What are some curses that are a lot worse than they sound?

Whenever you have to take a leak, you'll always get the urge to sneeze.
Have fun trying to not make a mess everytime.

Make that a gorilla dick

Would you have to go vegan? As long as you don't kill any animals personally, you should still be able to eat it.

Not being able to step on anything is a pretty good one, though.

>Have fun going vegan
You didn't say "can't benefit from killing", so I will eat animals that are already dead.
If that's what you meant, by the same logic I can't eat plants or anything that was once alive or will die from being digested either, so that's a very cruel curse.

But what about the bacterias that die within your body

You are irresistably sexually-attractive to everything capable of feeling sexual attraction.

What about veganism killing my street cred?

The curse of gold addiction. At first you think "I already have that" but this curse makes you so addicted you couldn't bare to part with your gold mean you can't spend a single coin.

Inability to speak

I always just have a brief giggle when I get banned from Veeky Forums or muted in a video game, but then I find myself trying to communicate every minute

Have you considered not being a cunt in the first place?

I've never deserved a Veeky Forums ban, and in video game it's usually a self mute (my rank can mute but not unmute)

Everything you scratch turns to stone

You are compelled to do the opposite of what you want.

>no rain will ever fall within 1000 miles of you

Lets go for a classic - May you live in Interesting Times

Depends on what you mean by lies. I can tell the truth but still leave out information, not to mention saying things that are inherently true to the situation but are invalid without context.
I shouldn't have laughed at this. Why are clowns so funny?
Awesome, now I won't be lying when I say I have to beat the ladies off with a stick.

>Awesome, now I won't be lying when I say I have to beat the ladies off with a stick.

And all the guys, and all the animals.

Your most likely fate is being gang-raped by a hundred thugs plus their pet dogs, and then taken as a sex-slave by some local badass.

You have a dick that makes your partner instantly orgasm.

May you get what you deserve
May you come to the attention of those with power
May you live in interesting times

You will step on a Lego at least once a day.

Everything you drink tastes like lemonade.

you can not hear voices.

You will never be comfortable.

You will always be the best member of the party, at everything.

You can only eat a specific food once, once you've had it you can never eat that food again.

What is that from?

That's not as bad as You Must Always Tell Lies.
Logic puzzles ho!

Is it better to have one so small no one will take you seriously or one so big that no one will ever have you?

Marriage

You will live in interesting times.

>wear shoes
>legos begin appearing in your shoes

Won't stop a wizard.

>so big that no one will ever have you?
This one, easy. You'll at least get novelty points and laughed at, rather than just laughed at.

>would you rather be inferior naturally, or inferior through unnatural means?

Shit fetish, user. I'm not entering your magical realm

That would get really awful after a while.

You poop a tiny bit every time you lie, no matter how small the lie is. The bigger the lie, the bigger the shit.

You'll never worry about constipation, though.

You know how easy that would be to abuse? Holy shit man, just have a wizard with a portal to a fresh water lake on hand, then just siege every castle you want, you literally keep it from raining, and with your wizard friend you have all the water you want whenever you or your armor wants. All plants, vegetables and plants, all wells that your enemy might have will dry up, and I have a feeling that medieval fantasy castles aren't exactly filled with high level wizards or filled with bottle water.

Maoyuu Maou Yuusha

depends on what the curse does if you got no stool left in your body

I had an idea for a character that was cursed "to never stay in the same place."

The wording is vague enough he can rest for a bit, but he can't ever "stay." In a city he'd have to change inns every night or so, and he couldn't stay in the city as a whole for more than week before being forced to move on.

You can't refuse anyone who says "please" when they ask something of you.
I expected something more entertaining when i read the phrase "dick sorcerer".

Wow, killed it with the best one in the first post...

Psychologically speaking that is straight brutality.

I don't think so, drink anything exclusively and eventually it'll go down like water and you'll barely taste it

You are the best dick sucker in the world
the world, the world, the world...

Is this really that bad? Currently I play an oni, who can tell no lies.
Actually all oni society is based on never telling lies. Lies are grounds for capital punishment.
Ive had no problems thus far

To never finish anything.

Big one. There are at least some women who'd give it a try just to see if they could, and you'll probably get a handjob or something out of it once they give up. Just get good at eating bitches out. The main hassle would be functioning in ordinary society in non-sexual contexts, because even flaccid your dick is so big that it's impossible to ignore.

If you go with the small one, you're spared the awkward social situations, but you still have to rely on your hands, tongue, and/or toys - and you need to somehow get enough women interested that you can get a reputation for it. The novelty dick kickstarts that process for you, while the tiny one forces you to find a way of getting a reputation for being a sex god in spite of your penis.

Anytime you get hard "Finna Bust A Nut" by Filthy Frank plays out loud at about the volume of your phone at max volume.

scavengers don't need to kill their food

"Hey, got any embarrassing fetishes?"

Silence isn't a lie.

Not being able to lie doesn't mean you have answer every question asked of you, user.

i feel like that curse could be A LOT better if it was "you must always give the correct answer to a question"

Well you're fucked because your immune system no longer works.

> Awesome, now I won't be lying when I say I have to beat the ladies off with a stick.
Try:
> Drowning in a swarm of vermin that are busy humping you.

Being able to only lie might be worse. If nobody catches on you are a shifty asshole. If people catch on it has the same flaws as only telling the truth.

Of course being able to only say X necessitates that you must use the proper tone or else you can just use sarcasm to imply truth or lies.

Spot the Oglaf readers.

You don't need to kill animals to eat them and that goes double for plants. Grapes and shit don't need to kill the plant to pick the fruit. Also you could always eat limbs of animals. As long as the animal receives proper treatment you are fine.

You lose one of the following.
The ability to feel boredom.
The ability to dream.
The ability to be selfless.
The ability to be selfish.

You will always remember everything.
You'll listen to your favorite song forever.

Still a lie by omission.

You have infinite endurance, but you can never stop moving.

You break that geas just by existing for about a quarter of a second as your immense body heat fries some bacteria that drifted your way.

So if it stops being your favourite song after repeated hearings, do you stop hearing it until you have a new favourite song that just replaces it?

Don't gorillas have the smallest dicks out of all the prime apes?

After you grow tired of it, then it goes to your next favorite then it repeats.

>lie by omission
It's simply omission. They didn't tell anything, that isn't the same as telling a non-truthful fact.

The fact that you have to qualify it like that means it isn't really a lie.

Even if you had to answer, just saying "yes" doesnt mean anything, your not lying and you are answering the question to the fullest, your just not elaborating; only after the asker goes through every possible fethish they could think of ("do you like X") would they find out anything. That is of course if you need to answer those questions and dont just walk away, even if you cant leave you also learn information about the questioner due to their order of questioning

-Must never stop walking
-you hear everything within 100m from you at all times
-you have sever tenitus

It also gives you curly hair and a big pointy nose

You have irresistible urge to beat people who lie to you.
Good luck in relationship and with polititians.

this one is good. real clever. regular auditory senses work, but voices are excepted, that becomes maddening at some point, i gotta imagine.

whenever you get a boner a loud voice announces the fact

and you aren't allowed to say what it is that gave you a boner.

Are you twelve?

Take a vow of silence.

Pretty sure a curse is going to overpower a self-imposed vow.

24 times a day during your waking hours, you will load and uncontrollably say whatever you're thinking about at the time.

I think I caught this.

You're the best at giving blowjobs in the world.

suddenly pop a stiffy because of a hot chick working at the daycare you went to to pick up for kid? congratulations you're now a suspected pedophile.

fuck me the levels of typos in my explanation, I concede my point and hang my head in shame

Not really making a great case for yourself vis-a-vis the whole 'Are you twelve' argument there, friendo.

read the fucking thread oglaf.

keep me posted

A lie by omission means you selectively omit facts to draw the person you're speaking to into an incorrect conclusion.

Straight up silence isn't a lie by omission, it's just silence.

You're cursed to acquire more gold than you can ever possibly spend in your lifetime.
You immediately find a single ordinary gold coin.

"I refuse to dignify that with a response."

user, have you considered becoming a Lawyer?

And then the ENTIRE economy fucking tanks to where gold is worthless and everyone wants barter instead.

Briefly in middle school because of a nickname (I have the word 'law' in my name), but never seriously.

Being a stickler for definitions and a purveyor of pedantry only gets you so far.