Mecha Space Pirate Quest LI

My apologies for the late start, a family member needed a ride to the local auto garage.

Welcome back, everyone, to the fifty-first installment of Mecha Space Pirate Quest! I'm your host, Wong, and today you are Corporal Amos Wedge of the UJCIDF, the unofficial bodyguard/babysitter of the Jovian Planetary Chairman's youngest son, Garret Luxol.

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It's so nice, sleeping in late. After gobbling down burgers the way you promised yourself you would if you got to Innsmouth in one piece, you more or less collapsed into a food coma on your cot in your assigned quarters on the ship.

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youtube.com/watch?v=K6RUg-NkjY4
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How much time has passed in universe from when we started?

Fuckin sweet! Get off work have a beer and more mecha quest.

seems like not that long. A night has passed unless this is the mother of all food comas.

I meant since we started the quest

So are we gonna get that pumpkinseed kerieger user made? Cause I like that juicy beam lance.

We really need to get our aces some new mechs or at least upgrade them some more

I imagine we'll get the slightly more powerful gun first since thats what we voted for last time. She'll have to work up to the full thing unless she spent the night in a furious salt powered upgrading session.
Especially for Oda. His mech is cheep as fuck.

We'll give one to Gretchen as a wedding gift.

>Wanting to marry Gretchen
I knew there had to be one person

Unfortunately, the buzzing of your PC disturbs your pleasant dreams of cat-eared women, and you groggily sit up, running a hand through your hair and gazing at the device in momentary befuddlement before you answer.

"Where were you at breakfast?" Garret snaps in your ear.

"Nwah?" You articulately reply, rubbing your eyes and wandering into the bathroom to relieve yourself and clean up a little.

"There's an emergency briefing after what happened last night. Hurry up and get to the mech bay!" He hangs up on you. You yawn, smiling sleepily at yourself in the mirror as you brush your teeth, before what he just said dawns on you.

Barely two minutes later, you're racing down the hallway while doing up the last of the buttons on your uniform with one hand and trying to buckle on your sidearm with the other. You finally get the latter done, before tripping over an untied bootlace and nearly going headfirst into a wall. You manage, eventually, to sort your clothes out and make it into the bay, panting and out of breath. You're at the back of a knot of people roughly twenty-odd strong, all standing at attention. Several of them glare at you as if they've been standing there for a while.

[Continued]

There are at least 2, maybe 3.

Yeah, no marrying the reporter. It never ends welll for anyone.

At least their not the the Lacsusfag

The man standing at the podium, though, doesn't seem bothered at all. He looks directly at you, gives you an incredibly pleasant smile, and notes sympathetically, "Rough night, wasn't it?" From the dark blue arrows on his collar, you can tell he's the Captain of the Cicero, and you should know his name...but honestly, you glanced at the assignment briefing very shortly and left remembering things like that to Simon. He's tall, with dark, messy hair and a rose on his lapel.

"Good morning, everyone." He actually waves. "I hope you all slept well, because we have a busy day ahead of us. First things first, let's welcome Sergeant Luxol's SOUL squad. I, of course, am Captain Matthias Clearwater and this is my ship, the Cicero. This is our representative from Bahamutcorp attached to said squad, Irina Gaunt." He indicates the blonde woman from last night, now smartly dressed in a white labcoat and looking absolutely exhausted, "And this is our chief mechanic, Mari..." He glances around, frowns, then glances self-consciously at the blonde, "Irina, where is Marilyn?"

"Asleep, sir." She answers with a grunt, "She was working late last night."

[Continued]

There's a Lacusfag?

I think so

Dear gods, is he going to go FAIRCHILD BANZAI on us?

Important question: the Lunars are space Catholics right? Could we get Jesus in trouble with the space pope for using Jesus as his call sign? I recall a mobile suit was cancelled simply because it was named the Arabian. Surely we can get Jesus canned for being Jesus.

That was less because it was called the Arabian, and more because it was human shaped

Nah, wait until he does some serious shit and get him excommunicated,

Catholics call their kids jesus all the time in some countries. Its not very sacrilegious.

So how does the sleeping situation work with Roarke? Does he have the master bedroom and all the girls have their own rooms in the same wing? Did we ever move into a bigger room? Do we have the most 80s bed of all the water bed?

>not a bed in the shape of a race car

Hows Luann Kirk?

We need to get this guy a catgirl girlfriend, he needs it.

SHES JUST FINE!

"Ah, well, that can't be helped." He smiles and shrugs, "I hope she has a refreshing catnap."

Irina rubs her eyes, "Sir, please, can we get on with this?"

"Right! Yes! Straight to the point! Last night, we lost two squads. May Elysium welcome Pilots Macintosh, Bates, Banner, Corner, Tan, and Nguyen. Remember the fallen!" He snaps his fingers and points skyward, posing dramatically. You hear the ship's guns firing, and he holds the pose the entire time as the Cicero fires off twenty-one shots. He looks just a little bit pleased with himself, and Irina looks like she would rather be anywhere else in the galaxy, "...Funeral services will be held tomorrow at 20:00 Standard. Meanwhile...Irina, do the thing." He gestures nonchalantly at her.

She sighs and fiddles with her PC, "Yes, sir." She projects a large holoscreen, displaying an image of the craters left by your three mecha detonating, "You were all informed of the events of last night during breakfast today. However, we were able to retrieve some information from the debris and also the flight recorder from Sergeant Luxol's machine, which confirms the worst of our fears. A Paladin is near Innsmouth, and one that wasn't already accounted for on this planet. This brings the count up to two. We have extensive footage and reports of the Gerer, enough to be absolutely sure that it is a different machine. In addition, a squad of five Knights...at least one of ace level...managed to get this far past our front lines and set a remarkably precise ambush. This cannot be allowed."

[Continued]

>risking getting the cat clap
Never mind half them are turning traitor.

Karen's room was more or less left entirely intact, and Roarke has a largish room nearby. The habitation rooms surrounding them are both naturally empty because of the usual noise, so Clemmy, Samantha, and Gretchen have all moved into one. Rosita has an entire palace on Auditorium to sleep in, and if she's spending the night on the Rhinehawk she'd sleep in Roarke's room. Fatima will claim a room for herself in the nearby vicinity, too, now that she's recovered.

completely soundproofed?

And I'm guessing the girls just rotate every couple of nights for whose sleeping in Roarke's room?

"You're being too terse, you need to relax and let the words flow with public speaking." The Captain comments.

Irina bristles and bites back what are clearly some very hurtful words, "Thank you for the advice, Sir." She says through gritted teeth.

The pilot in front of you...an officer, actually, a Lieutenant judging from his white uniform despite his youth and the unmistakable crisp haircut and straight back of someone who still thinks he's in the Academy, thrusts his arm towards the sky.

Irina sighs, "What is it, Lieutenant Asphodel?"

"How can you be certain it was an ace?" He doesn't bother with a Ma'am, although she IS a civilian so it's not technically impolite, "Perhaps the pilots simply made some mistakes and took unlucky hits."

She gives him a look that could curdle milk, "Or perhaps I was able to analyze what was left behind and recognized the model of cannon that fired it. Ajax-33, it's a War-era cannon they used to mount on Garrons. Outdated, now, the only ones who really use them in the Solar System are some of the Belt pirates. I guess it shows how unusual it is to see a sniper in Avalonian culture, the targeting systems are utterly out of date but it's probably still better than what they've got."

"So you're saying the SOUL pilots lost to an antique rifle?" He snorts, "Some reinforcements."

"Men have lost from having a stiletto heel violently hammered into their testicles for a lot longer than mecha have been being shot up by Ajax-33s, let's see whether you're such a hotshot pilot that you've developed an immunity to it." Her eyes narrow in dislike, and she starts towards him only to be brought up short by the Captain's hand on her shoulder.

"Let's not damage SOUL's first impression of us any further. My apologies for Lieutenant Asphodel, our resident ace. The men we lost were comrades of his." Captain Clearwater smiles, "We're all friends here."

[Continued]

Man, fuck this guy. I'm with the salty blonde. We took some serious shit. Motherfuckers waited inside a mountain for us. That's ninja shit.

So how should we dress for the Tourney, since Rosita's making us and the Kaiser thrones? Togas would be fun

I'd go with our trademark jacket and shades. It's our jam after all.

SPEAKING OF NINJAS!

I am in tears.

This is beautiful.

You're missing space from mecha space pirate quest.

Besides that nitpick this thing is fantastic. When will we get to ccontrol Oda?

I wonder if Lord Oda would approve of us challenging lieutenant lily to a fistfight. At least for an apology. Maybe later in a less official environment. Dudes an asshat.

Change all the words to jap.

宇宙海賊ロボットクエスト

"As I was saying. We have two main problems, the squad of Knights and the Paladin-errant. Unfortunately, we have no idea where the Paladin is, given the speed some of them have displayed it could be anywhere by now. However, a local lizard farmer spotted the Knights passing through this morning, here." The holofield displays a map, zeroing in on a location, then marking a line from from there to the point where your squad contacted them, "If they continue this way, they're likely planning to camp at the Great Zinn Dam." She taps her thumb on her PC to display her next slide on the holofield, this one displaying an impressive wall of masonry holding back countless gallons of water, "Which is where you come in. We have questions, and since the Avalonians aren't doing the courtesy of coming here on their own free will, we're sending you out to get them. Captain?" She looks to Matthias, who smiles cheerfully.

"As you know, the demands of the war and the need for additional troops on Qu'lir's various fronts have reduced the effective number of pilots on this ship from forty-eight to twenty-four, and now we're down to eighteen...six squads. As much as I would like to drown them with overwhelming firepower, that simply isn't an option right now. Innsmouth's local garrison is still painfully green, and the best mecha they have are older Bluegills. If the Paladin showed up again, the slaughter would be unimaginable. As soldiers of the UJCIDF, our first priority is to defend the civilians who have placed their trust in us. That is an absolute. Therefore, we'll only be sending three squads out to round the Avalonians up. As for how we'll catch them...Irina, do the thing again."

"Sir, you could just say 'Show them the Mantas', it would be a lot easier..." She starts, but he interrupts.

"Ah, yes, Mantas! THAT's what they were called!" He gestures towards the bay, where three large, flat, mechanical things shaped in a blunt forward-pointing triangle sit.

[Continued]

Lets not throw down with people who will be watching our back when we fight the real enemy.

...

They seem to mostly be wings and engines. You don't see any sign of a cockpit anywhere.

"These are a bit more convenient and reusable than enhanced thruster pods when you need extra speed." Irina explains, "Stand your mech on them and...with the adjustments I've made to the HMIS...you'll be able to ride on them at much greater speeds than those achievable through your mecha alone. If they really are going to the Great Jinn Dam, you should catch them there tomorrow morning if you leave around dinnertime tonight. The Mantas are equipped with built-in rocket launchers, but they're clumsy and I wouldn't advocate fighting while riding on one unless you absolutely have to, so going in on your own power upon visually confirming their presence is recommended. I've put a few smoke and flare rounds in each of the Mantas in case you need to signal or create a diversion. Don't worry, the Mantas are equipped with an autopilot and can come at your summons and will automatically seek a safe place to land and power down when they don't have a rider and haven't been called. Now, as for your machines...hopefully Marilyn didn't kill herself in the process, she worked even harder than I did getting these Pumpkinseeds prepped and the Sergeant's new Warmouth equipped to his specifications."

The Lieutenant raises his hand again.

[Continued]

Dude doesn't get a free pass to be an asshole. All i'm sayin.

Yeah, dodai time! Fucking submarines get out.

Nigger just had his friends shot to death the day before, chill.

Okay friendo. Let's see where this road goes. What odds do you give he turns out to continue to be an asshat well past grieving time?

noice

Also, make no mistake, just because I'm arguing about dude being an ass it doesn't mean I don't enjoy space surfboards with missiles for our mechs. Dope.

>implying he doesn't immediately get ganked.

To be fair, we are a sort of sub par soul squad. One regular pumpkinseed, one with big hands and a warmouth with a pair of cannons bolted to the back if a far cry from what the others are bringing.

>implying that won't be Garma

Pumpkinseed 2s man. They actually do really well, compared to all the money and shit the other guys got funnelled into their mechs. If it was a fair fight or even just a couple of extra guys we'd have been able to swing it, but they knew we were coming and they had a specific well planned ambush.

Yeah and clementine, jesus and the first mate would have probably shit stomped the five of them at once ambush or no.

Irina just looks at him, until Captain Clearwater nudges her arm.

"Yes, Lieutenant Asphodel?" She sighs heavily.

He points down the bay to where one of the lesser technicians is finishing up the blue paintjob on a Pumpkinseed II, "What is that? What is it holding?"

You glance at it, and...that is definitely a lot less slender than the standard UJCIDF beam rifle. It's holding a chunky, blocky gun with a spiral pattern of coolant tubes around the barrel.

"'That', Lieutenant, is double the energy output of a standard plasma rifle and fires in a three-shot burst. It's an exceptional piece of craftsmanship based on a scaled-down version of the plasma magnums I designed and submitted for a previous SOUL machine, the S-Fugu." Her sour expression is replaced by a proud, accomplished smile.

"So why is it on that one? That isn't my Pumpkinseed." His eyes narrow.

"No, it isn't, is it?" Her smile only grows.

He grits his teeth, "As the ranking officer and veteran pilot on board the Cicero I should have first priority to..."

"...To march on patrol with it slung over your shoulder as some sort of compensatory measure for what firepower nature has denied you? Can it, Asphodel. I designed it, I built it, it's my prototype and Bahamutcorp property and I decide who gets to use it. Corporal Wedge defeated a Knight solo according to the data from his Sergeant's ASP and was the first one to notice they were being ambushed. Additionally, Sergeant Luxol has praised him for their escape from the Paladin. He's giving me results, boyo, and on top of that the newbies are leading this mission."

The look Asphodel gives you is full of fury, "You think you deserve any of this, you little shit?"

>[What say?]

Jesus' gun overpowers the Ajax-33 (which is, coincidentally, what Miles currently uses and is on the priority list for an upgrade) by miles. Literally, since it has more than twice the range.

Yeah, I am also noticing a trend when it comes to the Jupiter Forces R&D program. They have been pushing for a lot of experimentals, trying to see what works, and throwing away ones they don't like. The bluegill was being thrown out for the pumpkinseed, and the pumpkinseed 2 has been thrown out because of Roarke.

Unless they start making MP Slayers and Slingers, they are going to be hurting like Zeon did with all its prototype and limited release suits.

Exactly, we were a tiny bit flaccid in comparison.

Rolled 10 + 8 (1d10 + 8)

>More then you do you corn on the cob looking mother fucker
Rolling to intimidate

Those are Fairchild's personal attack dogs, though, and at least Clemmy and the First Mate have much bigger dicepools than anyone in our squad.

Fucking thunderwhat.

That faggot gay now.

Sure. In their current suits. We don't have the funding. You seem to think that, since we didn't steam roll a well planned ambush, we suck. We don't. We survived. A well planned ambush, in military terms is thought out, mapped out, and rehearsed. Then we escaped literal certain death by paladin. We don't suck, we just have Garma as a bff. Should be our tag line.

They must have put me in SOUL for a reason.

True, but it wasn't all that long ago when SOUL A was using Pumpkinseed Is whose only special features were custom paintjobs and ASPs.

Intimidate not seduce user.

Ah, Thunder. Never ever change.

The other three mechs could have handled it too.
The current suits is what I am talking about user, not the pilots ability.

This is exactly what we did with clemmy.

Rolled to hold stare, intimidated into seduce.

But did they have Shinji and Garma?

You sure thunder didnt just roll to seduce?

>didnt even have head vulcans
Some shoddy ace customs if ever I saw one.

I rolled and didn't decide what I rolled on, then I picked Seduce

it was a resist intimidate roll

Then your argument literally has no merit. Of course they would win. They have tons of funding and R&D backing them. Stealth shit. Extra beam stuff. Super sniper beam rifles. Harpoons out the ass. You're saying our squad is sub-par. I'm saying the military's support of us is sub-par.

After looking at the old thread it was both, I rolled a 9 on the resist and a 10 on the seduce

Doesn't change that you're our designated face/slut.

We are sub par compared to the other parts of our special forces group. Its like the american army told you they were sending you tanks and instead of abrams you got shermans.
Not so extreme as that but still

Alright then. Tell me, what have you done in the last few days while your friends went MIA? You yourself say that you are the senior pilot here, so you would know what was happening, right? Because the way I see it, nobody has time to squabble over who gets what, and unless you can tell me what the hell you did in the last 24 hours, I'm not having any of it.

We are losing MEN while you bitch and moan, damn it!

So why haven't we made a Roarke Sings the Classics album yet to sell to our fans?

victory concert after we take down the contender.

"More than you do." You remark.

"I didn't hear a Sir, Corporal." His eyes narrow and his fists clench dangerously.

"Take off the insignia, I'm gonna feed you your own boots." You look down at him from your greater height.

He blinks, then stares at you as if he can't believe what he's hearing.

"You heard me. I've picked corn with more brains than you, and better hair now that I think about it. Take off your insignia so I don't embarrass my sergeant by turning you into a pinkish smear on the floor while we're still in uniform." Normally, you're a friendly guy, everyone says so...but your face is gradually moving towards a frown that's all the scarier for the absolute sincerity in your words. You see his face blanch as he realizes the difference in your respective builds.

"Y...you'll be in the brig until..." He stammers.

"Until what? Until the Paladin comes back? What have you done over the last few days? Innsmouth hasn't seen a battle up until now, so don't feed me any crap. You're the senior pilot here, supposedly, so you should know that nobody has time to squabble over who gets what when that THING is still out there." You seize the collar of his uniform and bodily lift him up onto his toes, your voice turning into a growl, "We're losing MEN, men who were supposedly YOUR friends, while you bitch and moan, damn it!" You release him, practically tossing him to the ground with disgust and rubbing your palms on your pants as if trying to remove his greasy taint from them.

"Alright, that's enough!" The Captain's voice is still pleasant, but sharp, "Wedge, Asphodel, you've both made your point. Lieutenant, I need you here to look after the city's defenses. The SOUL trio have faced these enemies before, they're familiar with them, that's why I, not anyone else, made the decision to put them in command of the mission. If you don't like it, submit a complaint to my superiors."

[Continued]

Ah. Wartime military.

Where you can get away with everything just shy of murder.

Given how the senior pilot of this outfit had no clue that two full teams of Jovians had gotten jumped by a Paladin outside his fucking gate, I'd say yeah, I do.

Well, bitching about not getting what you want to your commanding officer because the Marines get it first would probably have gotten him more flak usually. Hell, could you imagine Sammy's brother being here instead of Wedge? He'd suplex him.

"Corporal, I'd appreciate it if none of our pilots were damaged due to infighting, are we clear? We've lost enough people. Besides I'm sure the Avalonians would feel slighted if we started doing their work for them, and that would just be rude, wouldn't it?" He smiles cheerfully. "If you want to let off some steam, there's always the simms, or you can both volunteer for additional patrol duties. Hoo-rah!" He fistpumps.

This time, it's Simon who raises his hand, "Um...excuse me..."

"Yes! Speak up, soldier, I'm always happy to listen!" Captain Clearwater gives him a glittering smile and an encouraging thumbs-up.

"Sir, why does Amos' new gun have something drawn on it?" He points.

"Drawn? No, it would have to be inscribed with a laser, it's metal, and I'm sure it's really just an optical illusi-goodness me, there's a pin-up on it." He extracts a tiny pair of folding binocs from a pocket to look at it, "...It's a pinup. Definitely a pinup."

Irina claps her hands over her mouth, swearing abruptly.

"The subject looks pretty familiar, too." The Captain remarks, obliviously.

"A-Art is a form of self-expression and self-love, I was just doodling with the laser on...on a spare metal sheet and..." She stammers.

The Captain nods solemnly, "And it turned out to be part of the rifle's chassis and Marilyn quite innocently welded it on there. I understand perfectly. Lovely bikini, very tasteful."

She looks like she wishes she could melt into the floor. You peer closely. Yep, that's definitely a woman stenciled onto your new gun, and it's definitely Irina herself.

>[Comment]
>[Do not comment]

>[Comment]
"Well... it looks nice"

>>[Comment]
"Beats a hamburger."

>[Comment]

With a lovely lady like that guiding my hand, there's no way I can miss now!

Any chance I could get a bigger copy?

>>[Comment]
>Looks like vodka's got some competition

...by the time our machine is fully upgraded, it's going to be covered in punups due to Vodka and his influence. Even Roarke would be impressed.

You know for a fact that she was drunk when this happened.

"Looks like vodka's got some competition." You remark.

Her face reddens and she gives you a glare, "Corporal!"

"What?" You ask innocently, "It's a lot tastier than a burger, any chance I could get a poster-sized copy?"

"CORPORAL!" She yelps.

The Lieutenant is staring at you as if you're the hybrid offspring of a particularly unpleasant slug and a Jegalese stinkworm.

"But it really looks nice!" You protest.

"Well, I think it's safe to say this meeting is concluded. SOUL, Second, and Fifth squads report to the bay at 18:00 Standard. You're dismissed." Matthias is the first one out the door.

"I'll...I'm sorry, Corporal, you're being too nice, I'll cover it up with something, really this was a mistake." Irina calls out, making her way towards you.

"Sleeping with the Bahamutcorp rep for a better gun? You disgust me, newbie." The Lieutenant growls, trying to shouldercheck you on his way out the door and not managing to budge you an inch.

>[What say?]

Oh hell no. He can talk shit about us if he wants to, but he's gonna apologize to the lady.

Ignore the lieutenant and say " No. Keep it there. I really like it."

Damn right he is.

Anyone have any appropriate ass kicking music?

We might need it.

Grab his ear and PULL hard to bring him to Irina to apologise.

He won't expect it.

Ignore the shitbag entirely and offer to pose for irina the next time she feels artistically inclined.

>Block his way out of the door
>If you don't want to be shitting out your teeth tomorrow you better apologize now

Going with his love of country how about

youtube.com/watch?v=K6RUg-NkjY4