How I hit a 2.0 on the Henderson scale

Hey guys, newfag here with an old story I've been meaning to share with the world for a long time. It's about a DnD 3.5 campaign that ended in me losing my shit and destroying reality over the DM's bullshit.

As a brief bit of context, I was part of a DnD group that was run by a power mad author as the DM who (in hindsight) didn't really know much about DnD or DMing, but at the time we thought he was our only option. We had just finished a truly disastrous campaign that was mostly spent dealing with a bunch of prima donna party members Evil DM refused to boot as well as the DM's parade of Sues, and which ultimately ended with the party fighting a bunch of evil wizards who had neither foreshadowing nor pre battle spells put in place so they died as abruptly as they came up. Evil DM then told us to make characters for a new, Epic Level Evil campaign he wanted to do. Being butthurt over the Mary Sues from the last campaign and warned by my Best Bro that Evil DM was not likely to stop including them, I decided to prepare for the worst and make an unkillable, unbeatable Druid just in case I needed to Henderson things. The Pic is the character I made.

So, uh... who wants to hear the whole story?

Other urls found in this thread:

d20srd.org/srd/epic/monsters/paragonCreature.htm
twitter.com/NSFWRedditGif

Me

Will the story be more readable than your wall of Capital Letters?

If so, proceed.

I would love to read it OP.

lol I'll try to format the rest better.

So, quick casting call.

First is Evil DM, who was the classic, "I don't want players I want an audience" type but he also sucked at keeping problem players in control or knowing when to boot people. By the time we started the evil game, we had roughly 8 fucking players not including the chronic no-shows.

Next is Best Bro who knew Evil DM from childhood and was just too damn nice to hold the grudge he ought to. He played an illusion and enchantment focused arcane caster who (through some obscure PrC) could cut magical contracts between people and Hell. He contracted the party to help him get the campaign macguffins for himself in exchange for various power boosts. He also roleplayed like a boss and was a huge bro the whole time. He even helped everyone make their characters!

Next we have Shithead who did nothing but stir up shit. He played a Lich who contracted himself some nigh indestructible stuff he used to make his phylactery and some stat boosts.

Next up we have the Failninja who joined later but was so stupid and antagonistic he ended up being a miniboss. He played a Stupid Evil ninja. 'Nuff said.

Then there was the Girlfriend who was (possibly?) dating Evil DM and played one of his Sues for about 1 session before she dropped off the face of the earth. Need I say more?

Then we have the UK Trio who were a friendly Scotsman, a violence loving Irishman, and a newbie Englishman (who may have been secretly Finnish). I think they played various warrior types. They were all generally cool bros but they got overshadowed by the shitstorm that went down.

(cont)
Lastly, there was my character. I was a minmaxed to shit Druid that had so much wildshape cheese I shat pepperjack. Between my Feats, a PrC dip, and the contact boost from Best Bro I could spend all day wildshaped and could change forms as an Immediate Action without expending a wildshape use so long as my current wildshape was still active.

I had also abused some templates and Feats to be able to wildshape into anything. Period.

Add in some bullshit where I could always pounce, I had Monk AC boost, and my claws had claws and I was unstoppable.

I was determined to hold back until I was pissed off or the group needed help. So naturally, I had to start pulling bullshit in the first dungeon.

mooore

>Makes overpowered uberdruid
>I was determined to hold back

Bumping for interest

UK Trio sounds like they can fuse into some kind of ultimate Britan man

I wanted to give the guy the benefit of the doubt since he had seemed to realize how badly he messed up the last campaign. To prove how wrong I was, I present exhibit A.

The Bad Beginning

Things were off to a rough start from the word "go" with our epic level evil troupe of supervillains hanging out in a tavern. We weren't even there for any particular reason, Evil DM just said we were getting drunk in a tavern despite most of us not even having proper biology. Anyways, we meet this super suspicious evil angel chick who was being RPed by Girlfriend in her first and only session and Evil DM coached her through some spectaculary entitled behavior where she pretty much ordered us to find an Evil Artifact for her. Best Bro negotiated on behalf of the party and eventually weedled the location out of her before whipping out an airship for us to pimp over ther in.

It was a huge cave where the walls were made of regenarating ice. It was a little cool at first, but it got tedious REALLY fast because it was so full of dead ends and rooms with nothing but weaksauce traps that we started to think that there was nothing there pretty fast. We wasted a lot of time wandering through that place and it was NOT helped by Shithead's constant interjections about how awesomely his Lich was avoiding the at best CR 6 traps. We were pretty much nowhere by the time Failninja joined. Keep in mind, Failninja did NOT join in the 1st session, but we got to the cave in the 1st session.

Everyone involved in this sounds gay.

I Stop Giving a Fuck

At this point, I was IC suspicious of the ninja that had starting tailing the group (Failninja didn't feel like formally joining the group IC because oooooooh ninja!) and OOC tired of sessions going nowhere. I decided to use my broken wildshaping to turn into a beholder and start disintegrating walls and floors to bypass this shit, but ran in to the problem of ultimately not knowing where to go.

Then Best Bro got the idea if turning Scotish Bro ethereal and having him scout out for shit. Since Scottish Bro was a Vampire Anti Paladin he seemed like the safest person to send after my uber druid (who couldn't go because he was needed to dig the path) and Shithead's Lich (who was unreliable as fuck). So we sent him down and he found a watery cave at the bottom of the place with a fucking 12-headed Paragon Cryohydra. For the record, this bitch was roughly 10 CR ahead of the party and immediately went after Scottish Bro by dispelling his etherealness. If Vampires couldn't turn into mist, he would've been eaten on the spot.

At this point however, I pimp in and immediately start godzilla fighting this thing. I go full dragon, Full Attacking for everything I'm worth and desperately trying to tank by constantly turning into things immune to the cryohydra's attacks as it attacks. It went poorly when we realized that I was the only person in the group who wouldn't be 1-shotted by it after Shithead's showboating got him eaten by just 2 heads.

Best Bro told everyone to grab the artifact and cheese it, so I held off the cryohydra while everyone else got Shadow Walked out of there. Failninja was actually the one who grabbed the artifact which would set-up for his ultimate failure.

Pre-write this shit next time, bro.

Duly noted

I Best Bro Stops Giving a Fuck

Now something to know was that all this time, Best Bro had been trying make Evil DM be a better DM. From talking about how he ought to make Shithead stop wasting everyone's time to how his dungeons should stop wasting everyone's time and Evil DM was having none of it. When the time the unbeatable cryohyrda became a talking point for them, Evil DM just told Best bro "I don't hear anyone else complaining. I think YOU'RE the problem" despite the fact that the UK Trio and I were complaining as well. This was when Best Bro decided that he was just going to wait for the meltdown like me.

Needless to say, this was a rather poor time for Failninja to show his Stupid Evil colors. You see, after we got out of there, Failninja had his grubby mits on the artifact and decided that he wanted to formally join the party and talk compensation for his work. Best Bro said, "Alright, what do you want" and Failninja said, "Kill one of your other minions" Seriously. This guy wanted to see one of us DIE as his signing bonus. Best Bro was not having any of that and tried to Dominate him in to handing over the artifact. Failninja made his save and decided to take on the whole party himself by whipping out his katana and trying to decapitate Best Bro. The rest of us stepped in to start beating on him and he ultimately got ripped in half when I Full Attacked the guy as a dragon.

After killing him, I tried to pipe in and tell Failninja that we could go get him rezzed now that he had learned his lesson about being Stupid Evil, but Shithead decided to start laughing like an idiot and cracking shitty jokes. Nobody could get a word in edgewise and Failninja dropped from the Skype call, leaving a message about how he was being bullied for just "Playing his character" and "Trying to get paid" and other bullshit. After divvying up his loot, we went back to the airship to start the next dungeon.

The Shitstorm Starts

We found the fallen angel plot convenienced on to the airship demanding we hand over the artifact and getting indignant over us wanting to get something out of having done all of the real work. Since Girlfriend had vanished and Evil DM was playing said bitchy fallen angel, it was pretty clear that this entitled bullshit was NOT going to end any time soon. We finally talked her in to giving us the location of the next artifact by bribing her with Failninja's stuff and hollow platitudes about how we'd give her the NEXT artifact, but we were all secretly discussing how to off her once we finished the next dungeon.

This time we were sent to an active volcano and we quickly discovered that nobody in the group had spells that would make us immune to Fire damage or getting drowned in lava. We went down to the caldera anyways to see if there was SOME way in since the artifact was supposedly put there in some dungeon and not just tossed in to the lava. We found a platform above the lava with a ring wedged in to it. We looked it over and it tried to mind control us in to wearing it and jumping in to the lava. We all saved but we found out it was a cursed ring that let us safely swim in lava but only long enough to be utterly fucked when it switched itself off. No real reason to be there, it was just there to try to kill us. And when we disposed of the ring, we had to save to not fall in the lava when the platform collapsed for no real reason.

We went back to the angel-bitch pissed about how thing went down and found out she KNEW about the ring. She expected us to seriously use it to go swimming in the lava and search for the dungeon hidden in it and got pissy when we brought up how she was trying to get us KILLED for her own ego. We lost it and unanimously decided to kill her NOW instead of later.

I Become Shiva, Destroyer of Worlds

Shit went south IMMEDIATLY. We were given no suprise round and she rolled stupidly high on her Initiative. What's more, she had a version of Time Stop that let her attack during the frozen time and she used it to fly away and Meteor Swarm the airship while Time was frozen. We went down in flames next to the volcano without even a chance to fight back.

We were fucking LIVID and did our best to chase her back to the volcano where Best Bro finally found a way to get through the lava. He used Shadow Walk to send us in to the Shadow Plane and have us scour the place for either Evil Angel Sue or the artifact. Evil DM tried to tell the party to have me run the dungeon solo since I could wildshape myself lava-proof, but we were having none of that. Evil DM finally relented and ruled that after half an hour of searching, we saw the Sue and a bunch of other evil adventurers going through the dungeon. Then they saw us.

I shit you not, Evil DM gave some random minion of his Sue a pair of magical specticals that saw in to the Plane of Shadow AND through solid matter. Then he ruled that said minion dispelled our Shadow Walk, dumping us all in to the lava. The living characters? Dead. The undead? Dusted and their ressurection methods destroyed as well by either the crash or the lava. The cherry on the shit sundae was when Evil DM laughed about TPKing us and then thought that we'd be willing to keep playing the campaign with me and the no-shows that had STILL not been kicked like they shoud've working to rez everyone.

FUCK!

THAT!

NOISE!

I wildshaped into my trump card, a Neutronium golem, a creature so powerful it can fuck up planets just by being NEAR them. I struck the ground and split the Material Plane like an egg. I broke all of reality with one punch, daring Evil DM to finally start actually DMing and retcon this whole mess away. Evil DM instead chose something much more stupid.

You've already stated it but your DM is indeed a massive retard if he lets something like a Neutronium Golem exist in his game. I'd tell you to type faster but I'm betting on this thread making it to tomorrow when I wake up.

Pretty much wrapping it up here. Sorry about this. Next time I'll know to pretype this shit out. But hey, my first ever thread and it seems to have gone well

Viva La Revolucion!

Evil DM listened as I explained how I had just destroyed reality and said that since I wasn't willing to play nice, the campaign was over and it was all my fault. Then, he sent me a private message with this massive screed about how I was an awful player, he was a great DM, how Failninja leaving was all my fault, and even trying to retcon Shithead's antics into mine. I shared it with Best Bro and the UK Trio and they blew up on him. We took him to task over every shitty thing he had done to us but Evil DM was to self absorbed to listen. He told us that we were being overly entitled and that we should've just kept playing like HE wanted us to instead of revolting like we had.

That was it. We were done. We left him and formed our own group with Best Bro, the UK Trio, and I. Shithead and the No-Shows were left behind to rot. Failninja and Girlfriend were never heard from again. We all swore to never involve ourselves with Evil DM again until he learned some basic sense and what it was like to be a PC.

Then came the topic of what to play. The UK Trio where to green to DM or GM anything and Best Bro had only tolerated Evil DM because he wanted a break from DMing, so it fell to me. Then I said to the group, "Hey, who here likes Warhammer 40k?" Everyone said that they LOVED 40k. I said, "In that case, let's play Deathwatch. I'll run it." And that was how we came to be the group we are today. Praise the Emperor.

Thought of the Day
Hate enriches

Thanks for the story OP, makes me want to figure out how I can throw some crazy Godzilla-tier battle into my campaign.

You're welcome user. I've been meaning to post this story for a long ass time and I'm glad someone got some joy out of our misery and hatred.

And I kinda wish I had more chances to god godzilla. I was actually planning on besieging a city by wildshaping into the Tarrasque and having the party ride me in Evil DM's campaign, but the sheer shittiness of Evil DM and the campaign in general ensured that everybody's long term plans were dashed from the word "go".

>You see, after we got out of there, Failninja had his grubby mits on the artifact and decided that he wanted to formally join the party and talk compensation for his work. Best Bro said, "Alright, what do you want" and Failninja said, "Kill one of your other minions" Seriously. This guy wanted to see one of us DIE as his signing bonus.
OW! The Edge! Keep going OP!

HOW in the flying FUCK do you shapeshift into a neutronium golem?

I mean it's cool and all that but even after all the massive shitstorm that preceded it I am still calling bullshit on this one.

Fuck off, this shit has nothing to do with Henderson scale. Derailing game Henderson-style takes effort, all you did was basically say "I fuck your shit up". That's not even derailing a game, you fucktard.

In any case, I call bullshit. No DM, especially not a cheating one like yours, would even acknowledge your neutronium golem.

Aberration Wildshape let me turn into aberrations and Evil DM stupidly ruled that I could wildshape into templated versions of monsters. I applied the Aberrant template to make the golem an aberration to cheat it into being wildshapeable. To be fair, that was the only time I did something like that and I had naively hoped that Evil DM would wise up when I blew up reality.

>all you did was basically say "I fuck your shit up"
So did the original henderson.
So yeah.
It's exactly like that.

A golem is not an aberration it is a construct, constructs are not even alive. Aberrants are at least living creatures even if they are incredibly bizarre when compared to normal mortals. They have minds, thoughts, souls etc. Constructs are fundamentally different creatures, they are not alive they have no mind, soul or anything, turning ito a golem would be equivalent of being able to turn into a slab of solid rock with no internal organs or anatomy or anything to keep you alive.

Well, I guess I can say good job on still pulling that shit on your DM. But damn that whole game story is just wrong in multiple-multiple levels I hope your next game will be at least reasonable.

Look man there are aberration dragons that can eat Neutronium golems for breakfast in the same book.

By this point the possibilities are
>story's fake and the n-golem is there because it's the most popular screencap
>story's real and the player used n-golem specifically for a point, regardless of rules
>story's real and the player didn't bother actually getting the immortals' handbook and so the n-golem was the only monster from it he had

Actually, I think it was a combination of option 2 and a size thing. I couldn't turn into anything bigger than Gargantuan size and the N-Golem was conveniently only Large.

Yeah, the Aberrant Template shouldn't be applicable to constructs, but I wasn't in the mood for being fair. Thanks for the kind words though. And my Deathwatch campaign did go pretty well. My current one is going great too! There was a Black Crusade game that was really epic as well, but that's for Best Bro to tell since it was his baby.

I didn't see him doing stuff like faking a 300 page backstory to fool everyone into thinking it was a serious character. The broken character was powered only by wild misinterpretations of the rules. There was no memorable force of personality from his druid, while Henderson had some quirks that made him memorable. Like the lawn gnomes, direct violence over planning and subtlety and the Hawaiian shirts.

Sure, OP did completely wreck the plot and the game world, but it looks like a minmaxer vs a petty DM that he should have walked from early on. I would much rather read a story about interesting and cool people playing a different game that a mature, well-adjusted DM accepts.

This is just a story about That DM/ That Girl/ and That Guy.

Can you post your character sheet, please? I want to marvel the sheer brokenness of it.

I'm only using the Henderson Scale (not even Henderson himself) as a point of reference. I apologize if I got your hopes up and made you think I'd be a mad genius that outdid Henderson. I would've though the word "newfag" would've tempered your expectations

Sadly, my only copy is on an old comp that isn't able to access the net right now, but I can give the salient points

Near max Druid and max Warshaper

Wisdom of 44 and almost every other stat 20 Minimum thanks to Tomes, magic items, and my Race

49 AC (31 Flat Footed, 33 Touch)

Aberration, Dragon, and Gargantuan Wildshape as well as the classic Natural Spell for Feats

A diabolical pact that sped up my Wildshaping from Swift to Immediate

+5 everything from Wild armor to Cloak of Resistance on top of several Pearls of Power

The Feral template applied via ritual

Everything else was just looking up possible forms for different uses and damage immunities (did you know that there are ocean giants and that they have Bashing Immunity? I didn't until I tried looking up bashing immune monsters)

>10 CR ahead of the party
>12 Headed Cryohydra
>CR 13
But thanks for playing.

You seem to have missed the word PARAGON in that monster description.

d20srd.org/srd/epic/monsters/paragonCreature.htm
>+15 CR
So it's 28.

12-headed PARAGON Cryohydra

Paragon's a template that, last I checked, is +20 CR and even if it isn't that behemoth was clearly out of our league anyways because none of us could hurt it and it could 1-shot everyone who wasn't me

You're 5 CR off

True enough. But 5 CR ahead of an unoptimized party is still a death sentence and I had the only character who wasn't either fluffy or played by a stupid asshole. One of the never-shows played, I shit you not, Donatello's evil twin. From ninja turtles. He even forced me to make it for him even though he never actually played (the bastard).

>Henderson Scale

Nah, you're at least a 5.0 faggot on that scale of faggotry. It's like you have five dicks inside you, which is basically what that shit scale calculates.

And I came here thinking I was going to read a good story. Everyone in this is retarded, aside from Bro, and it seems as though it was a campaign anyone only ever participated in because they we're waiting for something like this to happen, because they're too much in the pussy range to actually voice their opinion on players, events, and previous campaigns, and need an excuse to remove themselves from the situation. You are _THAT GUY_, and I hope you're proud of yourself. "I TURN INTO A DRAGON AND RIP IT IN HALF!"

Why don't you stop referring to your actions and characters as an MMO, "I tank! HURDRU", and instead, come up with a good fucking reason to be "TANKING", and fucking roleplay, like the game is supposed to be.

There's no fun in being a super evil edge lord max level character. And you preparing your character ahead of time because you knew "This" would happen is fucking stupid. Next time, just say your character produces a gem that blocks all of this damage, and can only be used once. Then, pull out a different color gem, and say it does the same thing. I'm pretty sure this'll work out for you, and no one will call shit.

>And I came here thinking I was going to read a good story.

The subject line is about the Henderson scale. That should have been an instant tip off that this was going to be shit.

It's like some faggot found the 1d4chan page and didn't realize how fucking stupid it is.

It's okay user, we understand that you don't like the same things as everyone else. But if everyone had the same opinions as everyone else the world would be very dull.

>minmaxer vs shit dm

You were both playing D&D, so you both lost.

Also, I'm not sure which is worse, your awful story (if it even happened), or your poor grasp of the English language.

Wouldn't be a Veeky Forums thread without some shitposting trolls. Lesse, what do we have here
Fag jokes, pretty standard fare
Blatant stupidity and capslock, always a classic
Ooh, that's almost clever
>D&D sux
>Youre english sux
Are you even trying?