What's the most nonsensical bullshit you've ever thrown at your players?

A elder vampire that "dragged" then to inside of his head. He existed since the medieval age so each level of this "dungeon" was based in time periods. The first one was a roman one, the second a dark age era, The third one was a renaissance one, this one was fun because a player of mine managed to get the help of Da Vinci so they used his sub and tank to "cross" the dungeon. The forth one was a Victorian age one and the last one was during the Second world war period. They needed to travel between the levels finding specific objects in each level. It was my most creative and crazy as fuck idea.

That's pretty fucking awesome. I'm definitely stealing that idea.

In response to OP, I gave my players the task of infiltrating a pentaract at some point (based off this screencap, but edited so that it was actually a pentaract, not just connected tessaracts). I spent a month researching higher dimensional geometric structures, and figuring out how they would appear in 3D space. I set aside 5 sessions for them to spend poking around this thing, filling all the rooms with unique traps, monsters and dangers.

They walked in, and randomly started picking doors. After literally 5 rooms, they found the exit.

The dungeon that I spent every day after class preparing, they blew through in 45 minutes. So I guess that they got back at me for that one.

First post correctest post.

But centaurs with ears in their hands and nostrils where there ears look like they are is close.

The Cheshire Cat except as an extremely androgynous elf. Later fell in love with death. The platonic ideal of death. Talks in circular riddles that annoy the piss out of everyone.

Came up with it while high, knew it was a bad idea, turned out to be a great idea.

what?

that makes me unhappy

>3aboo tears

Did they get through it by blind chance?
Did you know the easiest route through it yourself?

An animated statue of christ. It had to steal a car to get to where the players were, and it drug its cross along.

It attacked primarily with its cross but if it ever came up (it actually didn't) he could also fire the nails that were in his hands at them.

Also a 6 inch tall C4 golem, sent by the same guys (the players were a group of mages fighting another group of mages and neither side was about to leave their house)

Only literal retards can't understand what King Crimson does

Yeah it's powers are lazy and inconsistent writing, whats there not to understand?

I'm doing the standard stacking tesseract from that picture in a short campaign over the next few weeks. Rather than having an exit the players need to find eight keys in order to unlock a teleporter to travel to the final boss room. This insures that I can manipulate their path to be as long or short as I want.
It will still screw with their heads.

Rolled 5 (1d6)

1) The doors to this room are actually permeable mirrors, which create a mirror duplicate of the person walking through them. The real person falls unconscious when this happens. The mirror duplicate is destroyed the moment it sees a reflection of itself, and the real person wakes up again.

2) This powerful monster is naturally completely blind, deaf, mute, unable to feel, etc. Each turn it steals one random sense from everyone in range of it. It experiences things exactly as the person it has stolen the sense from experiences them

3) Using this soap correctly washes one sin from yourself as tangible muck. Nothing will be able to sense you committed the sin and nobody will remember you committed it - including yourself. Anyone who swallows the muck will find themselves associated with the sin in your place.

4) This room is perceived physically, but exists only in time. Every step you take will advance or reduce your age, according to the placement of the hands on the central clock in the floor. The hands of this clock can be easily manipulated.

5) Sipping this potion dives you into two selves, each exactly half your size. The process can be repeated. The only way to return to your normal size is to eat the other self.

6) This spell shapeshifts you into an random ordinary animal, but only you and your mortal enemy can perceive the change. Everyone else will still see you as your normal self and will expect you to speak, act and be capable in the same way.

No, I did not. I went back later and found out that it was the shortest possible route.

It was the only time that I've ever had a mental breakdown while DMing

Every system can be abused, though. The problem with 3.PF is that an entire -extremely shitty- subculture has sprung up centered around abusing the rules. It's so ubiquitous that even people who have never played the fucking game assume that they MUST powerplay every single fucking character.

I get the impression that it was a thing started as a tongue-in-cheek joke about the rules-heavy nature of the system, but people coming into it fresh assumed it was the standard. This one guy I play with seems to play with other groups who do nothing but this. They all enjoy it, and seem to do fun stuff, so whatever. But the problems start when people assume that shit is universal, and start haggling like sheep merchants over every tiny, little point and feat they invest.

No, That Guy, I'm not allowing shit from some obscure splatbook so you can pull off some trick.
"B-b-but you gave this guy a thing for free! Unfair!"
He's a fucking Fighter, son. Besides, he earned it through roleplay, being a solid teamplayer, and making the setting richer by engaging in it with me. The DM helps those who help themselves.

Just... the fucking haggling, the wheeling and dealing. Just play the fucking game, man. We're all flexible, here, and I expect you to be, too.

Honestly, you deserved it.

Lee Harvey Oswald is our villain.

Runner-up: we rescued a Wal-mart from a portal to the glove dimension.

>>the core of the planet is made of meat, the rock part is only a thin crust over it
why?

>Boss
>antagonist

defeated basilisk, but half the party is turned to stone

nothing a mass-stone-to-flesh scroll can't fix right

surprise! the wizard built his castle out of thousands of petrified gelatinous cubes, roll for initiative

I once defeated, seduced, and married a millennia-old evil dream-themed sorceress with my female custom-class DMPC who had a tendency to read people's deepest secrets against their wills upon meeting them. Then used her to invade the players' minds while they slept and make them save vs. wet dream.

Oh wait, no, I was one of the players. One of two who passed the check, and one of three who quit after it was clear he'd continue with this bullshit.

I really like the sin soap idea.
And the splitting potion is so messed up, I hope it was for a horror campaign.

You bastard

That bastard

They had to go to not!firefly and starwars to get a soda for Loki.

After sending some skeleton wheels at my players they were rather injured. The evil cleric was welcomed with open arms with no hesitation. The first went down with inflict wounds and he took another down dueling. No one died 10/10 players don't trust me now.

Three equally-leveled(15) Nemesis Technicians, all denial-specced. Against a Wizard, Mentalist, and Warrior Summoner.
In my defense, they started it by picking a fight with an agent of Imperium.

Noumenon

I threw an enemy that could transport them into a board game dimension, made them play the goose game, and at the end they had to fight a giant goose.

Zeruel

>The only way for this to work is to fly the plane into the nuke

>The final boss battle will be a boxing match between the party's Warforged PC scaled up to giant size, and a Stardust/Neutronium Golem.
>That's right - we're ending this campaign with Rock'Em'Sock'Em Robots.
>The world map is the boxing ring.

GM made us play apocalypse stone.

Interesting. Character wise, is he a generic villain or is he a sub par person just as he was in real life.

Anima levels go beyond 10 for players? Fucking how?

It removes the cause but keeps the effects, what's so hard to understand about that?

That makes no sense you fucktard.

Get that bullshit in this thread. You on topic bastard.

My character, while heavily inebriated, was convinced to do a drag show in the underdark

A dragonborn fighter with max strength. He put the drag in dragonborn.

I attacked my players with a giant cooked Turkey purely because it was Thanksgiving. In my defense it was kind of a bullshit off the cuff campaign since I was running a b-movie style weird shit happens part of the week deal.

The first real boss I ever made as a GM was an inter-dimensional mimic that ate children.
It was in the form of a Gazebo.
I regret nothing.

Does it apply to a single person's actions for those ten seconds, or does it affect everything?
Could he use it to save himself or someone else from falling to their death by keeping the "they're on the ground" part and removing "they stopped falling quite violently" bit?

The world is actually the "egg" of a cosmic energy being. The sun is a massive mote of magic energy put in place to incubate the egg, and billions of years of life evolving on the planet are just part of the being's bizarre, cosmic foetal development.

The apocalyptic event that took place a thousand years prior was the egg trying to hatch, and because the event was stopped, the baby is now overdue.

Essentially he can control the outcome of any event over five seconds, where it is within his power to control it. Then when those five seconds are up, no one but him has any recollection of what took place.

Traps, suprise attacks and forces Diavolo can't control are the best ways of combating it.

$.02 has been deposited into your account.

Oh, so it's sort of like Agent Smith's bullet-dodge in The Matrix where it looks like he splits into multiple possibilities, or that one Nic Cage clip where he seems to savestate through a bunch of pistol rounds, except everyone else just sees the "final take?"
That actually makes sense, I think. And he can only affect the future he thinks will happen, leaving him vulnerable to things he doesn't anticipate (traps, surprises, etc)?

Think of it more like this:
He cuts out two of these frames, whatever happened during those two frames didn't actually happen but he knows it happened because he was there and he cut those two frames out.

How is it useful for stuff that isn't traveling quickly then? If someone gets shot in a removed panel, they're still going to be bleeding heavily in later panels, right? The damage wouldn't-
Oh, he can't actually use it to defend himself, but his attacks are nigh if not impossible to avoid?

>posting on Veeky Forums and not understanding the difference between an antagonist and a villain

>Oh, he can't actually use it to defend himself, but his attacks are nigh if not impossible to avoid?
Pretty much, there's also an area of effect restriction, which is why he's so paranoid about people knowing his identity.
His powers are always last resort and still he sometimes botches it.
For example during a fight he won he erased the frames in which the guy he defeated died, so that guy was dead but he never stopped being alive, the dude kept going around as a walking corpse.

A talking mountain lion attempted to pull the Nigerian prince scam on the party, claiming that the king of the mountains needed a small sum of human currency in order to pay a fee to the banks to exchange his vast fey wealth for coin. The party didn't fall for the obvious scam, and refused him. The lion returned with a full squadron of flying, fey-magic infused mountain lions that blinded the party with glitterdust and stole some of their coin purses before flying away.

They were so furious they pretty much abandoned their current quest to go hunt them down through a thorn brush infested mountain pathway to the mountain king's lair, who was a gnome sorcerer, who was stealing vast amounts of wealth so he could use it to slay a dragon and become a hero.

That's pretty kickass. I should read the manga at some point. Thanks for the patient explanation!

That is pretty awesome

>He's still mad that Paizo won the edition wars
I can still remember the sound of the ropes straining as every 4rry hanged himself when their shit game failed.

nobody gives a damn about 4, 5 master race

...

Except he can use it to defend himself, like erasing when bullets hit him during the metallica fight. It's just inconsistent as hell. Only retards have trouble understanding the overall power, but the specific interactions are bullshit.

It's completely fucking wrong though, King Crimson contradicts itself numerous times. When it kills Narancia for example.

King Crimson is extremely inconsistent and only autists or idiots think it makes sense.
It makes sense in CONCEPT and if executed properly COULD make perfectly good sense, because its powers are completely coherent. But in execution, it was a "just werks" piece of shit and a complete mess.

There's a lot of fucking retards who think King Crimson is sensible because they don't actually understand the implications of its actions during Vento Aureo. Ignore King Crimson posters. Hide King Crimson posts. Do not reply to King Crimson.

Spot on. Its powers make sense, but the way they're used makes absolutely no sense and "just werk". People who haven't actually WRYYYD the manga (or are too stupid to understand why Part 5 is fucking hilariously plot hole-y) are the only ones who dislike the "just werks" maymay

If I were the sculptor, I'd be damned proud of myself.

Ahaha
Ahahahhahaha
AHHAHAHAHAHAHA

...

>For example during a fight he won he erased the frames in which the guy he defeated died, so that guy was dead but he never stopped being alive, the dude kept going around as a walking corpse.
what? that sounds like the fucking worst power ever

It's also not at all what happened to Buaccarati and is a great example of why King Crimson makes absolutely no fucking sense whatsoever

So nobody is gonna point out the utter bullshit that is Gold Experience Requiem?

My players spent a solid MONTH of realtime avoiding my plots and de-escalating them before they ever got to the "4 retards jump down a hole to kill monsters" stage.

I got so fed up with them that I just dropped a fucking dungeon on them out of nowhere and had them make a DC21 Dm Fiat save to avoid it.

To be fair, 3 of them did enjoy the dungeon, and the 1 that DIDN'T enjoy the dungeon was the one that was always the quietest and least active in resolving problems through diplomacy. Sometimes I wonder what she even wanted out of the campaign, if it wasn't throwing a wrench into the diplomacy, or dungeon dicerolling.

I don't see w-
>nonsensical
Oh you.

All that requires is making women able to vote, and having a woman's vote be worth the same as a man's vote.

Though you might argue that womens' suffrage is nonsensical, since Nations are backed by War* and voting is essentially payment or reward for defending your nation in war, and women do not take part in war, womens suffrage still exists IRL so it's not completely outside the realm of possibility.
*nations nowadays are not backed by anthing, but instead the nations serve as backing for Banking, which itself is backed by War. Given that women take part in banking just as much as men, perhaps universal suffrage is just an inevitable result of wars being decided more by banks than by the nations' own people.

So just make a lady Habsburg or a lady Rothschild or a lady Rockefeller or a lady Medici be the head of the dynasty. Bam, female ruler, AND plot hook.

Not meaning to be a party pooper but some people think "flexible" means "bend to my ideal or fuck off", in the same way that some people think "tolerant" means "tolerate the things I like and the things I like ONLY. Tolerating things I dislike doesn't count"

attention, user, she wanted attention

women are aids in these groups, always and forever

Nations are the collective identity of one ideal racial/ethnic group. "GERMANS FOR GERMANY" and "FRENCH FOR FRANCE". The common notion with this is that these races of men are dedicated to their own self interest and advancement.

Example: The German values things differently from his French counterpart. To have these two men in a Senate would create an inborn hostility.

Thus with the inclusion of Womens suffrage, we have the issue that women as a whole value things even more differently than their men counterpart.

Such in a hypothetical senate, we will now have 4 different, competing interests. Female Germans vote differently from Male Germans, and doubly so for French males or Females.

Therefore, Womens suffrage creates a disorganized and inefficient democracy. This isn't even considering the poor voting tendencies of women and their track record when concerning their rationality and competency.

But that's beside the point. Just do what Ck2 does, and simply have Female rulers when the inheritance is shitty. (No male heirs). It's an easier explanation for players versus dropping the Banking red pill.

I wasn't the DM but we were playing in Greyhawk and one of our players accidentally spilled Orange juice on the DM's carpet so he made him fight Tharizdun. I stopped playing with that DM after that session.

That is thoroughly inconsistent with the passive way she acted.
People who want attention tend to do things, and doing things gets you attention.

Either you're completely wrong, or there's some kind of "passive attention gathering" behaviour that I am utterly clueless about.

If you ask her, she was here because she enjoyed spending time with the rest of us. I see nothing inconsistent about this, but I have to wonder what she wanted us to DO. What task we were to work on, that she would want to participate in, and work alongside us.

I'm not going to elaborate too much, but women don't lead, they follow. And she was there for the attention. The attention only undersexed nerds can provide, and she has to neither work for it nor sex them afterwards.

I wish I didn't lose my Veeky Forums folder with the couple that were practically dating but the guy was shonen-stupid. Needless to say, Veeky Forums, bad with women since 2003.

>Nations are the collective identity of one ideal racial/ethnic group.
They were, back when nations were still backed by war.
War forms along racial lines, because "Take stuff from someone who isn't my family and give it to my family" is in our genetic code, and your race is your extended family (sort of).

I get that having a shared system of values is inherent to a nation, but I think you've got the timeline backwards. A shared system of vales arises BECAUSE you share land with your kinsmen.

>Thus with the inclusion of Womens suffrage, we have the issue that women as a whole value things even more differently than their men counterpart.
Correct but irrelevant. Women have the same "take stuff from other families, give it to my family" drive as Men. Main difference is that women will happily poach from their neighbours (or the nation's taxpayers), while men prefer not to. This is probably because women were involved in the affairs of their close family, whereas men were involved in the affairs of their nation.

Strange, though. Women nowadays are involved in the affairs of the nation, but if anything they've become MORE self-interested. Wonder why. You'd think giving women the vote would make them more interested in supporting their country, but they use it for the opposite (on average).

>This isn't even considering the poor voting tendencies of women and their track record when concerning their rationality and competency.
They do perfectly well when trained for it! We just never bothered training them, and now it's 2016 and women #reking themselves with poor decisions is considered a fact of life that the patriarchy should counteract by throwing money at it.
(Hint to any Patriarchy reading this: throw training and grooming and domestication at it. Problems aren't solved by money, they're solved by people.)

Anecdotes might be complete shit because you can prove anything with a sample size of 1, but:

In my World of Warcraft playing days, any guild that let women do whatever they want would implode on itself, because the women would inevitably use their feelings as a justification for booting out the effective (but "creepy") dps, but assigning loot to the ineffective (but "cute") dps.

This is because using your short-term and subjective emotions is a really bad idea when making decisions on long-term things involving numbers, and people will value their feelz by default (since feelz are pretty damn useful in most situations, just not this one).

Get a guild where you teach the women that it doesn't matter what they find "creepy" or "cute", and it doesn't matter whether your male members find the girl "hot" or "ugly", it's your Numbers that determine who gets loot, and who we keep when two group members are incompatible.
You fucking watch how hard the girls Number. Half of them will whine that you're being sexist or trolling or whatever and will instantly be given the gboot, the other half will GIT FUKKEN GUD so they can have power over the people they don't like. Get two girls competing for your guild's supply of e-dick, and tell them that the winner is the one with the biggest numbers? Good lord they'll top ther charts within 2 weeks.

See this with any guild run by a girl. Those run by feelz girls will collapse, but those run by numbers girls will instantly shut down any attempt to e-sex your way to the top**, and said female GLs will often be iron hardasses to any girls that try to pull the "im cute give purplz" shit.
Sadly, these guilds WILL collapse in a succession war when one female recruit outNumbers their leader, but it works fine until then.

**I've actually managed to e-sex my way into power with one of said female run guilds once. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed of myself.

I told one guy he was a wizard.

>but women don't lead, they follow. And she was there for the attention. The attention only undersexed nerds can provide, and she has to neither work for it nor sex them afterwards.
Impossible because she never DID ANYTHING for the attention!
If a girl wanted attention, why didn't she take center spotlight for the roleplaying? why didn't she start barking tactics for the dungeon crawl?

I'm not saying you're wrong in the general case, but in this SPECIFIC case, you're flat out wrong. This girl never did anything that would suggest she wanted attention. I did try to nudge her into a more prominent role for a bit, but when she utterly didn't give a shit I just gave up and let the other 3 fight for it.

My 3 has one RP king that goes into autsimalfits when the others don't agree with his way of RP,
one Combat King that I'm pretty sure retreats into his own mind and starts planning character builds whenever NPC interaction starts,
and one Smartass that honestly provides pretty decent advice for both but you KNOW he's doing it for the IRL (You)s and the positive attention he gets from providing a good idea.
And the 4th, who doesn't seem to be having fun, and only really speaks up to antagonise RP king and contradict Combat king. Combat king will always, without fail, ask her for input. She gives none. 100% of the goddamn time.
When she says RP king isn't doing things right, we just basically ignore her because none of us can figure out how to get her to CHOOSE SOMETHING TO DO during the RP. "I ask for a quest" or "I disagree with him" or "I tell them we beat the {x}" IS NOT A CHOICE. It's the in-character equivalent of Skip Dialogue and you fucking know it.

It's not like the nerds were undersexed. Smartass had a GF. RP King, as far as I can tell, was Asexual. I'm not interested in adult women and Combat King was your typical basement neckbeard that I'm pretty sure was uncomfortable with Quiet's cooties or whatever.

I can smell the factory freshness

You seem to assume Nations as a whole are formed entirely or "backed" by war. Though your understanding of Tribalism and clannish behavior is superb, I still disagree with you on the first point.

War is a necessity, a tool for survival that allows society to either thrive or die. But often times for the benefit of said society it is more important and beneficial to grow under peace time.

As well as among the many tools of said society is the inclusion of Diplomacy and familial bonds. Nation may war, but in the end, peace is often the most desired path, and the inclusion of blood ties.

One does not make war against their brother, is often a good bit of logical thinking.

Thus my main disagreement with your statement is that War is but one of 3 tools of a society, and later Nation.

Also, you seem to prove my past statement on women. There tendency to "rek" themselves as you say, is due once again to their nature. Though true, they can be taught and trained, but this is only possible if Men have sole control over society, versus universal suffrage.

I suppose you have some interesting points. Guess I'm reading up on how nations form tonight.

But is it really necessary that Man trains the woman?
Can't Older (and already trained) Woman train younger woman?

Players in a Dread game (for those of you who don't know, you pull blocks from a Jenga tower to resolve actions) were up against a guy who could split time in two, choosing the more favorable path. This was represented by them having to pull a block, then replace it and pull a different block. Whichever outcome was worse was the one he chose. This battle took place in the manager's office of a local Walmart.

That is how it works naturally. But just as every boy learns from the Father, so too must the girl. From the Father, she learns about the qualities of a good husband, the duty of raising her house right, and to be the peacekeeper for her new husband when he is troubled or stressed.

But in a time like this, when young and old women forget the important things of society, we must start the process again.

Wonder if there's a different way.

The way I see it, we don't necessarily need to return to the old ways.

Just make it so the new ways involve people helping each-other to NOT rek themselves, instead of letting people rek themselves and blaming the white cis male.

Not sure if this thread got meta in terms of providing bullshit or not.

To show off the true powerful bbeg, I made him show up and kill the party, he is now the BBEG of the new campaign.

Fug that's so cute.

How meta is too meta user?

Don't trigger me, I just lost a full team of my best guys and trinkets

You cannot learn a thing
you think
you know

I made them fight an undead dragon that wasn't undead but rather was so fucking nuts that it ascended the concept of being dead At level 1

>People who haven't actually WRYYYD the manga (or are too stupid to understand why Part 5 is fucking hilariously plot hole-y) are the only ones who dislike the "just werks" maymay
I'll admit I haven't read part 5, but are you sure you aren't just basing it on the old, notoriously bad translations for part 5?

Quality of the translations notwithstanding, Part5 is when JoJo went off the fucking rails with a vengenace.

The plot and lore went all over the place, the powers of the stands broke all previously stablished powerlevels with a fuckton of inconcistencies to boot, and the character designs went from "kinda weird but kinda cool" to "transexual fashion models doing transexual fashion model things". Those guys were supposed to be italian mafiosos for fuck's sake.

I can't wrap my head around why Part5 was and still is so beloved in Japan while Part4 got a terribly mediocre and lukewarm response.

The horrible translations were actually part of the charm (and weren't half as bad as Duwang went down on Part 4, though to be fair part 4 got a much better translation way before Vento Aureo got its own improved translation).

I fucking loved the artwork and a lot of the fights from Vento Aureo, it was just an abysmal story because of how fucking boring and fight-y it was. It was Part 3 with someone equally autistic as Jotaro, but without the star supporting cast to make it bearable (and Diavolo is literally the worst villain of all time)