What Do?

"Hey, user. Me and the girls saw you playing "Dungeons and Drakes", was it? Anyways, it looked like fun and we want to know if you could teach us how to play. Please and thank you. :)"

>that dude's blurry bearded smile

hhnnng

he knows

...

Okay, but you're on snacks and drinks.

I'm going on a limb here and assuming you want bad advice, so my recommendation is every monster is replaced by a giant walking (crawling? Burrowing?) penis

No, lurk more you faggots.

Why are they talking like fucking chinese cartoons?
Wouldn't GM!

Step 1: Reply to bait thread
Step 2: Tell them about the game a bit, invite them if they want to.
Step 3: Don't drop your spaghettis while playing with an all girls group.
step 4: you fucking autist dropped your spaghettis
step 5: fucking hell user

reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

>The pussy squad

>Run Curse of Strahd
>Whole party TPKs because half of the group thinks Strahd's Edward Cullen

Am I the cameraman or that guy vibrating through time?

Honestly and sincerely try to teach them the game. Get some pre-gen characters with base classes, run them through a simple set of scenarios, answer questions asked and give advice.

Most likely only one or two will be more interested than that, those can be introduced to my primary group if they want.

I would laugh in their faces and tell them "dungeons and dragons is shit, I don't think anyone should learn to pay with it or else they become yet further cancer to this hobby. I only play role playing game and not rollplaying - the second one is spelled like you're rolling dice, you know because all 3 dot pathfaggots do is roll dice and build stats. And the dice is so swinginy, flat probability curves is just less heroic. And the books are a ripoff, Kike Merls and Jews of the Coast won't even get me to pirate their cash grab shitty games. Literal Transformers tier trash. Anyways, I developed my own game system that is better than anything else in lamestream gaming. I call it Barbarians' Lamentations of Exhalted Steel, it uses several polyhedral dice to create pools with tiered effects and narative combat that is fast and deadly. You should how sick the spells are, none of that tumblr tier pleb soap drama shit like Game of Thrones. Just weird unexplainable things and violence, and plenty of banging wenches. You guys aren't feminists, right?"

(While I can't shake the feeling that smug, bearded guy set this whole thing up. I'll gladly play along. At my age, you take ego boosts wherever you can get them.)

"Certainly, I'd be happy to go over the basics with you. I'd be happy to play D&D, but might I suggest we look at some other games as well before deciding on a system."

If they insist on D&D then I will DM D&D, but not before I suggest Blue Rose.

So. Much. Cringe.

SURE THING M'LADY

BUT I WILL BUILD YOU A CHARACTER SHEET FOR YOUR FEMININE INTELLECT ISN'T WIZENED ENOUGH TO UNDERGO THE TRIALS OF BUILDING A HEROIC SHEET

YOU HAVE A -4 STR PENALTY DUE TO BEING A WOMAN

nice
epic
i like it.

If you legitimately have nothing better to do with your life then post this then I feel genuinely sorry for you.
Not pretend sorry either, but that "damn dude, I hope you get better and get your shit together" kind of sorry when you see a friend emotionally suffering.
At least I only ever browse on break at work dude.

Seriously though, if you want some help or advice pulling out of this situation you're in, let me know. I WAS you some years ago, so I empathize.

>Blue Rose
What's the appeal?
It seems like the same sort of idea behind Ryuutama or Orange Sky Stories except more kitchen-sink-y, if you'll excuse that 'word'.

Actually, my sister's friends keep asking me to run a game for them. Which would be great and all, If they weren't underaged.

Sure no problem. Let me google the PDF for the Lost Mine of Phandelver. We can play that as a starting adventure. I'll have to adjust the encounters so it's a bit easier,(less goblins with +6 to stealth and the ability to disengage and hide as a bonus action) but it should be a good starting adventure.

Who would you say is the most organized? All right, you're the "Game Master". You play as the monsters. You also narrate and make calls the rules, sort of like the referee. I'll sit in session with you so you can learn the rules as you go.

So the GM plays as the monsters, and the other players play as the adventurers. Let's just use these pre-made character sheets I have on hand. We can talk about custom made characters another day.

OK, see these dice? These are the dice we'll be using to play. OK see these numbers on the character sheet? You add these numbers to other numbers and that's the number that you have to roll above in order to succeed at a task. I'll just tell you the number you need to get.

We can just do the first part of the adventure. We'll play for an hour and take a break. I read the adventure beforehand, so if you have any questions, I'll help the GM out. Read this boxed text in this PDF right here.

I let out a bestial roar and rape the one with the widest hips.

>Sure, what class do you want to...

>I WANNA BE A DRUID!

>NO FUCK YOU KILL YOURSELF!

>"Why is this happening? Why is that happening? That's not the way things would happen!"
Well let me explain...the reason this is happening is because...

>"I'm going to go run off from the rest of the party on my own adventure!"
I think it's better for your character to stay with the party and help them. Look at this plot hook.

>"I don't want to go there! I'll get killed! You're being mean to me! This game is impossible! It's not fair!"
I understand. You're doing a good job, don't worry. I promise to go easy on you. Let's wait and discuss it before moving on.