Tell me Veeky Forums, who is your favorite Commissar & why?

Tell me Veeky Forums, who is your favorite Commissar & why?

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Gonna have to go with gaunt but thats mostly because the tanith troops made him into a badass

I'll be honest, user. I kinda wanna see a meetup between the First-and-Only and the 597th, solely for how awkward the interaction of Gaunt and Cain would be.

What would either of them do to make the interaction awkward ?

Would they first meet with some respect for each other due to their reputations ?

I've not read any of the Gaunt books yet. Is Gaunt likely to see through Cain's reputation to see what he's like underneath ?

Would he care ?
Or would he think that Cain's results mean that his cowardice doesn't matter ?

Would Gaunt do anything to annoy Cain ?

Cain would probably do some accidental heroics and earn respect while buddying up with all the drinkers and gamblers . After a long night, he wakes up with a tanith tat and a raging hangover. Gaunt remains as unamused as eisenhorn.

Cain

>nobodymentionsfuklaw

BADGERCUNTDICKS!

Tell me about the victories of Fuklaw and the guardsmen he was motivating at the time.

Fuklaw is a terrible meme on par with Old Man Henderson.

He ruins games.

FUKLAW IS TOO ANGRY FOR NORMAL HUMANS SO HE LEADS ONLY THE IMPERIUMS MOST LOYAL AND ANGRY SERVANTS THE ANGRY MARINES INSTEAD

FUCK YOU HERETICAL NIGGER FAGGOT GO EAT A DICK YOU COCKLOVING ASS SPELUNKER TURTLE DICK FART

Sounds like he's too incompetent to motivate guardsmen. So he gets assigned to a Space Marine Chapter who know enough fear that they need a commissar.

At first I wanted to get annoyed at you for mentioning such a shit Veeky Forums character but then I remembered

1d4chan.org/wiki/Life_and_Death_of_John_Fuklaw

and now I can't be mad.

Fuklaw went from stupid meme character to actually pretty interesting and badass.

I would probably go with Kain, I love his books and how they manage to be both fun and awesome at the same time.
Sometimes the 40k takes himself too seriously for my tastes.

Commissar Lord Bern
He isn't a mary sue.
He doesn't have a regiment of mary sue light heavy infantry that can do acrobatics and fight long battles of attrition.
He doesn't fuck bitches or get speshul snowflake gear.

Also, any commissar who charges an avatar of khaine while shouting "Let their god feel this" is a man I would follow to the eye of terror and back.

Choose your next words with exceptional care Veeky Forums!

bernn > holt desu.

Cain in the best bluffer in the galaxy.

Close proximity to Inquisitors, psykers, command staff of several crusades, space marines and every other kind of important figure in the galaxy and never, not once did anyone see through his cover.

If that is anything to go by, he'd meet Gaunt, Gaunt would be sufficiently starstruck, but skeptical until cain beheads a general of the blood pact, leads an assault on their base and calls in a artillery battery on their location wiping them out without taking casualites.

From then on you would have Gaunts sworn testimony that Cain is the Emeperor's own champion, and is blessed by all the saints.

Inquisitor Viel and saw through his acting. Also the 2nd in command of the Artillery regiment he originally got assigned to was fairly sure Cain was an Olympics grad bullshit merchant but could never actually prove it.

There really needs to be a collaborative bit of work done between Abnett and Mitchel.

It could end with whats left of the First and Only being given a formerly Blood Pact held world and told that this is not actually Right of Settlement, it's merely being assigned garrison duty for the next 70 or 80 years. This was managed by a combination of a Tanith man saving Cain's life and Cain discreetly fucking a high ranking Administrator.

It could be fun.

youtube.com/watch?v=nb6cSEI1FLk

10/10 would marry

Renegade/Radical but Loyal Commissars?

No, in the very first book about Cain amberly vail says something to the tune of 'he's honestly the most incredible dissembler of all of the imperium, until he confided in his journal and I read them following his death even I didn't know he felt this way about his own actions. Whether the results of hindsight, mental illness or cowardice in his old age causing misrememberings I think he doesn't give himself enough credit and his self depricasy caused him to justify his actions while still seeing hiself as a coward.

Bravery is not the absence of fear, but rather is the overcoming of it.

yeah, and he isn't a pretty boi who gets all the goodies because he is a saint's butthole and is best friends with princesses and crusader generals.

He is the ideal IG Joe. Keeps his head down, doesn't talk, and actually gets shit done.

I play him a lot in the elite mod.

>Bernn takes out a wraithguard/wraithlord
>"Nothing but failed soldiers"
Fucking based. How can gaunt even compete.

I'd say Cain, but that is mostly because I really liked the books. I also admire his pragmatism and his fuckoff huge biceps in all his art.

He is still listed as on active service. Forever.

Given that he has been declared dead then being declared alive again so often the Administratium refuse to remove him from the active service list even if he has been officially buried with full military honours.

Cain will live for as long as the Imperium endures, one lost soul eternally running away.

Cain, because he's legitimately among best commissars in the galaxy.

He might not lead as many armies, and he might not have as many personal glories, but in terms of maintaining morale and advising offices he's second to none, and that's what a commissar's job is all about.

God damn. I shouldn't read this shit when I'm drunk.

F.

By the end of his service with the second artillery even the guy who hated him and thought he was a bullshit merchant had to admit there was no reasonable rational way 'he's a lucky coward' could possibly cover what cain had managed.

Honestly, after those three times with the nids, even the guy who hated him didn't think he was a coward or a fake, he just thought to use this 'hero' on the front lines was the best way to use his particular (however unlikely) talents

Shitty book.

Cain is the best.

There was no enemy he did not fight.
Sure there was no enemy he wanted to fight, but think about who he's facing. Despite his vices he did his duty, he stood forward when his men faultered, he went on the suicide mission himself, and he insipred all around him.

Cain gets a bad wrap, but admitting his fear after the fact doesn't mean much if what you're addmitting is "I was scared of the 10 foot warboss that I had to fight" after killing a 10 foot warboss in single combat with a laspistol.

There is no amount of 'lucky' that could pull that off
every
single
time
over a 200+ year career and doing this shit all the damn time.

Sorry didn't mean to reply to you

You can't tell me it wouldn't make a good film.

I would have it as a sequence of flashbacks as he lies dying or slipping in and out of consciousness.

The last scene where he wakes up in the hospital would be an after credits bonus scene because those are obligatory now.

bernn > meme commissars

>Hating on Holt
>Slapped some pussy ass governors shit

Was Colonel Gresis a commissar?

No. If he were, he'd have the helpful "Commissar" tittle added to his usual rank like Colonel- Commissar Gaunt.

That sucks he was pretty badass for a non Catachan being assigned to a Catachan regiment commanding officer the fucker had the universes smartest ogyrn AND was a teacher to fucking Strakken

If I recall Cain makes fun of Ghaunts catch phrase

Remember that those book covers are imperial propaganda pics. The real Cain, i imagine, probably have a more normal body type.

Does he atleast have his killer side burns

Commissars being in formal command is very rare thing and usually happens if the commissar in question executes the commanding officer for this or that reason and even then is only temporary.

There's like 2 commissars in all of the fluff that are given command for any extended period of time: Yarrick and Gaunt. That's about it. The rest is just them attaching themselves as needed and being an advisor at best.

>didn't even fist a chaos lord to death
pfft.

Gaunt. Always Gaunt

This is not even a question.

>The Book of Cain, Chapter IV, Verse XXI: 'Then the prophet spake: saying "Frak this, for my faith is a shield proof against your blandishments."'

Cain, however, every Commissar is in their own way god-tier.
Commissars are the best characters in 40k.

It would be an absolute 10/10 film.

>Time forgets the insignificant. But our God remembers even the smallest of lives.
>Fuklaw introduced as typical hard nosed old veteran
>Suddenly artillery strike
>Fuklaw is half conscious but continues fighting, spending the rest of the battle reliving his life through flashbacks
>Inbetween flashbacks we see how good he is at his at his job and how much respect his men have for him
>Throughout the present day segments it slowly becomes clear just how old and tired he is as well as how close to death the artillery strike left him
>Fuklaw dies in a glorious charge against the enemy. As he lose consciousness he grips his wife's last letter to him
>Camera pulls back to show mounds upon mounds corpses, continues pulling back until we can't see Fuklaw's body anymore and he is just one more corpse among thousands
>Long blackout
>Cuts to Raege doing paperwork in an office, she receives a call
>Hospital scene happens, Fuklaw finally lets go of his anger
>Last shot is of Fucklaw with a genuine smile on his face
>Roll credits

I prefer the actual line

>Frak this, my souls my own and I'm keeping it

Then JURGEN EX MACHINA

Jurgen is a badass in his own right, the short story with him honestly made me wish an entire Cain novel was redone from Jurgen's POV

He's just a smelly autist who likes porn. You're basically asking for Blackadder as told from the perspective of Baldrick

I'd be fine with that as well.

>Cleaning melta gun
>Commissar says we got a new mission
>make sure to pack some sandwiches and tana

But the juxtaposition between his utter soldiering genius and non existent social skills was brilliantly written

Can we get Clint Eastwood to star and direct?

I just wish the Cain books had been written by someone who didn't literally copy-paste entire passages just to pad out his word count.

Hasnt been one in a while


Do you really think they would make a cain book without sandy?

No, he actually is that jacked. For one, those covers are posed photo shoots after battles where they rip his sleeves and give him bolters. Second, he's really fucking fit. dude is legit the best mortal swordsman in a sector and that requires both strength, endurance and technique. Dude put a serious chip in a space marine's armor and kill Khorne Berzerkers,

His back story was he excelled in sports and sword combat but his grades were meh in the schola

As much as I love Cain, got to clarify
>Dude put a serious chip in a space marine's armor
Because the Marine didn't take him seriously. After that, Cain never managed it again. It doesn't make it much less awesome, but it frames it in context.

>and kill Khorne Berzerkers,
I think he had Jurgen's assistance and other mitigating factors but yeah he did manage that one, and on pict too.

Sorta, he mentions "Do you want to love forever?" sounds like something from a bad combat novel.

Any two guys pulling that off at all virtually requires some mitigating circumstance or clever tactical advantage, and is hugely impressive.

Didn't think otherwise user, but there is a clear differance between "lol soloing chaos marines is ez" and what Cain and his regiment had to do to defeat them, Jurgen's blank power or not.
It was just my intention to bring that contrast to the forefront.

yeah as a guard player at first i hated them , but then i started to realize they are exactly what i like about IG cranked up to 11
they see the bigger picture and are brave and stubborn to a fault often leading by example if necessary

>Ghuant
>Fuklaw
>Cain
>Berrn?
>Yarrick

Did I win?

Holt is the leftmost, and the second to right is Gaunt

For the Marine, it was a sparing match. The Marine proceeded to keep that mark Cain made on his armor to remind him to never underestimate his opponents.

For the Berzerkers, one guy was an uninjured one. Cain knew he had no chance of winning in a straight up 1vs1 so he decided to stall & taunt until he made a mistake & one of his men get a good shot, which Jurgen did. The second one was very injured & Cain proceeded to jam his chainsword in a hole in his armor.

bernn was after them all.

I remembered the first one but thanks for refreshing me on the others.
I re-read them often enough would have thought they would have stuck.

They sadly do rather blend together in my head

Didn't that Slaaneshi sorceress Caine faced at one point see through him as well?
She had him exactly where she wanted him until a certain blank showed up and she died from a terminal case of "meltagun to the face."

Lady Inquisitor Amberly Vail indeed knows it as well, but loves the man anyway.

In case there is anyone here who hasn't read it.

>Sorta, he mentions "Do you want to love forever?" sounds like something from a bad romance novel.
Fixed?

>Cain discreetly fucking a high ranking Administrator
I think Cain is too terrified of Amberly to ever cheat on her.

So the story would be before they met. Before Jurgen finds out that he's a blank.

Thank you user, I had not read that story before, saved for later. I rather enjoyed the Cain novels.

To be fair it makes sense in context.

They were in universe written by Cain. Cain isn't one for putting in more effort than is needed.

even if they do become a bit samey, they are excellent comfy reads.

>tfw I actually liked reading Sulla's bits and thought her over-eager attitude was quite endearing

>why would I bother him about a bit of pilfering? Everyone's at it

The Slaaneshi sorceress may or may not have had psychic powers in life and Jurgen was back in the car on the radio at the time. Cain could sense that he was being devoured and his survival instinct kicked in and he shot her.

Second time he met Emili(?) her soul had been taken to her dark and twisted deity and made into a deamon-princess of Slaanesh. That was the time Jurgen burned hole through her chest and Cain became a prophet in the eyes of a fringe sect of Tellarans.

Cain has fucked dozens possibly hundreds of women since he met the Inquisitor.

My memories are a bit hazy on the subject, thank you for clearing up the mess.

He certainly did before, but IIRC there's no mention of it after he met Amberly.

Doesn't stop her making passive aggressive notes at all his other flings before they met.

If Veeky Forums was a girl, would Veeky Forums fuck Cain?

I'd fuck him until we were both exhausted and then some
I bet his "swordsmanship skills" down there match his martial prowess.

He also makes a comment in one of the books along the lines of only having room for one 'psychotically dangerous' woman in his life. (Vail chooses to 'take this as a compliment)

Amberly has implicitly deliberately rerouted missions for the sake of a booty call (I think it was The Last Ditch, but I may be wrong).
You just KNOW.

I think my favorite Vail reaction to one of Cain's comments was right in that first book, the one about Gravalax, where Cain says something like this regarding fixing a tribunal decision

>Bribery and intimidation work, but they're both likely to attract Inquisitorial attention, and they resent other people using their methods.

Which gets a comment of

>This is, of course, patently untrue. As His Imperial Majesty's most exalted servants, Inquisitors are above petty emotions such as resentment.

...

...

Can we please talk about bernn?
he doesn't get any love, and doesn't look like a posterboy. But he leads his men with honor.

Raege apparently likes big butts as well
especially Boone's

is he from DoWII? I haven't played it so I sadly know little about him. Reading a earlier post he sounds badass.

Someone linked his va up there
His animations are God tier.
Tbh, he feels like the wojack at the party sometimes in the dow2 cast.
I fell in love with him when he soloed a wraithguard unit, killed them an said

>nothing but failed soldiers

sounds like he was wasted on that game

you shut your whore mouth
DoW2 is the shit, THE TIGHTEST SHIT

Are you really willing to defend Retribution ?

yeah it is shit alright

I always loved how Sulla thought so much of Cain, and believe that Cain gave her hard assignments because he believed in her, but in reality it was because Cain fucking despised her. And yet, time and time again she pulled through and proved his doubts wrong.

Yes, I liked that about her too. Ever bit with Sulla I enjoyed.
I think she had a crush on him.
Her reaction when that guy didn't believe Cain was actually Cain for example.

Most of the supporting cast were good. I think Sandy's techpriests were very well done.

We have a commisar-general called Mordred Van Horcic from the Taros campiagn who over saw the entire operation. Quated to haver the authority to directly command any imperial unit which are not space marines or members of the admech.

During the Siege of Vraks it is stated that commisar-generals were sent to aid the death korp regiments due to their officers being shit with tactics.

It's understandable with the Kriegers.

A commissar giving advice like "you're all going to die and accomplish less than nothing unless you make an organized retreat" is going to get ignored. Possibly even shot for cowardice. And because the General isn't faltering in his duty, courage, loyalty or faith the commissar can't officially do anything about it.

Give them an actual rank and they have to listen and do it or then you can definitely shoot them for disobedience.

>The Daily Prayer of Remembrence for Loyal Imperial Citizens

Sebastian Yarrick is a functioning immortal thanks to the gestalt field generated by his Orkish opponents, his body is wracked with constant pain from his wars with the Orks. Nobody knows how much he has grown to hate life, or how long he hung swinging from the noose in his private barracks until he cut himself down.

His wish was to fall to Chaos completely after the last shattering of his body, but the medicae were able to return him from death once again, a compulision stronger than anything he has known forces him to seek out and find Orks to butcher. Only during rare moments is he aware of this when taken away from an Orkish presence.

All of this is caused by the Orkish psyker field that completely controls his life to what the unknowing orcs believe of him. The ability of his baleful eye is a gift from the Chaos Gods but was covered with implants before anybody knew.

His life is suffering without end.

This. This I like.