The ancient evil and the hero have very strong opinions about the way the kingdom should be run...

Good roll!

Your hands are calloused and you bruised your leg in October, but other than that you're fine.

And so is Henderson's wife! And Smith's! And Archibald Black's wife! All of them so very fine!

Critical success! You've turned your humble hamlet into an incestuous cesspool for generations to come.

>not saying you "sowed your wild oats in their fields"

Rolled 15 (1d20)

Rolling to turn my hamlet into a wretched hive of scum and villainy.

Success! Your hamlet is an inbred hive of fornication and crime!

A hero has come to right wrongs and purge evil from the land! That's basically your entire family! Roll to defeat the Hero!

...

youtube.com/watch?v=Iectr_CfTkc

Rolled 13 (1d20)

Rolling to convince him that crops are more important than his life, so he'd better get to work.

>Rolling to see how many neighbours' wives I've plowed, and how hard.
>Nat20

Now roll to see if the neighbors find out.

>moderate success

He agrees for a while and starts plowing the field. The next day, he realizes he's been had and leaves in a huff! Incest Village saved!

You have to play a warrior for the people! I played in an L5R game once and made a Unicorn samurai who was half Rokugani and half Burning Sandian. While most samurai were off at court squabbling about politics or poetry, my dude was patrolling the roads making sure they were free of bandits. Prior to a siege the Crane and Lion samurai were conferring about tactics while my Unicorn was teaching the peasants how to use their farming tools as rudimentary polearms. Turns out that during the battle our enemy tried to sneak in through the back with a small force and disrupt our command. They were promptly beaten by peasants.

Rolled 10 (1d20)

Rolling to figure out why my kids don't look like me

That, with your +5 charisma bonus as a suave as fuck farmer, convince the hero to lay down his crop and start to planting.

The rest of the party come to find him planting seeds instead of dispatching your villainous clan, how do you proceed?

Rolled 17 (1d20)

Rolling to build more granaries for our village and to upgrade our town center to Classical Age.

>this druid™ is able to grow plants in a second
>he's still piss poor and living in a mud hut
>the famine is plaguing the kingdom

BEST CROP TO FARM
BEST LIVESTOCK TO RAISE

GO

Barley and Chicken

You have uneasy thoughts about them but you can't put your finger on it. You look at the handsome neighbor plowing the field and furrow your brow in thought. If only you were smart, you might figure out this conundrum.

Sort of Success. You discern that it must be because of someone else, but fail to realise it was your neighbour. Instead, you blame the local wizard or witch.

Beans, goats.

Potatoes, cows.

You didn't look like your father, either. Looks like it just happens.

Wheat and Pigs

No fancy new world stock please

Success! You have advanced to Classical Age!

The evil is a proponent of democratic governance by the plebes, and the hero is possessed by the spirit of a neoreactionary from the future; who wins?

Probably a curse on the family

This! Wheat and Pigs.

Rolled 7 (1d20)

Rolling to switch the village official religion from Zeus to Hades.

"Get off me you creep"

You fail to convince much of anyone, but at least you've managed not to be called a heretic.

You did the switch, but villagers gave no fucks and still worship Zeus.

In fact, the neighbor's father looks more like you than your father does. Yeah, that definitely happens. You contentedly return to plowing

Failure. The other villagers begin to avoid you since they seem convinced you're about to be struck by lightning.

Roll to avoid being struck by lightning.

Failed, Zeus's smitin' lightnin' sets your crops afire as you blaspheme his temples. Probably should have picked a lesser god to piss off eh?

Roll to save yourself from the sacrificial pyre.

Rolled 18 (1d20)

Wife is pregnant again but I can't remember plowing her in a while, claims Zeus raped her as a gust of wind or something

Insight check

rolling to learn better crop raising techniques.

Rolled 4, 15 = 19 (2d20)

>
Rolling to give no fucks about Zeus and avoid his wrath.
Also rolling to see if the granary is full this year.

Roll to kill a questing adventurer, steal his sword and horse, and become roving brigand.

IT'S ALMOST HARVESTING SEASON

Rolled 17 (1d20)

shit, dice in wrong field.

Just like my crops. Re-do.

Rolling to steal some chickens from the next town over and than to farm

Rolled 20 (1d20)

Rolled 4, 19 = 23 (2d20)

woops must have fucked up my roll

Zeus doesn't change into wind and similar stuff, he simply descents in his normal form.
Your wife is clearly lying.

Roll to find out the true reason.

The child is hailed as a demigod! He will surely lead a successful life in the great city!

Roll to determine his

Zeus has fucked you up, and fucked you good. On the bright side, the granary is full and your family will survive the winter. The same cannot be said for your charred corpse, however.

You are now a rooming brigand and you find with some chickens, you now have some chickens

Brigandry it is! You become the most feared brigand in the land, your name a scourge on the lips of the villagers!

...

Rolled 4 (1d20)

Roll to see how badly the local lord punishes me for a less than satisfying harvest.

winner winner chicken dinner

He spanks you butt naked, but you start to think it's only because he's into it.

Congratulations, you're going to the stocks.

You are caught and beaten viciously for chicken theft, but despite the bruises you manage to have a productive season farming.

More beatings! You will walk with a limp for the rest of your life, and your face will be slightly disfigured!

That's one stylish peasant.

Rolled 18 (1d20)

Rolling to convince my Liege to send help for the goblins poaching my sheep

Rolled 5 (1d20)

Divine revelation has informed me I must sleep with all the village virgins to prevent a great disaster

Roll to convince

You rolled well enough to somehow get an audience with you Liege.
He dismisses you and returns to his courtly affairs.

Rolled 13 (1d20)

Inspect baguettes for weevils.

is this what d&d is like?

You get plenty of help, and as a bonus, they found some of your sheep still alive in the Goblins' cave.

This is a very bad liege. It's their role to take care of their people.

No weevils here.

No.

The men beat you unconscious!

A Hero comes to defeat the goblins!

You find no weevils.

Rolled 14 (1d20)

Roll to attempt a rebellion and overthrow the local lord.

Rolled 13 (1d20)

Rolling for my oldest son to stay and help with the harvest instead of going off to the city.

The d20 would be the same but the skill checks would be more codified and also you'd have bonuses and not just flat d20 rolls.
Also you would be deliberate named characters in a group to accomplish a quest.

Indeed! Quite stylish! So stylish that he is in violation of sumptuary laws prescribing simple dress for peasants! He will have his sinful clothing confiscated and he will spend a night in the gaol, or pay 15 silver coins for the infraction.

You crush his dreams of being a painter and send him to the fields. What is that look in his eyes?

Rolled 17 (1d20)

rolling to see how many of my pigs I sell at the market.

It would depend on what fabric his clothes are made of, style was never legislated, only material and cost.

Fucking noblmen

Isn't that the plot of Maoyuu Maou Yuusha?

dice+d20
Rolling for a good nights sleep to give me strength to work the land tomorrow

enjoy the nightmares

Roll to request a public donation to the chapel to feed and clothe me.

You sell all the pigs at market at a very nice price! You have enough money to pay to have your plow fixed! Huzzah!

Rolled 4 (1d20)

Rolled 3 (1d20)

Wahay! We're not starving this year! Or are we? Rolling for crop yield.

Rolled 11 (1d20)

I throw you some bread and roll to woo Old Morrisons' daughter with my generosity

A blight has claimed your crops! Woe betide!

The chaplain says "the Gods help those who help themselves, child. Kindly fuck off."

But you do get some bread from your neighbors! He still bangs your niece, though.

reeeee fucking wagecucks
beatitude uprising when?!?

Rolled 16 + 1 (1d20 + 1)

Rolling to convince Old Morrison that I truly love her and isn't there just for her bust

Also to openly mock the friar without backlash

Also there would be very much more random murdering.

I roll to talk to the qt shepherd girl.

Success! He gives you his blessing to wed his daughter!

At the betrothal dinner, you talk smack about the foul-mouthed friar. Old Morrison laughs heartily!

Fugg

Corn, Cows.

Rolled 20 (1d20)

Rolled 18 (1d20)

>Success! He gives you his blessing to wed his daughter!
I roll to impregnate her on the first night!

The shepherd girl is quite smitten with you! You give her a good roll in the hay!

Now roll to see if she's pregnant (high roll means pregnancy.)

You sow your wild oats in her lush fields! The child grows quickly and strongly, and is quite adept at field work! Your bloodline continues strongly as ever!

Now roll to see if it's a boy or a girl! (high roll for a son)

Rolled 17 (1d20)

Roll to check if my child has been replaced by a changeling.

FUCKIN QUADS.

You do not believe your child is a changeling.