For your loyal service to the Crown, the Queen rewards you with a horse-key--one of only three in existence

>For your loyal service to the Crown, the Queen rewards you with a horse-key--one of only three in existence.

But I don't even have a horse to start up with it

I thank her, and direct myself towards my horse, where I insert the key to see what happens

Dude, where's my horse?

I immediately sell it in the nearest shop and use the money to acquire superior magical weapons and new spells.

I only care if it comes with land grants, a badass title and a sweet castle. The social prestige is nice but I can already make all nobles bow before me with compulsion spells anyway.

I politely thank the Queen, and to express my gratitude I reach around her ample hips with an available hand and begin caressing her prodigious, royal member while I continue to vigorously thrust my own instrument into her shapely buttocks from behind. As my remaining hand is occupied with steadying her Majesty, I ask my trusty squire to begin inserting the horse-key into my own buttocks, that I might know the height of ecstasies.

A horse!
A horse!
My kingdom for a horse!

Interestingly I had a GM go bullshit on me for the opposite:

I had a paladin with some high end, but only +! armor. A noble rewarded him a set of like +4 armor of a lesser kind, so it was only a 1 point AC improvement.

I realized however, that the cash value of the new +4 armor was absurd. So I wanted to sell it, pocket a few 100 gold for myself for expanses, then donate the rest to the damaged town.

GM was genuinely pissed in RL over it.

Everybody now!

Up the bard's sphincter it goes.

Such an honor. Everyone else has to make due with don-keys.

Sell it and buy a horse with the money.

The key is to her bedroom, I assume?

But that's exactly what a paladin should do. What exactly made him so pissed about it?

Your dm was pissed at your paladin for finding a way to donate money to charity?

>Paladin does something that would make his god nod in pride
>GM throws a hissy fit

Listen buddy. I have a rule about inviting people on Veeky Forums to IRL games, but if I didn't, and you were in Florida, I would say "Hey, fuck that guy. Come down and play with us."

>You unlock the full power of your horse

No. It's a key to her clockwork dildo.

>It now can shit on command

Someone post the horse anus screencap

It's a key for her chastity belt.

I assume that soon all three owners of horse-key will face each other in no disqualifications three way match for some fabulous grand price.

Yeah, I heard the princess is quite a night-mare in bed.

Enjoy it while you can Carlos. Try and get over the wall when Trump gets elected.

>the wall
Tunneling is a thing, brah.

Also, they can just toss/catapult him over the wall

>drop-pod direct-infiltrating mexicans
My God...

mfw

Oh, there'll be a three-way alright.

The queen is a freak.

>royal member
No

underrated post.

I enjoyed this thread.

...

>the horse... opens.

Now I don't need to hotwire horses, I have the master key.

THE CODEX ASTARTES REFERS TO THIS TACTIC AS, "ILUVIA DE ACERO!"

that doesn't go there!

...

...

...how do you hotwire a horse

Ever see Avatar?

Very very carefully. You wouldn't believe the alarm systems people install on their horses nowadays. The old school dead switches were annoying enough.