Does your girlfriend(or wife if you're old) support your tabletop habits?

Met my girlfriend through dnd indirectly.

She's an artist and I commissioned a character off her, got to talking, and have been thick as thieves since.

Well, you want to have about 6 kids, in order to make up for all the people in your extended family or your race who have 1 or 0, and to ensure that even if 2 of your kids go full NoKidsMode you're still spreading your genome over the generations.

If you're manually raising them and not using wetnurses, it's usually about 4 to 5 years after each child before you are ready to produce another one.
The last time you can pop out a child before your uterus shrivels up to an infertile state and the risk of birth defects is too high to continue is about age 37.

So, last one at 37
One at 32 (A bit risky, and off the far end of the fertility cliff at this point, but still viable)
One at 28 (middle of the fertility cliff, your uterus is drying up rapidly at this point)
One at 23 (your fertility starts declining at this point)
One at 19 (an optimal time to start reproduction)
and One at 15, which might be considered early in many parts of the world, but if you wanna produce 6 of 'em then it's a choice between taking a risk at 15 or taking a risk at fucking 40+, and 15 has by far the lowest risk.

Sure, if you wanna have like 3 kids.

Was it a porn commission?

This. Never had a girlfriend, probably never will. I don't have any friends to play Veeky Forums stuff with either. I just come here for the discussion and to live vicariously through stories. I wish I had people to play anything with.

Maybe in the next life I'll have a family and friends.

Note that you'll need to keep the same partner for a full 22 years (!) to accomplish this.
Since at 15 years old you're not gonna pick one you're happy with for all that time, get someone else to pick for you - typically getting your father to arrange a marriage, though your mother can arrange a marriage just as well.
It helps if you live in a part of the world where divorce isn't easy, so that you can't just ragequit halfway through, and end up with your reproduction only halfway done, and no other father's gonna pick up the slack if you've already got kids.
Another benefit to an arranged marriage is that there's usually a bride price, which means your hubby's gonna have enough money to support those 6 kids.

Roll20?

Rolled 1 (1d20)

ok. what for?

...

So. Much. Autism.

I feel like you have some form of high-functioning autism.

Huh. One of your hands is a lot smaller than the other and of a different color.

Did you have a really big accident that kept it in a cast for a few months?

How would I bend my left and right hands that way. Can you bend them that way?

roll20.net

Trying to get the wife and kids into tabletop rpgs. Any advice on where to start? I have a pathfinder starter set. Kids are 7, 9, and 10.

Well, all the more reason to have lots of kids! You'll need more to cancel out the risk that one inherits your autism

Unfortunately not, that would've been hilarious though

Make your palms face yourself.

Start with something simple. Old School systems would work and require little bookkeeping. D&D 5e Starter Set would work for the whole family, with a little guidance for the kids.

>I have a pathfinder starter set.
Excellent. Burn it and never let the cancer that is PF touch your children.

>Trying to get the wife and kids into tabletop rpgs.
NO
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

Don't get your wife involved in your hobbies! That's a timebomb waiting to go off, a disaster waiting to happen!
She'll have a different playstyle or different tastes to you, and you will fight over it!
Abort this plan of action immediately!

For getting your kids involved in RPGs I recommend Myfarog, Paranoia, or Dungeons and Dragons 3.5th edition.

5E or any other rules light is a good start. It's what I play with my son, daughter-in-law, and my wonderful grandchildren.

I myself started with AD&D back in the 70's, but I was about 24 then, but I'd not reccomend that for your young ones.

Just kidding.
Start your kids with MAID.
It's rules are simple, but it still has rules to govern how events resolve. It has roleplaying, but it doesn't bog them down in "muh immersive epic fantasy worldbuilding" and instead keeps the RP focused on a few things that matter.

>For getting your kids involved in RPGs I recommend Myfarog, Paranoia, or Dungeons and Dragons 3.5th edition.
These are all terrible suggestions.

Please elaborate, user.

Cheeky fucker.

>23
>late

How many kids do you have at 35, user? Probably not any, given the whole permavirgin schtick.

How many grandchildren?

If less than 12, nag your kids to make more
If more than 30, tell your kids to slow down a bit lol

Well, the typical woman problems are inserting fetishes into the campaign, complete mary sue backstories (complete with at least one rape), and ... I think everything else is sex neutral?

Yeah. Helps me work on the wargame I'm making.

You want max one kid, maybe two. The world is way overpopulated anyways, and needs less. Curb your breeding autism.

I'm going to have 2 kids by age 35! This might not seem like a lot, but I'll stay fertile until my 60s!

>nat 1

I think this means you have to become a traveling bard in real life, user. It is now your calling. Hit the road, bed random women in each town, and build your legend. It is in you.

>The world is way overpopulated anyways,
By asians and africans, maybe.
But the way I see it, if the world's carrying capacity is 7 billion, and there is only 1 billion of my race, then my race needs to expand its population 700%!

No! I want to raise my children!
... can I still do that while being a travelling bard?

Just the three, my younger son died when he was 20, I'm afraid.

4 or less is EXTINCTION, since each only carries 25% of your genome!
This is terrible!

Ah, pipe down you! You're giving me a good chuckle with how you're acting in this thread. I've never seen anyone with a mindset like you, honestly.

Why is race important to you?

Name one (1) RTS you win by intentionally staying below popcap.
You must outproduce your opponents! With more units!

They are my extended family.

But yes, if the world becomes all one race, then of course I'm gonna try to get the parts of that race that are similar to me (my close family) to outbreed the rest of it, even if they are my extended family!
Can't stop at just race. Gotta outbreed ALL*

*don't outbreed your wife and children tho I think that's not technically possible

She takes the "go anywhere, do anything" nature of roleplaying and uses it as an excuse to shit on anything when she gets bored.
Admittedly, she's gotten a lot better in recent years, but when she started in the hobby her exploits included:

>Shotgun toting, CG, Combat Medic.
>Beat a guard to death with the butt of the shotgun to save ammo and not kill the party member in combat with said guard...after starting the fight in the first place.

>Convinced party member to "make a break for it" across a street.
>party member was promptly cut down by a machine gun nest at the other end of the street...which only she spotted and never told anyone about.
>she then got sidetracked on her way to heal him.

>didn't like the tone of the NPC contact...attempted to murder him...in the open...in the middle of the command bunker...

>splits the party.
>she and party gunner (the one she led into the machine gun nest) went off on their own.
>she and gunnerBro fuck up a breaching operation by an allied squad. Squad leader tears a strip out of them. She doesn't like his tone.
>she buries her shotgun in his chest while gunnerBro unloads at the rest of the squad. Cuts most of them down before they can fire back.

>demands to reroll bad saves because she's "fucking the GM."

This was one of her first games...it was a while before she was invited to another.

So, while the world may be overpopulated, it's not overpopulated by my family.
It's overpopulated by people who I think my family should outbreed and replace!
And, if we get over the population cap, and people start dying from overcrowding or fighting for resources or whatever?
Well, then the guy with the biggest surplus is gonna be the one who stays on top of that population graph!

For your race, for your country, for your neighbourhood or just for your family, BREED LOTS.
A part of you lives on when you die, in the genes you spread, and in the children you raise. So if you want eternal life, make sure you don't go extinct!

>inb4 evolution
No, that's not the reason. Evolution is a blind watchmaker and honestly the only thing it does is select whoever adapts fastest, not whoever's "best". Still, it has produced in us the desire to not go extinct.

A bored woman is a dangerous force.
But you know what constantly takes time and attention and prevents you from getting bored?
Raising children!

Just have the GM punish her for her failure.
Normally I don't support rocksfall, but it's justified in this case.

Plus you might be able to make it a sexual thing wherein dominance and obedience and punishing bad behaviour or something.

Three children later...bottle feeding my youngest while posting this actually.

Like I said, she's gotten a lot better once she realized how destructive some of the things she was doing really were.
Plus she likes being included and no one was willing to game with her so she had to smarten up.

>Name one (1) RTS you win by intentionally staying below popcap.
The one where you can make a commando unit and it has the ability to rank up? Sometimes when I get bored of controlling groups I just send one veteran unit and they get the job done. Sometimes

Nice!

I want to make a commando unit!

I want to find a wife that can make a commando unit!

... is such a thing even possible?

>Plus she likes being included and no one was willing to game with her
Hol up
Now I know u bullshittin me
She's a woman right?
People are gonna want to game with her based on that alone.

>Three children later...bottle feeding my youngest while posting this actually.
Nice! are any of them a commando unit? If not, have 3 more.

>people want to game with married or involved women because they're women

Not sure I follow user. Besides, I've had a total of four women (including my wife) in my gaming groups over the years and only one of them wasn't a total shithead at first.

We aren't breeding Pokemon here, bro. One or two kids is fine, max three.

If there were pokemon I am not sure how that would change my breeding patterns.

Is there a pokemon that produces lots of eggs?

I want to breed with that pokemon so I have lots of grandchildren!

So married women lose their "I am a woman! The hormonal chemicals in your male brain command you pay attention to me!" status? Huh.

>max three.
Min three!

>So married women lose their "I am a woman! The hormonal chemicals in your male brain command you pay attention to me!" status? Huh.

That's not exactly how it works user. Physical attraction isn't some all powerful force drawing every dick within a quarter mile towards the nearest vagina, completely beyond your control.
Besides, head to your buddy's house for some ttrpgs and see how far hitting on his wife will get you. Most guys come to a table to play a game, not get laid.

>Physical attraction isn't some all powerful force drawing every dick within a quarter mile towards the nearest vagina, completely beyond your control.
Veeky Forums lied to me. :(

>Besides, head to your buddy's house for some ttrpgs and see how far hitting on his wife will get you.
I need a buddy with a wife.
Where do I find one?

Yeah, she's fine with it. She wanted to try RPGing with me once but didn't take to it and doesn't have any interest in war games (modeling or painting), so I pretty much just separated girlfriend time and game time. Works fine so long as I keep the two balanced

Do you have a wife?
Can I come to your house and hit on your wife?
How old is she (i.e. how many litters does she still have left in her)?

She's the one who plays dnd. I play warhammer 40k.

Though I really wanna play dnd as well but I don't wanna intrude on her groups games cause they have been doing dnd together for a couple years before I met her.

>I need a buddy with a wife.
>Where do I find one?

Alternatively, you could find a wife and become that buddy...

One of my girlfriends likes tabletop stuff, the other is more into conventions/cosplay.

>Does your girlfriend(or wife if you're old) support your tabletop habits?

She loves that about me.

I run games for her son's group every Thursday.

>Alternatively, you could find a wife and become that buddy...
But user! I'm 27 and I've output 0 litters so far!
I can't be a woman! My ovaries would be half used up already!

Wait can I become a 15 year old woman?
wait that wouldn't work, my mind would be awash with hormones and I couldn't accurately pick a long term partner. Need to get in before the hormones.

Can I become a 6 year old woman?

Talk to her about it.

If they do let you into their club, just be cool and don't embarrass her. Remember, no matter what, you'll always be seen as, "that guy, who's only here cuz he's her husband" at first.
Give it a few sessions to let them know you're not a spazz and you're fine.

Just rock up like "yo I'm fucking your GM, here's my stat sheet, hmu with summadat kobolds"

Subtle Swede is Subtle.

Your congoing gf is cheating on u

>Fiance's family thinks roleplaying is the devil
>She's never done anything nerdy, her hobbies are cooking, knitting, and hiking
>All in one weekend I reveal to her my $2000 worth of warhammer fantasy miniatures and then invite her to a Warhammer Fantasy Roleplaying game

>I'm the DM
>She's confused the entire game
>She's red faced and embarrassed the entire game

Afterwards:
>"I actually liked it, it was just confusing at first. If you invite me back I'll do better."
>"I think it's really cute that you're a secret nerd with your little rat men."

Better than expected.

How cute/young is she?

>her hobbies are cooking, knitting, and hiking
I find this woman extremely valuable, and am jealous of you!

We're both 20.
She's more attractive than me but I'm not bad.

What's your deal with chikens?

I've met them before actually. Even though im iffy on asking, I'm pretty certain they are okay with me. But mostly the stigma is that I want to do a new group with friends and have her there too. But fuck it we shall see.

That's how my girlfriend responded too, she thinks my mini army of pirate themes horned space soldiers is adorable. At some point she wants to play warhammer with me, and she wants either tyranids or ig.

I'm a poultry science major.
It's what I go to school for.

You have a 20 year old gf who knits, cooks, hikes, and thinks your hobbies are cute?

Fuck it. Imma come to your house and loot your GF. She's easily top 0.1%.

>girls
>nids
Why does this happen?

I assume there's something about 'nids that triggers their girlfriend or their mommy instincts, but I honestly can't see anything that would do that.

>it's really cute that you're a secret nerd with your little rat men
>skaven player
i feel bad for your woman

Try it, it's easy.

She says she likes how they look and that they want to eat everything.

she has a tentacle fetish so that might also contribute.

>tentacle fetish
Boring.
What's her actual fetish?

I'd like to brag on her more but conceit invites disaster.
There's safety in humility but I'll say that I really hit the jackpot, if I talked about her more nobody would believe me.

I've got a huge Empire army and I play Empire.
I had some skaven sitting around from a bartertown trade and she fixated on them.

She's into tentacle, likes trying out rape fantasies on me, and want to try pegging me, and we both really like exhibitionism. We like to try stuff out

I see.

wait, I thought you said her hobbies were knitting, cooking, hiking, she seems like your typical girly girl. And yet she has dominant fetishes? Odd.
Oh well I suppose fetishes don't have to make sense.

Just make sure that when the Deus Ex style augments come around, she doesn't get the Tentacle augments. You will likely experience a bit of the uncomfort and anus soverignty disputed

No no that's a different guy. I'm the guy whos girlfriend plays dnd, and I warhammer 40k.

And about that, I dunno I guess I can try it. Might be interesting. I like It kinda painful anyway.

Put some points into anal sovereignty next birthday senpai.
trust me.

Yes. Start by beating your wife thoroughly with a hammer.

Oh wait, I misread that as "I want to make my wife a commando unit!". My bad.

Use a rules light system and focus on storytelling. Reward creative thinking and be sure to call their ideas cool, be supportive. Keep things simple and know what they think is fun. Be a mediator between the kids fighting, and teach them to take turns and work together and problem solve and that shit. With kids it needs to be about the story in the present, they have a hard time looking into the future in a long campaign. I'd recommend one-shots with reoccurring characters. The wife I have no idea.

I don't have a system in mind, I've seen another dad using a basic homebrew and it worked fine.

My wife plays RPGs with me (she never had before we met, but she was super into it the minute it came up) and it was her idea to teach our kids.

yes

she doesn't participate and i think it mostly just amuses her that me and the lads get together every fortnight to play star wars

i tried to teach her mtg but we dismissed that idea pretty quick

>pathfinder

You want them to like gaming, not hate it.

>Use a rules light system and focus on storytelling.
Disagree. Rules light system with a focus on the crunch and mechanics works slightly better.

I'm a femanon that was brought into the hobby by boyfriend about eight months ago. He was good about not being too overwhelming. Group is currently playing Kingmaker (Pathfinder) and Shadowrun. I'm actually packing my bags this morning to head out to my first Origin's convention - super excited!

This is legitimately the most autistic thing I've ever read.

Don't have a girlfriend, or a wife, never have, probably never will.

Recent ex i met through a friend at the table. Cutesy but she lived like your stereotypical NEET which is just disgusting and routinely tried to work shit around WoW raids which is just fucking childish.
Honestly if you met her on the street you'd assume she was just a Punk-style enthusiast and for the most part was pretty damn interesting in conversation, which is sadly quite rare.

Hold up, there is a Dragon Age RPG? How have I not had this in my life.