ITT: The most cringe inducing shit you've ever seen in game

ITT: The most cringe inducing shit you've ever seen in game
I was the manager at an LGS and was the head DM for 5e Adventure League. Some of you may think, "aw shit, you got paid to play D&D, sweet!"
Not Sweet.
I had to accept anyone into the game as long as they hadn't committed a violation bad enough to get their DCI revoked.
Group is filled with sperg lords that can't get anyone else to play with them.
One of the kids got an internet girlfriend and brought his phone to a game with her on skype and asked if she could "roleplay his familiar".
>Whatever man
His smart phone girlfriend silently listens to our whole 3 hour session without making a sound after introductions.

That job almost made me hate roleplaying games forever.

side note: how is roll20? I want to join I game because I'm the resident DM in my local community and never get the chance to PC anymore. I don't want to play with aspie faggots anymore though.

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reposting >hambeast female half-elf monk/warlock
>ended up in a bad deal with her patron
>female changeling rogue (played by normal looking guy) finds a way to save her from the situation
>monk annoys the shit out of me to give her a chance to buy a ring in-game, doesn't care if it's magical
>confused, let her buy a nice ring
>end of last session
>she gets out of her seat
>gets down on one knee in front of rogue player
>presents cheap-ass plastic ring in a box
>guy gets deer in the headlights look
>other players look away and/or gets up from the table immediately
>everyone else in card shop stops what they're doing and stares
>I get up and tell them they can work out the ending for themselves
>both players left looking ashamed in a compromising position

I took 2 months off from DMing because of this. It ruined the climactic victory of the campaign.

>Guy on Roll20
>Calls GM "Oh Mighty and Powerful GM" every. damn. time.
>Lied about making a giant pizza. Found image on Google 30 seconds later. Don't know why.
>Named his character after himself
>Always over-described his own attractiveness and the sexy sound of his voice

Annoying. As. Fuck.
Roll20 Question: You don't wanna play with aspie faggots? Roll20 is full of them

BUT there are good ones out there; my current group is from Roll20 and they're pretty good

You just need to wade through all the shit

>"aw shit, you got paid to play D&D, sweet!"

sounds like a nightmare, having been to that sperg trap before

>how is roll20

It has its shortcomings and I prefer maptools in a lot of ways but god damn if it isn't the most convenient way to play games online. Easy to use, can upload your own images. The issues I have with it are pretty minor and it's great for established games like D&D, SR, etc. because there are a ton of user-made resources for it. Running a game on there right now for some newbies.

Luckily I have had the privilege of playing/running games with IRL friends for the most part so I don't have too many super-cringe stories. However plenty of drama moments.

The most cringe I've ever had was, not surprisingly, from a Veeky Forums gamefinder interaction

>post ad for my game
>guy says he's interested
>talk to him on skype
>he's aggressive right of the bat
>tells me to convince him to play, basically
>trying to be nice and explain the game to him whilst silently bubbling up at his rude behavior
>he tells me he wants to play a third party class "disney princess" which seems haphazardly thrown together
>tell him I don't think it looks very balanced and would prefer him to just pick a core class if he doesn't mind
>he gets extremely defensive about it, arguing with me that it isn't imbalanced and I don't know what I'm talking about
>try to remain polite but already know I don't want to play with this sperg
>he says some more rude shit
>finally explode at him tell him I knew the second he sent me that shit he was going to be a problem
>he gets really mad and plays the victim card as if I was harassing him and how he knew I was a shit DM, blah blah blah
>tries to blacklist me in the gamefinder thread and make me look like one of those infamous that DMs

luckily when I posted the full log of our convo everyone sided with me but it really killed my spirit for gamefinder threads, which is a bummer because I have had some great experience with it in the past

OP back with another story:
>17-year old literal diagnosed sperg in game
>Always plays half-orc martial class with INT dump stat
>constant pain in my ass for over a year
>argues with me over several game sessions that he should be able to create an auto loading mechanism for his hand crossbows so he can DUAL WELDAN MULTI BOLT ATTACK
>Rogue is also tired of his shit
>Rogue pickpockets his crossbows
>Aspie red faces
>Rogue throws them in a lake
>Aspie full rage mode stands up screeching and crying I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU REEEEEE! I HATE YOU ALL! YOU ALL CAN GO FUCK YOURSELVES!
>REEES the whole way out of the store
>comes back in after 20 min
>"I forgot my keys and I'm locked out of my house"
>Tell him he can stay until his mom comes for him
>sits in the back of the store switching between light sobs and wimpers until his mom show up 30 min later
The kid was also a magic player so I promised not to report him to DCI for threats as long as he never showed up to any of my games ever again.

You sound like the guy who owns my LGS. He's far too nice to the spergs.

As a platform, roll20 is great.
The random players on the gamefinder, well...
>sperg lords that can't get anyone else to play with them.
You already said it.

1000 pt marine list. Smurfs. Got into them in 2nd ed. Codex Ultramarine. Never used hem on tabletop, they just look "nice" on the shelf, (I can speed paint a canary marine in an hour and it'll look better than my smufs these days") Mate of mine tells me that he's organised a 4man brawl at the local model shop. We're in fuck-all, nowhere. So it's both surprising and inviting. I turn up on time. Mate turns up 5 minutes late blaming the bus he didn't have to take, his mate (one opponent. chaos demons to boot) turns up ten minutes late. Doesn't introduce himself just walks up and says "which are you". I say "Smurf" thinking that a dismissive answer will break the ice. "DEATH TO THE FALSE EMPEROR" he screams , on street outside the shop, with both me and his mate giving him the "ah, you're off your meds" kind of look. Forth dude turns up looking like he's come from from Soviet Ruasia. Winter here, but ours are muld but he's in trench coat, overcoat, scarft, hat and more.

We go in, staff greet my mate who is a regular, the soviet who is apparently a big spender on everything they stock, and point to one of the tables they have that we can use.

I set up my list, mate sets up his cheese-bait nids with glee, the asshole doesn't put anything down but gives me shit about how I just copied my army off the back of a box, and quiet dude just plunks down some nice but not amazing chaos marines quuietly explaining any marks a couple of them had

First turn I run to cover, nids move towards objective, Loudmouhth deep strikes his entire force off the table and so just leaves.

Second turn the chaos play rolls his reserve and deploys his reserve into the objective. Two turns of settling grudges instead of trying to shift hum and he got a total victory.

You have to be nice to spegs. They're the bread and butter of those stores. They'll buy a couple new magic boosters, then trade in their $40 rare for store credit so they can get a stack of bulk rares for what ever stupid concept EDH deck they're working on that week.

The ones playing D&D don't spend as much unless you get them in other games.

Or have really shiny dice.

>You have to be nice to spegs.
Fuck that shit. I've got the tism and if you;re too polite we won't learn. The key is strong but aggressively polite. Make sure the person knows what is wrong but make sure they know it's wrong. This is the issue, this is why it's wrong!" clear and concise, it'l solve it. Passive aggression only wroks on self concioujs normies.

Here is a session I played in

>my girlfriends roommate wants to run a D&D session
>I play a half-elf cleric
>my girlfriend plays a barbarian
>my good friend plays a fighter knife thrower
>dm's boyfriend plays paladin

>session starts, we all get kidnapped and taken to mysterious island
>DM introduces her DMPC, an elf druid named Willow with a pet wolf
>we begin searching an abandoned city
>only the DMPC knows the way through the ruins
>DM's boyfriend is busy playing WoW, doesn't say or do anything
>we kill some giant rats, the wolf steals the show
>I'm starting to resent the DMPC

>DM's boyfriend says he doesn't want to play anymore, goes to his room to play WoW

>rest of us continue on
>only the DMPC can find traps, despite being a druid without trapfinding.
>we find a magical amulet. The DMPC druid demands she get the amulet.
>w/e, none of us can identify it's properties anyway

>keep following DMPC
>zombie attack
>at this point my girlfriend has started texting other friends and says she has to make a phone call
>only myself, the fighter and druid DMPC remain
>I try to hit a zombie
>nat 20, but I still miss
>wolf comes up and kills zombie
>getting really tired of this game at this point

>only a few zombies left
>I roll to command undead
>I take control of 2 skeletons
>Dm asks "what do you have the skeletons do?"
>me: "I have them fire their crossbows at the druid Willow"
>dm: "what...?"
>I roll do d20s for the attack rolls
>both hit
>druid is killed
>dm starts crying
>at this point I'm like WTF, not expecting such an over reaction
>through her tears "YOU KILLED WILLOW!"
>storms out of the room
>my friend leaves, I leave and join my gf outside for a cig.

Later I find out from my GF that Willow is the name of the GMs imaginary friend/split personality. The GM stops showing up to class (we were all in the same college art studio class). Two weeks later I learn she dropped out and she and her BF moved back to Utah.

>cheap-ass plastic ring in a box

Jesus Christ, if you're gonna fucking propose to someone, the least you can do is buy an actual fucking ring.

fucking looneys

It wasn't a real proposal. It was entirely about being in-character.

I think.

part of me feels bad, because perhaps my own childishness led her to drop out of college. But maybe killing her split personality was a good thing from a psychological perspective.

Anyway, I hear she's doing well now. She is a tattoo artist in portland or seattle or something.

unrelated, by that GF of mine is now an ex-gf. A few months after I broke it off with her, she became a juggalette, even had a juggalo wedding last year. I feel like I dodged a bullet by getting out of that relationship.

Some guy told me he was going to open a game shop when I was a cashier at a kwik e mart.
>Oh, videogames?
>No, like card games and board games, that sort of thing
>I bet you're gonna sell D&D and stuff too right
>Yeah! You play any of that stuff? You seem to know a lot about it.
>Mostly RPGs. Video games aren't the same once you've tried them
>No card games?
>They're just not for me. And look at where I'm working.
>Can't afford them? Yeah, I get it. Well I'm opening a store in (somewhere out of state, I forget), if you're ever in the area, feel free to stop in, since you know some stuff.
>I know a little too much.

We laughed.

If she dropped out of school because of a session of D&D, you probably saved her from becoming a school shooter.

oh, and to finish the "where are they now" bit.

I've been successfully running a 3.5 game for a couple years. My players are cool.

My friend who played the knife thrower still plays in my games. He's cool. He's a professional illustrator and has done work for Paizo, Rite Publishing and some other companies.

not sure what became of the GM's loser, WoW addict, boyfriend.

>DMPC
This never goes well.

MtG pretty much keeps every game shop I've ever seen afloat. Nothing else sucks money out of sperg wallets like that.

Is suptg a good place for games?

>she became a juggalette
Just googled to find out what that's supposed to be. Looks cringey.

It also saved me from having to talk about her shitty paintings. She made these paintings that were pin-up versions of alice in wonderland characters as zombies. Some of the trashiest shit I had to critique at art school, for sure.

Yugioh. All the stores (bar one) I've been to have to stagger their games nights because dicks from either can't leave the other alone and become antagonistic for some reasons.

The one place that doesn't have this problem? It's force of will vs yugooh

>juggalette
yeah, I was totaly unaware of the subculture as well. I grew in madison wisconsin, no one was into Insane Clown Posse and Jugalo shit, as least as far as I knew.

I went to school in Kansas City. There is a decent sized group of Jugallos here, Tech N9ne is the biggest local juggalo related artist. Terrible music, terrible fans. Disgusting in general.

>how is roll20?
>I don't want to play with aspie faggots anymore though.

You're going to be very disappointed. roll20 is full of aspie faggots for the same reason you cited: nobody else will play with them.

youtu.be/oyUluO-1vwY

This guy actually shows up at my LGS occasionally. Yugioh isn't huge there though.

This. Is. Literally. Me. Thank Fuck I snapped out of it, but Christ's waffles, that was actually me. Thankfully I'm very nice and most people are nice to me, but that got me in the feels.

This is why all sensible DMs ban lesbian PCs.

>cats are horrible little shits and I'd happily squish every single one of them

Wait, no, I meant players, not cats.

>Passive aggression only wroks on self concioujs normies.
This. As an assburger, I'm constantly fucking paranoid that I'm missing subtle passive aggression and/or snubbing. I'd much rather someone tell me to fuck right off to my face than force me to scan everything for subtle fuck-yous.

It came out of nowhere, so I didn't know I needed to ban it. I don't bring up sexuality with card store nerds.

>"YOU KILLED WILLOW!"
Is this supposed to be a chick tract parody?

>college art studio class

Oh, flaky over-controlling art girls, that explains everything.

The worst part is, every faggot with a DMPC reading this right now is thinking:
>Well, maybe everyone else's, but not mine. mine is different.
or
>It not really a DMPC for me, its an NPC that just always there with the party to help move the story

If you're reading this, and this sounds remotely like you, knock it the fuck off.

nope, true story. No intentional satire or parody. Just life.

>Oh, flaky over-controlling art girls, that explains everything.

You know, most of the women I went to school with were really cool, so I kind of resent that stereotype. If anything, this DM was just a run of the mill, nerdy geek girl, addicted to WoW, NEET and suffering from mental health issues. Definately somewhere on the aspie scale.

Card games in general are designed to suck money out of idiots and children. I've bought some card game videogames and had some fun with them, but mostly because I knew I wasn't being raped in my wallet. (I got one called Duelmasters/monsters for like 10 bucks when I was a kid and would play it with a kid who lived upstairs)

I'm not your fucking therapist. I'm here to sell you things. The kid in the original story though, I was a huge dick to. Everyone was. We all talked to him and told him to quit being such a disruptive faggot, and none of it worked. He never did anything worthy of full ban until his all out melt down. And yes, I was lenient on the crying 17-year old boy by not permabanning him, but at least I got him out of my fucking games.

I found a 5e Eberron group in GF, and it's cool
I already know shit's gonna be hillarious

What, were you playing with GrimithR?

Suptg is an archive site, dude

Be the better man/creature/lizardfurry.

Is that one of the players on those "avoid on roll20" charts?

It happens and it's hard to stop for LGS games, nobody blames you.

Worse, he is a minor youtube personality.

The games he gets involved with can be pretty good but he can make you hate a series just by being there. The games he runs are worse and he rage quits when the game does not go exactly how he wants or when he gets tired of the game.

That's a bummer. At least you don't have to interact with him personally.

There's an IRC community too.

>Around 60 percent of persons with autism are having IQ of 50 or below.
>are having IQ
Yes, comrade.

A PC knight can't have an NPC squire?

A player asking for a fucktoy is fine as long as the other players don't give a shit.

Completely different. See: leadership feat.
That player should do most of the decision making for their mook with the DM rarely interfering.

>Fucktoy

...how did YOU know that all of my squire's are sluts?

Who else's business is it if the Paladin has a squire? You sound like a control freak.

Not him.

When are they not?

A shitty one. Suptg is to gaming what Youtube comments are to rational discourse.

Reverse trap squires who polish lance nightly are best.

I like players having patsies and henchmen. Not all players do. Why am I a control freak for pointing out that other people might not like their special toy taking initiative space?

>Reverse trap squires
>Having sex with women
...That sounds really gay, user.

I bet you kiss girls, faggot.

>Reverse trap squires
It's either the Greek way or the highway

This reminds me of a roomate who had a girlfriend with 4 or 5 alternate personalities or whatever. They used to play Talisman and eventually broke up but it was SO awkward, she was clearly a bit odd and creeped us all out. Like, it seems cool if someone has more personalities as long as it doesn't affect me, but if you the first time you meet me feel the need to share that information, I am going to be weirded out. It's like being aggressively gay.

>>Lied about making a giant pizza. Found image on Google 30 seconds later. Don't know why.

i have no idea why i found this so funny
"no way dude i totally fucking made that pizza"

>Like, it seems cool if someone has more personalities as long as it doesn't affect me, but if you the first time you meet me feel the need to share that information, I am going to be weirded out.

1) it's not cool, it's a very poorly misunderstood illness that ruins people's lives
2) if they actually had such an illness it would be a fair warning to someone you were going to hang out with, but
3) she probably did not have such an illness.

so there you go

So, just like regular Veeky Forums then?

I'm honestly a little jealous of all you guys and the spergs you manage to find, because at least they care about the game.

Almost the people I've played with at uni are just incredibly boring rollplayers.

I'm pretty sure DMPCs being bearable/decent or not is yet another DM per DM basis, just sayin'.

Most of them being 850 years old teenage kitsune ninja with reality warping powers and being able to beat Saitama doesn't mean every single DMPC you're gonna find is like that, yet Veeky Forums seems to think so for some reason, as most DMPCs shit I see here is how terrible they are.

DMPC is terrible by definition. It's a contradiction in terms, since PC is a player character, and an NPC is a DM character. A DMPC that isn't awful is an NPC, because ALL characters the DM plays are NPCs, and you don't need a new term for that

The term DMPC is used when the DM forgets that he's not a player and starts making the game about his awesome character, and everyone else has to sit there and watch the DM play with himself

I'm pretty sure DMPC is just a DM-controlled character that acts as a party member.

Honestly, the only problem I see with this is if the DMPC become One-Punch Kirito, featuring abilities from Korra, Ryuuko, Goku and have a metric fuckton of plot armor that would make Demonbane shit and kill itself. Or if the DMPC start acting as if he knew what was going to happen later, alongside having meta knowledge.

Otherwise, a NPC that is basically another party member is fine by me as long as it doesn't turn into what's above. I'm just calling it DMPC because that's what I'm used to.

Found the faggot

Show me on the doll where the overpowered ninja DMPC touched you.

>I'm pretty sure DMPC is just a DM-controlled character that acts as a party member.

>What is a henchman, hireling, or cohort

>I don't know proper gaming terminology

DMPC does not mean any character that travels with the party. Nor does it mean a character who's statted in the same way as a PC. Are they played by the DM? Then it's some kind of NPC.

DMPC means nothing unless it means "DM's pet mary sue."