Inquisitorial Penal Regiment Veeky Forums: Chasing untied ends Edition

ayy, however that's external stupidity, what i'm talking about is the fun internal stupidity, times like this makes me miss Bob and theDreadnought. .

>Meanwhile, on an orbital station over the world of Au'Sen'Var (formally known as the imperial world of Syventi IV).
>A young member of the Tau's Air caste, can be seen eatting his lunch while monitoring various consoles Infront of him.
>One of the consoles begins loudly beeping. Causeing the Tau to throw his lunch into the air in shock.
>He quickly swivels his chair towards the monitor, before looking it over.
>A moment later, his mouth stands agape at what he sees. Before he quickly calls it in to his superiors.
>An Ork fleet of 80 or so large ships has just dropped out into the void, and will be within firing range within 15 minutes.
>The Tau prays to whomever is listening, that they can hold out until reinforcements arrive.

Mot. Stupidity is still stupidity, no matter where it comes from.
>The young officer would sigh as he goes about cleaning his new bolt pistol.

Honestly, this regiment has worse luck, than most deathworld regiments...

so you're saying the times we get attacked for no reason are the same levels of stupidity as when Larrs had a drinking contest with a genestealer? those are the same to you?
>he's clearly rambling and goes on to compare several of the regiments deeds to the ludicrus acts of the late Eldar.

What's with you? Loved the xeno or what?

Yes I am trooper! Stupidity follows this regiment around like a bad hangover!

not really, he was a good musician though and I respected that.
well then! just checking! thank you very much for explaining the details for me!
>he performs a half arsed salute before leaving to clean his shotgun.

>scroll over your post
>see the word 'agape'
>mentally pronounce like the Greek word
wew I've been spending too much time on Veeky Forums

>Looks at him go, then turns towards Malak.
I think the boy was attached to the Eldar as a friend. He might have had it heavy on him. Apparently many people on this ship liked him around.

>As the Ork fleet makes its way towards the planet. The Ork warboss would have a smile, not unsimilar to that of a child who's parents just bought him a fourty pound bag of candy, upon his face.
Wellz... it may not be filled with 'umiez. But it IS filled wit fingz fo' ya Boyz ta loot! So ALMOST as gud!
>Picking up a nearby loud speaker (which would just be a cup, attached to a grot, attached to some wires, which would be attached to thousands of other Grots in similar positions round the ship). Micheal B'Ork, would begin to squeeze it harshly, in order to turn it on(read as "awaken it").
>A cough would come out of his mouth. After which there would be a long pause.
....
....
....
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH~!!!!
>A similar sound would resound from the ships ork population.
>"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"
>With this settled, the massive Ork warboss, would turn to face the ships weapons officer.
Alrioght mist'ah Boom Goomz! Target da nearest ship, an foire at will!
>"Yes warboss B'Ork!"
>The ships weapons officer would target the nearest ship.
>This however... would be an allied Ork ship.
>Enough dakka to rip apart a city is fired upon it. Turning it to molten scrap.
>B'Orks eye would momentarily twitch, before he'd krump! The officer.

NOT OUR SHIPS YA BLASTED GIT! DA TAU SHIPS OVAH DER'!!!

>The officer, now rubbing a large bump on his head, would be quick to respond

>"Y-yes warboss B'Ork!"
>The fleet would Then target their weapons at the lead Tau ships, before dozens of rokz and roketz are launched from the assembled fleet. Their targets bring the planet below, and the orbital stations before then.

>>The ships weapons officer would target the nearest ship.
>>This however... would be an allied Ork ship.
>>Enough dakka to rip apart a city is fired upon it. Turning it to molten scrap.
>>B'Orks eye would momentarily twitch, before he'd krump! The officer.
Lol.

I'm just wondering how Hawthorne is going to take it... I haven't exactly told her that I ordered her lovers death... let alone that he kicked her to the curb for an old fling right before that...
>He'd sigh, has he puts his bolt pistol down.
I'm pretty much expecting a punch to the face for that one...

let's be honest. This happens FAR more often then we ever hear about.

You should wear a helmet when delievering the news, Malak. And carry some alcohol for her to drink.

It used to work when I had to tell my wife I was going to be moved to the front again.

>Walks past carrying some scraps
>Grumbles a litany of unconnected facts as he goes, ranging from agriculture to metallurgy

also, anyone want to play the Tau forces whilst we wait for the regiment to reach Syventi IV? Or am I doing it?

>His head would instantly turn at the mention of the word "Wife"!
>A look of utter shock and awe would br plastered upon his face. His mouth open in the form of a large 'O'.
>If the human jaw was capable of it. One would figure that Malaks would have gone through the ship, and fully exited the warp at this point.
>It would take the officer the exact span of two minutes, thirty-seven seconds, and seventy-eight milliseconds for a proper, verbal response to come from him.

YOU HAVE A WIFE!?!

Had. A wife, one son, a brother and two daughters.

They died, like the rest of my planet.

Huh... I did not know, that Balhest VII was recently converted from an agri-world, to a forge world.

>The man would give a small nod if his head at this. A saddened look upon his face as he responds.

I'm sorry o hear that Sergeant... I guess I really was lucky growing up. My planet has never actually seen any kinds of fighting upon its surface, or in orbit. There's not even an Ork presence for a good couple of systems.

I wouldn't ever dare to call anything like that home.

I was born, raised and trained a soldier. We had two kinds of citizens back home: Soldiers and Miners.

Noble classes and anyone with power were millitary strategists and or geniouses. Our planetary governor being the best of us all. We were all also very closed people, commissars never really did fit in by having the rule of being off-worlders.

The orks where our natural enemy, a reason to keep sharp and ready for fighting. We specialized on taking them down, later we learnt that there were less of them if we burned them down, so we specialized on flame weapons.

Up to a point were after many millenia of warfare we burned out our jungles and built cities of concrete over them, and kept driving them off to the coasts.

Then they went underwater, hoping we'd not be able to catch them there.

Heh...

Poor idiots...

Decision made by Cult Mechanicus. Multiple new colonies had to be established to fill the void left in local food production.

>The Tau forces in orbit. Out manned and definitely outgunned (The world below having only months ago left the Imperium). Would launch everything they had at the massive Ork fleet.
>With only twelve medium sized warships, and a handful of light patrol ships. The fleet would be forced to fight on the defensive. Their capital ships doing everything they can to keep the Ork fleet at bay, whilst their fighters attempt to limit the number of Ork landing forces that make it to the planet below.

>Ork fleet however, would simply force it's way through the Tau fleet. Their vast numbers ensuring that at least a decent force will make its way upon the desert world below.

>After a short time, a destress signal would go out on all open channels. Requesting aid from anybody willing to fight against the Ork menace in the name of the greater good.

good god, low turn out today.... what gives?

I don't know really... it's just one of those threads...

Tau... possible research subjects. Will have to look for oppoturnity to study a few.

apparently steam groups are down too...
I mean, I an get into steam, it just won't allow me to access any groups.

Hm? Something's wrong with the radio?

Broadcasts. Pleas of help from the Tau. Nothing of high import.

Can you tell what it is?

Tau pleas of help in an open channel? We must have entered Tau space... they might have detected us, what's it saying?

>is there

Ork assault. Probably ours. Possibility of interesting research subjects is high.

I think it's time to get out there and kick some ork ass.

>Holds flamer.

By lightning strikes and boarding actions if at all possible.

Let me retrieve my surgical equipment...

>checks over his shotgun and grins.
who's ready to smash some greenskin skulls.

>Returns with a circular saw
Leave a few brains intact for me to study.

>eyes the man and saw nervously.
you alright there buddy?
>steps back from Callidon.

I am fine! Do I not look perfectly fine!?
>Looks like he hasn´t slept in weeks

I must admit you don't look all that well, maybe it's the twitching.

Bah. worthless loitering like this shall not bring me research subjects...
>His angry expression turns into a smile
Shall we?

Ach he's fine, kid, he's just seen war from up close these days. He's getting used to it.

getting used to it, ayy, that's what concerns me.
>shuffles away.

That sinister change of behaviour scares me...

Emperors throne, you three are riled up about this.

I'm just waiting for the admiral to tell us we're ready to jump out back to realspace to get myself into a boarding torpedo.

We are approaching our destination. It would serve you to remember that patience is a virtu, trooper.

With all due respect admiral, patience leads to disdain, disdain leads to death.

You think we're going to be that close to the action at this point?
>There would be a dubious look in the mans eyes.

It is not too often I get to extract Ork spinal cords and brains. There is so much to learn from their primitive minds...

Far or close to the action, it doesn't matter. I know how to get close, where my flamer is most effective.

and death is glorious when done so in the god emperors name.

>Looks at him, anger returning to his face
Well, as it still takes us some time, I will return to my experiments... To die with my work unfinished, undone... Preposterous...

It's better to live and continue the Emperor's service in life for the years to come.

true but it's far more fun to go down in a blaze of glory.
>he grins at the Sgt.
much like how you went down if I do say so myself.

I preffer death to failure. These bionic limbs and this mask are a nice price to pay to complete my task.

death over failure? so you're saying you'd like to avoid your real responsibilities? that's a real shame you know.
>pats him on the back and moves on to harrass other troopers.

>Meanwhile, aboard the Ork Kroozer "Depherion 'Splosion".
>A one of the consoles Infront of the communications officer would begin loudly beeping, while flashing a variety of colours.
>This would annoy the HELL out of the Ork stationed there. Still wishing he'd been assigned to one of the fourty-seven weapon stations on the bridge.
>After beeping and flashing for the span if about five minutes, the Ork would start to get physical with it. Bashing his hands, fists, feet, legs, head, and even another ork against it, in an effort to turn it off. All of which fail miserably.
>Eventually, having become annoyed and exhausted by his new foe, the Ork does the only thing he can.
>He tells the Warboss.
>"Warboss! Da git fin'da is sayin' dat som'fings coming dis way!"

Well? Wot is it ya flaming nob!

>"I fink it moight be some o' dose 'umies from dat last world wez was at boss!

Well nowz! Lookz loik I moight just get me revenge aftah allz!

>He'd turn his attentions to the bridge crew, before, with a hardy sounding voice, would shout out.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!

>The assembled bridge crew, would reply in kind with their own hearty shout.

Turn da guns ta da 'umie ships comin' in! And foire everyting ya gitz got! Leave 'em floating as piecez in da void!

>Grabs him by the neck of his coat and pulls him to eye-to-eye view.

Watch your tongue, mutant.

>With this said. The communications officer would begin to contact several other nearby ships. Each of which takes about five minutes to do. Seeing as how the orks stationed there have similar feelings about not fireing any dakka.
>By the time the imperial fleet arrives, more than half of the remaining 68 ships would have spun about. Their guns aimed right where they need to be.

>has to be pulled down quite a way to be brought down eye to eye
>clicking his tongue the man smiles warmly before headbutting the Sgt. and walking away.

We've always preferred melee when fighting Chaos and I don't see why a wall of death would halt an Ork squad with the accuracy I've seen from the riflemen. It's no wonder requisitioning new weapons is always such a travesty in the ship docks.

>Returns with a load of surgical tools and a webber
>Seems gleeful as he double checks the tools and makes sure they are clean

Rolled 9 (1d20)

Brace yourselves! Master gunner, open fire with the bombardment cannon!

Stand down! Both of you!
>Thr officers voice would have lost its usual "older brother quality". Having been replaced by both a look if anger, and a loud, resounding voice, that could terrify an Ork Warboss.

We don't have time for in fighting! And I'm willing to put you both down if need be!

Now apologise this instint, and prepare for a fight! I've got a feeling that things are going to get chaotic!

>Aims his flamer but is stopped by the armsmen, they need the navigator alive.

Grrr. No matter where I go I always find a new enemy to add to my list of people to kill.

I'll apologize when I'm dead. For now I let him go unroasted and that's a lot of effort I'm placing on not pulling the trigger.

>smiles smugly,
you're not going to shoot the only Navigator this ship has, don't be daft though for what it's worth I apologise for my unsightly actions.

Rolled 8, 15, 18 + 5 = 46 (3d20 + 5)

>The lead ork ship would take the hit. It's good shields absorbing the damage.

All Kroozahs! Foire at will! Fill 'em wit Dakka!
>The Ork fleet would then immediately retaliate. Firing everything they've got at the newly arrived Imperial battle group.

>The other half of the Ork forces, would proceed to fight their way towards the planet. Blasting away anything in their path.

Exactly, Eisen! Not before I inspect his brain, that is.

>Grumbles.

>Holds onto something because of the ship shaking.

>The young officer would be forced to grab hold of a near by bulkhead as the ship would begin to shake rather violently from the incoming shots.

Welp! I guess that means we're here!

I hope the Admiral has a plan!

you will do no such thing my good man, my brain is my own and it shall be sent to my wife along with the rest of me, my staff and my robes.
the 7foot of man does not flinch when the ship shakes and shudders he simply leans on the staff.

>Grabs hold of something
I swear, if they keep shooting, the first Ork I get hold of will meet an end in a gruesome surgical accident...
Oh... But on the other hand, I won´t need it for long... She probably won´t mind if the brain is shipped a few days later than the rest.

>grins
tell ya what, you can have my eye.
>he taps his forehead which is covered by an old Bandana of an old world flag with stars and stripes.

Enough Adept! I don't need to hear this sort of thing!
>He'd quickly activate his vox.

All assault forces! Prepare to deploy! We've got an Ork Warboss that needs a good couple rounds to the head!

Hmm... That should be a worthy object of study, maybe even repurposing... Yes, The design already forms up...
>Starts scribbling in his notebook

Excuse me? did I say something wrong?
>walks into a carrier

>boards with them.
I'm rather looking forward to this little outting I must admit.

What did I miss?

orks led by Micheal B'ork invaded a recently acquired tau world (used to be imperial but they switched sides), and we just arrived in system to be fired upon by about 28 or so ships. Meanwhile the Tau fleet is attempting to keep the orks if world but are failing miserably. Otherwise not much at all.

also almost nobody has shown up so far. Which is really weird

Thanks buuuddy, current location? Ship? or hwat? Just gotta make sure that I'm not by mistake in the wrong god-emperor-damn place

Checked, and noted, I was surpirsed the thread is this "fresh" comparing to the usual timeline which, by now, would mean that the thread should be a filthy fucking slut with no holes un-fucked As in, there really isn't that many posts

What did I tell you; we're having a royal rumble. Do try taking care of the guardsmen as when we can't cover you the head butt you have wouldn't even make a knob squeal if I'm not wrong in my learning.

technically the weapon fires a spray if anyone wanted to get into it, now what do we do about that noise?

I can't believe it took me this long to get the joke behind Micheal B'ork.
youtube.com/watch?v=-qg2X_wYTFk

location: a planet formally know as Syventi IV. Now known as Au'Sen'Var by the Tau and Imperial population. Planet is known for various rare minerals, but is currently in the begining stages of being terraformed by the Tau.

Regiments current location. Still upon the ship waiting to deploy or for he ship to be lost.

And I know what you mean. Almost nobody is online.

seriously? THIS LONG!?!

Rolled 8, 11, 1 = 20 (3d20)

Fire torpedoes! Break their shields and launch a lightning strike!
>a pause
I hate fighting orks.

You got it wrong, the player stated that the ork is based on Michael Bay, not Ball, that's why he's the explody ork.