>Stupid Deaths
>Stupid Deaths
>They're funny 'cause they're true!
>Hoo!
>Stupid Deaths
>Stupid Deaths
>Hope next time it's not you!
>Heh hee!
ITT: Post the most insane, hilarious, cringe-inducing character deaths you've ever suffered, witnessed or caused.
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>Be me.
>Be running in a Pathfinder Game
>DM is pretty good DM. He's a bit of an Inna Woods DM though, is really hard nosed about making us track our provisions and supplies down to the last arrow and inch of rope.
>We're all really into Dungeon Meshi so we don't mind it at all. We'll just eat monsters and wild berries and shit
Party is:
>Me. Human Ranger. I maxed out my survival right away and am the primary source of food for the party. I'm also the cause of this stupid death.
>Human Bard. Our keymaster and party face. The player plays his character as a bit of a lecher but isn't creepy about it. He's usually getting punched or slapped for his efforts and takes it in stride.
>Female aasimar Paladin with 20 Charisma, which apparently makes her the most beautiful woman any of our characters have ever seen and a primary target of the Bard's advances.
>An elf wizard who is totally not Marcille.
The funny (and also sad) death:
>We've been hunting bullywugs at the behest of a minor duke.
>The Frog men have been terrorizing his lands and eating his people.
>It's basically a wilderness hex-crawl as we look for their hideout.
>I fuck up my Perception check and Bullywogs ambush us.
>We win, but get chewed up kind of bad.
>Make camp for the night.
>Me: "I roll survival to gather supplies for tonight."
>I roll a 1.
>Fuck
>This DM was a huge stickler about not letting players see each other's rolls except in combat. So nobody else knows I fucked up.
>DM: "Game is quite scarce, but you do manage to find some wild mushrooms."
(continued)
(Cont)
>DM is grinning ear-to-ear.
>Shit
>Get back to camp. Party decides to make wild mushroom and onion soup.
>I'm not allowed to object because that would be meta-gaming. The DM has a point, my character is not aware that he fucked up.
>Dinner goes by relatively normally
>I'm bracing myself for the worst.
>As we discuss who will be on watch that night, the DM interrupts us.
>"Hey guys, remember the mushroom soup you just ate?"
>Me "Let me guess. Deathcaps? What's the Fort save?"
>DM: "Oh no, those weren't deathcaps. Give me Will saves.
>Turns out those were HALLUCINOGENIC MUSHROOMS.
>ENTIRE PARTY NOW TRIPPING BALLS
>We roll our will saves
>Myself, Bard and Paladin all fail
>Literally only Not!Marcille passes.
>Paladin: "Bugs! BUGS! BUUUUUUUUUGS!"
>Big-titty, blonde paladin starts tearing her clothes off.
>Bard can't help but watch.
>I see two pixies appear from nowhere in front of me.
>"I'm Midge!"
>"and I'm Madge"
>"WE'RE HERE TO STEAL YOUR NOSE!"
>And then I hallucinate that they do.
>The paladin is now completely naked and has jumped in the stream next to our campsite
>The Bard is hopping along behind her as he struggles with his boots. "Wait for me!"
>My Ranger is now chasing imaginary pixies around the campsite screaming at them to give him back his nose.
>Not Marcille can only watch, dumbfounded as her companions go insane.
>DM is now cackling like a madman
>DM rolls. "Uh-oh"
>(Continued)
>Three ogres appear, attracted by the noise.
>Only Not!Marcille has her gear to hand as we're all too busy freaking out.
>Not!Marcille starts to retreat and hits the lead Ogre with the last fireball spell she had prepared.
>Good hit!
>However, the Ogre survived. On his turn the extremely pissed-off Ogre charges Not!Marcielle and swings his sickle.
>GM's face falls and he lifts his screen
>20
>Rolls a gain
>Another 20
>Rolls an absurd number of dice. Turns out this Ogre had class-levels.
>Not!Marcille is gutted where she stands and falls dead.
>Hearing our friends death-scream gives us new Will Saves
>We all pass this time.
>A naked paladin, naked bard and a tripping ranger regroup and manage to kill one of the Ogres.
>The others retreat, but take Not!Marcille's corpse with them
>MFW our friend ended up in an Ogre's stewpot because we were too busy tripping on shrooms to help.
WTF, that's not funny! You can't come into a humor thread and post something depressing like that!
Not mine, but actually the death of my best friend's character when we still played under Tyrant McRailroady DM.
>D&D 3.5
>The party is kind of considered outlaws in the kingdom for literally no reason, but that's a whole other history in and of itself
>So, we were ambushed by a troop of knights at some point
>We manage to escape mounted on giant owls
>Try to find a place as far as possible from cities to land
>Suddenly owls get taken down by ballistae out of nowhere
>Well shit, we somehow still manage to survive the fall, but the party got scattered
>Cleric and Fighter fall close to each other, I fall down into a river and get absurdly lost (Hexblade), I don't even remember what the Druid was busy doing
>While I try to follow the course of the river to see if I get somewhere, the Cleric and Fighter wander around, eventually finding what seems to be a small fishing hamlet by the river
>After some deliberation, they decide to go in - news of our supposed crimes couldn't have gotten this far to a village in the middle of nowhere over the span of mere hours, right?
>They walk in and are met with distrust, try to find information in the region, come up with good bluff rolls and smart lies
>Still somehow they get the guards called off on them
>Fighter and Cleric are having none of that, and pull their weapons, ready to fight
>Captain of the village's guard shows up and demands them to put down weapons and surrender
>Not happening, ofc
>Guard goes literally "Have you no idea who I am?"
>No?
>He takes off his gauntlet and shows a "#1" tattooed on his wrist
>"I'm the number 1 knight in this kingdom"
>I'm almost choking myself not to laugh too hard, reaction was similar in our friends
>"So what do you do?"
>Obvious response, rolls for initiative. Cleric goes first and swings his mace to attack.
>DM: "Roll fortitude, cleric"
>????
Continued
>While we try to figure out why, cleric rolls a 15, and we feel relieved since it was fairly decent
>DM frowns and shakes his head
>"As you are about to hit him with the mace, he beheads you with his sword"
>... what the actual fuck?
>"That means you're dead, yes"
>Entire table is dumbfolded
After that a lot of shit happened, Fighter surrendered and it's still a miracle the rest of us survived that.
But really, that DM was full of shit. Sometimes I feel sorry for him as he was our fairly long-time friend and when we just couldn't stand anymore we almost literally kicked him out... then I remember this kind of stuff, and I'm not so sorry anymore.
My thief threw a bunch of firebombs at his feet to try and kill some monsters on him and he burned to death. I thought he was immune to fire from an earlier wizard's spell, but my math was off and it turns out it had worn off a while before.
I ran V:tM. At some point, a player attacked the Prince (of the entirety of Norway), while their Sheriff was in the room.
They were executed, of course.
...
...
>D&D3.5
>I was new to DM with similar players
>Set up a pretty vanilla lvl1-3 dungeon romp
>Dire rats, goblins, and orcs the whole shebang
>Final boss is a black dragon (I don't remember the age, but it was level appropriate for a large party)
>That Guy is playing a wizard, and not exactly grasping the concept
>They quietly enter the room and see a sleeping black dragon
>That guy, "Hah! Chaaaaaarge!"
And that was how the party lost its element of surprise, and its wizard.
>playing AD&D2e
>party sees a bunch of runes on the floor in a dungeon corridor
>PC at the front keeps moving onto the runes regardless while everyone else stops
>he steps on a rune, it explodes and he survives
>guy who was closest behind him and wasn't gonna walk onto the runes is instantly killed by the same explosion and all his belongings destroyed
Be dm.
Drunken random encounter style planeshoping game
This week they're in not!burk fighting young dragons.
Mostly just getting my feet wet running dragons for the first time.
They kick the pants off the young ones.
Ok, adult red dragon i choose you.
Procedes to fucking wreck face.
Fire dmg does nothing but gunslinger keeps throwing more dinamite.
Finally has his fill.
Lops off his own finger and stick it in his ammo belt before handing it to the witch.
Covers self in oil, dinamite and rushes dragon like agent K going to get his gun back.
Dragon nat 20's it's int, doesn't bite.
gunslinger explodes in a cloud of pink mist and gore.
I'm laughing so hard i can't justify not throwing him a bone.
dragon is suitably ammused to let them go, seeing a way to remove two skilled defenders from the town it wishes to sack.
wich begins using scroll of gtfo
Monk still poised to strike.
Dont make me tpk you dumb shit.
Wants to give the dragon a parting shot just before they port out.
No spellcraft or arcana, so no clue when the bippity boppity is coming to a head.
Roll for luck.
piss pore roll.
dragon takes held full attack.
monk pieces everywhere.
witch makes epic roll and catches foot before and poofs out.
Mfw 2/3eds of my party became an hero through their own stupidity.
So this is a story from my first ever group which I gathered together by literally emailing everyone I knew and asking if they wanted to game. (Protip: Don't ever do this)
We meet up, do chargen and all that. It is determined that I will NOT be the DM because I am a bit rail-roady and also I am terrible at keeping people's attention so instead we have a DM who is more experienced with the game. I do MY chargen and things progress... except my best friend, who rolled a Warlock and proceeded to act as himself but in a fantasy setting.
This includes
>spouting memes incessantly
>disrespecting authority/religious figures because of past rl experiences with same (this includes the party paladin and THE FUCKING QUEEN)
>stealing things
>touching things despite being told it was a bad idea by the DM
That last one is how his character died. We were given access to the kingdom's mad scientist for... honestly, I don't know why. We were certainly a very ragtag party and we had literally no cred to our names.
Anyway, the mad scientist's layer is filled with exactly what you'd expect. Including things you shouldn't touch because they'll hurt you. Guess who touched the thing? Asshole got a lightning bolt to the fact cause he couldn't keep his hands to himself. He even tried to straight up steal things from the mad scientist's lab with him watching.
And then the group fell apart and I decided that I would never game with him ever again.
>Ogre has class levels
I'm annoyed the DM would make a bad situation ten times worse
>Will save for mushrooms
>Will save against poison
Yes because your fucking will protects you from seeing shit and not getting mind fucked
Damn, shrooms ain't nothin to fuck wit
Died fuck by a horse statue.
the wizard got mad that i stole his spellbook
>I'm not allowed to object because that would be meta-gaming. The DM has a point, my character is not aware that he fucked up
This is bullshit. Fucking DM
Not this guy but I reckon a will save isn't out of the question. Dunno if you've done mushrooms before, but with enough willpower and focus, you can maintain an element of lucidity
That said, I'd have alternatively let them choose to make a Constitution save
Themesong of this thread: youtube.com
Nah, it's fine. Especially if you want to be more immersive/less gamey.
I rolled bad on animal handling and sense motive on 5e DnD. I didn't want my character to get his fucking arm bitten off by a damn drake, but technically you can argue my character was dumb enough to do it.
All in all, your character is as smart as you are, until the rolls go south.
Two werewolves in crinos hurl a heavily armored friend at a powerful foe, foe holds a vamp up as human shield. Tzimize (?) Cant remember spelling, tears his body in half using his vicissitude to let our heavily armored friend smash in to enemy. Everyone dies because fortitude and bad math by dm.
>He takes off his gauntlet and shows a "#1" tattooed on his wrist
>"I'm the number 1 knight in this kingdom"
My sides have left the building.
>He takes off his gauntlet and shows a "#1" tattooed on his wrist
>"I'm the number 1 knight in this kingdom"
i am stealing this for a mad hermit NPC in rusty armor wielding a fire poker.
No, that's fine. Now that I think about it, it's a very unfortunate case of being killed by somebody else's poor roll, but altogether not so shitty.
After all, they did manage to fight the ogres off, most of the party survived and now they have a quest to retrieve their friend's remains for resurrection or burial.
Vtm
Killed a swat/hunter guy by captain americaing a door at his legs to sweep him off his feet, then celerity grabbing him by the head and throwing him at another hunter all in one turn.
My character is 4.5 ft
Nuked a city. While stile inside of it. And not on purpose. Messing around in a lab we had just raided, mashing science and magic together. Until the GM asks me to explain what exactly I was attempting to do, which was make a new element, or a long lasting higher isotope.
I stupidly kept going when he asked if I was sure I wanted to finish. Boom.
>players hit last room of intro dungeon
>spooky altar, dark ghosts declaring "One must die!"
>rogue suddenly runs off
>everyone IC thinks he's a coward, everyone OoC thinks he's an idiot
>runs back to a room that had a statue holding a glass orb that they detected necromancy magic around and thus ignored
>rogue grabs the glass orb without a second thought
>even give him a chance, "Are you sure?" sort of deal
>says yes and grabs it
>5 shadows materialize in the room and murder him in a single round
Fuck, that's dark...
so wait
did he sacrifice himself for the party purposefully and did it help or was it just retarded?