ITT: dumb things your DM's/players have done

Is this fake? Can I get some context? Why are you posting a broken man breaking down on youtube?

nah, he's from Rhode Island,and dont be now at this point its just a running gag,i got a few other things recorded for another upload

see

this is the reason for text games

Shit, 401 represent. You know exactly where he lives?

nah dont know the exact location but he lives in Rhode Island for sure,our group is comprised of like 8 people all across the US

This is exactly why I do text only games.

Text tabletop games are fine. Play-by-post though is a huge time waster and cancerous. Especially with a GM that updates at the most random times possible and expects you to respond within the next 1-2 hours no matter what you're doing.

>one of our ex-players was definitely on the spectrum
>obsessed with sonic
>still lives wiith parents (he's 19, so not that big of a deal, yet)
>they don't let him play any video games rated T or higher, except Smash, even though he can legally buy alchohol here, not that he ever would
>plays his 3DS at the table all the time
>usually the shitty sonic RPG, interrupts session to tell us what he's doing in it
>starts freaking out and yells whenever we talk about any franchise he doesn't know anything about, like me and the DM talk about Dark Souls or Monster Hunter, or two other players talk about Game of Thrones, or when our me and our groups token Super-Weeaboo start talking about anime
>actually has a tantrum, runs away, and refuses to talk to anyone
>can never just say what he's doing, describes it in a weird fashion
>for example, this is when he tried to cast firebolt
>Him: I blast my fireballs at him
>DM: You cast fireball
>Him: No, I cast Firebolts
>Me: It's just firebolt, you only fire one
>Him: (yelling) WELL IT DEALS 2D10S NOW SO I THOUGHT I MEANT YOU SHOOT TWO FIREBALLS
>DM: Firebolt
>HIM: I FRACKING KNOW (He replaces every "bad word" with some alternative, like fracking, or aces, or short, or heil (fucking, asses, shit, hell))
>stops responding for about 10 minutes, delaying the game when we get to his turn
>even DM gets him to respond
>Him: I guess I'll just shoot another bunch of fracking fireballs
>can't just call shit what they are, has to give it a retarded name
>His Greatsword was actually a Great-Copech (He couldn't spell khopesh)
>his plate mail was actually shields-mail
>DM ended up kicking him out because he smashed DM's screen for his PC after we finished a session, because DM was showing me something from some game I forget, because he couldn't accept that people have different fucking interests and nobody here gives a flying fuck about your shitty sonic RPG and the shitty sonic OC you made in spore

What is it with autists and Sonic?

I think for pure stupidity, this one takes the cake

>Playing adventure
>DnD 3.0, we're all 2nd level
>Idiot is playing a half-orc fighter
>We camp on the way to some town we're traveling to
>Half-orc is on watch, rest of party is asleep
>DM calls for listen check
>Rolls well enough to hear something rustling in the bushes, and a footfall, but nothing else.
>Idiot: I better go out and investigate what that noise was.
>One of the other guys starts making loud snoring noises
>DM gives his "Are you sure you want to do this" hint/cluebat
>Idiot pauses for a moment, thinks it over
>OH, duh. If I run off into the bushes like that, they'll hear me coming a mile off. I take off my armor, and THEN run into the bushes.

well, he was a half-orc fighter after all, so that´s pretty much in character

>Play a kid character for fun
>DM asks if I want to be a "chosen one" type character, I figure why not
>Suddenly everyone and their mum wants my characters dick for his "hero blood"
>Turns out the DMs fetishes include /ss/ and impreg and I accidentally played right into her magical realm

At least I learned a lesson about not refusing when things get uncomfortable, and just trying to play along to keep people happy.

>/ss/
Schutzstaffel?

Straight Shota

Hey, I don't want to change the subject but why are you guys all such fucking horrible drivers? I'm not even memeing, whenever some clown is doing 40 in the speed lane or blindly hurling themselves in or out of a rotary they inevitably have Rhode Island plates. Rhode Islanders are a plague on the entire upper half of route 95.

i'm not from Rhodey

to be honest, there's nothing bad about refluffing spells and equipment, as long as you don't suddenly try to make it have a mechanical effect beyond what it already does
dude sounds like a shit player besides, though

top fucking kek

and then you had roleplay-sex with her right
i believe this is how it works

Dude, been living here 15 years and I'm still trying to figure that one out. It's even worse when it rains; you'd think the locals would learn when we have like 75% percipitation to SLOW THE FUCK DOWN A BIT.

Somewhat. She expected some roleplay to an extent, though was merciful enough to eventually fade to black.

Still never comfortable soft erp-ing as a kid. Meanwhile the other players found it hilarious.

no no no no
like you stick the peener in the vagoo actual sex
while you roleplay as a little kid or some shit|
and get her pregnant i guess
trust me i've read like 3.6 doujins i'm an expert in this my friend

Oh, I misunderstood. Count your blessings.

Just do your part and try to explain basic rules of the road to your friends and neighbors whenever possible. If all you can do it teach them about the passing lane then it will lower the blood pressure of 80% of Massachusetts drivers.

He was a complete fucking ass about it. Firebolt and Fireball are sacred cows when it comes to magic spells in general, you shouldn't be calling one spell the name of a different very well known spell in general. But the equipment thing was retarded, because the names rarely made sense, were retarded, and he wouldn't even inform anyone what they actually were. I mean, if he at least told us what X weapon actually was, we'd be fine, but we kind of had to figure out on our own, since he flipped shit if we asked what his it actually was.

He "refluffed" his cone of cold spell as "Burning Cold Hands". Retarded name aside, if you give it a name like that, you shouldn't be surprised when we assume it's just burning hands that deals cold damage instead of fire damage.

Did you at least fuck the DM?

...no that never happened.

I didn't want to ruin the game group by doing that. Also I wasn't interested in her.

As a PbP DM, I find I have the reverse problem.
>Run a campaign
>Literally one guy does anything, the other players just hurr durr along
>Combat starts
>Suddenly everyone else starts paying attention
Murderhobos, I fucking swear.
Poor bastard is basically carrying the campaign and I don't have the heart to call it off because it's been going on for way too long.

Barf

Was she at least cute?

You're starting to sound like the aspie here.

Were do you think we fucking are?

Also checked

Are you from Kentucky?

Something about how childish he is and how the worlds are generally sectioned off into blocks and patterns.

Eh sort of I guess. She wasn't my type though and I didn't want to cause any trouble with the group.

It's babby's first animu-esque setting.

I always had the opposite issue doing forum based RP.
>Literally five pages worth of faffing about
>No one even remembers what we were supposed to be doing

Everything basically devolved into sitting at a table and talking until the guy running the story shoved things forward.

Had some interesting interactions, though.

It always drives me up the wall when only one person ever has any opinion on anything that happens or decides what the group does.
I know I'm keeping that character in the setting if the campaign ever ends, though.

Part of the problem was that no one really knew where to go next except for the de facto GM, so everyone else just defaulted to character interaction.

It was back when the old WoW forum RP was still active and taking the reins from the OP was a big taboo. There was only one thread I can really remember where multiple people moved the story forward and that was during my middle school anime phase, so you can guess how well that thread turned out.

That seems to be the main issue with forum playing- either players have no initiative at all or far too much.

>Dungeons and Dragons Player Breaks Down on Cries Midgame.

I don't know how familiar you are with Sonic but I liked the series when I was a kid and stopped paying attention to it as I got older.
Looking back at the Sonic series in my current age, let me tell you: it is one of the most surreally weird things to have grown so large. I'm unable to comprehend its existence now.
The setting of its games are all over the place but generally rests in modern USA complete with skyscrapers and cartoon animals who wield actual guns and swear. It features rock'n'roll and metal music, generally terrible gameplay, and some of the worst games seem to take themselves completely seriously while still featuring a blue cartoon animal creature that runs fast as the protagonist.
Imagine a kid's cartoon in bright bubblegum land where halfway through the second episode a realistically drawn human man in full SWAT gear steps onto the screen and shoots a main character in the head with a gun and says "FUCK YOU", then all the cartoons start crying about his actual death.
What the fuck.

>Imagine a kid's cartoon in bright bubblegum land where halfway through the second episode a realistically drawn human man in full SWAT gear steps onto the screen and shoots a main character in the head with a gun and says "FUCK YOU", then all the cartoons start crying about his actual death.
The Internet has ruined me, so I actually laughed while visualizing that.

they wanna go fast

>Me(DM): You have reached an old trash chute.
>Player: What exactly do we see? How big is it? Do we see the bottom?
>Me: You know, just a trash chute cared from a natural cavern. You see humus and moss on the walls, there seems to have been no fresh trash here in centuries. There are ocassional pottery shards and a bent spoon sticking out of little openings in the stone. Your torch illuminates the opening, but you can see no bottom...
>Second Player rolls
>Second Player: You know how (character) has compulsive curiosity and must compulsively lick things she finds interesting?
>Oh god I know where this is going please don't
>Her: I climb to it and lick it.
>Me: It's 3 meters above your head and you suck at climbing
>Her: I do it
>She fucking makes all the rolls even though she sucks at climbing and has bad health, but she resists getting sick as well

Her fucking antics have gotten the group in so much trouble lately. Her lizard-man character started out as a temp char until she knew what kind of char to play, but she stuck with her. One of the other party members is an archeologist, who almost fucking murdered her on several occasions and contemplated letting her die when she pulled out a gold coin from the mouth of a mummified noble, who promptly got up and slammed a crit into her lizard face.
It's surpisingly fun tho, she really plays her character and lets me have sadistic fun in tormenting the group for her stupidity.

Give us a 1 to 10 scale mate atleast

Why would you post this?

>she pulled out a gold coin from the mouth of a mummified noble, who promptly got up and slammed a crit into her lizard face
Does someone have that anime cameraman reaction image? The 'holy crap, this is amazing' one?
Because it seems extremely appropriate.

It's not that they wanna user...they gotta.

How in the hell did you guys not end up ditching earlier on? Even prior to bashing the PC, everything about the story is just one big red flag.

> You see humus and moss on the walls
Hummus on the walls? What? Why?

Not him, but dictionary.com/browse/humus

Basically, compost

i still want a hummus-themed dungeon tho

>he is the boyfriend of our DM
Fuck, is this a common issue? I was playing a game online where the DM's boyfriend was playing some french guy, another player was playing some british guy and kept making fun of french guy for being french (stupid hon hon baguette-tier jokes). DM's boyfriend stopped paying attention and left early the first session, then fucking started crying the second session and dropped the skype call because "you guys all hate me"
It was just one character making the jokes, and otherwise we liked the guy a lot because his character was super useful, skill-wise. Game kind of ended after the guy had that bit of a mental breakdown.

Wow, I consider myself to be a pretty damned well-read person, but somehow I've never seen that word before. I thought they were trying to escape from an Armenian death camp or something.

Just so you have it for next time.

For some reason, Kentuckians have this weird accent. It's not southern, but not northern.

It's weird.

7

Okay this confirms it, I'm rewatching Code GayAss. All the signs have presented themselves.

This Well, it might be because in my language, humus and compost are also both words, but humus is very commonly used for compost heavy earth, so it kinda just carried over to my english use of the word. I only now found out that humus is also a name for a food.

>DM advises us to get plate armor because we have ample money
>we're low levels and I have no points in heavy armors at all because I'm an Elf Ranger so I'm in leather
>dwarf is in chainmail and doesn't want to spend his money
>paladin is in full plate cause paladin
>nah we're good let's explore the woods
>half an hour later level 9 owlbear attacks out of nowhere
>levels 3 2 and 2 adventurers proceed to get buttfucked by said owlbear, dwarf even gets stuck in a tree
>after dicking us softly owlbear leaves and patrol happens by and finds us broken and dying
>takes us back and heals us
>DM explains he wanted to show us we were under equipped

I blame his parents. I used to be like that but I grew out of it.

Except for the sperging over interests thing. My rule against MOBA discussion isn't related to my autism, it just starts fights faster than politics and religion does.

>My rule against MOBA discussion isn't related to my autism, it just starts fights faster than politics and religion does.
Very true.

Also, it's almost always the parents that are to blame. The problem is that those guys then also become shit parents that fuck up their kids. It's a neverending cycle of rednecks, religion and helicopter parents.

Just to confirm a few things:
what was your dex mod?
what class was the dwarf, and what was his dex mod?

It's a fairly archaic word,it's mostly used in botany and gardening now.

Dwarf was a fighter, I don't really remember our stats I think he had 12 Dex or something.
I had 15? Dex so whatever that would be.

Hardly matters though we still would have died to the Owlbear with or without platemail. Hell if I hadn't had any armor on I might have passed my climb in a tree and hide skillcheck after the Dwarf got one shotted.

If someone is there for a social obligation rather than because they want to play, it's always going to be a bad time.

well, that's my fetish as well, but fuck this shit in actual games

We really should mandate psychological evaluation before anyone is allowed to become a parent.

Then again, the US doesn't even mandate psychological evaluations for its police officers, do they?

We mandated standardized testing for schoolkids and look how that ended up.

That's some stale pasta

jesus fuck

It stands for soul society

Which also has some straight shota action in it.

Chill out dude, nothing wrong with adding fluff.

Glad I wasn't the only one.

Sounds like some criminal scum to me.

i'm sad now

In German it's very commonly used to describe the very top layer of earth in a forest, which consists mainly of rotten plant matter.
When i first heard about the food I was really confused, because I had an image of people putting earth on their food in my head.

Check out some LP footage or cutscenes from Shadow the Hedgehog.

The president (as in, of the united states) has a picture on his desk of him and Shadow.

Player, singular, several things.
>Rolls before describing action, constantly.

And the staggering stupid.
>Begins rolling for one of his combat powers while he and a completely NON-HOSTILE NPC are chatting away, because the NPC mentioned something about them maybe fighting each other IN THE FUTURE.

>Uses his Teleport Other Psychic Power to teleport a dragon five miles away, in the air.
>Was legitimately surprised when the dragon strafed him with fire breath a few minutes later.

>Fired his Psychic Railgun power off at a badguy in a crowd, was, again, legitimately surprised when it hit EVERY PERSON ALONG THE 3000 FOOT LINE OF IT'S TRAJECTORY, KILLING SEVERAL CIVILIANS.

Jesus, this is not how I wanted my night to end. I don't want this in my life.

It's Appalachian son

>i feel like a big FOOL, *cries*
>meh
Priceless.

He says that alot in our sessions.

we do don't be a retard.

I don't normally call people faggots, but wow, this kid is a total faggot.

Like, I really don't believe he's depressed or anything, the way he keeps asking about all that shit it sounds like he's just looking for "reassurance."

He sounds like one of those people who says sorry, has breakdowns and freaks out because it is the only way they feel close to other people. They know if they have a shit-fit like that, cry, get "good comments" from those around them like in the video, then they can finally feel good.

It's bullshit, I've known people that do that, they're just looking for a circle jerk for their own feelings and need to learn how to actually fucking socialize normally instead of seeking attention that way

Either that, or it's fake

>records someone without their consent
>puts it up on the internet
>to feel like he's right
i don't care what the kid did, you have no right to record him and put him on the internet.

egg

he's not a kid..he's actually 20 years old.

No we don't. Like 5 states have it mandatory. The rest ask it but don't require. Just like most departments only require 2 visits to the gun range a year.

doesn't change that he shouldn't have been put on the internet without consent.