Tell me about your first tabletop session, Veeky Forums

Ended up accidentally killing a cathedral full of people with a single potion of invisibility
whoops

I fucked over the atmosphere because I was nervous and made shit tons of jokes, very funny ones, might I add. I also too the first hit of the campaign. I died instantly.

>wanted to play but didn't know much about the game
>someone overheard us talking about it and offered to DM
>3.5, 3 or 4 players, lv 1
>made a half-orc barbarian because the casting system was intimidating
>spend an hour wandering around town with no plot hooks in sight
>DM makes us roll for everything
>everything under a 15 is a failure, under 20 is still a failure but at least you didn't fuck up spectacularly

it went to shit pretty fast.

>roll a 12 to do something in the bar
>somehow start a fire
>roll an 18 to find something to put out the fire
>"you find a small bucket of water but when you throw it on the fire it doesn't do much"
>horn is sounded, orcs are attacking the town
>okay fuck we run out and fight the orcs since we can't stop the fire
>DM gets mad at us but allows it
>I ask about the terrain, if there's anything i can use to my advantage instead of just attacking every turn
>DM: "Uh there's a small hill of rocks you could stand on to get height advantage"
>that sounds silly but whatever you say
>"ok i'll stand on that and tell the party to rally to me"
>DM: "roll to get on the rocks"
>what
>roll a 12
>DM: "you waste your turn hopping on the small rocks and don't achieve anything"
>when we start losing the fight, DM has his level 14 elf-vampire-god knows what else fly in on a unicorn, kill the orcs, and put out the fire
>triple what
>scolds us and flies off, we still have no idea what to do and the town kicks us out
>take a break to get food
>DM spends the whole break telling us how bad we played, steals some candy from the store and makes a big deal of showing us as soon as we walk out the door
>call it there and don't invite him back

I played a LG Necromancer with a spiked chain (no proficiency of course) because I was a huge faggot. The system was 3.0, though some elements were taken form 2e. IIRC I also cheated and didn't prepare spells ahead of time because, like I said, faggot. Was thoroughly impressed with Prestidigitation and used it whenever I could and tried to impress some orcs with it and polish a column to look for an inscription. We fought a purple worm (well, the rest of the party fought; I flailed ineffectually at it) and we only survived because the GM misread* what the effects of getting eaten were, allowing the Barbarian inside to survive long enough to hack it apart.

Pretty fun all things considered, though I would never want to play with tiny me.

*The GM in question was my friend's dad, so it's more likely that he knew what was going on and didn't want to bum us out; we were really young — not that age excuses my horrifying display of faggotry — and he probably didn't want the party to TPK at the end of the first dungeon.

Star Wars d20 (not Saga, the slightly older one), I was 11 and playing with 2 friends the same age. I was playing a Soldier, buddy was playing a Jedi (not Consular, the other one). Level 1-3 or so raiding imperial bases, no grid, just drawings on recycled paper. Not much roleplaying beyond YOU REBEL SCUM and collecting the blue keycard to open the blue door and kill the blue imperial officer for the holodisk.

It was a lot of fun actually. Better than 3 years later when we tried to play it again and the same Jedi friend was an edgelord who always kept trying to fall to the dark side or make evil bounty hunters to betray the party with.

It was a power armor cyoa thread

I was 14, and playing with one other guy, a Rogue. I wasn't sure what to picked, so I picked a Bard. I know, I know, but I felt that the Bard could basically do everything.

We arrived at a small hamlet near a lake, which seemed fairly peaceful. We just bumbled around for a bit, not noticing that the people looked vaguely fishlike. We didn't have that much money, so I offered to play for our supper. The innkeeper smiled and said "Sure, we'll be expecting one heck of a performance."

The Rogue had something else to do, so that night, I found myself shoved out onto a stage. I couldn't see the audience, but they started chanting "Play! PLAY!".

So I started to play my guitar, because fuck lutes. There's sort of a rattling in the stands as I nervously strum away, as if people are keeping time with rattles. Then when I get close enough to the audience, I see that they're all skeletons.

And now they're holding knives and chanting "Meat! MEAT!".

That was the end of the adventure.

>Sit down at my first game of pathfinder at PAX
>Interested to finally try a Tabletop RPG
>Sit down with two other dudes, a girl, and a boyfriend-girlfriend couple
>As the DM is starting us up in a tavern, boyfriend scans his pregen character sheet.
>"Oh man I have the jewel crafting skill! I make myself nipple tassels. I then start dancing on the bar for gold pieces"
>Spends the entire adventure topless, tweaking his nipples and making the nipple tassels spin
>His girlfriend sits there and laughs the whole time as he does this. Whether she is ashamed or genuinely finds it endearing, i don't know.
>When we get to a journey on a ship, he starts to ERP with the sailor NPCs, and when that fails, he starts to ERP with his girlfriend's male character in front of everyone.
>One other bro and the girl stop playing the game and start talking about other things they are doing at PAX.
>DM completely loses the table, I cant remember his face exactly but it was a combination of sadness and exhaustion. I think he was so embarrassed that he didn't know what to do.

Thats the story of my first Pencil and paper session ever.

You know you could've told him to fuck off, or had him killed via diabetes?
Trying to rape an adolescent is fucked up, especially so if it's a player and your friend.

Literally after getting a few sentences into the first in-game conversation the Dwarf player leans forward and says
> I punch the Town master in the dick.

Managed to get caught in a battle of wits and trials with some horrifying elder being called the Briar King.

First test was surviving wolves, second test was up to us. I came up with the idea of crawling through a hole of a size of our choosing. Naturally, being a halfling, I demanded the hole be as small as possible; there'd be no way for this guy to fit. He obliged, and opened a hole into the cold depths of space.

Thanks to some rope and the assistance of half-orc twins, I managed to not get sucked into the vacuum.

Third test was a race: we pitted the Oracle's (buffed) wolf against him. We only won when I managed to successfully pull of Fascinate, stopping the Briar King dead in his tracks. Needless to say, he wasn't happy about that. If it wasn't for the timely arrival of a Deva which only showed up because I was the sole good-aligned member of the party, we'd have been toast.

10 / 10

8/10

2/10

5/10

0/10, Star Wars is normie garbage.

0/10. CYOA is not tabletop.

5/10

TL DR, 2/10

4/10

9/10

>Be me
>Be 15
>Friends invite me to play Pathfinder.
>Sounds good
>Show up
>"Hi user, you're going to play a Halfling Rogue. Here's your sheet. Your name is Fagballs Gobblecock"
>They will not let me change my race, class, or name.
>mfw
>Roll along with it because teenaged me was a fucking loser
>Other characters are a bard, cleric, and monk.
>Two GMs, both are also players (cleric and monk)
>My character is bottom of the totem pole. Zero input on anything we do.
>Rules are blatantly ignored, mostly so Monk GM can cheese it and be the most overpowered character.
>Monk one-shots a demon at a later session.

> Teenager, over 8 years ago
> 3.5
> Diablo 2 Fan for ages
> join group at level 6
> Make a Wizard with some necromancy
> Suck horribly because I tried to make a Necro from D2
> DM asks if thats my Inspiriation
> Yes.
> Translates Diablo 2 D20 to 3.5
> Gives me the spell list for that Necromancer
> Become rediculous
> Level 6 my Scythe dealt 2D12 + 4D6 Cold + 6D6 Poison
> Never Missed
> Bone Armor (D2), Cold Armor (Warcraft), Shield and the other Armor spell from core DnD meant I couldn't be hit either
> Will saves were useless against me because Wizard
>Nearly one shot the BBEG with Scythe

> Fast Forward weeks later
> Find a Deadlands group
> Join their game as a generic Agency member
> Later make my own character, just took my DnD char and made them a Gunslinging Huckster
> Still play with that Deadlands Group
> My Necro was retired ages ago after becoming a Harrowed Huckster Mad Scientist Junker
> His personality actually developed in Deadlands becoming something of a Friendly Bandit that likes to gamble, invent and Adventure!
> Pretty much became a combination of Twisted Fate from League and Rick from Rick and Morty before they even existed.

I was 17 back then. I was trying to convince everyone to try d&d. After literaly one year i succeeded to make a group out of my friends.

Everyone was new to this game and i was the only one to read the rules. So i picked myself to be a DM. I was literally polishing my campaign for one year.
At first i was going to dm 4e. But while i was convinsing others 5e came out so i switched to it. One of my players have made a Warden beforehand and liked his character a lot so i homebrewed this class in 5e Surprisingly it went well

Afrer all preparations we were ready to play.
You have probably heard a phrase «First session always fails»
Nah, not our case.

There were 6 players.
First one made a warden dwarf with 4 int and 16 wis who couldn't read. He was the most memorable character. Player has put a lot of effort in his creation. He also had a home-made list of his wisdoms. Like «Before you drink a beer, you have to fill the mug» or «We don't need other people things. We will take only what belongs to us. No matter who owns it»
Second guy have created a CN wizard necromancer. His story was a brief description how he lived in the woods. Don't have anything more to say. He was an asshole.
Third guy have created [b]TOTALY NOT DRIZZT[/b] He actually told me that drow ranger. He was fighting with two swords. He also begged a magic mask that would make an illusion that he is a high elf. So everyone found out that he is not Drizzt on 6 lvl
Forth have made a Sandor Clegane. He was constantly forgetting that he is afraid of fire.
Fifth was the only weaboo in our group. So he have made a redeeming vampire cleric. He also told everyone that he is a human. They found out that he is vampire on 6 lvl
Sixth have made a rasist thief halfling with a nice story. He wasn't a good roleplayer but he was trying too. The object of his racism was every non-halfling.

First session was inspired by a small adventure which i have found in the internet

The party was investigating the disappearance of a village beauty. Even our CN wizard didn't fuck everything up. Although he did 7 sessions after. Everyone had a ton of fun. Even Cleigan. That player was from strong&bullying type of person in real life.
That game went just wonderful.

4th grade. Holmes Basic D&D. Played at public library near school after school lets out. It was me, one other player, and the DM. DM showed us the dungeon he'd drawn on graph paper and asked us to point to the room where we each separately start. We played for maybe an hour and a half, and I think the most I ever did was walk from one room, down a hall to another. There was nothing particularly of note in those areas.

The other PC ran into a beautiful woman in the dungeon, and she asked him if he wanted to fuck. He said yes, but it turned out she was a witch, which meant that his dick turned green and swelled up to gigantic proportions after they fucked... for some reason. He couldn't fit his dick back in his pants, so he had to sort of lug it around in a sack he'd brought for treasure.

And that was pretty much it. We never did meet up. Despite me thinking that the adventure was retarded, I was enthralled by the concept of role-playing games and soon purchased Moldvay Basic to run with the neighborhood kids.

>sudden private message:
>hey dude you know ork fluff? GM for us
>luckily it's narrative stuff
>that resembles a MMO, with 50+players and several GMs
>game kinda dies after three weeks
>good night, the place I got my current best friend from

>about 15 years old, group of school friends come together with this one kinda strange homeschooled kid who wanted us to try dnd. (I think this was 2e)
>party is a fighter, a wizard, a rogue and myself the friendly neighborhood ranger. Notice the lack of a healer? Nobody wanted to play a cleric, turns out it would have been really helpful a Lil later.
>typical "You start in a tavern" trope.
>rumor has it that for the last several weeks livestock have been coming up missing. Townsfolk figure its wolves ranging closer to town but a few of the more interesting drunks think something more sinister is to blame.
>tells us a story of a local family that was cursed for some offense I don't remember anymore. They are all dead and buried now, but the crypt they are all entombed in has unsettling aura about it and nothing grows anywhere nearby.
Ohlookaquest.jpg
>we find the crypt easy enough, there was some argument over what we should do. I wanted to stake out the entrance and wait for nightfall maybe see what we are dealing with.
>Fighter and Rogue say "Fuck that, lets kill something."
>Rogue checks for traps, all good. Fighter throws all stealth out the window and just kicks the door open.
>A pitch black hallway. Smelling of death and decay.
>fighter just strolls into the darkness like the meathead he is.
>DM: "It is pitch black, you can't see anything except the path you came in"
Fighter: "well then I pull out a torch and light it, duh" he then realized he didn't actually have any on his person.
>the fighter turns and shouts to the rogue to bring down some light. The rogue, starting to get a bad vibe, simply lights one and tosses it down the hall to the fighter.
>at this point the DM has that sadistic smile on his face, you know the one. That smile you never want to see on the face of someone who is basicly god of your little fantasy world...

So at this point myself and wizbro are standing a few feet back from the entrance, rogue is is just inside the door to the crypt, and meathead mcfightface is about 20 or 30 foot down a hall that slants downward into the crypt.

>We all have light of sight as the torch arcs through the air, down the hall, and clatters to the ground just past the fighter.
>As he leans down to grab the torch, DM calls for perception checks all around.
>We all roll great. Except the fighter, he rolls a 1.
>Dark shapes, to many to count in just one instant move in the blackness... Red evil eyes all fixed on the Fighter.
>He looks back at us "What?" just as six or so of these things leap out of the darkness.
>The first succeeds in grappling him as the rest of them latch on with bite attacks and proceed to milk over 3/4 of the HP out of the only one of us you could even halfway call a tank.
>Wizard pops off the first spell he can think of, and I start spamming arrows down the hall.
>Rogue just takes off running for town like the bitch he is.
>2nd round. After a little helpless flailing of his arms and dropping the torch we watch as several more bite and claw attack reduce the fighter well into the negatives.
>As the life leaves his body I start charging down the stairs yelling for the wiz to help me save our brother in arms.
>That sonofbitch is already gone, fleeing after the rogue towards town.
>facepalm
>Slam closed the doors of the crypt and and find a sturdy branch to bolt the door for now.
>Start the walk of shame back to town. Other two party members already far out of sight.

About halfway in my sad normal speed journey to the town we started in my elf ears pick up on a familiar sound.

>Its a goat.
>A very upset, frightened goat that is being dragged off into the forest by a couple of Kobolds.

>Shit...

>decimated

They destroyed 1/10 of the eggs?

>They destroyed 1/10 of the eggs?
No. They obviously calculated the eggs down to one more significant digit.

>3.5
>Ravenloft
>Playing Druid because I wanted something shaman-ish like my WoW character
>Show up to friends house
>Sitting around dining room table
>suddenly fog in the room
>oh snap, this is for real!
>DM hands us all scrolls with wax seals
>proceed to have an amazing time even though no idea what I'm doing

I miss that campaign. We've since moved on to 5e and I'm DMing a homebrew.

Would be nice to go back but I have to just hold those memories close while I try and make new ones

Posted this one a while back, but I'll put it up again.

>be playing D&D 5e with friends for the first time
>be DM
>party hired to investigate disappearances in a town
>split up to gather information
>bard and paladin go to tavern
>talk to Crazy Steve, resident lunatic sitting in the corner
>bard easily beats persuade check
>Crazy Steve tells them to follow the lights up the mountain
All according to plan. Until…
>bard decides to bring Crazy Steve along
>rolls to persuade him that they’re trustworthy
>critical fail
>Crazy Steve shrieks
>smashes bottle on table, attacks bard
>the paladin, Lawful Good blue Dragonborn, steps in
>uses breath attack
>30ft blast of lightning
>hits Crazy Steve, tavern wall, and random townie crossing the street outside
>misses bard by inches
>Crazy Steve is vaporized
>random outside guy manages to survive with 1hp
>paladin climbs through 5ft wide charred hole in the wall
>lay hands on townie, who runs away screaming
>bard decides to break into song, in memory of Crazy Steve
>terrified townies shower him in coins
>party leaves town as soon as physically possible
I think we’re going to make it

1981

Me and best friend are 11. My brother had gotten the "red Box" Basic D&D set for Christmas but had no interest in it. My friend and I read through it and started playing.

He made a wizard named Merlin. I made a fighter named Morgan (with a 13 strength and 17 dex. He kept saying I should be a thief but I was all about a figher with a two-handed sword)

We barely understood the rules, and had quite a few things wrong, but we had a hell of a time. We jumped around the room, acting out what was happening as we fought our way through the classic "Keep on the Borderlands".

I was 21 or so and a friend of mine said she would DM for some friends and I because we all wanted to play D&D

Basically we all rolled characters and she told us we were in some small frontier town and then it was late and we called it a night. Never did another session with her.

Only started playing again now 4 years later with some of the same friends. She moved away though
What a boring story. I shouldn't tell it anymore

Me and a group of friends decided to try and play, I write sometimes so they decided I should DM.

The party was in a festival, giant undead dragon attacks it, they have to fight zombies and skeletons to stay alive, the next day the king sends them to kill the lich who presumably was controlling the dragon, it's in the other side of the country so they need to travel a lot.

They start going through a desert, I make a bullete follow them for them to flee, so when they come back at the end they have to fight it again and defeat it, "we got so much stronger" and that kind of thing.

The bullete instantly makes the mage unconscious, the desert people help them get away safely.

They then needed to travel through a cursed mountain because the dragon destroyed all the airships, so they need to find a way to pass through the immortal guardian without fighting. They instead manage to cut the guardian in half and enter the cursed mountain before he regenerates.

Traps and encounters and that kind of thing happens in the mountain, some fights between the party because one of them is Chaotic Evil.

They manage to pass through after defeating the skeleton chimera and flee from a huge horde of undead. They then continue their journey to the lich.

It was simple but it was a fun too, we ended it after four really long sessions.

IRC magical girl game

>Team of magical girls assembled from school girls because the Principal, who was secretly a sorceress, required preteens with attitude
>Tasked with basically being magic janitors; magical gems spilled from the armor of some godly being who recently fought Satan in Japan's backyard are corrupting the environment, and need to be secured
>Given some of our own magic gems that imbues us with powers to accomplish this, contained in magic jewelery that apparently seals the magic radiation

Notable encounters include
>Fighting alien space bunnies rampaging around Tokyo in a space ship, who tried to secure the gems for their own machinations but got corrupted by them. Shot their space ship down and engaged in hand to hand combat with hammer-wielding bunny girls. Befriended them afterwards

>Spending a day investigating the mysterious appearance of/enjoying the rides of a mystical summer fair / carnival created from the memories of an old man's ghost, trapped in a state of unlife by one of the magic gems. Oni from the nearby forest decided to crash the joint because it looked fun, and took over all the good rides, wearing italian suits and speaking in bad mafia accents. Headed by "The Kaponi," whom we defeated and lectured, because it's not good to be a bully

>Stopped a corrupted lunch lady's ghost from making a bunch of mind-controlling food and feeding them to the school body, causing them to crazily devour even more food in an endless cycle certain to make the entire school obese. Let her know everyone really loved the food she made while she was alive before she passed on

Managed to be simultaneously one of the most fun and cringiest games ever, thanks to the antics of multiple PCs trying to play slutty lesbians. Overall it was one of my better games though

Dude, that's nothing. The Paizo employee DM that was demoing the new combat rules and classes at PAX a few years ago literally raped one of my friends with a choker.
>disables character
>drags away
>found naked
>the choker is seen pulling his pants back on
All this time he's being described as a cross between Sloth from the Goonies and the hillbillies from Deliverance.

As for my first tabletop session:
>about 7 years old
>AD&D with my dad
>1st level Human Fighter
>start in the tavern, find work
>old guy wants rings from the catacombs beneath the local church
>"yeah, sure."
>head to blacksmith at edge of town
>"Hey, blacksmith... I'm gonna go find some rings"
>"...why would I give a shit?"
>....
>leave to the church
>see a spooky ghost disappear into the catacombs of the church
>run back to the blacksmith
>"Hey I saw a spooky ghost!"
>"...okay?"
>I realize that I should have pursued the ghost
>ask my dad if "my game saved" when I first talked to the blacksmith.
>dad leaves to drink beer and mocks me

After that he allowed me to play in his Dawn Patrol RPG with my uncle. They both ran multiple PCs and were good at RP. Taught me a lot about in game and out of game info and how to avoid metagaming. First roll of a d100 was a nat100 when generating strength in Dawn Patrol. I played an American bodybuilder and barnstormer who joined the French war effort.

The last part sound a lot like what happened when my friends and I tried to middle-schooler homebrew a D20 Star Wars game. The DM wanted to be some edgy bounty hunter and to show us that he could kill us aboard his ship anytime etc..
I think the final time we played that, my cousin who had no RPG experience but tons of Star Wars knowledge rolled a generic wookie and ate one of the other PC's testicles after he received an unarmored crit to the groin and it fell out of his pants.

My first session was... weird.

Rolled up a level 9 cleric of pelor in 3.5, and I know what you're all thinking already. You all think I had a hell of a time being the most OP thing on the planet, shitting spells that do more damage than the dedicated wizard, and buffing myself into temporary godhood, all the while prancing across the battlefield in +10 full-plate.

Well... you'd be wrong.
His name was Cornelius, a gnome cleric. In full-plate. With a gnome hooked hammer and towershield. My party included a half-orc fighter, a human rogue and a human sorcerer.

My first session involved assaulting a gnoll encampment, and the first thing I do is raise up my towershield to full cover, trying to block the arrows for my fighter. They don't even make it to me (was too far away). Next, the fighter then tries to toss me "gimli style" at the gnolls. I land face first into a barricade and get impaled on one of the wooden spikes. I then try to catch up with the rest of my party, moving at a whooping 10 ft per round, while they're all running at +80 ft per round. DM cuts me some slack and lets me move 15 ft per round. When I finally catch up to them, I end up doing fuck all damage, and I have no idea what half my spells even do. We finally make it up through the encampment to the cave entrance where all the gnolls are hiding. The session gets called there, with me having taking the most beatings from the gnolls even though I'm sitting at a nice 24 AC. All in all, a confusing and kinda shitty session, however I still had fun, and this leads to me playing possibly my favorite character of all time.

Praise the sun forever and always.

>be 13
>At a friends house with my bro (the DM)
>We sit down in my friend's room and started tell each other about our characters
>Playing some fighter character, of whom i don't remember the name
>friend plays a halfling rogue called Alton
>We start in some village and find the tavern called the Unicorn
>at this point my friend & I demand DM to name it the "Majestic Sparkly Unicorn" (the DM did so)
>walk in, try to get a room
>both characters are broke af
>I roll a persuasion check to see if i can lay w/ the barmaid for free rooms
>roll a 17+2
>I proceed to pleasure her while Alton drinks wine
>have free rooms and meals for the next 2 nights

shall I go on?

Your DM fucked up. You could run much faster than 10' per round, but you'd have to start passing CON checks.

Are you mentally retarded?

It was pretty basic.

We gathered in the DM's living room, I was nervous because I'm naturally pretty shy. I sat on the hearth of the (inactive) fireplace because I didn't want to sit too close to anyone on the tiny loveseat. There were four of us plus the DM. We played AD&D 2E. I played a cleric. I had an understanding of the concept of roleplaying games from talking to friends and reading the book enough to make the cleric (with some help) but I was slow to take up the rules and I remember being amazed at how much I was learning on the fly as we went. I felt bad when they had to prompt or correct me but because 2 of the 4 people were friends of mine it turned out okay. The DM had delusions of grandeur of writing a Forgotten Realms novel or some shit, so the opening of the session was pretty expository and then he released us with some vague clues that a caravan merchant wanted us to remove some evil wizards or something like that. We went and traveled out of the city, fought some more or less random encounters that I don't recall clearly, and ended up in a small hamlet asking about the wizards in the keep. This took like 3 hours and by then we all wanted dinner so we went for Chinese food.

I remember like two weeks later the DM let slip smugly, over a food court meal before the session, that, because we just could not seem to figure his secret out by now, heh, he may as well tell us that the caravan merchant was actually some big canon character in magical disguise and it was all actually a big magic war brewing and we were his pawns. I forget who it was supposed to be. And then he looked at one of the players and said YOU CANT USE THAT KNOWLEDGE IN GAME, and that other dude started laughing.

I feel bad because I've painted the DM as bad when really he was just the normal run of the mill Future Author!!!! kind of DM from the 90s and that was pretty fucking par for the course back then. We had fun. That group lasted about 4 months, more or less, as I recall.

I and another guy were such silly bad little shits that our GM stopped with tabetops.

Im sorry guy named orange, It was my first time!

I played 3.5 with some friends at a gaming shop that had just opened up. I played a generic half-orc barbarian, saved the generic wizard player from a burning building, then killed like 20 goblins due to some ridiculously lucky rolls. Seriously, I rolled like 4 crits in a row, and the goblins crit failed at least twice.

A few years later I found out that the DM had no idea how to actually play 3.5, and was just making stuff up as he went along.

I think destroying 9/10 of the eggs is pretty good job

It's yet to happen ;_;

Brace for copypasta greentext!
>I was a nerd who'd just played VtM: Bloodlines (seriously, this is the perfect gateway to tabletop WoD, I recommend it to anyone) and is desperate for more
>read up on the rules, but have nobody to play with
>A guy I called Linux Jesus (evangelical Linuxfag, rarely wears anything but sandals) I knew from college says he'll happily run a game
>I join, bring a friend along too
>we're all humans; I create an Indian library assistant who's mediocre at fighting but presumably can figure out the best way to stop supernatural things to compensate
>he starts with us all meeting in a waiting room, then being told by some weird guy with long silver hair that we're now "servants of the Crown" and have been drafted to investigate a drifting, empty hulk that's hanging out at the docks
>we then get driven around to an airsoft gun shop that somehow has real guns and told by the GM to take whatever we feel like having from the Armory book, it's okay because we're with the government!
>long story short, we end up facing a pack of werewolves on the ship and inexplicably don't get raped - they were nerfed from the horrible fuzzy rapemachines they were in oWoD but they're more than enough to kill a team of humans. At least they would have been if Linux Jesus hadn't completely ignored how they're supposed to work
>the campaign gets dumber and dumber over time
>Linux Jesus finally finishes his stint as GM by having us attack Arcadia (a REALM OF PURE MADNESS OCCUPIED BY WHAT ARE ESSENTIALLY DEMIGODS) in power armour. Fully functioning power armour with Predator wristblades, rocket thrusters and shoulder-mounted miniguns. In modern Earth.
>we throw so many dice around it may as well be Exalted; even a weedy guy like my character is a monster in these homebrewed mindfuckery
>even I, with no experience of the WoD before this point, know this is all bullshit
>game ends two weeks later, I resolve to run my own games from then on and do a better job

Oh, I shoulda mentioned: this was nWoD. I still love the system, despite its many flaws.

>About 15, followed a friend around after school. It was DnD club.
>I couldn't join their party, so I joined some random people I had never met before. They had started at level 15, but by the time I joined they were level 19.
>They were currently in the Plane of Fire. I have no idea what else they may have done before, or what they were planning
>I decided to be a Paladin. Had a completely illegal Longsword but that didn't matter because I was still less effective than the rest of the non-optimized party
>Lasted for a few weeks until the GM mysteriously disappeared and never returned.

He was probably one of the best, if not the best GM I've encountered. The whole situation left me confused enough to keep interest.

I was 12 years old when I played a hound archon paladin and was a very big and scary dog person. We didn't how the game worked so I ended up intimidating a lot more things than I should have.

>based on LoTR mmo
>narrative, no system, rolls for attacks / damage
>at least 10 players, 4-5 are active, others do nothing outside of fights
>must kill a troll
>attacking troll
>every succesful attack reduces his HP for 1-5. He got at least 300 HP.
>everyone acts really slow
>spent a whole evening killing a fucking troll and listening to smug monologues

I'm actually surprized it didn't drive me away from tabletop.