Urban Oni Quest 22

Your name is Amy Nakamura, a 17 year old void Oni, and you’re about to watch movies with your best friend and your cousin. Of course this is a lot odder than the average movie watching, mostly because your best friend your Lord, and your cousin is a Kitsune child whom you’ve hated until (incredibly) recently. Your life continues to spiral in random directions. You wouldn’t say you dislike it however, on the contrary, it’s been getting pretty…. Fun.

That aside, you and your slumber mates are desperately trying to figure out what to watch. Normally this would be a fairly easy issue to fix buuuut… You have three very different people quarreling about what to watch and the results are pretty far from easy to fix.

“We should watch ‘Zombie werewolves 5’ I heard they got real werewolves for it.” Trish says, testing out her “Lord” voice. It isn’t really working for her.

“Can we like, just watch something funny? Howabout Legally Elf? It’s a classic!” Your cousin adds.

“We need something nice an long, we should wat-“

“If you say Lord of he Rings, I’m slapping you.” Trish interrupts you.

Hmph.

>Lord of the Rings.

>Shitty horror movies.

>Shitty comedies.

>Write-in?

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>Shitty horror movies.

Archive: suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Urban Oni Quest

Twitter: @StrikeZone13

Rules: Votes are given a 10-15 minute voting period (This is not a hard time limit), the dice used are 3d10s and the occasional d100 both are best of three. I try to add write-ins to the post if they’re applicable to the situation, shitposting write-ins will be ignored unless they are genuinely funny and can be added.

Try to have fun!

>Lord of the Rings.

>Shitty horror movies.

>Shitty horror movies

How you doin Strike? Also sucks that Anonkun went down while Eail was runnin his new quest.

Yeah it's a pain, I wonder why it went down?

Hell if I know, Hope it gets fixed soon though.

Kas.

Writing.


KASCOOOOOOODE!!!

You know if Eail's going to continue running today if it comes back up?

“Alright!” you declare as you clap your hands together. “We’re watching shitty horror movies. I don’t wanna sit here all night arguing.”

“Sweet.”

“I guess…”

“I’m glad we got that squared away, now, what do we watch?”

“Already said what I wanted to watch.” Trish says.

“Well… I do know one good one I watched with my mom a few years ago. It was super scary.”

>Zombie werewolves 5 (shitty)

>In the eye (slightly less shitty, ghosts)

>The Hold (Dwarven horror movie, fucking piss your pants scary, yuki’s recommendation.)

>Write-in? (Anything you can think of,the sillier the better. Add a description if you want.)

Maybe, it might depend on if he has work tomorrow.

>>Write-in? (Anything you can think of,the sillier the better. Add a description if you want.)

Zombieland 3 The Quest for the Ho-Hos.

>The Hold (Dwarven horror movie, fucking piss your pants scary, yuki’s recommendation.)
>Inb4 it's a Boatmurdered documentary

>>Zombie werewolves 5 (shitty)
I wish he'd go back to JAQ..and Brine'd come back for SAQ

>The Hold (Dwarven horror movie, fucking piss your pants scary, yuki’s recommendation.)

I still miss SWQ and Broly...

Same, Broly a best.

Writing.

Roll me a 3d10 for how well you handle this movie.

Rolled 1, 10, 3 = 14 (3d10)

Rolled 5, 8, 7 = 20 (3d10)

Will Yuki and Trish also have to roll?
Not bad user.

yep

Rolled 7, 8, 1 = 16 (3d10)

come on, For the Lord!

Rolled 9, 2, 10, 2 = 23 (4d10)

Not bad, not amazing rolling for Trish

For fucks sake Trish, Quit browsing /x/.

Wait never mind, She only got two passes like us.

Rolled 1, 5, 8 = 14 (3d10)

Trish remains un-phased

yuki's turn

HURRAY ANONKUN'S BACK STRIKE!

It's the sequence, she beat 9, you only beat 7.

And Yuki only beat 5, oh dear.

I saw.

Writing.

Yuki clinging to us in terror?

>And Yuki only beat 5, oh dear.
Pat pat.

Man this movie must be pretty spoopy, it's made strike scared to post it!

>Inb4 it's posted as I type this.

The three of you recline lazily on the couch as Trish ques up the movie on Netflix. You’ve never seen “The Hold” before, but supposedly it’s one of the scariest movies ever made. Dwarven cinema is pretty famous for its no nonsense approach and apparently this movie capitalized heavily on that. It starts off pretty normal, several dwarf teens go on a trip to an old abandoned Hold in the middle of nowhere. This is supposed to be scary? It’s just the same as human horror films, big tittied bimbos and all. Although you knew better than to take it at face value…

The movie seemed off, not just in tone but in the way it was filmed. Just the angles and the colors… it was all off-putting. The real kicker though, was the lack of jump scares, the movie used honest to God tension and dramatic build up. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t getting kind of scared. You take a look at your friends and see… That Trish isn’t bothered in the slightest, she’s watching it with great intensity, but she’s not scared. Yuki on the other hand is…. Terrified. She’s covering up the lower part of her face with a pillow and her ears are tilted backwards.

>…I thought you saw this before Yuki?

>Keep watching.

>Write-in?

>…I thought you saw this before Yuki?
>Pat pat

>…I thought you saw this before Yuki?
>Pet scared cousin

>…I thought you saw this before Yuki?
>Pat pat

Writing.

I forgot how quiet mondays are.

Alrighty, How against would people be about getting some iron tipped gloves or knuckledusters. I kinda want to go full on punk look with Amy. Nothing screams punk to me more than leather gloves with studded knuckles though.

No thanks, I'd rather not go for a punk look, Amy just doesn't scream punk to me, But getting some knuckle dusters would be okay if they are oni forged, And if you can find a legal pair.

Pretty heavily against it.

Since we can only get one Oniforged weapon for a loooong time, most people were leaning tetsubo or daisho.

Yeah, I think we should still get a tetsubo, Since if we're going to be fighting something dangerous enough that we have to use a weapon, We won't be in human form.

“I thought you’d seen this movie before Yuki?” You ask as you lean over Trish and rub your cousin’s head. You’re not entirely sure why you keep doing that… But it does seem to calm her down a little bit.

“I could hardly watch it the first time… I covered myself up and hid behind mom.” She tells you as she leans into your hand a bit more.

“Will you two be quiet? I’m trying to watch here.” Trish says, as the movie continues to play out. At this point there’s only the big tittied bimbo, her boyfriend and the black dwarf left. Which is weird, considering the black dwarf usually dies first. Well whatever. The atmosphere in the film continues to get darker and darker as the try to escape by any means necessary.

>Roll 3d10 for fear.

Rolled 1, 1, 6 = 8 (3d10)

tetsubo is the currently best choice for a first Oni weapon, but getting mundane weapons are still certainly on the list. Maybe we can take Trish and Yuki to a gun range sometime? It would be amusing to find out Trish has a hidden talent with small arms.

Rolled 1, 9, 3 = 13 (3d10)

Rolled 5, 5, 5 = 15 (3d10)

Rolled 8, 2, 2 = 12 (3d10)

oof that first roll. I can't remember does that count as a crit fail? Or would it only be 3 straight 1's

Wow, Does that count for something special?

Critfail is when all three numbers in all three rolls fail to meet the difficulty.

We are decidedly meh about this movie.

A triple's gotta account for something, right?

It counts for us only being as scared as Yuki was, assuming Amy isn't more inherently fear-resistant (which she could be).

Rolled 5, 10, 7, 2 = 24 (4d10)

Oh dear, even with a crit you're scared

Rolling for Trish.

Inb4 Amy crits the fear roll.

Well, I mean, We are an oni?
Aw c'mon, No bonus against fear, I mean we are literally a japanese demon.

fookin Amy I swear she consorts with devils for these dice rolls.

Oh baby, trips with trips

I think you meant trish.

Rolled 9, 7, 3 = 19 (3d10)

This movie is fucking ridiculous, it managed to scare Trish.

Now for Yuki

I did in fact mean Trish I don't know why those words got replaced with each other.

Clearly we transferred our bravery to our cousin through headpats.

>She stopped watching and became headpats

Nah, She got a worse roll than Trish, She failed also.

Oh, she just missed it. That would've been funny.

Writing.

Errybody needs a blanket and a flashlight tonight!

I assumed it was more of a sliding scale than a static DC.

Always a static DC.

Nah, Cuddle pile tonight for safety, We're the big spoon, Yuki is the medium spoon, And Trish is small spoon.

Yuki was right! This movie is fucking scary, one minute they were just talking and then he was gone. The boyfriend was just FUCKING GONE. No music to give it away, no obvious jump out bullshit. You even hear Trish gulp. The rest of the movie starts to culminate towards a great scary ending as the black dwarf also disappeared, just leaving the bimbo. The end of the film has her moving down the first hallway of the film. She’s just done at this point, there’s no real emotion left on the character’s face as she walks closer and closer to the entrance.

When she finally gets there she’s greeted by a silhouette, it’s much taller than dwarf. The tall figure extends its hand towards her… She reaches back for it, and takes its hand in hers. The movie ends with the two of them slowly fading from the frame as the credits start to roll.

Jesus H. Christ

>Comfort the hyperventilating fox.

>Comfort the Lord who actually hid behind a pillow.

>WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SHAKING?

>Write-in?

>BIG ONI NEEDS COMFORT CUDDLING! GRAB THEM BOTH!

Ha, Second, I feel bad for them, We probably actually did change into Oni form accidently because of fright.

Don't mind me, just writing this down.

Third.

Writing.

I kinda want some more names of movies from this universe I can only imagine that superhero movies might actually be based off a true story.

You reach over and scoop both of them into you, it was quick it might as well have been a reflex. You smother both of them to your chest as you try and keep yourself from shaking. Yuki has wrapped her arms around your middle as her entire body from her ears to her tail shake. Trish is a bit more composed, but she’s staring blankly at the TV. She’s also not moving her head from under your boob, which is about the size of her entire hea-

Wait a second, when did you shift into Oni form?

Oh God?

>Palate cleanser NOW!

>TIME FOR BED!

>Write-in?

>Palate cleanser NOW!

>Palate cleanser NOW!

>>Palate cleanser NOW!

Time for a comedy and or makeover.

Comedy, Definitely a comedy, Maybe one of the naked guns?

>Palate cleanser NOW!
We shifted form for a reason don't swap back. Plus large Oni Laughs are better

Writing

Inb4 the movie was REAAALLLLLLL

Who said it wasn't?

Please no "IT WAS REAL AND NOW YOU'RE CURSED BECAUSE YOU WATCHED IT!" stuff please, It's so annoying.

“ALRIGHTY!” You say a bit too loudly, “I need a palate cleanser, anyone have a good idea?” You ask both of your couch mates who are still pressed up against you.

“Well we could just watch a comedy movie.” Yuki says.

“Or we could do something else, like m-make overs.” Trish says as she spits out the last few words. Yeah, she’d probably bitch and moan the whole time if you did that.

“Like, omigosh, I never thought you would say that!” Your cousin exclaims. You’d really rather not do that either…

>Watch a shitty comedy.

>Go to bed.

>Make overs

>Write-in a slumber party activity.

>Get the last of the leftovers.
>Watch a decent comedy.

>Get the last of the leftovers.
>Watch a decent comedy.

>Get the last of the leftovers.
>Watch a decent comedy.

Second.

Writing.

“I’m going to go heat up the leftovers, you two scaredy cats pick a comedy. A GOOD ONE.” You tell them as you remove them from your bosom. You get up and stretch, shaking the last of the shakes from your legs. Y-you totally weren’t scared by that movie at all, totally. You duck under the entry way that leads into the kitchen, you don’t want your horns scraping the frame. You quickly heat up the dinner you made earlier as Trish and Yuki squabble over what to watch next. This is pretty relaxing, scary movies aside. Who knew your evening would end like this?

You put the dinner into one huge bowl and grab three forks. You’re not sure if anyone else would want any, but it’s better safe then sorry. Your two friends look like they’ve stopped arguing as you walk back in the room. You plop down in-between them causing the couch to groan dangerously…. You’re not that heavy….

“Alright Amy we’ve narrowed it down to two choices.” Trish tells you.

“Which one do you wanna watch?” Yuki pipes up from your other side.

>Beijrn, Dwarf in the city.

>Horrible Necromancers.

>Ted 3, the spookying.

>Write-in a comedy.

>Naked gun 2

>Horrible Necromancers.

>Horrible Necromancers.

>Horrible Necromancers

Well geez guys I didn't know you guys wanted to watch Ted 3 so badly.