ITT: We come up with fun magic items

Do you want to see the snake in my pants... or it was a badger?

FUCK ME, IT'S A HONEY BADGER!

Horn of invisibility. All who can hear the horn are invisible.

What about the hands you use to apply it? Or the container even?

Some kind of bell shield that you can strike to cause sonic damage to everything around the user

>Bell
>Not a gong.

That's perfect actually. I'm running a game in an Asian setting so now i just need to figure it out

Afflictions pendant - this makes you weak and sick, very often diarrhea but also makes you immortal

I introduced a dead saint's handkerchief as a magic item, once. Basically it could be used to immediately and immaculately clean off a blade, and would absorb the blood it cleaned and return it as equivalent HP to the wielder.

I also had another item from the same saint, a shawl that gave especially restful sleep to everyone within a hundred feet, which had the effect of doubling HP regain from rest.

The coolest item I've made, in my opinion, was a sapient gem that attracted wealth to itself, but the actual trick to this was that it literally attracted the wealthy to seize it, and aside from being a rather large diamond, did nothing at all to enhance the fortune of its owner. In reality it was a magnet for misfortune and tragedy alone.

Spirit sword - can cut all materials but flesh and bones. Bonus to defence?

>Book of Books - Can become an exact copy of any book that the reader knows of, but confers no benefit (including understanding spells from another book) except knowledge, but also no penalty.
So I can have an exact copy of the blackmailers book of secrets? Or the merchants ledger? Or the Spy Masters book of turncoats and moles?
Sounds like an excellent item, if you do a bit of thinking.

Instead of sonic damage, why have it cast great thunderclap or something similar? Seems more reasonable than killing people.

Merchant's ledger, sure.

But what sort of spy master is going to leave a book lying around with an uncoded list of all of their moles? And then give people knowledge of this book, no less?

>sapient gem that lurks for wealthy people and leads to misfortune and tragedy

What about the Queens diary?

A few I'm planning to include in a game:

>A halfling matron's cookpot, which can make a great feast out of scraps.

>A banner made of the banners of many dead noble houses. The banner can call forth a set of ghostly retainers to protect whoever hoists the banner.

>A set of enchanted handguns commissioned by a group of paladins, to commemorate fallen comrades.

>Sentient Orb of Questioning
>Orb is voiced by Jerry Seinfeld.

I once put a Green Lantern ring in one of my D&D games
It enable the wielder to use Flight,Web,Wall of Force,Scorching Ray, Telekinesis and a few others I can't think of off the top of my head
Needless to say it was a plot device that was destroyed when used to defeat a lich

Was the lich called Siniestro?
This is important

>Sword containing the spirit of a legendary warrior-king
>He was really snobby, so the sword's effectiveness is proportional to the user's social status, wealth, how royal your bloodline is, and how proper your etiquette is

I get the feeling it should be a book you've either seen or know the title of, so you can't randomly guess that someone has a book and get a copy.

After all, what if a merchant has multiple ledgers? Does the book copy his old one, or the new one?

Going by title would cut out a lot of utility though, as most personal logs lack names.

fantastic.

He was not
but he was a once a Gnome the ring was his phlactery that he was trying to get back from the players

>Plate Armor that produces a light spell at will. A simple command word turns it on, or off. Unfortunately this feature is not exclusive to the owner.

>a shield inhabited by the spirit of a masochist. It moves to intercept blows, but moans, and talks dirty when struck.

>a sword blessed by a godess of mercy. It will never bring an opponent below zero hit points. If a dying person is struck by the sword it will stabilize them.

>a battleaxe enchanted with powerful ranged attacks. In order to activate them the character needs to strike a dramatic pose with the weapon, and shout out the name of the attack.

>hide armor that is still alive. If it is hit the armor twitches and bleeds. Repair skill, and spells will not fix the armor. Healing spells, and use of the medicine skill will.

Bitchy intelligent items are the best.

I once gave the PCs a skull ring that let them animate skeletons, but the skeletons would always retain free will and the minds of when they were alive.

Did they ever try the ring on a dead PC?

Nope, one of them misunderstood how it worked and put it onto the ring finger of a dead informant, who was later devoured by a monster for telling it's secrets.

I think that might be the only guy they actually used it on, and even after I explained they dont need to put it on the body they let him wear it "temporarily"

>flask that produces a number of healing draughts each day. The potion is vile beyond belief, and requires a will save to drink, and a fortitude save not to throw up.

>a metal stylus that never runs out of ink. With a silent command it will transform in a short sword. The blade resembles the tip of the stylus, and can even be used to write.

>a pair of boots that leave no tracks, except over stone. The footware leaves depressions as if the stone were soft earth.

Mimic sword
>Can cast an illusion to make it look like any sword imaginable
>It's still a shit sword
>A sword covered in seals that suppresses you and the enemies magic around you.
>Necklace that makes you follow any order, but gives you tremendous strength, speed, and endurance if you reject the order.

>a spellbook that is written in emojis.

>a ring that summons a wish granting genie. All wishes will be perverted with some kind of magic realm lewdness.

>a pair of blue seven league boots. They take the bearer where they are needed, not where they want to go.

Going with some creepypasta stuff

>a magic ring that makes the character invisible, and intangible. Except to the past victims of the ring, and they are oh, so hungry.

>an amulet that warns the character of danger. The buzzing sensation felt by the bearer is actually the amulet summoning danger. Eventually the character is driven mad, as the world, their loved ones, and ultimately themselves become subject to the infernal, bone jarring hum.

>a pair of goggles of true seeing. After a while the bearer notices strange symbols superimposed on everything. Through experimentation they find the symbols change if injury occurs, or if they are wearing different armor or equipment. No amount of research and study will ever decode the symbols.

A ring that, when worn, swaps the wearer's consciousness with a person in another universe who is also wearing the ring. If either of them takes their ring off, the spell is cancelled and both parties are returned to their bodies in their own universe.

the fun twist could be that the other universe is real life

>A sword with a red hilt, pommel, and sheath. The sheath is emblazoned with a silver cross. The bearer is able to transform the sword blade into any melee weapon, or simple tool. All they have to do is visualize what they want, and pull it from the sheath. If the sword and sheath are separated, the blade loses its shape-changing properties.

A bag of endless winds that can produce gales of hurricane strength depending on how open the bag's mouth us.

>Spirit sword - can cut all materials but flesh and bones. Bonus to defence?

So a sword that's useless against living things but powerful against golems, elementals and constructs?

Could be worth it.

Non lethal sword of stripping, lol

Am I the only one that looks at that good orb of dragon kind and sees a darksteel ingot?

That could actually be strangely useful for smuggling armor in somewhere.

...

If it's small enough, someone could be dual wielding it with a normal sword to destroy armor before striking.

If you have a climb speed you can provide handy foot holds for you party climbing stone walls.

>Necklace that makes you follow any order, but gives you tremendous strength, speed, and endurance if you reject the order.

I don't follow. It forces you to obey commands, but you don't have to?

Some kind of contested will roll perhaps.

That's the best way. You don't need the title, but you have to know the exact volume you want.

So not "the Queen's diary" but "The Queen's leatherbound diary with a jewel on the front inside her bedchamber"

>Fancy meetin' you here, Monado boy!

>Amulet of Melos Dramatica

It's best to put this in any campaign that sees a lot of combat.

An amulet possessed by a spirit that, once a day and only during combat, can offer either a noticeable bonus to AC/defense/etc. or to accuracy/to-hit/etc with no negative consequences to the act. This bonus scales with level, so it'll always remain relatively relevant.

But when you enter combat against any sort of enemy, even if your character can easily handle them without the others in the group. while you haven't yet taken up his offer to buff you that day; it will urge you to take its offer non-stop. Its voice rumbles and booms like a greater demon's, and is accompanied by incredibly foreboding music; you're afflicted with points of malus in Dexterity and Wisdom each for the duration of combat up until you accept because of how distracting it is. The amount of points Dexterity and Wisdom are reduced by scales to the character's level similarly as the offered bonus does.

>TAKE MY POWER, FEEBLE MORTAL, AND SLAY THOSE WHO DARE STAND IN YOUR WAY/BE SURE TO LIVE TO SEE YET ANOTHER DAY
>Our Rogue stealth killed three of the four goblins and we can easily take the single one left
>WHY TAKE THE RISK? ONE LUCKY SHOT, ONE MINOR SLIP-UP AND YOU'LL SORELY REGRET TURNING DOWN MY OFFER. THERE ARE NO DRAWBACKS, I ASSURE YOU
>We're almost done, I don't need you
>PRIDE ALWAYS COMES BEFORE THE FALL, ARE YOU TRULY SO FOOLISH TO REJECT A BOON THAT HAS NO STRINGS ATTACHED

My legend began in the 12 century

...

>The Emperor of Japan now owns it

Ghislaine's Orb of Letching

A crystal ball created by the mage Ghislaine when he was a student to spy on the bedrooms of the female students without detection. It only shows the contents of those rooms, and unfortunately the whole university was sucked into the Far Realms some 200 years ago due to a magical mishap. Enjoy your soul-blasting cosmic insanity...

>hide armor that is still alive. If it is hit the armor twitches and bleeds. Repair skill, and spells will not fix the armor. Healing spells, and use of the medicine skill will.
oh, this is cool. and evil. and cool. i will use it.

Let's step away from useless items.

Belt of many pockets.

A belt with 4 small box shaped bags on it. The bags actually contain 10 cubic meters of empty space each.
The only problem is that only items small enough to fit through the bag oppenings can be put inside (so a quarterstaff, spear, unstrung bow, arrows or shortswords can fit inside while that huge twohander and battleax can't fit inside) which on a 15x5 Cm oppening means you can't fit in larger times or bottles.

>an amulet that warns the character of danger. The buzzing sensation felt by the bearer is actually the amulet summoning danger. Eventually the character is driven mad, as the world, their loved ones, and ultimately themselves become subject to the infernal, bone jarring hum.
purrrrfect

wait, where's that gif from?

>Bladesmith's Hammer
>old blacksmithing hammer that belonged to some ancient legendary weaponsmith, blah-blah-blah
>sucks in combat due to being a smithing hammer, not a warhammer
>any non-magical item iron/steel/bronze hit with it turns into regular daggers/swords/greatsword, depending on weight. maybe some chance or will check to produce masterwork ones instead.

basically, you are just inconspicious blacksmith with some unarmed friends and you are cornered by well-armoured evil knights. you hit one in the chest and his armour explodes daggers and shortswords, which you allies can quickly grab and turn the tables

>Portable oven of Bread Freshening
This enchanted, mini-oven allows you to warm bread and renew it's fresh-baked goodness with just an hour inside.

>Storm Bow
This bow is capable of firing all arrows around it in a five meter radius at once or individually. A particularly nimble/gusty archer can actually 'steal' arrows coming towards them or their teammates and send them back.

>Phantom Phalanx
A spear and shield set that, when used together, allows it's user to create four phantasmal copies of themselves, two on each side. The phalanx will follow the lead of the wearer and the phantoms can deal and resist some VERY real damage.

>Spear of the Inviting One
This jeweled spear, when dipped into any non-solid whether mud, lava, or water will, when withdrawn and allowed to let drip back into it's source, will create five by five foot solid blocks of land to stand on for up to an hour at a time.

>Coldfire Oil
This oil, when added to any normal fire source, causes it to instead produce cold instead of warmth and changes it to a pale blue light. Wood-fueled fires will still burn away, being reduced to a fine, powdery snow and the flames still 'burn' with cold if touched.

The Last Unicorn

Fucking fantastic movie

fuck yeah, i knew i knew that gif from my childhood
gotta rewatch that movie

>spear of the inviting one
so say you stab someone with it and let their blood drip back in, does their blood all clot at once?

>Scarf of Snootiness

-2 to diplomacy checks with anyone not of the same or higher perceived social status as the wearer, but +2 in appraise item checks. Bonus +2 if it pertains to alcoholic drinks.

>But also no penalty

Time to read the Necronomicon.

Mystic's Floating Ladder. A collection of flat wooden boards covered in runes. When you place them in mid-air they stay there for up to an hour. If placed in a line they form a grip so you can climb easier.

Chalice of kings
>the chalice confers a +5 save bonus versus poisons to anyone who drinks from the chalice.

I used it in my campaign as a nice flavour piece in an abandoned castle.

Harvester
A staff once wielded by a mad druid who sought the destruction of man
Once attuned, all damage dealing spells instead deal poison damage
As an action, the wielder can manifest a scyte blade of pure necrotic energy, dealing a number of d6s equal to half the weilder's druid level
(Similarly nature based classes, such as nature clerics and green paladins can substitute their class instead at dm discretion)
The wielder may find themselves compelled to end the scourge of man themselves

A bow that fires arrows wich such force, it sends enemies in front of it flying. And also the wielder, unless strenght? check

A magical skeleton key.

Allows picking locks. If the lock in question is trapped, or the door itself is trapped, or floor like behind the door is trapped - or even possibly if the door is the only thing that stands between the lockpicker and some powerful monster - the lock is picked automatically (although the character doesn't know that)

basically, it makes it much easier for you to open a door to instant doom.

Ring of Lockpicking

Gives substantial bonus to lockpicking. Every lock picked while wearing it inexplicably happens to be trapped.

A handheld telescope that shoots lightning/death rays/something at whatever the user is looking at when a certain section is twisted just right.

Magic knitting needles; any clothing made from them will resize to fit any wearer. So not even your grandson turning into a dragon will let him get away from wearing that tacky turtleneck you made him for Christmas. He owes you a kiss and a pinch on the cheek, anyway.

Emergency overalls: If they sense a person who has need of pants or other cover, they are enchanted to go running to that person and clothe them. (Same one-size-fits-all as above) In case of danger, they come preenchanted with hillbilly-kicky action.

Arbalest jump! But you forgot your feather falling.

Don't forget that etiquette/social norms have moved on, so the character also has to be an out of date prick to use it effectively.

Sounds like a man portable ballista.

>Hoop of enlargement. Kudzu vines woven into a ring 24" in diameter that will enlarge anything passing through it by one size catagory. Can be done multiple times. All items enlarged this way will reduce to original size 3d6+6 hours after the last pass through the hoop.

...so, if I stick my dick in it..?

>Hoop of enlargement.

>Get it as loot.
>Buy lotsa Sending scrolls.
>contact each and every Gnome leader on the plane
>wait as they convene
>sells the Hoop to the gnomedom for majority of their combined united wealth
>become so rich you can solve current campaign just by throwing money at it
>make the world a better place by getting rid of a whole fucking midget race
>ascend to godhood for it

You'd die of either low blood pressure, if you were soft before you enlarged yourself then got an erection, or you'd die of high blood pressure if you did it with an erection then lost it.

Fine -> diminutive

This one is great

I have a fantastic idea: a sword or shield made of a powerful iman.
Bonus: is not magical at all
Sword: you always catch the sword (weapon) of your oponent in battle. You cant hit your oponent because you always hit his sword, shield or armor.
Shield: magnetises your opponent weapon so makes him unarmed but it collects all sort of weapons so that makes it heavier.

>Goggles of breathing: grants the user the ability to breath in environments where the normally could not, however it removes the ability to breath where they normally would be able to. (Also protects eyes from hostile environments.)

This is a sword with bonus to defence

Ring of the Catnap
>When the wearer slaps someone with their ring hand, the target must pass a will save or get their mental endurance drained.
>One slap leaves the wearer fatigued, three brings them to exhausted, and five renders them unconscious. This scales up and down with size category, so a small creature takes three hits to knock out and a large creature ten.
>This sleep should be treated as if they fell asleep willingly, so after it's done additonal damage will wake them.
>Slapping does not deal actual damage but does hurt like a bitch.

That is fantastic!

Dark tome of healing - this tome is filled by healing spells but all targets that unfortunately succeed in dying rise again as zombies. This applies if someone is healed and died some time later.

...

It makes you subservient but if you fight against it, it will reward you. A test of will power.

I had a character that would love that book!

Black Hole Bow - when struck with an arrow, any enemy, object, or npc will immediatly have loose objects pulled towards them with great speed.

Rings of the Desperate Wife

These two magical rings are attuned to two different command words. The first causes whoever is wearing the other ring to feel compulsion to hold the ring-bearing hand of the one who spoke it. Once their hands are locked, they will be unable to release their grasp until the second command word is spoken. No amount of physical force can separate the hands, but the death of a ring-bearer causes all magic to leave them.

A paired sword and shield, the latter with a scabbard for the sword built in. The sword contains the imprisoned spirit of an ancient demon, the shield-scabbard the spirit of a powerful angel bound to jail it. Both are astonishingly effective and have great powers: the shield can produce a variety of protective holy blessings and effects, and the sword can command fire, compel lesser evil creatures and fire beams of corrupting entropic darkness that rots wood and leather and rusts metal. These powers are under the control of the captive spirits, and they have to be bargained with to use them, but the demon cannot use its powers without being drawn, nor without the wielders' permission (the angel can). An immaterial spirit chain ties the sword to the shield, so that they cannot be separated by more than six and six and five feet.

Every time the sword is drawn, its user must make a save to avoid being tainted by the demon's corrupting influence. At first it's easy, but every time the blade is used to kill a good or innocent creature, every time its powers are used, and every time the angel must tire itself by using its powers, the difficulty increases. The save is lowered and the angel empowered, however, whenever the shield is used to defend the innocent or the just.

Both the sword and the shield's spirit can talk to each other and their owner at any time; the sword can only talk to others when it's been drawn. Obviously, each will try to direct the user (and others) to good or evil through their advice. However, the demon was genuinely a mighty warrior and general of hell and can offer genuinely insightful, effictive strategic tips; the angel's expertise is more towards knowledge of religion, moral philosophy and the dispensation of justice and charity, which may be useful if the wielder becomes a ruler but is not often useful in the field.

After ages together, the sword and shield also bicker with each other like an old married couple.

Cursed Basket of Breakfasts. Its allways full of fresh pies, fruits, milk.
You are attacked by wolfs and werevolves occasionaly.

That is amazing and I will steal it.