Your only son, The Prince, is the most capable leader of warriors in the land, does his best to make good decisions...

I buy a large black stallion and introduce it into the stables. I stage an incident so that the prince walks in just as the stallion is fucking the mare to bits.

This seems more reasonable but is more hilarious

My other idea was to pay off one of my son's friends to kill the mare in a joust, or to find a white female centaur and get them to seduce the prince and be his mistress.

You will obey the will of your Lord Father. Or I will cosumate the marriage myself!

I tell him that he cannot do his kingly duties if all the vassals and commonfolk cannot take you seriously, and that a truly good and just king must be respected, as well as loved. He must be aware that better men than him have been ruined for less. If I were ever caught with even a normal harlot, my reputation and honor would go out the window. All the good I've done for this kingdom would never have come to fruition if the vassals and people did not respect me enough to carry out my will without protest.

I explain to him that he cannot have children with a damn horse, he knows how this stuff works dammit, his mother and I explained it to him, and that if he does not marry and produce an heir within 5 years, I shall kill the horse.

And maybe the wife and I will start trying for more kids. A son that doesn't fuck horses, for one.

Do any of my daughters have the makings of good monarchs? Because honestly the people would be more approving of a woman than a horsefucker.

No wise king ever had a court wizard. Court wizards are always useless old coots who can't solve anything, otherwise there'd be nothing for the heroes to do.

Hire a wizard instead. You can hire a wizard to do anything.

I hire a wizard to turn the mare into a human. Problem solved.

>Your successor, King Godfrey the Beastslayer, commissions a great fortress and cavalry base named Castle Cuksed.

I secretly kill the horse, grind it up for meat, and serve it to my son and only inform him of the source after he's eaten it. I then tell him he can either wed a girl and give me an heir, or the guards standing by his side will drown him in his soup and the heir shall be my bastard son.

>What do we do, Your Grace?
Get our wizards on the job. That prize mare is going to produce an heir one way or another, preferably while gaining sapience and a somewhat less embarassing form.

This

por que no dos?

This.
That little asshole who keeps saying he ain't gotta explain shit can finally earn his goddamn pay.

>Otherwise I'm just gonna fuck a new heir into existence, and make him captain of the front lines until he shapes up or dies.

He does lead from the front though, its why his men love him for his courage and how he controls so well

So that the throne is inherited by people who are one-quarter horse? That's not a huge step up, user. Lot of generations before the royalty stops eating sugar cubes at summits.

>So that the throne is inherited by people who are one-quarter horse?
I'd like to make a joke but I don't think there are enough equestrians on the board

I don't know if you've seen much of European royalty m8. One-quarter horse is below the average IMO.

How did I fuck up so badly with my son. This is worse than him being gay.

I agree. This would be foal play. Note that said mistress though, so maybe only the bastards would be a little horse.

Trot it out, user.
I backed off on my quarterhorse pun, avenge me

Maybe it was all the molestation?

Not at all, because at least this version isn't even attempting to hide how stupid it is.

...

Especially while wearing the horse mask.

What? who dared to molest my son? I'll have them castrated.

Get your court wizard to derive a variant spell of Baleful Polymorph that turns the horse into a human.

How much magic do I have? Because polymorphing an already female horse into a human girl with child baring hips seems rather simple. If that's not an option thanseems like the best option.

>child baring

That's illegal in this kingdom. Guards! Take him away!

Horses don't live as long as humans, and he must have had it a few years to form that sort of bond.

All we have to do is wait just a year or two for it to catch a disease or die under him in battle, perhaps even speed up the process by poisoning the horse.

And execute that wizard - that fountain that causes love at first sight obviously has some flaws.

Well, at least this gives me a chance to finally work out a diplomatic solution with that centaur kingdom.

Your sleezy good for nothing second born son is a womanizer and a drinker, with his only merit and skill being a mastery of speech craft which he uses to weedle out of responsibility, get favors he never pays back, and generally be a total asshole and appeaser of the worst kind.

The commoners hate him (especially the fathers of peasant girls), but the nobles and aristocracy absolutely adore him. Far more than your first born. All because he knows the right things to say and actually promises to "marry a decent woman (some day), like a man ought to"

There's a growing plot among the aristocracy and nobility to have your first born killed and put him next in line.

Grab every beggar and drunkard in my kingdom, then carve hooves into their appendages. Secretly replace the mare with one of the poor bastards.

Else, carve the vassals and stitch them into one big horse, color it white. Replace the mare.

Else, his appointment to the farthest outpost shall be finalized within the week, I have already discussed the matter with the Captain.

My liege, speaking technically, hypothetically. and by no means seeking to disparage the royal prerogatives of your noble house, there are persons who may, without full knowledge of the great justice and wisdom of the tradition that forcing him to live for his entire 13th year dressed as a girl and well... those people would describe what went on during that year as molestation.

1) Send him on crusade. If that is not an option for religious reasons then:

2) See if any neighboring kingdom needs a hostage for a treaty. Seriously, 5% reduction in tariffs on cider is such a vital matter of state that I will give my second born son to guarantee that we will honor it.

3) If I have concrete proof of the plot, have a chat with the boy as we watch his supporters being hung drawn and quartered. Suggest he may want to stay on the straight and narrow from now on.

Bah, how else is a princeling supposed to gain the life experience required to rule!?

I do not question your wisdom or enlightenment sire, I merely and humbly seek to describe the chains of ignorance in which others minds are shackled. After all, is it not the duty of the enlightened and benevolent to break those shackles as they find them?

If you will excuse me sire, I am meeting with textile merchants. Your son's, companion, has grown accustomed to satin bedding, and she does tend to wear it out prodigiously. Then with your leave I shall be contemplating matters of state over a small bowl of wine.

(I can't help but picture a 2nd or 3rd son of minor noble house who worked very very hard to get a position at court and who now spends his evening getting drunk and wondering if God's punishment for suicide could possibly be worse than ensuring there is appropriately plush bedding in the princes horsefucking parlor.)

>"Wow sir user, a position in the royal palace! What do you do?"
>"Y-y'know.... textiles and stuff."

The same way problems like this have been solved from prehistoric times: we find him a political marriage with somebody reasonably important's daughter and her child-bearing hips that he can tolerate sitting next to at dinner, someone with the right hair color knocks her up, and if the says the kid is his no one's going to say *shit* about it.

Cause sane, well-beloved kings who listen to their advisers don't go down in history as "Carl the Horse-fucker," they go down in history as "His Exalted Majesty, Carl I the Well-Loved, Protector of The Realm, Defender of the People, and Free to Do as He Saw Fit on His Own Time. Also he won like a bajillion Steeplechase competitions."

youtube.com/watch?v=tb2Ct3yyB4g

Hire a female druid to wild shape as a horse similar to the one of the prince, then give the original one without the druid's knowledge (trigger nature) to the mongolians. That way he can both fuck the 'horse' and have children.

Have the court wizard awaken the horse and give it a magic item that polymorphs it into a human woman when worn. Boom, problem solved.

I think this is literally the plot to a doujin.

>to argue that
I must be confused, because from context one would assume that because my son is a prince, that I am a king.

But that can't be right, because if I were King, then my word would be law, and anyone who disobeyed me would have a date with a hole in the ground by tomorrow morning. So obviously I'm not the King, I'm a peasant who has given birth to a famous R&B artist who styles himself The Prince, in which case, honestly, at least he's not R Kelly.

But if, theoretically, I WERE the King, "we" wouldn't do anything, I would beat this little faggot to within an inch of his life with my helmet--the one with the shark crest that looks like it's eating the sun--and the explain to his brony ass that he has six months to choose a woman to fuck before I glue him to a cross with what's left of his horse and then throw him off a cliff into the sea.

But what if the son doesn't want his mare in human form - that is to say any form of transformation, awakening, or granting of sentience in any form? Do I need to try for another heir and probably stage an accident for the previous one?

11/10, 12 without cheeky modern references

>I don't know how being king works

>(I can't help but picture a 2nd or 3rd son of minor noble house who worked very very hard to get a position at court and who now spends his evening getting drunk and wondering if God's punishment for suicide could possibly be worse than ensuring there is appropriately plush bedding in the princes horsefucking parlor.)

This sounds like a backstory fit for a shell-shocked war veteran.

"I've seen horrors...horrors that no man should ever see."

"What horrors could possibly surpass the Pillaging of Peaceshire, the Ransacking of Restive Hills, the Devastation of Drakemoor, and the Fall of Faithmere?"

"The knowledge that Lady Hoofhumps is aroused by the feel of satin smeared with pulped oats continues to haunt me to this day?"

"The hell? How do you know that, sir?"

"I wash the bedcovers - none of my servants had the stomach to do it. Let's just say that the evidence was very obvious."

>Your only son, The Prince, is the most capable leader of warriors in the land,
So I'm Persian?
Fuck, let him keep the horse. Just tell him to stay the hell away from India, from any daggers, from any hourglasses, and from any swords buried in sand.

go full Loki on this guy

Well if he doesn't love her for her personality he doesn't truly love her now does he?

Haha.

My setting has a mixed race of horses and men called Theats. Legend has it that, long ago, the horse-king Thead witnessed men entering his lands for the first time, and was amazed by their many arts. Thead prayed to the god of his people, the wind-lord Main, for men of his own.

Main granted Thead's wish, with many of Thead's mares soon giving birth to human babies. The Theats have lived thusly ever since, mares give birth to babies and women give birth to foals, as Main wills.

As the king of the Theats (and also a horse), I know my human son cannot sire any heirs from his beloved mare. So I pray to Main for a miracle, that he might smile on their love and gift me a grandson, boy or colt.

This thread always makes me wonder; in a setting like D&D, where humans fucking non-humans is kind of assumed to be natural, and taking into account the real world's propensity for marriages of diplomatic alliance, where exactly do you draw the limit in turning down potential daughters-in-law?

I mean, say you've got the gnoll hordes of Bloodqueen Gnoll Matriarch Thar'akka on your borders and she's offering to turn them on your enemies if you let her marry your son, the prince. Are you really going to accept an offer like that?

Or would you really be so interested in securing a peace treaty with the dread red dragon Pyrestorm that you'd actually marry your son off to his granddaughter, who happens to be a dragonwrought kobold?

If that really was normal, there would be no humans, elves, orcs or dwarves, only a mishmash or abominations.

No, they don't fuck eachother like they were born in Sweden or something.

Well we can assume all humanoid races are okay. Furries...maybe? Then when you go full animal there's probably a line.

You probably have lots of religions where it's okay to marry a fox-lady and others where if you so much as look at an Elf you're damned.

...

Now imagine that times a hundred.

Not to mention as king you need to appease all these various cults unless you want a revolt.

Nah, you only need to appease the powerful ones.

The Octists can get fucked.

He can do whatever the fuck he wants, as long as he marries into a nice royal family of our neighbouring country and produces a heir.
Whether the prince and his wife love each other is of no consequence.
Prince will keep fucking his horse, while the princess will keep fucking some other guy.
The only difference is that they will do it while married.
I will, however, have to establish that whomever the princess fucks on the side has absolutely ZERO claim to the throne.

>The king has been found dead with a pair of sandals stuffed down his throat

It'd probably vary from kingdom to kingdom and empire to empire. A Persian style vast diverse empire? As long as you've got enough kids to have a proper heir then it's a great offer. If I can turn the Gnolls from a vicious tribal group into a stable province by marrying off a son, that's what I'm going to do. Added bonus, one less spare son to get bright ideas about succession.

You could also have an institution where both parties to the marriage bring along a concubne of some sort, and have some ritual to legitimize the offspring. The problem of being a bastard is probably less damaging to legitimacy with people than the problem of being half-whatever.

On the flip side, the more unified the kingdom and the more like an ethno-relegious nation state the less acceptable that would be. So where your huge disordered multi-ethnic empire would see it as cost of doing business; your small unified kingdom might see that kind of marriage, if it occurs, as a sign of degeneracy or submission.

This is sort of a non-answer I realize. But the interesting thing about these questions for me is not a setting wide yes or no, but how can these sort of questions be used to differentiate one style of culture and government from another.

Ask oriental wizard to turn his mare into a cute girl

So Theats just give birth to horses or humans at random? Seems like a good percentage of births would end with either a human woman being ripped apart by a colt baby, or a horse shitting out a human baby then accidentally stepping on it because they can't see below and behind.

I consult my trusted court wizard (we've been buds since high school) and ask him about:
a.) If man and mare can produce offspring
b.) If not, if he can make it so they can
c.) Some illusory spell to make the mare appear as a beautiful woman to everyone, but my son

This was basically how all real royal marriages worked anyway. Fuck what you want but you better shit out a son at some point

Kill the horse, taxidermy it into a suit, put a princess into it, have them married, then just as he finishes ploughing his mare, rip the head off to reveal the princess and let out an echoing, manic cackle as I stumble drunk through the castle halls.

At least it isn't fuckin' dragons.
Get the wizard.

"Sir, why is the Prince riding his wife into battle?"

"Hush wastrel, the royal couple rides with us into glorious battle. Now stand to fucking attention!"

But I'm a skirmisher, I don't have a standard postion

"What in the gods name are you doing here at the back of the line? Go to your unit!"

You're mistaking, Britains are the ones with the bad teeth

>wanting a horse with bad teeth
Also Krout girls are big and scary

It's a miracle. I don't gotta explain shit.

Horsefucker status: rekt.
Though even if he enjoys dat horse pussy, turning her into a centaur retains her genitals. Unless she starts growing a human pussy on her "neck"