Dungeon Life Quest (DLQ) 83 - Scaring The Bluebloods Edition

> Let it go. The politics of the realm aren't your business
There's already royalty here that could easily clear up any misunderstandings

Is this thing - hey! There we go.

Ah. I'm Scribbles, writer by profession, lamia by birth. It's, ah, it's nice to meet you! Ask me anything, I guess. Just try to keep it classy, yeah?

How'd you wind up writing about the dungeon?

Hey there! I guess the first question from me will be what other monstrous types are hanging out in the Dungeon? Not that it's a BAD status, but we just heard some controversy over the Harpies, so I'd like to know what /else/ Bri is getting into.

I told a librarian that I wanted to write. He says to me, "Write what you know." Then I realized that I didn't know shit, so I figured home was a good thing to start with. Been writing about it ever since.

It's been a while since we last saw you!

I don't remember if you've already answered this, but where where you born? Are there other Lamia communities in the Dungeon? Amy, Nate, or Bri best waifu/husbando?

What's it like being a waifu?

You get into any noteworthy adventures trying to chase a story down? And how long you been writing anyway?
You're from the dungeon? Haven't been any other Lamias so far. From what level do you hail?

Um. Lots? Dunno, depends on how you define it. Exiles mean we have some of everyone. Even some werewolves down in the Cornucopia. Everyone's got a home down here, want it or not.

Hatched down here, Mom's from Greenwall. She works in the Cornucopia

And lemme tell you, if that necromancer was single...

A what?

What's the weirdest thing you've ever written about?

You can't answer a question about best waifus and then pretend you don't know what they are in the very next sentence, girl. Have some internal consistency.

I dunno, seven years or so? Ended up undergoing a minotaur adulthood rite once so they'd share their ways with me. Still got a brand on my lower back from that.

There was a ghost in the Mine that begged for orange juice. Dreamed his whole life of the stuff, got poisoned by his wife thinking it was orange juice. Dude only spoke in Limerick.

Pfft, there's no law down here. I can do as I please.

You ever been topside? What was your impression of it?
Got any hobbies or interests? No, writing doesn't count.

If you don't mind me asking, How long are you, tip of tail to top of head? How high of the ground do you keep your head when 'standing'? How much do you weigh? And how much you do you eat in a day?

Once, a long time ago. Mom made a break for it, figured she wouldn't get caught. She got caught, but the soldiers took pity on her for my sake. Seemed warm, bright, smelled nice. Sky was creepy though.

Hobbies, hobbies. I like making friends with adventurers, which gets me interesting presents and favors, like that coffee. I do crossbow shooting for sport and hunting too, that's a lot of fun. I read a lot, tell stories some.

You're not supposed to ask a lady those questions!

What's your favorite story you've collected (or lived) in your career so far?
Meet any colorful characters in your travels?

Apologies, my curiosity got the better of me.

Got any family, 'sides your mom?
Actually, are lamia single or multi birthed?
Favorite food? Hated food?
Pet peeves or general dislikes?
Any other interesting scars, tattoos, brands, etc?

Out of all the areas of the Dungeon, which ones do you like? which do you hate? (Greenwall doesn't count unless you have a better reason than 'home'.)

Jack the Dragonslayer, definitely. Helluva man. Miiiiight have a fan crush on him. Might.

And everyone's colorful, if you pay attention!

Some I've never met. Mom lost the rest of my clutch to, um. Well, the cousins. Bestial snakes. She doesn't talk much about it.

I like dog, if I'm being honest. Hate mushrooms, too earthy.

Pet peeves - you know what, people making tail sex jokes! That is for cuddly constriction damnit!

I hear the Athenaeum is nice. Noooot a fan of the Roost. Birds, snakes, never ends well.

Oh, scars! Um...

Welllllllllll....

I did end up stabbing myself in the tit with a bolt once and now there's a tiny star-shaped scar there?

I was drunk.

No, like, for real, not even in a fetishy way, we want to know about the reproductive cycle of lamia. Eggs? Birth? Single children? Clutches? Nursing?

FOR SCIENCE!

>not even in a fetishy way
Speak for yourself.

Um. Wow, but. Okay. Generally you'll get clutches of three to five eggs. Bad eggs sometimes happen but not often. Usually the mother does everything she can to put on weight while the eggs incubate. A mate is helpful with that, whiiiiiich is not always or even often the same idea as the eggs' father; we're, ah, we're a bit open.

Our young nurse, for about eight months or so if I'm typical. I was mom's first, you know? After that we get weaned onto a pretty human-like diet, though with a lot of eggs and milk if we can get it. Lamias cook our food.

Um. I hope that helped because I'm blushing to death.

Harpies can use 'the bird language', despite not having beaks. Can lamia speak 'snake' parseltongue?
Actually, do you have fangs? Are you poisonous? Has that ever caused... issues? Or come in handy?
>constriction
That is both amusing and horrifying.
How strong is your tail?
How hard is it to find clothing?

Good girl. Give yourself some head pats.

Birds talk. I'm not sure that snakes do, but we can do a pretty good hiss. I don't have any fangs, but legends say that we used to. Story goes that a lamia princess begged Wren to take them so that she could win the love of a Hero. Not sure I believe it though, I can't imagine us running a kingdom. That'd be effort.

I make my own clothes. My tail is...I can and have killed things my own size with it.

Harpies have the lady of Ravens, humans have Quell(?), Dwarves and elves have the Forgemaster. Who claims the lamia? Do they have a creation story/reason?

Humans have Wren the Rhymer, buddy, which is why it seems like you can breed with anything that can talk. Big romantic, Wren. She made us too, later on. World was pretty full by then, but she'd wanted one last set of children to share it with and debate on it.

I think she fucked up with the snake thing though. We've got lovely singing voices but most of us seem totally incapable of giving a fuck. Damn shame.

>We've got lovely singing voices
Mind giving us a few bars of your favorite song?

>seem totally incapable of giving a fuck
Do you lot hibernate? Are you cold-blooded (biologically)? or is there some other reason for the laziness?
What's the typical lamia lifespan?

You plan on settling down at some point in your life? Or have you got too much wanderlust in you?
Any particular reason the crossbow is your weapon of choice?

How are you talking to us right now?

>I make my own clothes.
Do you buy stuff and modify it, or are you a full seamstress?

>which is why it seems like you can breed with anything that can talk
An interesting comment, as it implies incompatibility with other races. Everyone's got the same components, and everyone works with human. That should mean everyone is cross-compatible, right? Does anyone know why that's not the case?
human + lamia = ok; human + elf = ok; lamia + elf = bad?

Apologies if this is overly nitpicky, just curious

One thing I've always wondered, based on what I know of snake and human anatomy given the size of your snake bits it should represent a lot more than the legs and tail which they replace.

Basically I'm wondering do you have two torsos? And if so does that mean double up on organs as well? How the heck does it work are you warm or cold blooded?

You ever looked into the various magic disciplines? If you don't already have one, what discipline would you like to learn?

I dredged this from my image archive. Dunno how possible it is though.

As far as I know that's just a thing Wren did with you guys, and even then it's complicated. Sorry?

Gosh, um. Seamstress sounds so fancy, I just like to be self-sufficient.

I think we're warm-blooded if I'm getting your meaning. We definitely don't hibernate, we're just sort of... mellow, I guess. Pretty happy to just take life as it comes, you know?

I dunno about settling down. Sounds like it'd cut into my writing time. Mom wishes I'd lay some eggs but eh. I dunno about all that. She never found a new mate either.

Got a prefered type of clothing?
You ever tried learning an instrument?

Never had the patience for it, but if I did I think I'd get into restoration. I like helping people.

I am not a healer, I have no idea.

Hats! I don't own many though, the damn Dungeon seems to eat the things. I wonder how the hell Bri has kept hers.

I was told the fiddle would be easy. I was lied to, but I still have it.

>I wonder how the hell Bri has kept hers.
it's magic.
>the fiddle
so it went something like pic related?

take life as it comes
a pleasant way to live, long as you don't let life pass you by like the elves tend to.

I get the impression you travel a fair bit to collect your stories. You ever buddy up with anyone for protection or company? Been to any interesting locales?

>Hats!
got any for your tail?

Adding on, do you make any funny faces on your tail and talk to it?

oops; I thought Quell might not be right.
given the opportunity, which god (or choir) would you like to have a conversation with?

extending the extension, have you ever put a puppet on it?

Leave my tail out of this! That's weird! You're weird!

I don't really leave the Dungeon but there's lots of fun places and people here. Drop by the Quickling Grove in the Cornucopia sometime, it's gorgeous.

I'd love, love love love, to score an interview with a Sorrows. They've got the dirt on the gods themselves, you know. Be a hell of a book!

So would and this is hypothetical, be at all opposed to a tail massage and show with puppets?

Also is this too kinky?

....

......

I am torn between my need to berate you and my deep love of massages. A girl gets sore slithering around all day.

I have very active fingers. It will also be free, with a complementary hot chocolate and condom.

Or not then I guess.

...

Come near me and I'll shoot you. You just had to make it creepy.

>Hats! I don't own many though
So what kind of hat do you like/want? Tall? Fancy? Fuzzy?

> You just had to make it creepy.

Yes I did. I regret nothing.
Tall hats would go down farther on her tail but they might drag, Fancy wouldn't work unless its a special occasion and not going to be moving around much, fuzzy just wouldn't last long.

repeating an earlier question, any reason the crossbow is your weapon of choice?
I've heard of a book, written by Wren, that just by reading it, gives you powerful magic. It was called /Heart's Rest/, or somesuch. As a writer, I bet you'd love to take a look through it. Heck, I would as well. Are there legends of any particular artifacts or treasures down here?

Isn't the Cornucopia also got giant rapist problems? That is, problems with a rapist who is also a giant. Though if his minions are like him, I guess you could also interpret it as a large rape problem.

kek. Roadhog gets weirded out by Mercy regularly because he fits her fetish.
Also my captcha had humps for 40 miles. ITS A SIGN TO DO THIS!

Gods, stop! Go away!

Well, yeah, but that ought to be solved soon.

Sorry that I missed it! Crossbows were easy to learn and then I figured out that I enjoyed them, so I practice for fun now.

There's a few legends down here. /Heart's Ease/ isn't though - I checked. It's supposed to be able to win the heart of whomever you love. Last I heard it was up in Hardhome somewhere but don't quote me, that's an old rumor. Personally, the one I always wanted to find is supposed to be in the Mire - a knife by the name of Helper. They say it's never taken a life and can do the job of any tool, if the holder knows how to use it. The half-mortal son of the Forgemaster lost it, and his life, down there.

Please stop, my tail is innocent.

Fancy or warm! I like snuggly hats but I also like colorful hats.

But your tail would be adorable with a hat. Maybe a monocle as well.

Why are you like this?!?

Reasons. Also because I find flustered Lamias to be adorable and my fetish. Go figure.

You bastard! You're - you - you're getting a shitty cameo in my next story you son of a bitch! Just you wait!

Are tailsocks a thing? Could you use a chainmail tailsock to keep away the creepy tail fetish guy?

Getting shitty cameos is MY fetish, can I have one too?

YAY!
FUCK YOU I GOT HER FIRST!

There is only one way to settle this. Duel for the lady's favour.

So, I presume you collect all sort of stories through your work. What type do you prefer (mystery, adventure, romance, smut, etc.)?

Ignore him, he keeps needling you because you have such great reactions. Amazingly superb reactions... why did I want him to stop again?

Not really. Tried it, they make it hard to move.

Ugh! I'm done, interview over. Fuck. I need a drink.

Forgot picture.

BRING IT!
I am famous now and it feels great.

And that was our interview folks. Thoughts, feelings? Something to do again sometime?

The smut question is a big thing I need to know, other cultures porn is a great interst for me.

So, hand-and-a-half swords, unarmored, and first blood?

Next time bring someone who isn't a waifu. Maybe the audience will be less thirsty.

I think that went well. We made it almost a third of the way before getting too creepy.

Yes please, I want to see my escapades of the Lamia lover become a thing, or get shot at. Whichever comes first. Oh and we need someone to ref our dualI can do that. pic is my sword.
Also true, its been a lonely weekend.
I WASNT THAT BAD! There has been worse. Not by me per say, but still.

I didn't see Scribbles as one! She's a fun supporting character, I was not expecting that.

I know right?

Bring the blacksmith (Harry?). I've been wondering about Smithing in this world.

Plus I want to know how he's getting along with Isoldt.

Everyone is a waifu until further notice.

Are you making a joke about not expecting this or are you serious?

Dead serious.

Both of these reasons. Magic blacksmithing is cool. And hot smut stories are a pastime of mine.

You remember the board you post on right? And hell I only talked about rubbing her tail a little bit then got back on topic for getting her tail a hat. I think she likes me.

That was fun. I've seen several of the MHQ interviews, but never had the chance to participate.

Anything female is auto-waifu. Any sufficiently romantically-inclined male is waifu. Anything is /someone's/ fetish. Anything.
This is, by the way, why there is often resistance to romance options in quests.

I dunno man, when I decided on her it was because I figured a reader, author, and Dungeon native would get asked interesting questions. That's how i thought others saw her too. I was, evidently, wrong .

Dude, read this

Oh Vox. Sometimes I forget that you're still mostly innocent. Do everything you can to make sure that never changes because mindbreak is more fun when you put up a fight

Once again your raw newness to Veeky Forums shows. Read MGNQ run by Decu and realize that letting name fag run sidestories and "interviews" can be an interesting interlude/buy for time, but it can also Megatokyo a quest to death with shitty waif wars. The shit posting you've seen so far is really, really, really just a faint rumbling of the shitpocalypse that awaits over the horizon my friend.

See a third of the way before getting creepy is fantastic. Worse, now that you fed the waifufags they'll be back for more and shit up everything that doesn't limelight their nightstand fill-in for actually living.

Or not, if you want to end up with the burnt out BAD END unfinished shit heap that MGNQ did then sure do this more.

TL;DR Keep it rare, keep it out of the main quest, keep it for the end after the quest is over to remind people you exist while creating your next quest. These are the ideals.