One-liners you've always wanted to use in a game situation, but never had a chance to

>"We are the same, you and I!"
>"That makes me one ugly son of a bitch."

>"Even a single wrong step here could kill us!"
>"Then I shall take longer strides."

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=rvJsG4F2Img
youtube.com/watch?v=A-OQNwcKKS8
youtu.be/oxnsIsw8Auo?t=19
twitter.com/SFWRedditVideos

>48772434
CRAWLING IN MY SKIN

We invaded an enemy mansion where the villain residing in it had at one point prior stabbed my monk in the back Literally

>"watch my back"

"If you even breathe in the direction of your blade I am going to punch you so hard your ancestors will beg the kami to forgive them for your trespassing in their heavens."

'Then we shall fight in the shade'

I just wish I could come up with puns on the spot, and not hours later.

>BBEG Monologue
"Yes, yes, that's all very good, but I have a bazooka and my feet hurt."

>BBEG monologue
"OK"

"I WILL BEAT SO HARD THAT WE WILL DISCOVER A NEW KIND OF COLOUR"

"you sure are going to look hilarious casting spells WITH NO FUCKING TEETH"

"I'm going to cum!"

-pauses fucking, gets leftover box-

"I'm cumming... to go!"

youtube.com/watch?v=rvJsG4F2Img

...

youtube.com/watch?v=A-OQNwcKKS8

"It'll be a good ol' fashion father-son beatoff."
"I have a very particular set of skills....."
"ENGLISH! Do you speak it?!"
"Say "what" one more time!"

>Psh, nothin personnel kid

>I'll protect everyone's smiles!

>"Let the work educate them."
>"Let the work set them free."

>YOU... YOU DOUBLE NIGGER!

>"Who's fucking this owlbear? Me or you?"

Oh, and
"We are same-same!"

>"Oh man, my dick feels pretty big/small right now."

For a villain:
>I do not 'FUCK' sheep, sir.... I MAKE LOVE to them!

>"Looks like someone just picked a whole bundle of oopsie daisies"

>"I was never the good guy."

t h i s
and this is the reason I like PbP

For context, I have an idea for a character, a former pirate captain whose crew mutinied and abandoned her. She's a fighter/rogue (high dex, moderate str, above average int and char). She's primarily chaotic neutral, but if pushed can occasionally stray into true neutral and evil territory. She hides the bulk of her past from the party and delivers this line following a climactic battle when she gets the chance to get her ship back and resume her pillaging.

I want to steal this

PbP?

play-by-post, infamously slow and attracting snotlings who couldn't find better games

...

Seems like Hell got tired of us not dying and came to us itself.

>"I'm not a BAD guy. I'm not a GOOD guy. I'm THE guy"

I will sodomize you with my metalic dick , fuckboi

youtu.be/oxnsIsw8Auo?t=19
certainly not a one-liner, but ziltoid's entire monologue is a perfect semi-insane BBEG rant.
group doesn't allow me to GM anymore due to the amount of shit i snatch from devin townsend's music.

My nigga

I constantly play LN characters in the hope of finding the perfect moment to shout "I AM THE LAW," but it hasn't happened yet.

>Damn! Missed your eyes.

S U P E R M A N P U N C H
U
P
R
M
A
N

P
U
N
C
H

Or else what?!
>gun pointed to me point blank
Well or else what?
> I think the gun speaks for its self.
I am sorry to break it to you but guns don't talk.

"The time has come, and SO HAVE I."

"The truth is out there."
"I bet you're wondering, did I fire five shots or six? Well, this is a m60 so it doesn't really matter."
"Is it bad that this always gives me a craving for chicken?"
"Charlie's in the trees."

I love cheesy one-liners, even if they are cringe-inducing out of context.
>Don't lose your head- I'll be taking it.
>I am not stopped, only slowed.
>An unstoppable force and an immovable object have already met. I am the result.
>I have already won, you just haven't caught up yet.
>Run, so you don't see it coming.
>I'm told I have an explosive temper.
>I am the heat, and this is my kitchen!
>I put the punch in punchline.
>I don't have a heart, so I'll be taking yours.
>I only need one strike to put you out.
And a special one for when carrying an automatic rifle:
>Let me introduce you to my thirty best friends.

All these 7s

mmmmhhhhhhh

...

Oy Vey!

>Let me introduce you to my thirty best friends
a variant:
>I've got six little friends here, and they can all run faster than you.

I've always wanted to put the simplicity of "Show time, motherfucker." to good use

>Pity. I think I'm turning into a god.

>What did the sword say to the throa- Oh. Ohhhh, that's a lotta blood.

I really want to use one I came up with for a boss:

>Why don't you save us both some time and just start bleeding to death now?
or
>Why don't you save me the effort and break every bone in your body for yourself?

Still not sure of the best wording.

>playing Deadlands
>player kills a Texas Ranger in a knife fight
>takes his knife
>later, party time travels back in time before the encounter with the Ranger
>meets the brother of the Ranger, also a Ranger
>he sees brother's signature knife in the hand of the player
>"You, you killed my brother!"
>"Not yet."

Druid with Dinosaur Animal Companion:
>Sick 'im, Scratch!
Alternatively:
>I'm gonna blast you back to the Stone Age.

>not "you dont have to tell me twice but durring the stone age"

More:
>Normally, I wouldn't care, but you just piss me off.
>You won't like me when I'm angry. *Turns into dinosaur*
Right before Fireball Spell:
>Praise the sun, Motherfucker!

Ooh, that's a pretty good one!

>Yknow, I'm tired, I have a headache,why don't we skip the foreplay and you just kick your own ass?

>I've got a bone to pick with you!

I'd love to throw a tantrum like Johnny does in the movie, but my characters are usually cool and level headed.

Even more:
>Rides in on T-Rex
>Cavalry's here, bastards!
>Don't meddle in the affairs of Dinosaurs: you're crunchy and taste good lightly seasoned.
>I could kill you with a touch. (Beat) Oh, I just did.
>The amount of problems an explosion can solve increases exponentially as the explosion grows linearly larger.

>I have a bullet with your name on it and I'm not going to stop firing until I figure out which one it is!

This is amazing.

"So it has come to this. And so have I."

>You've got guts! I like that in a victim.

Still more:
>Motherfucker, I speak for the trees, and they're tellin' me t' bash ya face in!
>How 'bout you sit the fuck down!
>What now, motherfucker? What now?
>Scratch, rip 'is eyes out.
>Cry some more, bitch! Cry some more!
>Allow me to demonstrate what this "tree-huggin' pacifist" can do.
>This is gonna hurt you worse than it hurts me.
BBEG speech
>You talk too much. I'll fix that.
>Just stop talkin' mate. You're annoying me.
>Now I break you.

Still more:
>Motherfucker, I speak for the trees, and they're tellin' me t' bash ya face in!
>How 'bout you sit the fuck down!
>What now, motherfucker? What now?
>Scratch, rip 'is eyes out.
>Cry some more, bitch! Cry some more!
>Allow me to demonstrate what this "tree-huggin' pacifist" can do.
>This is gonna hurt you worse than it hurts me.
>Outnumbered? That's a funny way you got of sayin' "target-rich en-vi-ro-ment".
>Gimme more foes, 'cause Momma Earth wants more sacrifices!
BBEG speech
>You talk too much. I'll fix that.
>Just stop talkin' mate. You're annoying me.
>Now I break you.

To or as the BBEG
>If you're currently enjoying yourself you'd better get ready to stop
>Look jackass I'm just doing this for the paycheck; your plans mean fuckall to me
>I'm going to break you in half
>"I'll be no better than you"? I'm still going to be alive after this aren't I?
>You sure you guys don't want to work for me? We've got dental and can match 401k- no? Oh, ok then.
To party
>I'm not a man whore damnit! Wait, how much are we talking?
>Well I mean it isn't *not* illegal
>The aristocrats!

And here's one more:
>This ain't gonna be pretty.

>Why don't ya make like a tree and leaf?
>Looks like your bark was worse'n your bite.

I wood like to axe yew to leaf.

Stolen. I will use this in a game even if I have to do so non sequitur.

Even more hilarious in a sexual context.

>Hey diddle diddle, straight up the middle!

"Alright, kill you at 7."

>It's like a tupperware party for serial killers