Inquisitorial Penal Regiment Veeky Forums: Living under a rock Edition

>Gets off the bed and takes his rife, reports to his surperior

Private Peepers concious and ready to serve!

>salutes, face bandages glued with blood

I've been trying to find her so that I could tell her.
>He'd shovel in a mouthful of stew from the bowl In front of him. Taking a moment to swallow before continuing.
*GULP* That is... if nobody's told her yet...

>He'd offer the man the bowl.

Want some? I couldn't possibly finish the rest, and I'd hate to let it go to waste.

>Meanwhile, on a far away planet in a far away Sector, Alice is still debating what should be done with the people in the tubes.
>Or she was at least.
LIX, go outside and fire a flare, the big one, need to signal the Horseman to send Dropships down here to pick up all those tubes.

Then.....gather up the Eldar Tech, weapons and armour and the like. We've.....got to pay a visit to some old friends. But we're keeping their ship.

what's this about Eldar sluts?
>draws her bolter a look of anger flashing quickly over her normally calm exterior.
nothing I hate more than Eldar you know, it's on of those knife eared bastards that slashed my stomach open.

>Eyes the bowl.
>Points to his rebreather, now being part of his body.

At ease, trooper. Have you taken your meal yet?

"Administration sent me after suspect treason, had been to do with the Eldar and animals and such. Here I thought maybe it meant better food and I get sent here to starve in a desert."

"Sergeant Maximum, Aleks - waiting on evacuation and by that I mean I have to pee, preferably somewhere I won't lose a leg in the process."

>He'd let out an exasperated sigh, as he'd turn to face the man.

Of course you are...

>He'd turn to face Eisen again.

Can you deal with him right now?

Any idea where he lost said leg?Oh, you are alive. One less potential research subject here...
You can use my stapler if you need to... In a moment.
>Sticks a few more staples to his side

No sir, will do sir, as is written "an army cannot march on an empty stomach"

Help me, Sister
I hunger for glorious battle and food

A-are you insane? You want to take all these assassins off-world? There... there could be hundreds here! And... some of them shouldn't even be here, they shouldn't even be alive at all!

>is all smiles again.
the leg was lopped off and my stomach incident was a long time ago on another world.
the battle will be soon however food is being served just over there
>points to a makeshift soup kitchen.

I think I've just have. The boy, despite a bit lost, seems to have spirit to serve.
Oh you know, infiltrators, they be common these days apparently, keep a keen eye out.

Well Sergeant. This is an old Inquisitorial base hidden three hundred feet underground-
>He'd point down a nearby corridor.
Take that hallway over there, and the bathroom is the first door on the right. Or is it the left? I can't remember which one is the morgue...
>He'd take a moment to think, before continuing.
If it's not the one on the right, its the one on the left.

Neither should I, you want to leave me here?
>The question -sounds- dead serious, but under the helmet, a smug grin is concealed.
Leave the thoughts about what to do if the horde of murders wakes up to me, just worry about finding all that Eldar loot.

>crashes out of a vent
>has a sack full of Ork and Tau body parts in tow

Alright, sorry to sneak off like that again. Needed to find some fresh meat...

>Looks down.

I...

I'm sorry.

>Leaves to shoot the flare outside.

>laughs
you let one infiltrate your ranks, you'll be telling me you had orks as commissars next.

>Takes a sit on a nearby rock and sips the soup carefully, not to dirty his bandages

>salutes with the spoon and continues eating

How the freck did you manage to sneak out of the cave and survive a naval bombing out there?

Good. I am running out of staples, either ways... Tearing skin tissue, see. Maybe I should remove a few organs, reduce pressure from the inside... Now where did I put my scalpel...

You're STILL dealing with that, Adept? You'd think you were made of staples at this point!

Stomach incident?
>He'd raise his brow questioningly at this.

Eisen... I've seen you drink by using a syringe on that thing. I'm sure you can use it to have some of this. Otherwise I'll have to give it to "peepers" over there.

We have a Sister Hospitaller here now?
And some new meat?

Were you two already here or did someone hate you enough to make sure you got to us through the war outside?

He's just that good, that's how.

Hey Gary, you want any more of this Amasec? It's never going to run out you know.
>He says this despite the small pile of Amasec bottles and cheese wrappers sitting neatly in a corner. He even retrieves a new bottle from -somewhere- in the Hammerhead.

>Oddball does however blink at this.
You know.....I'm pretty sure that would make a lot of negative waves. You shouldn't do that sir.

>smiles again thinking back
a mad Eldar broke into our ship, we found him in our privatte quarters covered in underwear and trying to seduce one of the younger sisters.
>waves at him

I'm a thronedamn Catachan is how. I was already underground when the ships started firing anyway.

>removes an encrypted communication device stowed in a backpack.

"It'll go off if I fall unconscious, a friend in the inquisition handed it to me in case there would be an emergency. Perhaps you could signal them to help capture the base we found ourselves in now."

>he saluted the lieutenant and starts off toward the bathroom.

"He said it was on the right. If not I'm sure the morgue has a sink I can use."

Sir, with a rag and some wax i could produce a makeshift flame grenade if the need arises, i have done it before to survive latrine duty

Fellow guardsman, i was on latrine duty and rejoined recently to fight the xenos and the heretic for the emperor our undying lord

>sips more soup

It is simple. With more than 8% of my skin tissue missing, the remaining tissue around the wound has problems containing my insides. Tears apart around the staples.
Nonsense. A kidney, half a liver and 10-20% of my guts are certainly not needed.

>The man would innocently whistle a tune, whilst looking away.

That's also a good question...

I uhm-... I don't- I don't want to ask...

>Worried Laughter.
Yes. Yes I have, all food is now condensed into a distasteful paste.
>Brings out the syringe.
Ah what the hell, hand it over, at least I'll try to drink my grief out.

>her eyes would narrow at the two men before she moves on to grab some soup.

Well don't mind if I do...
>takes a few bottles for later
You mind explaining what a fucking hammerhead is doing here?

>winks with bionic eye
That's Major to you, private.
>indicates insignia tattoo on arm
You're excused cause it's dark and you looked for it on my chest where I don't wear it.

Then don't. It is a simple medical treatment after all, the specifics are unimportant.

That sounds suspiciously similar to a story Larrs once told me...

>He'd take the device from him.
I'll see what I can do... but it's unlikely that the Navy can do anything for the next little while. Seeing as how it's in a three way brawl with several dozen ork ships, and another two dozen Tau ships.

>The man would remain silent at this. Lest he lose his sanity thinking about.

Yes, Sister. Sometimes xenos like to infiltrate this regiment. But the esteemed Inquisitor who sponsors this little group has standing orders to allow them to do it. Crazy woman thinks they can be trusted...

It is guard protocol to wear indicatiors of rank in visible places, like the Sergant Kerg and Lt.Malak for example,
with no visible official indicator of rank the only major you are to me is a major pain the ass, sir

>puts down the soup

right...
>she would look on in shock at the man.
well if I spot any I just might forget that order.
>winks back with none bionic eye

Well that's some spirit the boy has in there, I respect that.

But I'm afraid the catachan is right, he's a major of the regiment and an inquisitorial agent, so watch your tone around him, boy.

You might not need them, but they're really handy to have. Sir. Seriously, this is giving me some bad vibes. Nobody else noticing?

Well.....way back when, we might have....sorta....'recovered' all this Gold from a bank right? And there were some Tau there right....and since they used their Hammerhead to put a hole in the doors in the first place.....I bought it. Now me and the crew drive it about, killing the enemy, it's jolly great fun.

Gary... it's best not to think about it, lest your sanity finally be broken.

>A slight shiver would run down the COs back from the look in the sisters eyes, but he would continue to innocently whistle.
>Once she was out if ear shot, he'd turn his attention to Eisen.

That look she had in her eyes a moment ago... It scares me a little...

>runs up to the catachan and salutes
I would like to apologise to Major Gary for my inappropriate comment, i am ready to recieve my punishment, for discipline is the bloodlife of an effective imperial guard regiment

Hm. I don't think she meant bad with it.

Are you implying my care for my own body is lacking, trooper? Or that my decision-making is not well calculated?
>stares at him, suddenly angry

>The Dropships soon arrive and some very confused personnel start loading the Pods onboard.
>Alice meanwhile has gathered the samples and data, along with a large amount of Eldar gear and is placing it in the Eldar ship.

Honestly Oddball... It does. But I gave up caring about it seven sets of staples ago.

Just don't let the Inquisitor find out. Otherwise the rest of us will get a bolter round to the head as well.

Do you even know how to pilot an Eldar Transport? Or are we taking it inside the Horseman's cargo?

Doesn't mean it don't scare the hell outta me...

You're pretty mouthy aren't you, kid? You want some insignia? Here it is...

>produces Inquisition stormtrooper badge

Now, don't even try to play Commissar with me, boy. That's a game you will lose.

You know, I could just requisition some armor for you, morons. Soon as it's possible I expect that thing to be a twisted hunk of scrap.

>pats him on the shoulder
you're a good boy, I'm sure you'll be fine
>finishes her soup and winks again at him before moving to help a guardsman with a broken arm.

>stands upright, ready to face punishment

Woah there, relax. You've already have him on line under your command, the boy might of just thought you were bullshitting with him. Say care to join us for a round? Still make that Brew of yours?

Hm. Well they say I know no fear, I might have not noticed any negative waves either, in fact I find the acolyte much more combat ready than ever.

Oh shut up and stay as you were. You're excused the first time, just don't make a fool of yourself again. I can't be bothered to make life hard for you, it ain't my job.

>Stands at ease
Thank you sir, i will do everything in my power to be an effective guardsman for the mercy you have shown me today

I only say that removing one's organs just because one has a hole in their side isn't normal. Why don't you just get a Medkit or something? I think we have some in the tank somewhere.....
>Oddball drops into the Hammerhead's interior.
Oi Burke! Where's the Medkit? No not the -Tau- one! The Imperial one you stupid!
>A Medkit is tossed out onto the hull, followed by Oddball's head.
There you go sir.

>Oddball looks suitably offended.
Good sir! This is a mudda-beautiful tank! So what if the fuel system leaks sometimes, they were good people we bought it from!

Yeah yeah, he's fine. As for more brew, well, I'll have to build another still and make a new batch. No tyranid available right now, but Ork and Tau will serve...

>hefts sack of parts and viscera

"People" huh? What kind of "people"? Didn't happen have a curious blue tint to their skin and cunts on their foreheads did they?

I've always wondered how nobody called you out on that being gross, you won't be called out on that from my end for sure though, damn Xenos deserve no better.

I am ninety nine percent certain I know how to fly this Transport......make that ninety eight.....

It's not that it's a "Mudda-beautiful tank" Oddball. What Gary's complaining about, is that it's a former Xeno tank.

The fact that he blew up the Tau planetary gun we were ordered to repair before coming here, is proof of that.

I doubt this will help... But I will make the attempt.
>Marches off into his tent, grumbling all the way there

>Patrols up and down the area while humming an imperial guard marching song, with las rifle ready to meet the enemy at any moment

>He'd be forced to look away from the gore filled bag. Lest he be forced to lose his lunch on the floor.

Dammit Gary! Put that away in the Morgue! It's already starting to stink up the place!

Yeah I'll admit, it's an acquired taste, even for Catachans. But don't worry, the finished product is just gonna be straight liquid, nothing but flavor and alcohol.

... Alright. Teach me.

>Pops in from the side
Sir, when are we taking the fight to the enemy?
>crazy eyes intensefy

>Taps his rebreather with grief.
I wish I could smell the smell of death in the morning...

Nah, these human guys in orange uniforms. Don't know -how- they got the Hammerhead, just know that it was a pain to wash the blue off the inside.

So? It's not like I'm eating them or anything, now -that- would be taking it too far.
Nothin' wrong with liftin' their guns boss. Chill with them negative waves.

Uh.....good luck with fixin' yourself! Strange guy.....swear he used to be the normal one.

Already stinks in here.

The cogboys make masks that let you smell, you know.

>emerges from a side room with a strange grin on his face.
well that was a charming little walk, where to now then gentlemen and ladies of course.

To Glory!

Teach me Tau and you've got a deal.
>Alice locks the equipment away in a room and then calls her Retinue to the ship.
Need to take my armour off to fly this thing, come with me to keep it safe. LIX love, you wait here.
>Alice trudges off to a different part of the ship.

Not for me, my mask melted with my skin in the explosion that killed Larrs. They decided to make it work rather than remove it outright and leave half a skull.

Understood, ma'am.

Really now? Well alright, as long as there aren't any marks of Chaos in there, we can change its destruction schedule from "now" to "whenever we get around to it"

I'm going to rig it with a bunch of charges though. It'd make a nice trap if the blue shits want to salvage it...

>offers the enthusiatic guardsman a muffin and moves on.

>Accepts the food and chows it down in seconds, orbiting the comanders to be the first one to recieve further orders to fight the enemy and to bring glory to the emperor

"Have to wonder if she's here to serve the Emperor, I'm wondering if she could be after something personal."

>he finds something to sit on and begins to clean and sharpen his saber with a kit from the morgue

No idea Navigator... We haven't heard from the fleet since before the bombing started.

And yes everyone, that's what all the shaking was. The Navy bombing us.

Honestly Oddball. I've got nothing against it, so long as it doesn't get me a bolter round through the cranium.

Yeah, but that's from decades of not cleaning up after a bunch if servitors went rogue and killed all the Inquisitors and stormtroopers inside the base. This stink is the smell of rotting meat.

Of course you do Eisen...

Peepers... I don't know if you've realised this yet. But there are no nearby enemies left nearby! Fleet blew them all t-
>The CO would pause as a trooper would walk up and whisper something in his ear.
>The mans face would scrunch together, in a sort of questioning look, as he slowly turned to face the man next to him.
...what?
>"Sir, I said that it appears that the Tau have infiltrated the base!"
How many?
>"Just one, Sir! It appears to be one of their traitorous allies! A pathfinder by the look of it!"
Really? Well where is he?
>"He's near the main door, Sir! Just inside the tunnel!"
Alright. Thanks for letting me know.

>He'd cast his attention to the men inside the room.

Alright Boys! I want three volunteers to go and get this guy, and see if there aren't anymore around in the tunnels!

I'd prefer him alive if possible!
>He'd turn to face Eisen and Gary. Wagging a finger at their direction in particular.
And no dismemberments, disemboweling, pistol whips, removing of eyes or other body parts. and especially NO disintegrations!

So who's volunteering?

>Returns, grumbling even more furiously

Say, Malak, any news from the fleet? Are they done with the bombing run? My radio got trashed under rubble.

>Goes supernova
ME SIR ME ME, I WILL BRING FURY THE ENEMIES OF THE EMPEROR

>Mumbles
Agh you're taking away all the fun parts by asking him to be brought back alive already.

You can count with me.

>Alice returns with naught but an old looking Cadian uniform and her Grav-Pistol.
>She then plops herself into the Pilot's seat and goes about starting up the craft.
So you see you hit this and this....then this.........
>The craft is started and Alice pilots it in the direction of the Horseman.

>raises her hand with a smile
I'll go.

>covers his ears
Be quiet! What is with you and screaming all of the time...

forgot the pic

What about that beeping one over there?
>Points to button.

Also what's with the cadian gear, we're going undercover?

I am training to face the forces of chaos in battle, battle with them is a battle of arms and faith, and you win a battle of faith by praying the loudest

...

I couldn't get a decent signal if I tried Eisen. Too much damned interference and rock blocking out the signal.
I'm sorry, what was that Eisen? All I heard was you being a Bitch!

Then gear up you three! And try to bring him back alive!