Hyperdimension Dwarf Fortress Quest 75

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Twitter: twitter.com/BlorpQuest

You are Urist Twelfthbay, and you are the moe personification of Dwarf Fortress because the universe of Gamindustri is a sick sunnovabitch. The less said about that, the better.

As a short, sturdy creature fond of drink and industry, you're no stranger to booze or inebriation. Hell, you're reasonably sure that's why monsters always delight in ripping your minions open: your average dwarf's blood alcohol content is high enough to get anyone rip-roaring drunk from fumes alone.

Thing is, you're not very familiar with the /effects/ of getting drunk, 'cause the amount of booze required to make you black out is about the same amount required to kill you by alcohol poisoning. You've never had to develop weird folksy remedies against hangovers, like using xdog hairx or resorting to drinking water. Why would you? You're always either 1) detrimentally sober, 2) sufficiently boozed up, or 3) dead from alcohol poisoning.

So when you DO see someone passed out from too much booze, it's always a little disquieting. It's like being able to see /both/ possible statuses of Schrodinger's cat happening at the same time, and then the damn beast adds a previously unknowable gray area between dead and alive.

So yeah, Compa's somewhere between "sufficiently boozed up" and "has too much booze and may or may not die," and you can't fucking tell where she is on that sliding scale. Doesn't help that the idiot interpreted "yes, you can drink this" as "drink the whole goddamned flask, do it now."

(Cont.)

Other urls found in this thread:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rollmops
twitter.com/NSFWRedditImage

You stare at the pink-haired girl for just long enough to note that she IS breathing, and SEEMS healthy enough. Just to be sure, you whip out your Diagnostician skill- which doesn't really help, because it helpfully informs you that she is unconscious.

... right. This is a job for someone else.

>[X] [WALK THROUGH BASILICOM]

For a moment, you debate knocking up a sign or miniature fortress around Compa, but ultimately decide against either. First, you're not sure how the hell you'd phrase something like that; "Do Not Disturb, Piss Drunk" probably wouldn't help. Second, knocking up ANY indestructible structure without you there to operate any doors, drawbridges, or levers seems like a good way to accidentally atom-smash some poor bastard.

Leaving the nurse-ish girl where she is- slumped in a chair, hugging that giant syringe like one of those body pillows- you jog through the Planeptune Basilicom, looking for someone you can fob this off to. Almost immediately, you find IF and Neptune. More specifically, you /hear/ IF; she's in the middle of chewing out the goddess of all things Sega.

(Cont.)

You creep up to the open door, keeping out of sight. On the plus side, IF doesn't sound /that/ angry; all that stuff she's saying about power, responsibility, and the importance of not disappearing without a trace seems like a well-rehearsed speech at this point, although it's interspersed by the occasional "sign this" and "no, you can't have a pudding yet."

On the other hand, you... you don't know how long IF's good mood'll last when you up and tell her that you got her good friend rip-roaring drunk, especially since she was meant to watch over you and make sure you don't do shitty things. Like getting people rip-roaring drunk so you can sneak away.

... well, you either gotta tread carefully, or run really really fast.

>CHOOSE ONE OF THE FOLLOWING
[ ] [FESS UP] Just tell IF straight up that someone oughta look after Compa, and prepare to stand your ground. That's more important than worrying about pulling your own ass out of the fire.
[ ] [PREPARE TO FLEE] Tell IF that Compa's rip-roaring drunk and needs assistance, and get ready to run like hell. /Technically/, it's not your fault, and you've got better things to be doing than suffering wiht Neptune.
[ ] [LOOK FOR SOMEONE ELSE] Because there have to be more than, like, two other named characters in the entire goddamned Planeptune Basilicom, and you're willing to take your chances with one of Neptune's other hypothetical friends.
[ ] [WRITE-IN]

>[ ] [FESS UP] Just tell IF straight up that someone oughta look after Compa, and prepare to stand your ground. That's more important than worrying about pulling your own ass out of the fire.

Don't be a pussy

Thread move to another d--- wait, what!

>[x] [FESS UP] Just tell IF straight up that someone oughta look after Compa, and prepare to stand your ground. That's more important than worrying about pulling your own ass out of the fire.
>[x]Remember to apologize while pointing out that it really wasn't your fault.

Is... is this real? Is this an actual thread?!

>[ ] [FESS UP] Just tell IF straight up that someone oughta look after Compa, and prepare to stand your ground. That's more important than worrying about pulling your own ass out of the fire.

Good to have you back, Blorp!

>[ ] [FESS UP] Just tell IF straight up that someone oughta look after Compa, and prepare to stand your ground. That's more important than worrying about pulling your own ass out of the fire.

We know trantrums and fell moods, for Urist is the personification of Dwarf Fortress.

>[X] [PREPARE TO FLEE] Tell IF that Compa's rip-roaring drunk and needs assistance, and get ready to run like hell. /Technically/, it's not your fault, and you've got better things to be doing than suffering wiht Neptune.

If Blorp had a superpower, it would be super-postponement. Which, come to think of it, would be a pretty useful power, if it was widely-applicable. Postpone your bills, your pain, your failures and even your death. Just remember you can't postpone things forever.

>[ ] [FESS UP] Just tell IF straight up that someone oughta look after Compa, and prepare to stand your ground. That's more important than worrying about pulling your own ass out of the fire.

Dwarven boozing is a frightful gift

>[ ] [FESS UP] Just tell IF straight up that someone oughta look after Compa, and prepare to stand your ground. That's more important than worrying about pulling your own ass out of the fire.
Not our fault she had no sense about liquor. Let's be indignant about it.

>pink-haired

Ă„hem, wasn't Compa orangeish haired?

Haha, I've made it.
>FESS UP

>Just remember you can't postpone things forever.

That sounds like quitter talk. Are you a quitter?

The best remedy against hangovers is a triple combination of some booze(dulls the pain), aspirin(ditto) and a bacon sandwich(makes the pain go away faster).

>[x] [FESS UP] Just tell IF straight up that someone oughta look after Compa, and prepare to stand your ground. That's more important than worrying about pulling your own ass out of the fire.
Compa's just winding down a bit, nothing to worry about.

>[X] [FESS UP] Just tell IF straight up that someone oughta look after Compa, and prepare to stand your ground. That's more important than worrying about pulling your own ass out of the fire.

I would deny that and would instead bring out a good old german remedie: Rollmops.
It has enough nutrients and fluids to make up what you lost and make the pain go away.

And never drink more alkohol. So long as you do not have alkohol poisoning, more alk is the least what you want to have. (With poisoning, it is needed to bind the more poisonous stuff into less poisonous stuff.)

>[x] [FESS UP] Just tell IF straight up that someone oughta look after Compa, and prepare to stand your ground. That's more important than worrying about pulling your own ass out of the fire.

>[ ] [LOOK FOR SOMEONE ELSE] Because there have to be more than, like, two other named characters in the entire goddamned Planeptune Basilicom, and you're willing to take your chances with one of Neptune's other hypothetical friends.

Wait, I thought the thread was in twelve days

>[ ] [LOOK FOR SOMEONE ELSE] Because there have to be more than, like, two other named characters in the entire goddamned Planeptune Basilicom, and you're willing to take your chances with one of Neptune's other hypothetical friends.
We need someone who doesn't sound like a noble.

Alright, looks like [FESS UP] more or less sweeps this vote; writing!

Also, I would retort to all this incredulity, but I have nothing to defend myself with. Glad to be back, though!

...... actually, I've been staring at her picture for the past five minutes and keep coming back inconclusive. I honestly cannot tell.

Either I've just discovered a slight colorblindness (which is entirely possible, since my father has it bad) or her hair is some strange murky realm between orange and pink.

light orange

Don't worry, I also got confused in the beginning with the nonsensical structuring of dates as M/D/Y that the english talker use instead of the more logical D/M/Y.

>or her hair is some strange murky realm between orange and pink.
I can confirm.

> [] DRIVE BY CONFESSION

Why wait to flee when we can shout the information out to IF and Neptune while travelling at an appreciable speed past them? Then they have to choose whether to chase us or check on Compa, weighted by the limited information we gave them?

Just popping in to say I love you and everything you do Blorp!

It's sort of a light strawberry blonde?

...

>while travelling at an appreciable speed
On a minecart?

Looks like a peach color to me m8.

We have our top artists debating on the color of a peach. So far their results seem incomprehensible to any other than Yoko Ono. We need help.

No, I was just joking about delays

The barest hints of pink, but basically orangish blond

Peach-colored.

Don't remind me of E3, I'm still recovering. Everything is horrible.

It's clearly octarine

I will keep reminding you.

What happened at E3?

Was it really that bad?
Hope this will make the pain better.

Light strawberry pink orangecterine it is, then. Compa's hair is cut from the very fabric of unreality itself, causing all who gaze upon it to collapse into gibbering madness.

Just kidding! It's the "desu"s that drive people mad.

...

>EA: SPORTS SPORTS SPORRRTS
>Bethesda: fallout Dlc, doom, and unreal tournament anyone?

Fuck if I know anything after that I stopped watching after Bethesdas conference

What the hell am I looking at, finnish sushi?

Or it could just be a gradient from top to bottom.

So nothing new then?
Alright i got Total warhammer so im good

It is a german dish.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rollmops

Naaaaaaahhhhhhh there's nooooooo wayyyyyyyy that's true you'd have to be maaaad

what in the fucking hell happened at the xbone and sony conferences? I've been busy all day

As long as it isn't about an announcement that Microsoft, Sony, Nintendo and Sega ahve decided to work together and bring out a console together, it couldn't be anything really important.

literally nothing, just them talking bout rehashes and shit people already knew about, be, theres kojimas new game, the new zelda, and the new pokemon, also new god of War and Call of dog, infinite dogfare.

I haven't been actively watching it, but I've heard it's the yearly "Microsoft tries SUPER HARD, Sony one ups them, Nintendo just has cool stuff."

Don't you mean
Nintendo shows its Experience in making and maintaining fanboys

Isn#t taht one and the same for Consoles?

No, consoles are hardware while fanboys are some sort of shroom

...

>Microsoft tries SUPER HARD, Sony one ups them, Nintendo flips a coin, heads=IT PRINTS MONEY, tails=star fox zero.
FIFTY

Why is Noire directing an orchestra naked?

Because she's worst girl.

Cause sony has no shame

HIGHEST QUALITY PIXELS

Reference to the Kojima's new game "Death Stranding" trailer, I wager from the hand prints.

If my reports are accurate:
Vert reveals a XBOne S, which is capable of 4K 60fps.
Noire panics, doesn't show hardware.
Blanc does nothing of note.
>Neptune

Plenty of vidya gayms, tho. God of War: Viking Edition, Call of Star Wars, some ICO thing and Dawn of War 3.

Wasting trips on b8? Low, man.

If he tried to push the exact same game before he was fired, than I can understand why they fired him.
It seems he wants to bring an unneccessary message hamfisted to the people who play on playstation.

In another words: Kojima is a Nobledwarf.

That was just weird?

What is this game supposed to even be about

>Kojima
Do you really want to ask that question?

Mix someone from "the Walking Dead", mysterious little human (Baby), Oil slick and dead sealife.
Now shake that around.
Voila. No matter what else is in the game, it is bound to have a hamfisted, over the top hyperbole message about the environment, mix in the known quirks of Kojima and there will be somewhere attractive young girls in little to no clothing and phylosophysing about human psychology whitch is more miss than hit.

Well, that is if he has gotten some things out of his system with the agmes he made before.

>[X] [DWARF UP AND FESS UP]

You snort. Yeah, no, you're not fleeing; you've taken your fair share of lumps from angry Gamindustri natives before. However bad IF's anger might get, it can't possibly be worse than Mojang's sorrowful disappointment (which you've only experienced once, but once was one time too many).

Deciding not to skulk any longer, you just sort of knock on the door frame. IF looks up with a frown. "Oh, it's you. Compa, why'd you bring-"

When it's clear that you're alone, though, /that's/ when you have Iffy's undivided attention. You watch her frown morph into a full-on suspicious glare; clearly an expression she's worn far too many times to count. "Where's Compa?" she asks, her voice promising imminent violence.

You open your mouth to reply, only for Neptune to poke her big fat head up and beat you to the punch. "Urist, did you introduce Compa to alcohol and convince her to drink too much?" she calls out.

"Neptune, don't be ridiculous," Iffy growls. "That sort of thing only happens in-"

"Comics, anime, and Gamindustri!" the goddess retorts.

IF sighs and turns back to pin you with a look and a raised eyebrow.

... nah, the Nep has it right. Except Compa convinced /herself/ to drink too much, and she's currently conked out outside Nepgear's hospital zone.

"Hospital /what/- ugh, forget it," Iffy groans, running a hand down her face. "Why would you even offer a drink to Compa? Who even carries that much alcohol on them?"

You're a /dwarf/, you snap back, and she only drank one measly flask! Look, it's not your fault there's no middle ground between "can hold all the liquor" and "gets drunk on fumes"!

"Aaah, whatever! I'll handle Compa. Don't cause any trouble, otherwise you're doing half of Neptune's paperwork." Iffy pushes past you distractedly, her trenchcoat's tails flaring behind her. "Neptune, keep an eye on her!"

"Roger that!" The purple-haired goddess chirrups, throwing a salute to IF's departing back.

(Cont.)

... and once IF's out of hearing range, Neptune stands up, stretches her arms over her head, and hops over to stand in front of you. "C'mon, Urist, I'll show you around!"

You do your best to channel IF and give Nep your best, deadpan stare. She just /told/ you guys to keep out of trouble.

"She didn't tell us to stay here! Stop being such a stick in the mud!" Neptune wails, clutching at your shoulder. "Save me from all this paperwork, even if it's just for a few minutes!"

She was working for all of five minutes!

"Five minutes is five minutes too long! I'm not a thinker, I'm a doer!" Neptune pouts, puffing her cheeks out. "At least help me with my work, so that I can finish it faster! That way, Iffy won't go on the warpath!"

You pinch the bridge of your nose, wishing for the relative peace and quiet of your own fortress. Sure, up in the void, you're in constant danger of getting absolutely destroyed in all sorts of horrible ways, but at least you wouldn't have to deal with Neptune all by yourself.

>CHOOSE ONE OF THE FOLLOWING:
[ ] [TOUR OF THE BASILICOM] Let Neptune lead your around the damn place. To be perfectly honest, you're pretty curious about the place- and this way, you shouldn't have any problems if you bump into any other overzealous IF-types.
[ ] [HELP NEPTUNE OUT] Fine! Fine. Your day-to-day life might as well be text-based, for all the menus you have to go through; a little paperwork won't kill you. Maybe you owe Neptune that much, given all that's happened (and all the times her powers pulled you out of danger).
[ ] [NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE] Yeah, nah, Neptune's on her own- you're taking a brisk stroll of the Basilicom by yourself, regardless of what Nep or IF says.
[ ] [NEP NEP NEP NEP] Keep Neptune company and make sure she doesn't get into trouble, but don't let her foist her work off on you. You've caused IF and Compa enough trouble as-is; might as well do what they say, for once.
[ ] [WRITE-IN]

[ ] [NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE] Yeah, nah, Neptune's on her own- you're taking a brisk stroll of the Basilicom by yourself, regardless of what Nep or IF says.

>[ ] [HELP NEPTUNE OUT] Fine! Fine. Your day-to-day life might as well be text-based, for all the menus you have to go through; a little paperwork won't kill you. Maybe you owe Neptune that much, given all that's happened (and all the times her powers pulled you out of danger).
>[ ] [WRITE-IN] Tinker with DFHack

It's time to train in Organizer. And possibly blow up Neptune's office.

>[ ] [TOUR OF THE BASILICOM] Let Neptune lead your around the damn place. To be perfectly honest, you're pretty curious about the place- and this way, you shouldn't have any problems if you bump into any other overzealous IF-types.

>[ ] [HELP NEPTUNE OUT] Fine! Fine. Your day-to-day life might as well be text-based, for all the menus you have to go through; a little paperwork won't kill you. Maybe you owe Neptune that much, given all that's happened (and all the times her powers pulled you out of danger).

We can only improve Nep. But make sure that Nep doesn't try to push the singning onto you. That she has to do herself, wven if her hands hurt.

>[ ] [HELP NEPTUNE OUT] Fine! Fine. Your day-to-day life might as well be text-based, for all the menus you have to go through; a little paperwork won't kill you. Maybe you owe Neptune that much, given all that's happened (and all the times her powers pulled you out of danger).
Paperwork can't be that devastating to a veteran dorf, right?

I half expect the work to be entirely signing things.

>[ ] [TOUR OF THE BASILICOM] Let Neptune lead your around the damn place. To be perfectly honest, you're pretty curious about the place- and this way, you shouldn't have any problems if you bump into any other overzealous IF-types.
Realistically there's about a 0% chance that this won't go horribly wrong, but at least this way they'll go wrong in a Neppy way rather than a dwarfy way so we won't get blamed for it.

>nope nope nope nooooooope

[ ] [HELP NEPTUNE OUT] Fine! Fine. Your day-to-day life might as well be text-based, for all the menus you have to go through; a little paperwork won't kill you. Maybe you owe Neptune that much, given all that's happened (and all the times her powers pulled you out of danger).

>Paperwork can't be that devastating to a veteran dorf, right?

The worst it can do, If I remember correctly, is make your behaviour Noble - like.

>[ ] [HELP NEPTUNE OUT] Fine! Fine. Your day-to-day life might as well be text-based, for all the menus you have to go through; a little paperwork won't kill you. Maybe you owe Neptune that much, given all that's happened (and all the times her powers pulled you out of danger).
IF is going to be impressed. Never before has this much paperwork actually ever been done in Planeptune. Ever.

[ ] [HELP NEPTUNE OUT] Fine! Fine. Your day-to-day life might as well be text-based, for all the menus you have to go through; a little paperwork won't kill you. Maybe you owe Neptune that much, given all that's happened (and all the times her powers pulled you out of danger).

Can we give out plans for construction of the "fuck the world" project involving lava?

.[ ] [NEP NEP NEP NEP] Keep Neptune company and make sure she doesn't get into trouble, but don't let her foist her work off on you. You've caused IF and Compa enough trouble as-is; might as well do what they say, for once.
Nepu

>[ ] [TOUR OF THE BASILICOM] Let Neptune lead your around the damn place. To be perfectly honest, you're pretty curious about the place- and this way, you shouldn't have any problems if you bump into any other overzealous IF-types.
Disregard the constabulary.

Until she realizes we've pinned in footnotes to every bill that clarify that in the event of irritating nobles, the solution is a magma bath.

All of these.

>Can we give out plans for construction of the "fuck the world" project involving lava?

If we could slip something like that between the whole paperwork, why not the permits to a piece of land where we can build a second dwarf fortress fortress. A colony of our fortress, so to speak. maybe with a two way portal in it between our two fortresses so that we doesn't need to go to a Basilicom the entire time?

[ ] [WRITE-IN]

Claim a table, set as office, activate record keeping and give Nep a lesson on paper pushing.

Only one fortress can exist in an inhabited state at a time, to make another you must abandon the first.

>Can we give out plans for construction of the "fuck the world" project involving lava?
I'd rather build a sock shotgun.

>The worst it can do, If I remember correctly, is make your behaviour Noble - like.

I think as long as Urist doesn't try to name her worplace things like "Cubeicel ONE" we are on the sane side.

>[ ] [HELP NEPTUNE OUT] Fine! Fine. Your day-to-day life might as well be text-based, for all the menus you have to go through; a little paperwork won't kill you. Maybe you owe Neptune that much, given all that's happened (and all the times her powers pulled you out of danger).

Seconding that.

Quite frankly, it would probably temper IF's anger to have her return and find out we pre-emptively did half Neptune's paperwork anyway. "You left us with Nep, of COURSE we were going to get in trouble!"

But the active one is in another dimension/world. I thing we could exploit something out of this.

[ ] [TOUR OF THE BASILICOM] Let Neptune lead your around the damn place. To be perfectly honest, you're pretty curious about the place- and this way, you shouldn't have any problems if you bump into any other overzealous IF-types.

DF is designed to be modified, nearly to the finest details.
I'm sure Urist has some tool to switch out active worlds.

guise guise guise, you're forgetting something. Do we really even WANT a plot of land in Planeptune?

What we want is a dozen or two new giant eggplant statues around.

Right, Urist is going to be a good samaritan and [HELP THE NEP]! And possibly attempt some foolhardy way of cutting corners. Writing!

Regarding the active number of fortresses: Urist is most likely limited to one active fort for now. There may be an upgrade that might change that, but it's also an open question as to whether that'll just drive her /crazier/.

Well, we have DFHack, DF Therapist and Full control of our selve... nope, no world swapping.