Hi all. i'm completely new to 40K. What's the absolute basics?

Hi all. i'm completely new to 40K. What's the absolute basics?

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There is only war.

well duh dipshit

Pay excessive amounts of cash for toys to build so you can pay even more money for expensive paints to finish them so you can play a needlessly convoluted game for a few months before all your toys are made drastically underpowered by new toys and rules

play Eldar or Tau or Spess Muhrines = WIN

play anyone else = Get raped by ^^^^^^

What are the rules? Who are the Tau?

>Who are the Tau
weaboo blue fish fags who have hi tech-- yet can even reach the speed of light

The rules are insane... you need to be a scholar to understand all of them

It's 40,000 years into the future. Aliens and literal demons are attacking humanity everywhere, mankind united into a pseudo-theocracy/ alliance. Everything is horrible and you're gonna die.

Dont buy from forgeworld unless you want to waste a shit ton of money

The game itself isn't that great. The setting is, the hobby is (except overpriced), and many of the spinoff games actually had great rules (see: Specialist Games, some of which are returning soon).

In the grim darkness of the far future, mankind is united in a fascist space theocracy, under a dead figurehead of a god-emperor, in whose names cyborgs, inquisitors and ubermensch wage endless war. The main resource of the Imperium of Mankind beyond all else is manpower: for instance, rather than put in a loading mechanism for their spaceships, they'll crew it with a thousand slaves to load the guns and do other scutwork. These are the closest you'll get to good guys, and their definition of "human" is a little flexible - literal ogres are beloved soldiers of the Imperium, and they certainly round to human when you consider some of the Imperium's enemies: undead terror robots, psychic war fungus, and a primordial race of oracular immortals formerly so degenerate and hedonistic that their orgies spawned a god of excess.

You play as one of these crazy factions and shoot the other side's little plastic mans with your little plastic mans (or little plastic orcs, or elves, or what have you).

so basically /pol/ on steroids in space?

we have the chinaman for that, user

Humans are space Nazi Catholics who fight bad guys with Master Chiefs. They're all evil.

Space Elves, Space Dark Elves, Space Orcs, and the Zerg from Starcraft are a thing. They're all evil.

Everyone hates everyone and there's more than enough guns to let them express themselves.

Space.

It's a game about people in space.

Well, if /pol/ were a hella lot more diverse and inclusive of blacks, yellows, reds, women, ogres, mutants, and furries, sort of. You know what they say: me against my brother, me and my brother against my cousin, but me and my brother and my cousin against the galaxy.

The dude in your pic is Non-Canon, but much better than his Canon equivalent.

Humanity has been in a dark age for the last 10,000 years.

The countless human inhabited worlds of the galaxy are united under the Imperium of Man, and by the worship of their leader, a godlike being known only the Emperor. The Emperor was once a man, but is now a skeletal husk clinging to life support. Even in this state, the Emperor's power is so great that he can maintains the Astromicon, a psychic lighthouse by which ships navigate through the Warp.

The Warp is a dimension of emotion and psychic energy that makes FTL travel possible, but also gives rise to the evil Chaos Gods, whose daemon and mortal servants emerge to attack the Imperium. Humanity also must endure the assault of various alien races, and of traitors and rogues within the Imperium itself.

Nearing collapse, the Imperium manages to fight on by the might of it's ruthless inquisitors, it's vast fleets and armies, and by it's augmented superhuman warriors, the Space Marines.

Dark Ages in space.

There are also plenty of hammers.

There is actually a lack of hammer in 40k. Sure we have thunder hammers and Sky-Hammers, but we don't have any M.C Hammers.

>Zerg in Space
>1998

>First non-gaunt Tyranid
>1990

>These are the closest you'll get to good guys
The Imperium is arguably the most fucked up faction in the setting, outside of maybe Dark Eldar.

They're the Order to Chaos's, well, Chaos, and they sink just as far in their evil.

...

Now let's discuss religion in 40K.

The Emperor, when he was alive, banned religion among humanity and went to great lengths to stomp it out. Now that he's (mostly) dead, people worship _him_ instead. Also he receives human sacrifice, but that's not religious, it's just to fuel the Hyperspace Lighthouse.

There's four major gods in this setting, the Chaos Gods.
Tzeentch, God of Knowledge, is evil and hates you and wants you to die. He's also the god of mind control, forbidden secrets, madness, and Just As Planned. To counter his baleful influence, the Imperium established the Administratium which regulates, paperworks, standardizes and bureaucratizes everything according to best practices to leave as little room for manipulation and chaos influence as possible. The Administratium nonetheless _loses planets_. In the "lost the paperwork" sense, not "lost the battle".
Khorne, God of Courage, is evil and hates you and wants to kill you. He's also the good of blood, violence, hate, murder, killing, brutal death, gore, and so on.
Nurgle, God of Immortality, is evil and loves you and wants you to be his friend. He's also the god of plague, disease, decay, zombies, and making you into a plague zombie is how he wants you to be his immortal friend.
Slaanesh, God of Love is evil and loves you and wants you to enjoy every possible sensation in the universe, including those that involve multiple simultaneous orgasms, claws, tentacles, red-hot pokers, groinsaws, new limbs, new organs, and popped eyeballs (whether your own or someone else's, on all counts). S/he is also the god of pleasure, excess, decadence, passion, desire, envy, jealousy, drugs, sex, rock and roll, and shitting dick nipples.

Ultramarines are the worst chapter and they secretly admires the other Primarchs.

>To counter his baleful influence, the Imperium established the Administratium which regulates, paperworks, standardizes and bureaucratizes everything according to best practices to leave as little room for manipulation and chaos influence as possible

The only Imperial organization modeled after Tz's ideals more than the Administratium is the Inquisition.

The whole thing is one step short of being his own pet project.

>new
>using that image
No you ain't copy pasta.

Humanity used to be in a high state of technology traversing their vast empire (before muhreens) through a thing called the warp which is like a parallel universe along side the material world that manifests emotions and stuff physically which is what gives rise to the powers of chaos which are simply raw emotion built up by many beings to become manifested as a physical God/Daemons etc. During this time an much more ancient race known as the Eldar (space elves) who had had hegemony over the galaxy for aeons, had become so advanced and complacent they no longer had to do any work themselves and spent all their time pursuing their own desires which over millenia degraded into highly decadent and down right perverse behaviour. Murdering each other and having massive orgies that would make the Romans blush until all this decadence gave birth to a new chaos God in the warp which became the God of Excess. During the birth cries of this god the Eldar were all be wiped out apart from those that had fled to live a more virtuous existence at the far reaches of the galaxy and some whom were protected by living in the webway which was an ancient network of portals somewhere in between the material world and the warp. This explosive birth destabilised the warp massively and cut off many areas of the human empire off from each other which then meant the vast empire which often relied upon mutual trade ceased to function. It was each planet for itself and humanity fell into a dark age and the greatest civilisation of man ever known became ancient history. Until the Emperor emerged whos origins are still mysterious who unified Earth and sent out his genetically engineered super humans to conquer the galaxy once more and try and rediscover the knowledge of the old empire. However in this process some of his superhumans became corrupted by the powers of Chaos and began worshiping various Chaos Gods, they then rejected the Emperors rule and launched a civil war.

>1d4chan.com

Once upon a time we knew science so well that there was no point studying it anymore so we made how to guides and sent people out to colonise the galaxy, this went quite well.
Then psychics were proven to exist and some people thought we should kill them and others thought that was stupid, in retrospect killing was the right choice.
Then the dimension we were using to bypass that speed of light limit went to hell and started leaking through to ours. Not good, also we forgot most of our science.

Now at this point some immortal guy decided that the only way to keep humanity alive was the biggest Empire the galaxy had ever seen.
Cut to 10,000 years later and that immortal guy is on life support, half his army decided to sign up with that other dimension and try and break the universe and we decided that relearning science was too hard and risked making a black hole that might eat a planet so for the most part we follow the holy manual of instructions to appease the machine spirit and hope that any problems can be solved by correct performance of the rite of deactivation followed by the ritual of reactivation.
Any questions?

Once upon a time a few dozen million years ago there were space lizards called the Old Ones.

They were impossibly advanced psychic dickheads. They went to war with a race of other advanced dickheads with super cancer. They won, then the other guys, the Necrontyr, sold their immortal souls to an ancient alien god who was eating their sun. He made them the robot zombie slaves of his race, the C'tan.

The new Necrons quickly wiped out the Old Ones, leaving behind only the servant races they had engineered for the war- the Eldar, and the Krork, later called Orks. Other servant races like the Slann fell into decay, or like the humans evolved out of all recognition and took power.

The Necrons turned on the star gods, shattered them, enslaved them, then went to sleep.

The Eldar ruled for the next sixty million years before falling in their turn by creating Slaanesh by accident. Now we rule.

Chaos will win, everyone is merely a speedbump, but chaos will never win because AoS has not made enough profit yet

Watch Alfabusa's 'if the emperor had a text to speech device' series on YouTube, and then everything will make semse

Don't play tau because /tg will hate you and /tg is the only good 40k site out there
Sincerely a tau fag who dosesn't spam battle suits

Don't listen to anyone here, just go onto lexicanum and look around

Now now, don't Despoil anything for him.

Step 1: Spend 12 years of your life and money on your favourite faction

Step 2: Cry a lot when said faction is slowly written out of the universe because their models don't sell as well to 12 year olds with wealthy parents.

That's pretty much 90% of what being a Warhammer/40k fan is about. If you don't enjoy lots of weeping due to sheer frustration then I'd advise you to get out while you still can.

Shit's fucked. Nothing gets better.

Pic related is the minimum.

If you google 40k lore in one minute on youtube you get a quick rundown on the Horus Heresy, which is basically the core of the setting. That's a civil war that broke out 10,000 years before 40k and has lasted as long - hence the tagline 'There is only war.'

Something else important to know is that a lot of stuff was written as tongue in cheek 80s punk, then got a mirrorshades treatment in the 90s where everything had the dark and cool like buffy to appeal to teens and then turned into a something completely altogether in the last ten years.

So whatever you are reading if you find something contradicting something else, be aware that it is supposed to be that way.

Spess Muhirines requires you to try and make a broken list to win, Tau similarly but less so. Fuck Eldar.

Except the imperium isn't facist. It's a theocratic feudal oligarchy.

...

>shilling for reddit 40k the show

Always with the negative waves, OP...

youtube.com/watch?v=-MeVxKZBOfM

Waves you say? Stop making them!

Fanfiction.
1d4chan.org/wiki/Warhammer_40,000
1d4chan.org/wiki/Category:Veeky Forums_40,000

Thin your paints.

Move on to a better game.

ORKS IZ DAH BIGGEST AND DAH STRONGEST!

...

Orks are the most positive race in 40k

Tau's "greater good" is a mind-control fueled lie

>Hi all. i'm completely new to 40K. What's the absolute basics?
Rule of cool is the base for everything, no explanation or logic is needed. Also senseless grimderp plotlines that are just dark but don't even make sense.

This. I think it's pretty good

>absolute basics
money. You are going to need lots and lots of jew oy vee sheckles.