What are some of the dumbest things you ever seen enacted in your group? I don't mean That Guys...

What are some of the dumbest things you ever seen enacted in your group? I don't mean That Guys, I'm talking about decent players who just had a pretty bad idea that time

>party in a small boat
>hunting a mermaid
>we spot said mermaid next to the boat in the water
>cleric uses shatter on it
>a literal sonic boom
>in the water
>next to our boat

it blew the mermaid into tiny pieces, and also did the same thing to half of our boat. we spent a whole day on a nearby rock until a ship came by and rescued us. cleric died on the same day to a doppleganger.

>party is carrying heavily injured soldiers through a jungle
>head to ruins of city overtaken by magical jungle
>find a half-deer-half-human reverse centaur thing
>kill it discretely and take its head to show superiors
>find safe house in a temple, making sure it is all safe
>don't search the temple for lore/clues/loot
>watch in the night see lights in distance
>then sees windows in palace ruins light up
>guy then decides he doesn't want to carry the head with them and mounts it to a pike outside the temple entrance
>party leaves in the morning having slept, stabilized soldiers, and made sretchers/crutches
>two days later the watch spots a small creature following their trail to their camp
>they don't wake the other two party members, decide to ready themselves only
>a different monster nearly TPKs them after the tracking monster points them out to it
Don't leave evidence you were in hostile territory in a fantasy land, just don't. And wake your party up when combat will probably happen.

>Playing Curse of Strahd
>Party pisses of Strahd and decides that the best course of action is to hide underground for the rest of our short, miserable lives instead of fighting him
>Spend a whole session argueing about how to hide in caves properly
>Have elaborate plan that includes creating an underground, self-sustaining community
>Get interupted on way to caves and all get turned into vampire thralls
>mfw

Probably going to join Strahd next session and spend the rest of the campaign terrorizing Barovia

One college underclassman had heard that silos filled with grain can combust and explode when exposed to a spark.

His rogue purchased some candles, several handkerchiefs, and a bag of flour. He folded each kerchief into a square, and cut a small hole at the resulting corner to make a crude funnel, plugging the hole with softened candlewax. He loaded the funnels up with flour, then hung them over several candles, so that a lit flame would melt the wax and expose the flour to the flame. He then took a punk from the fireplace in his room, lit each of the candles, escaped out a window, and ran for a vantage point from which to watch the beloved town inn explode.

He was pretty crestfallen when the GM, a chemistry student, explained that whole wheat flour doesn't explode like gunpowder under these conditions. GM couldn't stop him in time because he had no idea what he was planning. His actions derailed everything, and genius boy even had to make another character.

I've seen three different people, on three separate occasions, take the time to put their heavy armor on before entering the fray when the party is attacked in the night. They all did this even after the GM informed them that it takes over 10 minutes to put on heavy armor without help and that each combat round is only 6 seconds. Each of them was still surprised when combat was finished before they managed to do anything. None of them admitted that it was a stupid idea.

The GM in a 2e adventure allowed the party to find and claim a miscellaneous magic item called Gauntlets of Ogre Power, which granted the maximum 18/00 Strength. The rules state that 18/00 Strength allows the character to comfortably carry 335 lbs and to press 480 lbs. But the normal use of this item was for fighters to deal extra melee damage and have better success opening doors and wrestling.

The party came to a dangerous corridor where they couldn't decide what to do. Peering at the map, the fighter discovered that the walls were just lines rather than the standard 10' thick blocks. He asked to look at the walls, the GM told him they were made of standard bricks laid the long way. A standard brick is 3 5/8ths inches long, so the walls were that thick.

Fighter decided that a strength capable of gorilla pressing 480 lbs should be enough to break down the rock walls. He decided to demolish them ALL. Feeling he had no choice, the GM allowed him to knock down three walls, the third of which allowed them to walk into a bugbear barracks, bypassing the overturned tables meant to provide the baddies cover from the party had they entered by the front door as the GM intended.

After the party made mincemeat of the bugbears, the fighter asked to resume knocking down walls. The GM panicked and stated, "the walls have suddenly all thickened to 10' thick and the walls you downed have repaired themselves."

It caused a complete riot. The thief had spotted floor traps in the corridor that couldn't be identified, and the players felt that the GM was insisting they trigger them for his kinky magical realm. The party mapmaker's map was completely ruined and some foes had been left alive behind them. In addition, the party now had to leave by a door they had no idea whether it was trapped, it was, with a pit with poisoned spikes, which killed the thief attempting to detect it. The players were yelling that it was unfair and the GM had to disband the session.

Once I had a player try to roll up into basically the heart of a hypercorp industrial park on mars in barely concealed battle gear, and convinced several other party members to go along with it. I had no idea what he was planning, so I went along with it for a bit. They get into the elevator to go talk to their former employer ( they thought a hostage they rescued was carrying a memetic hazard because they couldn't stop seeing their recently hired doctor as a wooden chair) , and as their on the crowded express elevator to the executive suite tnt mastermind reveals that he had absolutely no plan and really didn't think he'd get that far.

One shootout with security and a dramatic leap onto remotely piloted hover bikes out a 132nd story window later, they were all wanted men and essentially banned from mars

Other brilliant ideas from the same group include charging out to break up a high tech gang fight and forgetting to grab your weapons or armor (in a system where one good shot sans armor is a death sentence), someone playing a gang member taking umbrage to being offered drugs in gang territory and trying to pull a gun on a dealer while trying to be incognito, and lastly trying to snipe into melee combat. Through a window. With a scoped pistol. While riding a motorcycle at top speed. A mile and a half away

Forgot to mention the best part of the first story: they got stopped by Martian customs (due to one guy being a war criminal, one guy refusing to leave his mini mech, and everyone else just being sort of shady, not to mention owning a very illegal barely disguised alien ship) and managed to barely convince the head of the mars!NSA that they weren't terrorists and wouldn't be any trouble. They were shooting up the office and leaping from explosions not two hours later

I had a player suggest we play D&D

...why would you trap the doorway leading to your own barracks?

Slight bit of back story for this.

Ran a Rogue Trader game for 2 years. We made it to some ridiculous xp levels because I ran once a week for 8 hours. We ended up using that broken ass fan made splat that had ranks 9-16 before I just ran out of shit I thought I could run.

So, they wanted to play in a shared universe with their characters and work for them in a way in Only War. Use the rules but play merc saved from the guard was decided on. This is what happens all within the first two sessions of the new campaign.

>desperate retreat action as chaos portal open all over planet
>run combat heavy session to try out new rules and that is what they wanted
>end as they made hasty alliance to steal aquilla lander and escape into space
>second and final session
>get pinged by nearby ship that was helping navy action in exchange for mineral rights
>it is their ship from last game
>all of them get shit eating grins
>get aboard, checked for taint by npc ship doctor from last game
>get brought to bridge to discuss their new place with the seneschal
>"We charge them"
>"U wot?"
>"They have the weapon we built our characters for. We charge them and take the weapons."
"You get a look of befuddlement from the bridge crew as you mob those closest to you. In the next six seconds, the fire of 6 digi weapons, a plasma cannon and the searing light of a power axe is what you remember before your soul becomes one with the emperor."

Can any of you tell me what these fuckers were thinking because they looked absolutely shocked,ashamed and angry at this.

It's a pirate game and the players have a small, nimble ship. It's agile and faster then most.

They encounter a merchant ship! It's moderately well armed, with 4 (2 per side) 9 pounder cannon and 8 muskets on board.

They try to shoot it, but it's got the same firepower they do for cannons, more muskets. They try to board, but get forced away by grapeshot.

Now they had lots of options here, including just going to look for easier prey.

They deiced to instead ram.

Ships in the age of sail weren't really built to ram. They could, but doing so was typically a bad idea. It's especially a bad idea when you get far upwind then turn to them, pick up as much speed as you possibly can with more sail on then is safe for the weather, then slam, bowsprit first, into the side of the other boat.

They celebrate their cleverness and the brutal damage they've done to their foe, until some facts become clear:

1) Their ship is crippled and taking on lots of water
2) The other ship has a huge hole staved in bellow the waterline and is taking on lots of water
3) They are quite far from any land.

They boarded the merchant ship and found most of the crew desperately working to fight damage, rather then pirates. It's pretty easy to take over!

Those that refuse to surrender are to go on the pirate's crippled ship, with good luck it should be possible to make a life raft from it before it sinks.

The rest of the merchant crew stay on the merchant ship with the pirates and set off to try and reach land, desperately working the pumps constantly to keep from sinking, getting most of the cargo of coffee soaked and ruined before it's thrown overboard to lose weight. Two of the cannon, likewise, are thrown into the sea to get more of the breach out of the water.

After two and a half days working constantly at the pumps they at last manage to beach the merchant ship on an island, driving it high up on the sand where they spend two weeks cutting wood and making repairs.

In the end, their brilliant plan has gotten them a slower ship with less weapons then the one they started with, less money then they'd need to spend to replace the weapons they'd lost, and a extremely pissed off merchant captain eager for revenge.

Oh, and 8 new crew that hated them and would jump at a chance to aid the merchant captain they fucked over.

>"the walls have suddenly all thickened to 10' thick and the walls you downed have repaired themselves."
Wut

>Me be a necromancer
>Wants to be a lich, lichs do not exist in the setting
>Beat a boss, obtain wish cubes (cube turns into w/e you wish for)
>Wish for something that makes death into "something more"
>DM says "hah, got something for ya !"
>Obtain black flask of black liquid of absolutely looks deadly
>Drink it, ignoring all subtle warnings from DM/party
>Die
>Thats it, I'm dead.
>Roll new character

...

>Pumps

Huh, I didn't realize those were a thing.

He was right.
Death was also a lesson in that case.
Placing a Flaming Sphere inside a shoddy, half-abandoned ye olde apartment. And then ramming it into a wall.
Seriously, wizards have no sense of self-preservation.

Actually, I wasn't completely upfront about this- it did immolate the assassin they were trying to kill.
And destroyed the inn.
And piss off local law enforcement.
And rack up another mark on his way to CE.

I never understand why GMs do this. Here you have a player, with a character who really, seriously wants something in-universe, and instead of turning that into their personal quest, you just say "nope, not part of the setting, fuck you."

Do you have any idea how rare it is to have a character with any solid motivation? Fuck canon - muy rule is that if a character wants something, and they're willing to work hard to reach it, they can have it.

Because that's how you tell a good story. Slapping that player down and telling them "no, that's WRONG" will only frustrate them, and make them not want to play.

But muh god fantasy and story

>party is underpaid by city official for services rendered
>party decides to storm the city and murder city official for this "insult"
>several guards killed and wounded as well as city official who is shot and bleeds to death in his chair
>one pc's is killed, one is arrested pending execution, and the other two have bounties for their capture, dead or alive.
>campaign is effectively dead as they abandoned the main plot entirely to exact this revenge.
>only after the session ends do their realise that marching into the front gate of the city screaming and frothing about revenge was the densest possible fucking way of achieving their revenge.
>and all this because they were paid less than they felt they were owed.

>Get death-squared
>Drink it

Uh, maybe he wasn't supposed to FUCKING DRINK IT.

It's not like he did exhaustive test on it.

Polymorphed a low-level dragon into a rodent, snuck into the Palace with it in order to start a distraction

Guess the GM didn't want the guy doing his best Kool-Aid Man impression

>use fireball to make a canoe into a speedboat

"like a jet engine" he said, the boat caught fire and we had to swim to shore

Exalted:
>there is a Dragon-Blooded governor running the local town pretty well
>some of the governor's relatives are less than stellar DBs who drink and whore a lot
>party Night Caste Solar sneaks into the governor's mansion and tries to offer "how about you pay me to assassinate your relatives?"

Bold move, did not pay off.

>GM Fiats you to death
You're right. That is really stupid.

People like you are why every other online 3.X game has a weaboo who tries to use a sharingan or bankai unironically with a GM who wastes everyone's time/patience catering to his faggotry than the actual campaign.

Maybe when you're constructing goals, they're goals that sync up with what's expected of the world rather than trying to alter reality to suit your whims.

You know what? I ain't even the guy you responded to, but eat shit.

Veeky Forums has this fucked up idea that PC's should be able to do stupid shit with magic and not have to deal with consequences of doing said stupid shit.

Hell, that DM didn't even kill his players, he just sunk their boat and ate up some of their time for doing something stupid.

Take your #PCLivesMatter bullshit somewhere else.

>Veeky Forums has this fucked up idea that PC's should be able to do stupid shit with magic and not have to deal with consequences of doing said stupid shit.
For using magic irresponsibly, PCs lost the boar. That's consequence, yes.
But the Dopelganger out of nowhere part is bullshit.

But we don't know how it get there. For we know the guy rolls for random encounters and the cleric was just unlucky

To play the doubles advocate, he never mentioned that the Doppleganger was an ass pull.
He might have just fought and got killed by it later on

Holy shit that DM is retarded.
>shatter destroys nonmagical objects of crystal, glass, ceramic, or porcelain
>Objects weighing more than 1 pound per your level are not affected
Pointedly ask your DM if the boat weighed five pounds and was made of porcelain. The answer should be "no", and then you point out how fifty-pound boats of wood are not subject to shatter in any way, shape or form. No, not even if he says "sonic boom" or for that matter "sonic rainboom".

>"The orb turns the sorcerer into a horrible abomination, roll for initiative"
Some rounds later:
>"As you get close to the orb you can feel your mind numbing down and something beastly trying to take over"
Player: "I grab the orb!"
>"..Are you sure? The feeling of losing your mind becomes stronger as you approach it"
Player: I do it anyway
>"Alright, roll a will check"
A botched will save and couple rounds later, the party couldn't handle two horrid abominations attacking them at once, resulting in TPK. Sometimes I wonder how the brains of a PC function

Swimming through dangerous waters, at night, in full gear, with no ability to swim.

Assuming that there wouldn't be a second trap immediately after the first.

Veeky Forums has this fucked up idea that generally character abilities do what they say they do.

That sounds awesome.

I wanna be a horrifying mutant abomination, so long as its a powerful one.

Was the guy at least a good sport about it? At least he did what his character would've done, top tier roleplaying. He should had worded his wish more wisely though, maybe become a lich in steps like starting with being immortal.

>To play the doubles advocate
Please don't, those are diamond dozen around here.

having previously heard noises of battle, the bugbears left their posts and ran into the barracks, closing the door behind them, turning over the tables to use as cover from behind which to fire missile weapons, and arming the trap before the door by means of a hidden lever. thief did not roll high enough to detect this lever to instantly disarm the trap, reported no traps found, opened the door, and fell in.

The monsters in this area were feuding with one another. I think that was the justification for the trap, but really the party was stronger than he thought and he wanted to make the bugbears tougher.

Short, but not-so-sweet
>Anima party is traipsing through Abel, seat of the Empire
>Populace is heavily Catholic, and very fearful of the supernatural.
>Bandits appear along a trade road, start making trouble. Citizenry panic, guards start fighting bandits
>Railgun Mentalist: "I pull out an iron marble and ready my railgun"
>Warrior Summoner(IC): "Are you fucking retarded?"
If it weren't for those four words, they would've had Inquisition breathing down their necks within about five days.
Sometimes it pays to have a player who knows as much about the setting as you do.

my players would do just that. subtlety is always lost on them.

It wasn't so much of a terrible idea, as the idea creep kept going on and on and on, and we kept trying to stay to the original framework, when we should have abandoned it.

>Trying to get into this nobleman's house
>We could just smash down the front door, but guards+possibility of the city watch interfering indicates a somewhat stealthy approach might be better
>Well, we know his home has a central courtyard. If we can get up and over it, we can drop down in the middle of the house without too many people knowing.
>Too hard to climb his own home, but he's fairly close to some other houses of the same height
>So let's climb up one of THEM, and jump across from rooftop to rooftop until we can get into his courtyard.
>Do that
>Get near to his house.
>Realize the jump is longer than it looked from the ground, odds are not good that we could make it.
>Sit down on random rooftop and think.
>Hey, I saw some building ladders at a construction site on the other end of town. I bet they're long enough to bridge the gap between this house and the other one, and we can just climb across.
>Climb back down.
>Run halfway across town.
>Steal the ladders.
>Have a devil of a time hauling them back up, dragging it across the rooftops, and making our "bridge".
>Only about halfway through the inner defenses of the home did we realize once we had the ladder, we could have just propped it up against his house.

We just started laughing for what must be at least 10 minutes when it dawned how dumb we were.

step 1: become immortal
step 2: - not become not immortal?

Let's see here.
There was the time a guy attempted to use a barrel of pitch and a ring of Fire resistance as a substitute for a torch (this way I still have both hands free, guys! And I'm immune to grapples! It's perfect!) in a stagnant cave system.
Three of the party failed their fortitude saves to the resulting fumes and passed out. Didn't die, though; I ruled that the air nearest the floor was still free of smoke, so they came to later.
The Human Torch, not so much. He apparently forgot that pitch, in addition to burning well, is also sticky as shit, and failed to get it off before suffocating.

There was the time the wizard attempted to go fishing with chain lightning. That went about as well as you'd expect.
After healing him, though, the chunks of fish pulled out of the water were in fact deliciously flash-fried.

There's also the time the party decided that the best way to resolve a siege was to lob infected corpses over the walls, which is indeed an effective tactic. Their mistake was how they completely forgot about the whole plague thing when they stormed the place afterwards, turned up the floorboards, and looted everything remotely valuable.
This included clothes, food, and fodder for the horses, since it was cheaper to feed their army with loot than to provision at home. Then they wondered why all their men were sick.
I mean, I went out of my way to describe how there were rotting corpses in the streets. It was not a low-key plague. Not hard to put two and two together, here.

Lastly, there was the time a dragon was attacking a major city, which the party was defending, and they decided that their best plan was to shoot it down such that it impaled itself on the reinforced spire of the prison tower, inside the keep.
It killed the dragon, yes. It also dropped a hundred tons of flaming, thrashing dragon flesh directly onto the palace.

>Party goes into a Inn on the Docks.
>The Inn becomes our new base of operations.
>The main Villain and a Undead army invade the town and surround the bar.
>Party are trapped in the Inn and only have two ways of getting out.
>One is sacrificing a party member in attempt for others to escape, other is fighting.
>There is a Wine cellar in the basement of the Inn.
>I take the role of sacrificing myself for the party.
>Roll to cast Flame Sword in Wine Cellar to start a fire.
>Roll a Critical Failure.
>Blows up the Inn, sinking the dock(With the town), killing half our party, and leaving 10 Undead still alive.
>Revives body, forgetting that I'm a Dwarf in Heavy Armor.
>Drowns.

That is a needlessly confrontational attitude.
A necromancer wanting to become the first lich in setting is a fine goal that could have made for some really good story lines.
In no way is a necromancer seeking to overcome death shoehorning in out of setting garbage.

It's a doggy dog world, user.
You gods to do what you've gods to do

>Exploring a dungeon
>Come across a trapped door
>It's a pit trap
>We climb over the pit into the room
>Room is small and only contains old bones on the ground and holes in the ceiling
>Next thing we know, creatures begin crawling out of the holes and attacking
>After a grueling amount of fighting, things seemed lost
>My character, a person who would use logic over emotion, knew the only way to survive was to leave
>Wanting to stay alert and be able to defend against any attacks, I retreat by walking backwards
>I walked backwards into the pit trap

It was an emotional moment, with another party member shouting "nooo" and diving to the pit to catch my hand, but just missing.

>Warhammer RPG second edit
>Party arrives to the end of the campaigns second act
>Mutant smugglers' lair in the sewers beneth Grumburg,in the Empire
>Level boss: mutant bandit with four arms,2 of them insectoid scythes, along with 5 other fish-like mutants (piranha jaws, scales, morena head,etc.)
>Player says "I want to throw my sword to that guy's head". HP 15, not even the Throwing Weapon talent.
>Test him : "k,you gotta spend one Fate point to do that,though".
>He does; fails miserably even with a +40.

At the end of the campaign that same Fate point would have saved the day agaisnt the final boss.

>doggy dog world

Are you fucking serious?

>That is a needlessly confrontational attitude.

It's the only correct response when confronted by severe retardation and willful disregard to the established lore of a setting.

It's like being a blacksmith and getting butthurt when the GM tells you that, no, you cannot make a fucking Ironman suit or a Gundam because the most advanced the setting is, is somewhere around medieval times.

>A necromancer wanting to become the first lich in setting is a fine goal that could have made for some really good story lines.

Except for, y'know, the fact that

a) How the fuck is he even aware or liches IC, in the first place?
b) Where does he plan on finding said knowledge when liches don't exist within the setting?
c) Why does he want to be a lich in the first place?

I mean, it's one thing if we're talking about ancient tombs and shit like that but if they don't exist then how does he know about them?

It's like an artificer trying to invent a phone while having no idea of how something like a telegraph works. At best it's contrived and at worse, it's outright metagaming.

>In no way is a necromancer seeking to overcome death shoehorning in out of setting garbage.

It is when you're fucking told that liches don't exist within the setting.

Literally no better than those shitters who try to build naruto in Pathfinder.

My last character had to live with all the penalites for not taking off his armour because no one else in the party wanted to help him put it on, since the armour he wore could only be put on with the help of someone else. The only person whose character would actually help in this instance, being the only good character, refused because he was played by a dick who didn't like me and preferred having my character die, rather than stick to his character who was all about helping people.

My only saving grace was that the DM was pretty bro, and I was pretty charisma so I talked some soldiers to help me put my armour on so I could actually get a goods night sleep.

The "bard" (a system with no actual classes but that's the easiest way to describe the character) is at a party in a castle. His task is to scout the place while mingling with the crowd and playing songs to them. Later the party would sneak in due to reasons that are not relevant to this story.

The "Assassin" (sneaky, archer type.) also sneaks into the castle because the player got bored that HE wasn't the one actively doing things for a while. The character kills a few guards until eventually he gets into a fight he can't win and escapes by jumping out of a window and breaking his leg due to falling badly. He does manage to escape though.

As the nobles and guards are wondering what the hell was going on the bard accidentally hears the conversation and realizing what had happened he explains that he knows who the assassin is...

Obviously this bit of information gets everyone's attention and the bard agrees to lead the guards to the inn where the assassin is staying.

Yeah, one player got his character into trouble and another ratted him out immediately. Only after he lead the guards to the inn he realized that leading them to the place where he (and the rest of the party) were sharing a room might not be a good idea. He did manage to escape (somehow) before the guards realized that the helpful citizen was in the same group with the assassin but the party did lose all the gear and money they had left in their room.

And no, there was never an adequate explanation for either of the players acting the way they did. (The rest of the party had heard the racket and gone into hiding just in time.)

Liches don't exist in this world, yet there are still people out there that want to live beyond death. Vampires don't exist in this world, yet there are still people out there that want to be a vampire. Super heroes don't exist in this world, yet there are still people out there that want to be a super hero.

Just because Liches don't exist in the setting, doesn't mean that the undead don't exist, it's not far fetched for a NECROMANCER, using his power of NECROMANCY and thinking, it would be great if I could do this to myself and live forever.

>guns are magic

???

DCC Funnel Scenario

>run into tower
>ambushed by beastmen! oh no!
>they surround you, what do?
>LETS FUCKING ESCAPE
>what
>I RUN THE FUCK OUT
>attack of opportunity
>dead
>WELL, I ALSO RUN THE FUCK OUT
>.....attack of opportunity...dead
>WELL, I, ALSO, ACTUALLY FUCKING RU-
>dead
>WELL, 3/3 IS PRETTY BAD ODDS, I ONLY HAVE 9 AC, SO, I RUN. THE. FUCK. OUT.
>manages to survive

They just kept dying

>doubles advocate
>diamonds dozen
>doggy dog world

You aren't really that dense, are you, user-kun?

>introduce joinable factions
>everyone joins a different faction
>factions are: edgy murder assassin club, city watch, rich people's slave thugs, the university of ruining the setting, the fuck all nonhumans club, the "fuck all humans but only promote my specific faction while shitting on all others club"

>shitposting loudly

Stop being a meta-gaming faggot for a second (hard I know, but humor me) and listen for a moment.

In this world, there are shitloads of stories/games/music/plays/etc. that detail shit such as liches, vampires, and superheroes in detail. That's because those things have existed for centuries and every civilization in the world has their own version of what those things are.

In the game's setting, however, those things don't exist, most likely will never exist, and have no basis within the context of the setting, meaning that your character wouldn't have a desire to be a lich because he wouldn't know what a lich even is, necromancer or no.

I mean, he could say "wow, I wish I could be immortal" in much the same way as a druid could say "wow, I wish I could be a huge fire elemental all the time" but it doesn't mean that either of those things are going to happen.


To put it another way, it'd be like an Elementalist claiming that he's going to bend the oxygen in the room so that it becomes toxic...while having no idea what oxygen is, let alone how it works in theory or practice.

If you want to shit all over an established setting just to play your bullshit concept, go to another fucking table because that shit's not going to fly, especially after all the time and effort I put into making the setting what it is.

Wait a reverse centaur deer?
Not a minotaur with a deer instead of a bull?

So like it's the upper body of a normal dear with hooves and everything and a human ass and legs?

My party.
Task - trasport Earth Spirit to a distant shrine to unbound him.
Difficulty - spirit is bound to a Giant Stone.
Obvious solution - cast spell to make stone small and carry it to the shrine.
Party solution :
a)Paladin and fighter grind fucking stone to dust couple of weeks
b)Rogue and wizard start a cult in nearby village
c)Cult numbers reach 50.
d)Feed cultist meals with stone dust
e)Travel with the cult to a shrine
f)Make everyone shit on the shrine
Result: Earth spirit emerges covered in shit and instantly attack party.

I really want to know the what the logic behind that plan was

>a) How the fuck is he even aware or liches IC, in the first place?
He isn't.
>b) Where does he plan on finding said knowledge when liches don't exist within the setting?
Research. MAGIC SCIENCE. Like Nagash.
"Hey, what if I were undead, but controlled by myself and sentient!" "What if I put my soul out of my body and place it in a sustaining magic gem, but with ties to my body, so that soul persists after body dies?"
>c) Why does he want to be a lich in the first place?
Who DOESN'T want to be immortal?

We cant carry stone that big -> Make stone smaller - > Breake it into few smaller stones -> Grind in to dust -> Still to much - What if we hire someone to help - What if we trick someone to help for free.

I second the motion.

Get a clue already, run Paranoia.

>Obvious solution - cast spell to make stone small and carry it to the shrine.
Look at him and laugh. Let me guess, wizards in your setting use magic to wipe their asses too?

>muh status quo

>1

If the only undead you're aware of are undead who lack sentience and are easily manipulated by necromancy then how would you reach the conclusion of necromancy giving you sentience and immortality, especially in a setting where liches don't exist?

Not to mention, if you're a necromancer then you're probably aware that using that type of power is pretty bad fucking news in general. You don't cast fire and then think "man, what happens if I set myself on fire without immolating myself?"

>2

People who realize that spending the rest of existence as someone who can never die is a fate worse than death, especially if you're locked in a state where you're effectively stuck in a state of perpetual nothingness until the heat death of the universe happens, like Kars from JJBA who eventually stopped thinking after he realized that he would drift through space for all eternity.

Everything that has ever existed followed a logical progression.

You can't just invent something without first knowing what's currently possible.

we had a barbarian guy who insisted on announcing he was picking his teeth with a knife while we were sitting in a tavern discussing our plan. The DM got tired of him yelling "I remove pieces of meet between my teeth using my dagger as a toothpick" that he had the son of the owner trip into the barbarian resulting in the knife getting stuck into his head and killing him.

Your DM sounds like a total shithead.

I don't disagree. But I do remember him and said barbarian often arguing over the feasibility of the players' ideas.
Some that I recall are
trying to shoot swords with a bow and axes with a crossbow.

kidnapping a bunch of people and have them tied, like on a leash, to help him exercise and stretch

snorting flammable dust to be able to sneeze fire [his beard caught fire and he was pissed about it]

have the people he kidnapped train dogs to ride small cart as to have his own personal "dog-cart team"

build his own cart and capture a young dragon to train it, thinking it would let his cart fly. gets pissed when the ropes pulling the cart, being simply attached by ropes to the dragon gets smashed against trees whit the dragon trying to take off in a forest

Your DM is a dick. While that may get annoying to hear after a while, it's no reason to kill the guys character

"Feed the weakened demon attached to us the demonically possessed staff. It says it'll clean it for us." In the game the player whose normally the person I try and operate with the most, starting recharging one of the incarnations of sin we brought done but couldn't finish off for a magic staff he can't use because he's a rogue.

Apparently if you're sick for one week everything goes to hell in a hand basket.

>If the only undead you're aware of are undead who lack sentience and are easily manipulated by necromancy then how would you reach the conclusion of necromancy giving you sentience and immortality
Are you the gm?
There may already be some intelligent undead in the setting like vampires.

How does the first lich in any setting get made?
Unless they were made by some god or curse or something then someone put in the effort to create the process.
How are any new magic spells or items made? Research.

Of course it depends on the setting but you seem to be suggesting that if there aren't already liches then it should automatically be impossible to make one.

>Not to mention, if you're a necromancer then you're probably aware that using that type of power is pretty bad fucking news in general.
Yeah but you still use it and exploit it because you're a necromancer, you're acting like you should shun and fear your own power like some npc farmer.
>You don't cast fire and then think "man, what happens if I set myself on fire without immolating myself?"
Yeah because there totally aren't fire shield spells, idiot.

>Implying Talos isn't appropriate for fantasy settings

>buy a fuck ton of dogs
>tie alchemists fire to them
>release them upon the enemy
>plan was to fire arrows at the dogs while they attacked making them little suicide bombers
>the dogs attacked the players, barb attacks in retaliation

What happened next was pretty much a recreation of that bomb scene from terminator 2

>How does the first lich in any setting get made?
Someone tries to live past death and fucks it up.
Another guy finds his research, mucks with it, and fucks up again.
Repeat until some idiot is lucky enough to not fuck it up.

>It's like an artificer trying to invent a phone while having no idea of how something like a telegraph works.
It's hardly contrived or metagaming that a fucking tech-mage based around making shit would strive to make something that could communicate over long distances without having to care for a bird to carry a message.
How about a bound air elemental that carries your words on the wind to a matched item?

Do you have absolutely no imagination?

>There may already be some intelligent undead in the setting like vampires.

Okay, vampires aren't liches.

Even then, most vampires are cursed or made a pact with demons or shit like that, so they're still slaves who have no real control over their own destiny.

>How does the first lich in any setting get made?

By accident.

>How are any new magic spells or items made?

Accident, assuming you can even create new magic in the first place.

>Of course it depends on the setting but you seem to be suggesting that if there aren't already liches then it should automatically be impossible to make one.

Well, you can't make something if you're not even tangibly aware of its existence.

I mean, sure, you got people who accidentally made shit like WD-40 or matches and shit, but even then, they didn't just make it out of thin air, they had the ingredients and it just so happen to produce a reaction that they weren't aware of.

>Yeah but you still use it and exploit it because you're a necromancer, you're acting like you should shun and fear your own power like some npc farmer.

As a necromancer, you're aware that you're basically handling arcane radiation to reanimate corpses.

Only a fool would bathe in toxic waste to gain superpowers.

>Yeah because there totally aren't fire shield spells, idiot.

Shielding != Protection

Shields prevent the fire from touching you at all, protection prevents the fire from harming you, even if you physically touch it.

Why would said tech-mage bother going through that much trouble just to get to the same conclusion as a sending spell (or its equivalent)?

You do realize that elementals are dangerous creatures who will murder you right? I'd rather care for pigeons than risk an elemental suffocating me if your magical device fails to contain it properly.

Yeah so it could be a plot point and personal quest for a character to gather research and even study "natural" intelligent undead like vampires but this guy seems to be arguing some chicken and egg bs that you couldn't possibly even conceive of the idea of becoming an intelligent undead to strive towards unless there are already extensive traditions and info about liches.

Not really, he didn't do any research or anything, he just went up to some omnipotent guy, asked for something that would make death something more, whatever the hell that means, and dumped the toxic waste he got down his throat the instant he got it.

I've told a longer version opf this story a couple of times before, but basically the party decided that to "safely" kill a dragon, they would lure it into a big warehouse. In the days leading up to that, they had turned said warehouse into what can only be described as "the biggest pipe-bomb ever".

The good news is that the plan worked and the cataclysmic blast killed the dragon. The bad news was that the entire party and most of the city they were in also died, either in the explosion itself or the massive fire it caused.

Lesson learned: Contrary to popular belief, there IS such a thing as overkill.

>the armour he wore could only be put on with the help of someone else

S Q U I R E
Q
U
I
R
E

>It's like being a blacksmith and getting butthurt when the GM tells you that, no, you cannot make a fucking Ironman suit or a Gundam because the most advanced the setting is, is somewhere around medieval times.

No, he cannot make an Iron Man suit or a Gundam. Easily. He can, however, go on an epic quest for the secrets of smithing once known to the Ancients, or held secret by the gods themselves, to build The Best Suit Of Armour Ever/a giant iron fighting man.

He can have his awesome, setting-breaking toys, but he needs to work for them first.

>How the fuck is he even aware or liches IC, in the first place?

Undead creatures, sapient or otherwise, are hardly unknown to human mythology, much less fantasy worlds. And some of the most well-known stories in human history are about characters trying to cheat death. If a PC wants to go down that road, so be it. It's a long road, a dark road and a hard road, and in the end, they may earn nothing more than damnation. But if they're willing to take that risk, so be it.

>Literally no better than those shitters who try to build naruto in Pathfinder.

Again, you're assuming I'm going to let the PC have their precious toys straight out the gate. I'm not. I'm going to take their toys, and use them as a carrot to draw them into the game, and get them to take an interest.

Correct response:
"Knocking down all these walls has greatly destabilized the dungeon. You don't even need a knowledge: dungeoneering or survival check to notice. Any more and the whole thing might cave in. Knock that shit off."

>Accident

This cure spell is amazing, I should research a way to cast this spell and affect multiple people at once. I shall call it mass cure, such a brilliant idea.

Time to test this mass cure spell that I have spent years of my life researching... Wow, that's not what I was expecting, I shall name this spell Fireball instead. It's a shame I live in a world where spells are only created by random chance. Like that guy who said he found a way to cast a spell that could grant any wish anyone could want, but the only wish it worked on was, I wish I was surrounded by wolves.

This is fiction we're talking about. Anything is possible.

Why the fuck would you assume magical realm in that situation? Jesus christ.

>Gundam

Couldn't the player also just learn how to make a golem that was hollow, so he could fit inside it and tell it what to do?

All of this is assuming that autist McSperglord over here will even accept that his game breaking toys won't show up until partway through the campaign.

For christ sake, the dumbass drank anti-matter because he thought it would somehow turn him into a super lich.

To them, either I break the campaign immediately or you're a shitty GM who hates fun and eats babies.

Which is why I tell them to fuck off at the earliest opportunity.

Fiction doesn't mean that you can throw literal shit against a wall, draw a line to the ones that stick, and have it all make sense in the end.

That sort of bullshit logic is how we get settings like Bleach and Dragonball Super, where the protagonist literally gains immeasurable power for no reason than "plot lol" yet somehow still loses to the resident arc villain because "plot lol."

This goes for anyone trying to worldbuild out there, every element has to make sense in order for the audience to accept what happens at a given moment.

It doesn't mean that everything has to be extensively explained but there should at least be some sort of internal logic to bridge the gap and show that when something happens, it's not just because of contrived reasons that just so happen to move the plot along.

>Okay, vampires aren't liches.
They're intelligent undead that maintain their personality to some extent and some were mortal spellcasters and continue that in the afterlife.

Assuming they exist in this world then that shows that some form of immortal unlife is possible though at a cost needing to feed on the living and having certain vulnerabilities.
If there are other undead that don't need to feed then it's not some unbelievable "STOP metagaming!!!" leap for a mage specializing in the undead to wonder if you could create an undead that maintains intelligence but without the hunger and vulnerabilities of a vampire.
>Even then, most vampires are cursed or made a pact with demons or shit like that
Again are you the GM?
Because "most" may be that way in some settings and your personal head-canon but that's not a universal rule and the "curse" can be passed on.
Regardless vampires are still undead and show that undead can be intelligent so it could provide the initial inspiration for creating a better form of undeath that you seem to be so hung up on.
>By accident.
Again that can be your personal head-canon but it doesn't mean there can't be settings where liches are invented through research.
>Accident, assuming you can even create new magic in the first place.
Again, your personal head canon, other settings involve research and even have rules for researching new spells.
Just in D&D there are multiple spells named for the mages that invented them, do you imagine they tried to cast an already known spell and somehow accidentally "made" a new one? If you can create new spells by accident then why can't you experiment and research to do the same?

I guess we're at that part of the argument where retards begin strawmanning and spouting ad-hominem in a poor attempt at refuting the argument.