Your kid reveals they belong to one of the races of the World of Darkness

They better not be a fucking Malkavian.

Ghoti.

Kill them then myself. Cause there are almost no happy endings in the WoD. But then we both become Wraiths, so there's no escaping.

But I already knew. Creating a Promethean isn't exactly something you forget, y'know?

Well...aren't you fetching...

Considering they range from "emo as fuck" to "mum you don't understand my pain" I just hope it will grow out of it,like most goths do

Laughed harder than I should've.

The alternative answer is: Unzip my dick (proceeded or followed by Goofy Time)

>choosing belt instead whip or paddle

Well missy I guess it's too bad I have Auspex because I can plainly see how full of shit you are right now

>Honey, I'll always love you, no matter what.
Then see about getting them psychiatric help. If they said they're a Beast, phone the police first..

If my kids a Fucking fishmalk, someone's gonna die.

...

>"DAAAD, you can't tell me what to do, I'm a sleeper!"

"Well the sleeper better get their ass out of bed, because the bus is going to be here in half an hour."

>"Yes, honey, I know you're a human."

Be proud because now i can pass my hunter skills to my progeny. If he/she are any other thing then i shall purge him/her myself.

>Veeky Forums
>having kids
Also
>letting your kids hang around with dark races

>Okay, dad, but only because my ignorance of the supernatural railroads me into such day-to-day tedium.

>[proceeds to dress in flawless school attire, drinks coffee with a newspaper in her hand, casually dismisses a news story about cultists]

which one specifically, and why did she decide to break the masquerade?

>Facebook stalk their Sire
I don't know why, but that one got me the most. Good job user

Dunk their ass in holy water. I don't care if I need to buy out a priest for the week I'm getting her put right back to normal.

>>kids

So, a promethean then?

"How could you hide this from me so many time?"
This is the first I would do, after that depends on the race but, is my son/daughter and I would support this if it make him/her happy

>they're a Mage
Pride, so much pride.

>they're a Fae
This is literally a changeling and not my child

>they're a Vampire
Please do not use your bullshit powers at home or let your friends hang out here or let your friends bite me, I want no part of this shit

>they're a Werewolf
Do I have to pay for shots?

>they're a Promethean
Probably go berserk from Disquiet and attempt to kill them

>they're a Slasher
I'm probably dead.

>they're a Hunter
We're all gonna die.

Did I miss anything relevant?

Well, that explains all the gauze...

What about Geists?

Depends on if they're an oMage or nMage. oMage and not crat gets expelled from this household unless they work for a proper institution that actually helps humanity, not some Reality Deviant scum.

Probably be happy that my dead kid is alive-not-exactly-again and help them out with their ghostly revenge, unless they were a Forgotten, which case it was just bad luck.

Or a Silent. If they're a Silent it's probably my fault as the parent and they're gonna kill me.

DIVINE MOTHER FUCKING SMITE

Pick your poison

>mfw Demon: The Fallen

>Slasher

Holy fuck I didn't even know about that book and that shit is god damn terrifying.

Congratulate myself for having had sex at some point. Unless she's adopted. Then I tell her she's adopted.

>Demon

I grab him, jump out the window and start running from agents of the God-Machine as has become family tradition every saturday.

New or old?

Haven't played Old but from what I heard-it's basically all the goth stereotypes. All of them.

New is more cosmic horror mixed with trauma, so-Livejournal. 2e is shaping up to not have a unified trend, though. Beasts are otherkin, Demons are weirdly misplaced Matrix characters in a horror setting and I have no idea what ground Deviant could cover that isn't already covered by Prometheans.

This
Except the Fae part. I thought the players in Changeling the lost were actual humans who got kidnapped by fae and became changed by their experience? And the changeling was left behind to cover hide suspicion?

If it's sitting at home and talking to you, it's probably a Fetch.

Is military school really a thing in the states, or some long withered scholastic system? Is it just like cadets, or an actual child-prison?

My shitty son is a changeling isn't he? I knew my real son would never turn out like that - they must have been swapped while still children.

You forgot mummies

See

Who?

It's just boarding school.

Question where and when I got a kid, since I don't have and don't want any.

Oh you know, it always goes like this - when mommy and daddy loves each other very much...

...then the daddy has to pay child support to that damn succubus for the next 18 years, and...

Not everyone is American, user. Not everyone has average span of marriage counted in months.

Which one?

Vampires are assholes, Changelings a shit, Werewolves are hippies, Prometheans are sad clowns, and Demons are edgy faggots. Geist are alright.

If he/she is a Mage, well. Now we're talking.

Fire works on all of them.

What if I don't swing that way, user?

>Inb4 some girl is stalking me, has been jacking me off in my sleep and using the semen to create her perfect test tube baby

>liberal
Please die.

Then you have some serious problem, given you've got that 14 year old rebel daughter of yours

Wonder why I got a kid by the first place.

"Have you tried not being a mutant?"

>I'm a VAMPIRE, Dad! You just don't get me

...so how is this different from any other kid?

What happens if it's some strange person with shattered glass skin who is telling you they're your daughter and your actual daughter has dropped her guise and is trying to strangle the stranger?

well no shit, who the hell do you think you got it from, now sit down and stop trying to break the masquerade you stupid god damned child.

>Dad, please sit down, I've something important to tell you: I... Well, I'm not human.
>I did manage to bang you mom; well done, me. Unless you're adopted. Did I adopt you, sweety?
Not bad, you'd manage to be a disturbing parent even for a WoD denizen.
On the other hand, you're well inside aceptable social borders for a malkavian.

>Promethean
>Every fucking time...

I suspected this was the case. I distract the creature that's confessing to me long enough for the charges to go off and for the house to detonate. My fellow hunters who set it to blow will be responsible for making sure that nothing leaves the rubble.

Wayward for life.

Pretty much what this user said.

...

Werewolves haven't been hippies since apocalypse tho

My child turns out to be Garou, then I proceed to get myself raped by a bunch of Garou females trying to ensure progenie of their tribe.
So, good?

Breed

>Beat him viciously
>Burn all his tabletop things
>Ship him off to military school

His hobbies are exactly that, any hobby he wants they can have without issue. When their hobbies begin encouraching on reality and their ability to live a healthy, good life is when they become a problem.

>Looked up the full tree
Some men just want to watch the world burn, apparently.

If she is a vampire I'd have her sire me.

That is kind of messed up though.

"But trust me on the sunscreen."

>Promethean
"Oh honey, I know. I just wanted to try parenthood for a little while."

Side with the freakier-looking one.

I've played Changeling before, I know how this goes.

That's not how Changelings work user. What you're thinking of is a Fetch.
>Fetch: Fake person made by a True Fae of random crap and a piece of one of a victim's shadow, to replace said victim while the real one serves them in Arcadia
>Changeling: The victim from the above case after time in Arcadia has twisted them into something inhuman, may or may not manage to escape from their master and then return to a normal* life
*As in, living on Earth and probably not a slave. Aside from that it's still pretty weird.

Report her for a masquerade violation.

Just stay off the goblin fruit, and we will be fine
What even

As long as they ain't a fish

I can picture a compact of parents trying to clean all the messes left by their supernatural progeny week after week, while managing the teenage angst of entities able to cut a man into ribbons in an instant.

Then I got two daughters instead of one. Yeah!
They're both grounded until they have resolved that aggressive behaviour problem.

Vampire: So instead of draining my wallet, you drain blood now. When are you going to stop being a parasite?

Pray for the good lord to remove the demon from my child.

Take her back to the family I apparently kidnapped her from.