Pathetic Marines: Our color pattern is too complex Edition

4th Company reporting in.

Brother-Captain, haven't you heard about krorks, those green-skinned savages, a race of brutal warriors?
By the way, who are these "orks" you're talking about?

Wait a second... Did I said krorks? O-Of course I m-meant orks! What is a Krork anyway! Indeed, what a silly word! Let's just blame it on warp fuckery, as we always do!

Damn ork warp fuckery.

ok, feel free to correct me, but are these threads similar in nature to that of Penal regiment Veeky Forums? You know, a roleplay thread? Not that I'm against it! I'd be more than happy to sign up if that were the case.

They are very similar, but with more idiocy and patheticness.

Ok... I'm having no luck or too much luck.

Roll 1: Twin-linked Missile Launcher

Roll 2: Plasma Grenades

Roll 3 (did a 10 roll hoping for something worthy of the Pathetic Marines):
Heavy Bolter with Torrent, Instant Death, Shred
Grav-Amp
Digital Weapons
EMP Grenades
Mastercraft Quickened Multi-Melta
Tau Heavy Rail Rifle (Terminator Only) with Pinning and Melta
Necron Voidblade with Blind, Instant Death, Refined (+1S)
Eldar Webway Portal
Power Maul with Haywire
Hellfire Shells

The worst kind of warp fuckery.

>OOC

It's pretty much turned into it's own unique mass of crazy and awesome at this point. If you need filling in, go back and read through the threads and see the madness unfold for yourself! But for right now, just go to the link in the last thread, find your Gift, and join us on this glorious Crusade brother!

Hmm, your lack of knowledge on one of Mankinds oldest foes is troublingly Pathetic brother Notan Ecron... I approve wholeheartedly!

>OOC

Ignoring your pretty amazing luck all things concidered, take whatever you want. It may have stared out as "Only those with terrible Wargear may enter" but we've evolved past that now. So take whatever Gift you prefer (or roll one more time and take that Gift no matter what it is) and join the Crusade brother!

just how Penal regiment Veeky Forums started! Sign me up and call me daisy I'm joining this! If no one minds I'll take up the banner of IX captain

>Rolls ten weapons and none of them have Blunted
I don't know why, but I get the feeling that the 4th maybe Company with the least members

Uh... thank you, Chapter Master? I guess...
Damn. Why do they keep renaming these things? What's next? Orruks?

Brother, you should grab a weapon from our incredibly pathetic arsenal!

miniwargaming.com/deathwatch_itemgenerator

Brother Captain, it simply means that the Emperor wishes for your company to contain only the most promisingly pathetic melee fighters amongst our number. And as such, his hand is at work within your company. You should feel honoured to say the least!

Hmm... I this shall do. What do you think Brother? Or should I try for something more 'pathetically brutal?"

Eldar Webway Portal
Gain Deep Strike. Will not scatter when arriving. Can bring up to two other models with him and arrive as a "unit

Close quarters has always been a passion of mine after all.

... By the way. Is it just me... or are we now orbiting some planet?

Actually I've already come up with a way to make this lucky git pathetic...

What is more pathetic (or might I say it soulreaving) than an a Marine of 8 centuries that has never truly experienced battle?

4th company Soulreavers currently has no members listed.

So Brother Daucus Savitus

Look these up, it'll make you laugh.

Damn... need to develop a problem with punctuation.

Brother, you don't choose a weapon, but the weapon chooses you!
This is your destiny, the will of the Emperor in solid form is in your hands!
This piece of xeno-tech will bring you and your company to glory!
Your path will be incredibly pathetic, but that's how we do it!
Because we are His Least Favored! We are the Pathetic Marines, and that is our way!
None more pathetic!

A planet Brother? That looks like an asteroid to me. Are we near Caliban or is it an Ork Rok again?

Finally we have a captain for the 9th!

I'll inform the inquisitor to update the ranks section of the wiki!

Are you in for a place in the VI?

I've got a question, Who's the Navigator for the Bastion of Weakness?

Not a problem brother! On a side note, I think you should see the Apothecary and his Carnifex about your back. I have never once seen yo stand strait up, and while I know it doesn't affect your combat prowess, I worry that something may happen to it eventually. And we only have one Patheticnaught chassis.

The what?

Why, the Bastion of Weakness herself! For reason no one can or are willing to explain, the Bastion seems to jump in and out of the Warp, depositing us wherever we are needed!

As always, your wisdom is much appreciatedin this matter most Pathetic Chaplin.

I believe it to be neither brother Captain! Also... I think that may be an Eldar transport of some kind to the left of it.

>He'd point out the large, atmosphere venting hole and towards the large 300 mile wide asteroid.
>Low and behold, there would be an actual Eldar ship floating above it.

Should we... should we prepare to attack? Or let them try to attack us?

That would explain why there's an Eldar ship next to that asteroid then...

Lets blast it with the most powerful thing we have Brother.
Do we currently have anything exterminatus capable pointed in its vague direction or shall we resort to the powerfists again?

What are you saying?
We DO have actually some exterminatus equipement ready!
Let's load some of the 3rd and of the 9th in boarding torpedos and shoot them!

Hmm, the Eldar are assholes, but at the same time they have been known to help humans if the times are desperate. But we have stolen literally hundreds of their weapons and artifacts for our own purposes... Stay on high alert brothers, only attack if they fire upon us. And if they try to board, than may the Emperor have mercy on their foul souls.

Near our Fortress even the most advanced Forge Worlds look like miserable chunks of rock.
I believe that our patheticness is able to spread, somehow.

No need to worry brother! I don't think that our Apothecary and his "pet" are able to help me with my... "condition". I mean, just look at our terminators, they are all hunched over, but their armor is designed this way! Maybe we've got a spare terminator suit laying around somewhere?

Not yet my brothers! As pathetic as we are, I will not have us called stupid! To our faces

I shall have my company prepared within two minutes brother!

Does anyone remember where the communications systems are? I'd like to know what in the Emperors name is happening out there.

Excellent work brother, but do not fire until I give the order.

I think it is well passed that point Brother... you do realise that such a large hole venting atmosphere isn't usually normal for our Fortress Monastery. As such, I feel we should attempt to retaliate against there far more pathetic forces.

I believe them to be three decks up, in what used to be the bridge for battle barge "Unnecessary Subtleties".

Our communication systems? You mean, two tin cans and a piece of string? I believe it's just one
can now.

>OOC

Fuck I misread that. Oh well, time to rectify that the only way Space Marines know how!

>IC

Brothers! The Eldar have come to slay more of the Emperors children! Will His most Pathetic warriors stand for such atrocities? 3rd and 9th Companies, prepare to board the enemy vessel! Captain Ismael, find our Webway Gates and prepare to deepstrike within the Eldar ship! Stand firm brothers, for we fight the Emperors wars this day! NONE MORE PATHETIC! NONE MORE WORTHY!

Whatever the case maybe. It is useless to try to contact these horrid Xenos. Let our pathetic might purge them from existence before they scratch the paint of our belovedly pathetic Monastery!

NONE MORE WORTHY! NONE MORE PATHETIC CHAPTER MASTER!

>He'd quickly make his way towards the nearest armoury, before stocking up on a Boltgun, a few Krak grenades, and his "gift". Before preparing to use it to deep strike himself, and several others, within the enemy vessel.

is everyone gone...? Should I continue on?

OOC

I dunno. We've had a pretty fun few days, but all things eventually come to an end.

I shall shoot them with my gift from the fortress!
>BANG
>BANG
>BANG
>BANG
I think i got some!

We are all still here.
We are waiting to see what will your marines do.

I'm TRYING tho, I'm fucking half blind and I can't find my holo-visor.

>OOC

I'm honestly just waiting for someone to start posting as the Eldar again. These threads can slow down every now and again, especially since I think a lot of us are in different time zones. Wait a few more minutes, or right now if you have something cool, and post to your hearts content.

ooc

Why, you are Pathetic both IN and OUT of charachter?

You make our chapter proud

>The Captain of the tenth company, along with several heavy bolter wielding Devastators are instantly teleported onto the ship through the use of the Eldar Web way Portal.
>The Eldar within the room have but a moment to gaze at the silver armored space marines before one word is uttered by the Captain.
FIRE!!!
>Within seconds, hundreds of 1.00 caliber explosive rounds are fired into the small crowd of Eldar. Turning them, and everything around them, into piles of bloody meat and wraithbone armor.

Cleanse this vessel in the name of the Emperor! Leave not one of these foul witches standing within our Pathetic path!

>At this. The squad would begin making its way through the vessel. Cleansing any Xenos in sight.

Of the ninth company* (fuck you auto correct!)

>The Captain of the 10thcompany looks blindly around himself, confused heavily why he was teleporte on the ship along with the 9th.

HOLIEST EMPEROR'S BALLS WHY AM I HERE?!?!?

Excellent brother, cleanse the Xenos filth and return home with tales of your Pathetic Glory!

>OOC

Don't worry, it happens to all of us.

>Several smaller boarding craft are quickly launched from the Eldar vessel, and they begin screaming towards the Space Hulk. Intent of cleansing it of the Mon'keigh filth within.
>Soon enough, dozens of smaller boarding craft have made their way towards, and landed within. Deploying numerous amounts of Eldar forces within.

Leave no Mon'keigh alive upon this horrid vessel! Show them no mercy, for none shall be shown back!

Has anyone seen the Captain of the Blindwing? He said something about recaf and walked in the direction of the Webway Gates, and now no one can find him.

No idea captain, I'll cover for you!
>Starts shooting out spray of scenery erasing rockets...in entirely the right direction (this is, you must understand, a complete coincidence as I usually can't hit a barn door from inside the barn.)

>Mon'keigh
EEK!
>Suddenly Meltabeams!

Rolled 5 (1d20)

>Upon sighting the chapter master, a small group from the Eldar boarding party quickly take cover, before fireing upon him as well as those around him

Leave none alive!
no idea how fighting will go, so I'll simply use the rules from the other threads I've been in

The Eldar have boarded, I repeat, the Eldar have boarded the Bastion of Weakness!

...

>(Mad laughter can be heard throughout the Space Hulk, seeming to come from the steel of the vessel itself.)

May the Emperor have mercy on their worthless souls. Brothers of the Honor Guard, with me! It's time to show these foul Xenos the meaning of "home field advantage"!

>OOC

Fair enough

>BANG
>Kill 4 Eldar in a single shot despite not being 50 meters away
Brothers! I have finally hit something whilst up close, praise the Emperor!

>Special Rules: Scout Captain, Blind Fury activated

The captain has rolled off far from the other fellow Marines and finds himself stealthed in the middel of the Eldars.

What's this noises? Moving clumsily around with His Hammer, Captain Ismael swings it.

>Now every Eldar needs to roll for a save in the proximity.

Rolled 4 (1d20)

>Sadly, due to various amounts if warp fuckery. Including the fact that the inner workings of the ship seem to be laughing, causes the Eldar to lose focus, as they begin to believe they may be dealing with the forces of chaos!

These are no ordinary Space Marines brothers and sisters! These are the very forces of Chaos!!! DUN DUN DUUUUUN! Cleanse this vessel of their warp infused TAINT!

>The Eldar would then resume to fire upon the Chapter Master, as well as his incoming Honour guard.

Rolled 12 (1d20)

To clarify why all of this

god those rolls... ugh...

Rolled 19 (1d20)

Stand firm my brothers! Show these fools the Emperors light!

>OOC

I will assume that you guys are speaking the Eldar language, otherwise I would react to the Chaos comment... angrily. If I am wrong in this, please correct me.

Rolled 3, 2 = 5 (2d6)

XENO DETECTED, PATHETICNOUGHT ENGAGING.

(Rolling for double gets hot)

well I don't know if I succeeded or not. That's for you decide

they are indeed speaking Eldar
>The fire power of the Marines is far to much for the Eldar to stand. And in moments, most of the group are torn to pieces. While the rest begin pulling back.

Rolled 16 (1d20)

...
...fresh meat.

Rolled 6 (1d20)

CHAOS? How dare you talk about the fortress that way! He's just special, that's all it is.
>BANG

>OOC

I'm just going with "higher rolls = more success". I'm not trying deny you anything, that's just the system that makes more sense to me personally. To many Headmaster Quests I guess. (If such a thing were possible)

Rolled 10, 11 = 21 (2d20)

Damn it, I must be too close!
>runs away then proceeds to
>BANG
>BANG

Quickly my brothers, the Xenos retreat! Press the advantage, destroy them utterly! NONE MORE PATHETIC!

>(All Pathetic Marines respond with "NONE MORE WORTHY!")

Rolled 20 (1d20)

trust me, that's what I've been going with. Usually I find it's 11 equals a small success (in this case it would be one or two Eldar dead) where as a Nat 20 would be everything dead, and surrounding units fleeing and not getting to fire. Along with a few other things.

>While the first shot is a miss, the second shot manages to pierce one of the Eldar through the leg. But he couldn't times firing none the less!

Rolled 1, 3 = 4 (2d6)

NONE MORE WORTHY!

FIRING SECOND VOLLEY!

Rolled 16 (1d100)

NONE MORE WORTHY!
CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!

>Captain Ismael start charging in the general direction of the Eldar, but rams facefirst into an interior wall of the Eldar vessel, creating a breach.

I roll to see how many Eldar were stampeded during the charge

That's a pathetic kill tally

NOOO! My neutron blaster has overheated again!

WELL FUCK ME! OUR FIRST CRIT ARRIVES!!! now this is where we ask you. Do you want to make a new character? It's up to you if your sniper dies. If not, I'd suggest that an arm or a leg (maybe both) gets blown off. But it's up to you

Rolled 4, 3 = 7 (2d6)

NONE MORE WORTHY!

Rolled 4 (1d20)

...give me your skin, little eldar...

...oh yes, I've almost forgot. NONE MORE WORTHY!

Rolled 5, 6 = 11 (2d6)

OOK OK OOK EEK!

Rolled 12 (1d20)

>OOC

Well than... the Dice Gods are fickle lords, that's for damn sure.

>IC

>As the Eldar retreat back to their boarding ships, they are able to mount a successful defense of that area of the Hulk, grinding the battle to a stalemate.

Do not let them gain any ground my brothers! We must hold them here before the Champion arrives!

Rolling for Company Champion to get in among the boarding force

>NOOO! My neutron blaster has overheated again!
Hearing this pathetic cry from the Patheticnought, some marines of the scout company already send word to the techmarines to prepare a substitute Pathetic Engine

>Tyranid Bonesword
>S User, AP 3, Lifedrain (Instant Death on To Wound of 6)
>Additional Traits: Refined (+1 S), Force
My force sword shall avenge our delicious fallen brother

Rolled 10 (1d20)

>fuck forgot to roll

Rolled 1 (1d20)

>While the missile reaches close to the target. It does little but to damage a nearby bulkhead , and pelt a few Eldar with small bits of shrapnel.

Keep firing! We must cleanse this vessel of its Chaotic TAINT!
Several bunched up Eldar are torn to shreds by the space marines weaponry, but they do timey to fight back hard!
Sadly. Their champion can do little else but get towards them! For the Eldar are a quick and nimble race of xeno!

Rolled 20 (1d20)

Ook ok eek!.
>Reaches into his voluminous body hair and pulls out something like the Infinity Gauntlet and slides it over one of his feet.
OOK EEK!

DAMN YOU CRITICUS!!!!
>One of the Eldar boarding leaders, in a panicked tone of voice, sends a message to the nearby Eldar ship
The Mon'Keigh are too much Farseer! Their powers of Chaos are too strong and We're being overwel- GAAAAAAH!!!
>This message is cut short, as the Eldar is mowed down by a swath of rounds.