuss some spirit related information with the GM
>game day. We had had about a month of downtime since rigger bro died.
>call out the Mysadept.
>challenge him to a duel.
>pull out trusty shot gun.
>fire FAB rounds full auto into Mysadept.
>Mysadept only takes like 2 stun because of min maxed powers and shit, but it doesn't matter.
>GM ruled that FAB rounds would knock the spirit out of the Mysadept.
>had made similar ruling a few months prior, so Mysadept couldn't claim bias.
>Force 15 spirit, no longer bound to service, rolls to become free spirit
>succeeds
>murders the fuck out of the Mysadept

The game pretty much didn't survive after that, but I haven't felt as smug before, or since, having basically killed that asshole with one attack.

Instakilling 4 CR 16s (my character was 18th level) in a single round that my DM was trying to use to make my character feel vulnerable (as my DM was under the impression that casters should be somewhat intimidated by brutes). During the surprise round they took off our fighters arm, but failed to hit my character once, due to buff spells.

3.5?

Yes, but to be fair, this was the first tabletop campaign I was ever involved with in.

>DM obviously thinks less of me when I don't know the -entire- history of the drow+inter house politics after making one
>some how lording his knowledge over me and yet unwilling to actually explain shit I/the group obviously don't get because we've never read the shitton of books/source material older than some of us are (we have a 14 year old. DM's been playing since second edition)
>notice the new players are struggling
>DM apprently hasn't helped them enough
>help them with ultra basic Veeky Forums rules of play, and just general character creation, which I absolutely love doing
>Sessions pass, new players listen to my explanations more than the DM at times
>regale both the new and old players with tales of good creative (not neccesarrially things that should be emulated) stuff I've said is from Veeky Forums
>like Oink-bane, Old man Henderson, the peasant railgun, Bag of holding inside portable holes, cancer mages with shittons of strength, some of the better quests, ECT.
>This inspires the new guys to have more fun with what they make and do
>Other players take notice
>other -Groups- take notice
>I'm basically the go-to guy for rules/fun roleplay stories
>I get to help explain the world of roleplay to new people
>this DM actually worked there at one point
>I'm fairly certain he quit, but on not too bad of terms
>I might actually get a job there
>From being more helpful/knowledgeable/fun to people almost entirely out of spite for the DM being kind of a dick when we first met
>MFW
He's gotten way way better, imo, but I cannot help the sheer amount of smug glow I get when I get people coming to me rather than him for help in his own game.

Storytiem.
the deer story first

When someone replied to this message with (You).

Making an NPC wizard break down in tears by successfully countering his spell... seven times in a row.
>The wizard casts Fireball
>NOPE
>The wizard casts Lightning Bolt
>NOPE
>The wizard casts Prismatic Spray
>NOT. ALLOWED.

He's an unsociable douchebag, but you're really just a pretender.

Kurotsuchi Mayuri. His superpower is LOL SCIENCE, including defeating the psuedo-zombie of his once ally by having drugged him "sometime" and then perpetually looping his mind until he was catatonic.

When we perfected and patented Safety Stick technology. Close second was when we disseminated the knowledge of its existence and the product itself.

The new DM was being a bitch about traps and it quickly fell into a DM vs. Players arms race.

Don't forget he literally showed up to a fight with secondary and tertiary everything in his body "just in case" which just so happened to shut down the one guy he fought who's power was to remotely destroy any organ using anatomically correct models of said organ as he only had the correct amount of models for one normal human body.
Oh and you literally can't kill him as he has as many NotHorcruxes as needed.

probably that time i completely fucked the DM's entire campaign with a poncho made of beads of force in D&D because the DM is forever an asshat and really needed a humbling after the 3rd campaign in a row was his fetish shit and he refused to hand over the GM spot to someone who won't pull that shit.

Engineering a situation where the dm knew i should've won, where he couldn't think of a "no, but.." and had to just outright say it wasn't allowed to happen and give me extra xp for it.

The fact that up until that point he claimed there wasn't any railroading made it all the sweeter

>At relatives for thanksgiving.
>Dealer cards are flipped into everyone getting a royal flush of diamonds
I wish I was kidding, but only four people saw it.

So whoever had an Ace in pocket won that hand?

Werewolf the apocalypse game, took 5 pt enemy flaw, gm spends two weeks making said villain.
3rd or 4th gen setite vamp
Kill villain in one turn before he could get an attack off

That time I "cucked" the DM with the only girl in the group and he was a passive agressive bitch about it for months, made me feel like pic related

Wait. How is that cucking? Unless they were dating or something. Its not even cockblocking unless he actually stood a chance and you fucked him over.

(You).

Exactly. He liked her, he called dibs on her, he asked her out, she said no. She started getting chummy with me, I asked her out, she says yes, we never stopped going out, he gets assmad. Now we take available opportunity to rub it in his face and be smug shits about it. If anything, his faggotry has made our relationship stronger.

>Exactly.
Different user here; that's still not cucking OR cockblocking. Stop trying to use words you don't understand.

Again thats neither cucking or cockblocking. She straight up turned him down and there was no relationship between them prior.

I'm agreeing with you two. It wasn't cucking but in my DM's mind it was because he's an entitled manchild, that's the point of the "" in my first post.

Not really. dudes just thirsty and envious.

And here's your 4.

>Finally saved enough loot to make a phylactery in a long term evil campaign

>DM tells me that he'll give me a +2 LA, and retroactively remove two of my levels

>Tell him that if that's the case, I'll just build an army of golems

>Nevermind, no level adjustment

Damn straight, bitch. I worked hard for that money.

Whenever I'm GMing. I feel that a shit-eating grin is necessary to enhance the impact of traps players mindlessly walk into.

Basically hollowing out a decent holy city to make it my own personal Yharnam.

It's good to be the Pope.

>go into hell to visit a city there
>kill some devils outside the city and loot some certificates from them
>make some slight alterations to the certificates to get ourselves into the city (apparently nobody gets in without a certificate)
>my barbarian lost his side weapon recently so he goes shopping for a new one while he's there because apparently it's the biggest arms market in hell
>cashier demands to see my certificate and then asks me how I obtained it
>deceit skill is shit
>show off my adamantine greataxe and inform him that I paid for the certificate with adamantine
>cashier gets pissed off but can't do anything about it
>lets me buy a sidearm and then tells me to get the fuck out

...

>playing a private investigator
>complete combat campaign
>no combat skills past some trusty pocket
>completely useless in everyfight
>we come to the BBEG
>he is an aztec god
>He kills the whole party but me and we go get beer becuase I had a crit on talking to him

You play a counter deck in MtG, don't you?

>Kinda sick of DMing
>next guy won't take over until the end of current campaign
>He's actively working to keep the story from wrapping up.
>Trick him (and the rest of the group) into going on the final dungeon crawl.
>MFW they think that they are avoiding the rails.

[Spit on the Rocks] (1/3)
A bit of backstory
>RP group of 3, both good friends of mine who invited me a few months back, seemed knowledgeable about trpgs and all so I agreed
>Regret came quickly after I saw their PCs, one was a prim and proper elf paladin whose super power was money, and of course the greatest and bestest warrior there ever was
>If I remember, the other was "Death's long lost daughter, who was raised by an evil witch that tortured and experimented on her, escaped and lived on the streets, more torture and experiments, was found by a legendary assassins guild, attempts to commit horrible suicides because evil-bitch-mother haunts her to this day, but lol immortal and total badass cause death's kid"
>Now I didn't know it was going to be like this, but by the time I had enough of their bullshit my character was a 16 year old carpenter half-elf who wanders from town to town and would send letters back to his family
>At this point we were lodged in some bum-fuck village to take a break from the previous catastrophe of an adventure, we also have a “freed genie” in our party of snowflakes so she was following my character around during all of this
>Keikaku begins
>Decide to go "explore" the surrounding village and maybe pick up a quick carpentry gig to pass the time
>Walk into a local bar and ask around, the bartender tells me he wants to make a drink out of some rare materials from the nearby forest
>The drink specifically calls for a “white, transparent liquid” as an ingredient. My character agrees since he has nothing better to do
To explain before continuing further, 1 player would decide the “plot” until it could be resolved by the group as a whole. This pseudo-GM would have total control of all locations and NPCs related to this plot. As such, I had final say in regards to the entire bar and any dialogue from its NPCs given that it was my plot/creation. The genie was also an alt for the edgelord.

(2/3)
>On our way to the forest we run into the other snowflakes, the edgelord was in a heated battle with some hooded figure that managed the impossible task of “giving her a challenge”
>It fled as soon as the entire party was gathered and the edgelord took her time describing all the bloody wounds her character suffered while the paladin tended to her wounds
>Being a bastion of common sense, I point out that it would be easier to ask the genie to “wish” her wounds away and for the two of them to go chase down this villain before it went to murder everyone in the humble village it ran towards to
>They tell me only the paladin is trained in medicine and that the guy who just gave “death” a hard time won’t be a threat to the village
>Remembering why the group was awful, I had my character complain loudly about how ridiculous and stressful it was going along with the current party and how nice it would be to get a change of pace
>My speech convinces the genie to go along with the plan to go “prank” the bartender, we grab a doe and get to work
>Well, she held the doe down while –I- did the work of prying its jaw open and getting as much of its saliva as I could into our little collection jar for the bartender’s liquid. I described in far too much detail the texture of its tongue, the feel of its fur, and the slow descent of saliva running from my finger tips into the jar
>OOC they bitched to me about being gross, I then pointed out that after the 3 times they almost brought ME to the damned magical realm with their characters’ “hugging”, I deserve a moment myself, this got them to be quiet for awhile longer
>Feeling ashamed of myself, but knowing revenge is too sweet to pass up on, we leave the traumatized doe behind and take the jar of deer spit back to the bartender as I ready the final blow

>that image

>DM wants to have fun, so we each roll for a special ability for our character PRIOR to creating them
>I roll a short-ranged blink usable 3 times per day
>Proceed to roll the beefiest paladin i could and got my hands on a tower shield
>Blinked in front or arrows and other projectiles that would have hit teammates while wielding a huge heavy shield.

(3/3)
>The bartender was pleased upon on our return and immediately checked the ingredients to ensure we weren’t playing him for a fool, the genie and I were giggling like idiots, IRL I had a speech planned and waiting
>”What….WHAT, THE FUCK DID YOU DO, WITH MY -WIFE-?!” The bar went into silence as all the patrons stared at the genie and I. IRL the other players were in hysterics, their happiness wouldn’t last long
>”My poor Beatrice… How dare you RAVAGE her?! You monsters! How can you live with yourselves having thrown a poor soul against the dirt and hold her down, staring into her fearful dark eyes, pulling her ears back so you both listen to her screams as you THRUST inside of her?!”
>I became incredibly graphic and continued to describe as violent and disturbing sexual image as I could as the bartender stood shocked imagining how we would have a jar of his wife’s spit. The players were disturbed but I was typing too fast before they could tell me to stop. Finally, my character raised his head and stated “Sir...It’s just a jar of deer spit…What are you talking about?”
>Immediately, everyone knew, in the bar, and IRL. The association was clear, there was no way to get the image out of their heads. I had an insecure bartender describe a vivid picture of deer rape to two minors.
>The chat was silent, the bartender then wildshaped into a buck and fled before the townspeople murdered him for being a dirty animal fucker, I left the group myself knowing they were scarred for life, feeling the warm smug glow of sweet, sweet revenge

In hindsight they were impressed with how far I was able to take that and liked having me around as a bastion of sanity for their bullshit. Still never rejoining them again though. It’s also probably a trap for me

Y'all want the other 2?

Go for it, Veeky Forums is always up for storytime.

In our Pathfinder campaign, one of my fellow PCs is an Investigator who's consistently arrogant both IC and OOC, believing himself able to outwit any threat he comes across and act like a human lie detector. To his credit, he's managed to think or skill check his way through nearly every problem that the GM has thrown at him.

For the last year I've been smiley ever-smugly whenever we session, as he's never realized that the party paladin he completely and utterly trusts is actually an antipaladin.

Lawnmower Man?

Gonna’ use the commoner first then, save the DM for last.
[The Man Behind the Wizards] (1/2)
>3.P game, party consisting of 4 casters, a fighter, and a “completely unremarkable, John Smith”
>In reality we knew nothing about each other’s’ characters other than any items we saw each other pull out or anyone ever took a particular action, spells and swords were obvious giveaways
>John Smith confused everyone though, he had a horse, a light crossbow, and hundreds of pounds of completely miscellaneous items easily amounting to half the party’s total weight
>We all awoke in a prison and he didn’t do much during the escape, he insisted that he stay behind everyone else and moved as slowly and stealthily as he possibly could, always standing near the last door we came from just in case something bad happened
>In the end we finally found a boat and sailed away from the prison, he showed us a necklace that held a single picture of a small family and asked us if we recognized anyone in the pictures, we couldn’t and he kept to himself for the rest of the night
>In the morning we came across a goblin raid on a coastal town, the little bastards were everywhere, kidnapping the women and setting fire to the buildings, it was our moral obligation to stand in and do what we could to help
>Now having 4 casters, putting out several fires and taking out a few goblins would be cake, right? Unfortunately each caster whiffed their rolls completely, one was even mind controlled by their own spell and had to be restrained before falling into the village well. The fighter wasn’t having much luck either despite his years of training
>During all of this, John Smith walked to the village tavern

(2/2)
>John shot a goblin and his horse trampled it dead, he then got out a complicated device to climb up to the top of the tavern. Pulling out his crossbow he dropped onto his stomach and started taking shots at the rest of the goblins while his horse cantered into the destroyed bar, licking up some of the liquid on the floor.
>Eventually, the goblins start dragging another villager out of her home before lighting it ablaze. She was screaming in fear, partly because of the goblins pulling her hair to drag her away, and partly because some of the wizards’ rays and bolts were whizzing a little too close for comfort
>John switched out an arrow and fired a grappling hook into the shoulder of one goblin, perfectly grabbing the clavicle and hoisted him up, colliding into the second and freeing the woman
>Jack the horse was now drunkenly trotting out of the bar and John decided to take advantage of the moment
>He rolls off the top of the roof, onto the back of his drunk horse, and ties the hooked goblin to the saddle. He orders the horse to gallop as fast as it can into the horde of goblins, crushing of the bastards underneath the charge with the grappled one screaming in agony as the hook begins to fracture his bone from being dragged across the town.
>John flashes back, to his own small village that was raided by a group of slavers, not knowing if his family is even alive or dead. He can save this village from that fate, maybe his family was even here before the raid, he screams:
>”THIS. THIS IS WHAT I AM. THIS IS WHO I AM. COME HELL OR HIGH WATER. IF I DENY IT. I DENY EVERYTHING I’VE EVER DONE. EVERYTHING I’VE EVER FOUGHT FOR!” The goblins immediately fled.
>The session ends, and all of the players are ecstatic about John Smith, thinking of wild class combos, leveling, items, and so forth that could have been used in that encounter. When the last player left, I looked at my DM, and we laughed.

And that’s how a level 1 Commoner saved the day.

Glorious.

>Immediately, everyone knew, in the bar, and IRL. The association was clear, there was no way to get the image out of their heads. I had an insecure bartender describe a vivid picture of deer rape to two minors.

she hot?

The one time I called a nat 20.

>call nat 20 every roll
>everyone loses their shit on the 8,000th roll when it's a 20
>not sure if it's cause i'm actually right for once or cause i called it.

After being treated like shit for a few sessions both in and out of character, I essentially derailed the campaign and made the shitheel couple in the group quit.

Nothing spectacular, a bit too shortstack and a bit too shy for my taste. But she's smart, she's funny, she has a job, she cooks, she cleans, she gives amazing head+swallows, my parents love her and she loves me.
Plus it's not like I am Ryan Gosling, I think I did okay with her.

Honestly you struck out with the cooking and cleaning bit. You'd be surprised how many women swallow or do pretty much whatever you ask in bed but suddenly you ask if they'd help clean up the place or make food as often as you do and you're suddenly a sexist asshat.

>I've played Fighters that were better faces then the parties bard.

I've done this too. It's never not fun to play.

Foiled a munchkin minmaxer's attempt at PVP dickery, almost entirely by rolling well enough that his unstoppable guaranteed-kill combo couldn't even start, then critting the dumb motherfucker. The GM had us using the Critical Hit Deck and I pulled the Throat Slash result, which dealt 2d6 bleed damage and prevented him from talking or breathing while he was bleeding, which meant that not only could he not cast his precious spells with verbal components, he was also suffocating.

I can't even remember what ridiculous combination of third party garbage he had glued together as a sorry excuse for a character, but it didn't work out well for him and he holds a grudge against me to this day, a solid 4 years later, for killing what he claims was his favourite character.

> 1-shot game was pitched as 'assassinate an arch-mage'. The system was still being playtested.
> For starting gear, everyone rolled on a 'random scrolls' table for a single free spell scroll. I rolled 'trade souls' - (permanent Magic Jar) - as a Psionic (the rarest magic type) 'scroll'. GM told me it would probably be useless, asked if I wanted to re-roll. I said it was fine.
> I ask for stories about the Arch-mage from the local townsfolk, hear about how he was all-powerful. Find out that his spells usually involve wild gesticulation but never require spoken words.
> We adventure for a while - mostly, I buff the other PCs and do party-face stuff, like a good Bard. When forced into combat, I show off the Martial Arts skill I got on a lucky 'misc skills' table roll.
> I tell the other PCs - "If I ever say 'Ragnarok', beat the crap out of me." GM and PCs look at me funny, say OK.
> Near the Arch-mage's lair, I create a pair of wicked-looking Cestus (spiked guantlets). They're jury-rigged, so they're really hard to put on or take off and I can't move my hands much. I say 'OK'. GM and PCs look at me funny - I need one of them to feed me dinner.
> We dungeon-crawl through the Arch-mage's tower. Everyone has their moments. We come to the end of the dungeon and there are only 3 challenges left. We pass through a spell-trap that strips everyone of their spells, except me (I make my save), and I'm down to a single spell - Wilt (destroys plants).

>Find out that the second to last encounter is a giant venus-fly-trap. GM begins picking up huge handfulls of dice - I cast wilt. He looks at me, and says, "Wait, you have that spell? Only druids have that spell." Nope, it's on the Bard list too.
>"Fine. You make it to the Arch-mage. He turns, angry, and summons a giant fireball." At this point, we're all completely out of spells, everyone else has already used their magic scrolls, and we're on the other side of a long hall from a blasty-archmage.
> I yell out, "Master! I have come to you seeking to be your disciple! I wish to join you." One movement action forward.
> He yells back, "Come no closer. To prove your loyalty, to me, destroy your companions." They look at me, betrayed and angry. I turn, and brandish my spiky-fists...which are holding a scroll.
> Free action, "I say Ragnarok". Move action, one move towards arch-mage. Actual action, use scroll on Arch-mage.
> 'Swap Soul' is one of the least-used spells, because magic resistence is 10x as effective as normal against it (commoners have a natural 5% resist chance), and if it fails, you die. But magic users lose that - non-casting classes sometimes get bonuses, while mages use spells to get better resistences. The Arch-mage is 80% protected from all Divine and Arcane magic. But...not psionics - verified in advance that the resistence spells aren't available in psionic flavor unless you have psionics.
> Arch-mage makes to throw fireball...from his metal-encased fists. I've already established that he requires complicated hand-gestures to cast. I've already told the other PCs that they should beat me up if I say that thing I just said. And the Arch-mage has absolutely no hand-to-hand skill.
> The all-caster party proceeds to beat the crap out of him in melee.

Amazing, how did the party react?

They were pissed when I started to 'betray' them, then they were all, "Ooh, he has a plan" when I said the 'magic word'. They all rolled attacks against me until I reminded them that talking was a free action, and I still had the rest of my turn.
It was at a 'Con, so it was all people I didn't know, or else they'd have been expecting this kind of thing from me. I played with the GM again a few times after that - he never underestimated what I could pull off with 'crappy loot' again.

>I think I did okay with her
>plays with you
>teams up to bully dm
>shortstack
>shy
>smart
>funny
>works
>cooks
>cleans
>swallows
>I think I did okay with her
no motherfucker you did amazing, marry her asap

I succeeded in make everyone's character into a yandere.

He'll probably get bored of her because she's not perfect in everyway then years down the road realize how stupid he was.

Playing X-Wing at my local league; The game has not gone well tactically and my buddy has been rolling phenomenally. All I have left is a 2-hull Blue-sqdn B-Wing with a Heavy Laser Cannon & Tactician, versus a similarly one-foot-in-the-grave Tie Punisher and an untouched Soontir Fel. I have the choice of targets, the Punisher, which is facing away and at mid range, or Fel who has just killed off a T-70 and is at range-3. I figure fuck it, Blue dies next turn anyway and Fel hasn't even been shot at the entire game. My buddy double-checks me that I really want to shoot the interceptor, it's a waste of a shot and I really should take the MoV points from the Punisher to the next game. He's right, but I take the shot anyway out of spite since I haven't even had the option to shoot him during the game until right then. I get 4 hits so cool, he'll probably take a scratch on my way out The green dice come out, he rolls five blanks. He does not have an evade token, Autothrusters are not enough, Fel dies to the Blueberry. Next turn, the Punisher can't position to either evade the B-Wing or take a shot of it's own and goes down.

Whenever you're feeling good, get ready for the green dice to remind you that you can kindly go fuck yourself.

Grognard pls go

>Oh and you literally can't kill him as he has as many NotHorcruxes as needed.
That's Orochimaru you're thinking of, who got away with everything.

Mayuri gets away with the same stuff, except that he isn't even temporarily pursued as a criminal (except in the backstory)

NTR'd the antagonist at that point in the game.

Funny how two Japanese authors of two very popular action manga both have mad scientists who worked for the state and yet have no real repercussions for their monstrous actions.

>hey Mayuri there's been a Roanoke-like disappearance of spirits from this one slum in the spirit world, what's going on?
>oh yeah there's been a bunch of spirits getting eradicated, upsetting the balance of souls between the human and spirit worlds. But don't worry, I rounded up everyone in that slum and slaughtered them all to reset the scales
>ok cool hey remember that one time you rigged your own subordinates to explode just in case they failed their mission then blew them up anyway when they came back successful? That was rad

>hey Orochimaru are you kidnapping children and forcibly possessing them to keep yourself alive?
>yup
>okay
>let me show you my cloning room
>you mean like shadow clones? I can do those why do you need a whole room for them
>because these clones are real people, with their own individual wants, wills, dreams and desires. I use them as fodder for my genetic experiments
>okay

No one is smugger than either of them.
story please

Orochimaru did at least get wanted.
Except then everyone went full retard and forgave him and sasuke at the end.

Well Sasuke did say he was sorry

Wow, this thread is completely full of assholes.

Technically sauske didn't do nearly as much harm as he intended to. He wanted to destroy the leaf village but ultimately didn't kill anyone from the leaf village except his brother, whom everyone (including him, at the time) thought was a traitor. He tried to kidnap killer B but failed. He wanted to murder the kage but didn't.

He did kill at least one lightning village guy, destroyed the raikage's hand, and killed a bunch of samurai, which alone is worthy of death. But his evil deeds were never legendary supervillain tier like his brother's or orochimaru's, despite his best effort.

>story please

We were having problems with a raider/bandit king and his aggressions. War efforts didn't work nor did more covert actions or negotiations. During negotiations though I challenged the king to a duel in order to keep the bard from getting killed after some diplomacy fuck ups, and as per their culture he couldn't refuse when so many other and important warlords were witness to it. Amazingly and unexpectedly by even the DM I managed to beat the king in a fight but didn't kill him because I thought the goal of the duel was just to settle tensions. Instead they started proclaiming me as the new king, and the queen pretty much immediately ran to and threw herself at my surprised guy, all while the defeated king was right there. The party made my guy accept the role and marry her that same day, and that wedding night she herself went and killed her two sons to get rid of the "weakness" of the old king and ensure my guy and her's children to be would be the heirs (assuming my guy was never defeated as per the culture) and even confronted the defeated former king about it in a really bad way.

At the end of the day the growing coalition of warlords ended up disbanding since my guy wasn't willing to lead them like the former king, and through negotiations with the party were able to appease them to returning to their normal lives/homes. Meanwhile my guy as king of the orcs made peace with the kingdoms effected, and from the main kingdom which we were affiliated with was made a lord and given a fief both as thanks for the crisis averted and also in order to provide an ongoing service with the orcs I ruled over.

I the player felt incredibly smug about it, but my character was just a lucky young guy who got caught up in a whirlwind of events too big for him, and just held on for the ride. He was more honestly surprised than smug, and actually felt really bad for the old king.

Yes, but consider the fact that usually even just leaving your village is a treasonous act that gets you a death sentence.

>hey mayuri
>remember that time you targeted a genetic lineage that used rayshi based abilities cause they interested you?
>yeah?
>well turns out your actions single handedly damn near extincted this family but we got one of the last descendants in town, just thought you'd want to know
>oh boy, a new test subject AND a nostalgia trip? Who cares if its just a 15 year old and technically just a normal human who uses the equivalent of performance enhancing drugs in our universe

>Hey mayuri!
>yeah?
>remember that time you hated yourself so much you split off a chunk of your soul and put it into a doll
>yeah?
>you still sexually/physically abusing it and using it as a long suffering servant?
>yeah?
>Cool. Cool. She's probably gonna die if you don't step in
>thats okay i can make more.
>okay....maybe i should step in then?
>oh no need for that i can just shave more of my soul off, i do it all the time y'know.
>.....i think i gotta go do something....

>hey mayuri
>yeah
>remember that time you tried to invent time travel when we specifically told you not to several times and you unleashed an ancient evil who locked most of us away in a time warp and replaced us with evil super powered clones and we had a highschool kid save us my sheer luck?
>aaaah, good times. Why do you ask?
>well...souls have been popping into our world like a few days late for the past week. Have anything you wanna tell us?
>mmmmm, no?
>okay good enough for me keep up the good work kidnapping souls, erasing their entire being, essentially hollowing them out into shell, then filling them up with crude approximations of a persona that we'll then market as candy to fill fake bodies or knock that one redhead out of his body from time to time. Oh and make sure they're fully self aware at all times even in pill form so they can contemplated the abomination that they are. Thanks, bye!

>hey mayuri!
>yeah?
>remember that time you flooded and entire district of millions of souls full of a poisonous gas that increases the sense of touch a trillionfold? So much so that any touch at all was unimaginable painful? At night? Then went on to have a massive battle that leveled half that district?
>heh hehehe heheHEHEAHAHAHAHAHAH! Awww, yeeeaaah. Why do you ask?
>well we just rebuilt and repopulated it and you went and did that again. Thats like, the 5th time. 8 more and i'm gonna start getting annoyed.
>....what if i keep it down to 3 a year tops?

bumpng for smug

>facing a water gym
>two of the gym leader's pokemon are taken out almost immediately thanks to random criticals
>let out my Gardevoir
>she has maxed out evasion
>GM has to roll 11+ just to hit her on average
>her SDEF is high enough to tank even most super effective hits
>she has Teleport to auto-dodge any attacks she couldn't tank
>She knew Shockwave, Magical Leaf and Future Sight, all of which can't miss
The GM was pretty salty.

Been a party face. As an ogryn.
>Me thinks he not real commissar. Me smash.

Top kek

That's pretty dark and pretty amazing at the same time!

Made a strong character, made a lot of money via extor-, I mean uh hard work. Bought a bunch of strong gear, played backseat unless we got into a fight so everyone basically forgot my character was there until I cleared swathes of enemies. Found a dungeon and progressed through it to find a stupidly overpowered boss for our level, absolutely destroyed it with firebombs, and the magic sword I bought. DM forgot what I was playing when he planned out the dungeon.

This is on par with the time I made a DM blow up an entire city because I refused to be railroaded and I got the party tank/damage to come with me, letting the priest, wizard, and a weak warrior get shit on by the dm's railroaded overpowered enemies while me and beef mclargehuge killed everything that came out way because of traps and strategy, and that's when I got kicked from a game for "metagaming" and then the dm blew up the city to kill my character after kicking me from the game. DESU it was my fault for playing pathfinder.

I'm not familiar with the term +2 LA what game were you playing, and why was your DM gonna be a dick because you wanted to become a lich

>I'm not familiar with the term +2 LA what game were you playing
Level Adjustment; standard D&D thing.

Level Adjustment. Basically, if you wanted to play something like a Blink Dog, in order to make up for the fact that you have racial abilities that are OP for a 1st level character, you just don't get those levels. You'd still have to accrue the EXP for that level, you just don't level until you've paid off your LA. If the creature you wanted to play as had an LA of +2, it means that you;d start taking class levels at level 3.

So he was going to give you two levels and take them away immediately. Wtf.

Oh, like an EXP debt.