Suppose you're a spooky scary skeleton bent on conquering the world...

Is this hypothetical, or are you a spooky scary skeleton trying to take over the real world?

Nice try, but you're already boned.

Do it economically. No RPG player wants to play in a game about foiling someone's plan to control 51% of the world's AAA business.

A 10x10x10 cube of foot-thick adamantine, lined with immovable rods, and then suspended somewhere in the abyssal depths of the sea, but -not- on the sea floor. Preferably within the territory of some unfathomable aquatic horror. The phylactery is inside the cube.

>he hasn't played shadowrun

I secretly implementing anarcho-communist systems the world over and wiping the concept of capitalism and private property off the map, thereby removing and all profit motive from the world.

After all, without the promise of treasure, riches, and rising above even the bourgeoisie, nobody in their right mind would become an adventurer and challenge me.

But isn't that a plan that, in itself, is like taking over the world? And would therefore be stopped by adventurers? You can't just find some ancient mineral deposit of handwavium that will let you do it so secretly a group of PCs doesn't get suspicious of the source of ideological uprisings.

The communist revolution shall be swift and righteous. Any would be adventurers interested in stopping phase 1 of this plan would be starved of equipment and basic necessities by the time it's apparent that there's more to the communist revolutions than an upset proletariat.

"After all, without the promise of treasure, riches, and rising above even the bourgeoisie, nobody in their right mind would become an adventurer and challenge me."

Sounds like a good excuse for just about all but the most goody-two-shoes of adventurers to outright side with those interested in keeping capitalism afloat.

Rule -1 of adventurers: Don't mess with their loot.

maximize the campaign scale effectveness of undead. conquer by logistics of never having to feed or rest an army.

make sre to stock up by murdering entire goblin clans and animating them. just keep mroe undead coming, then attack a target all at once. attack by sea; you dont need to breath and can just walk up out of the ocean all in heavy armor.

mix and match skelies with zombies to keep them on their toes for weapon types.

dont ever get in the same room as the heroes. for any reason.

be the pc

Depends on the setting
And it really depend first on what "conquering the world" is for you.

Killing everyone and animating them to obey your every command ? Then this guy has the right idea : If nothing, you'll win simply because the enemy (aka "everything that lives) is actively breeding your future legions.
If said legions are self-creating (ex : zombie infectious bite) then they will grow at an exponential rate, eventually generating new dead soldiers faster than there are sentient creatures being born.
Once this is in motion, your only job is to stay alive by hidding, only coming out of your lair to nudge things in the right direction here and there.

If you aim for a less radical conquest, with immortality only being an enjoyable perk if there are still mortals around, it becomes complicated.

Skeletons are a religion of peace attacking them is a hatecrime

I suppose you could call it... a Skelertan

I was thinking more along the lines of
>you're already a spooky skeleton
>why just let your bones regenerate
>let your soul take over a dragon skeleton
>become draconic lich

Better yet, make a gold coin your phylactery.
A regular gold coin, of the standard currency.
Circulate it.
How the hell will they find it?

Don't they demonetize those too?

They won't. It might however be traded and travel through the realms until someone decide to use the metal to make jewelry or gold bars.
While magic spells might prevent it from being melted, it would make the coin stick out and be the subject of scrutiny.

Hire them.

...

hehehe

/pol/ pls.

Toss it in a wishing well or gift it to a dragon amongst a chest of regular gold.
Or, if possible, enchant it in such a way so that it can be melted and still remain a phylactery.
Only downside would be that if the gold bar it melted down into was used for numerous items, it dilutes your soul until you're just cursed objects, like horcruxes. At the same time though, this also means you could potentially corrupt others until you piece yourself back together

Make it so that the only thing that would surely destroy you would be something like only your own blade can severe your soul from it, or only by some god-fueled holy cleanser

>put your phylactery in the skeleton of a PC

Finish it before the PCs are born.

Who says I'm not the pc?

Know that a PC has a shady background because of their orphan backstory, ESPECIALLY if they mention "a mysterious robed man"? The newborn was unwittingly made the phylactery. If the character is beloved, it's hard for the other characters to kill them, and if they kill themselves they risk their soul. It fails though if the dude's a shitter

The skeleton of a skeleton rattling the bones of a skeleton of a deformed child?

I DECLARE MYSELF GHET, THE WIZARD OF DUBS! KNEEL BEFORE MY LUCK

literally the plot of harry potter

Abuse the rulebook loopholes just like PCs do.
And since I'm on a whole another level of power, they will never manage to catch up.
HEIL AINZU

Praise to Ghet

I don't see a lot from that show that makes me genuinely laugh.

But this got me.

Harry was accidentally made a horcrux though, I'm talking willfully make a newborn your phylactery, in the hopes that they live long enough for your soul to take over and devour theirs in the event of your body being destroyed. Then rinse and repeat

I bless you, child

Try a cultural or a diplomatic victory. If it doesn't work just nuke everything

Truly you are as generous as you are fortunate.

I pray your fortune shall follow you to the future.

You can be the idea of evil
since humanity needs evil to justify the atrocities that befall them, you can never be destroyed unless all of humanity is.

Oh, it shall in time. It always does

Amass political power and invest money into creating a strong, competent secret service.
Most players don't care about local politics, and even if someone smells a rat he'll just get ignored and dragged into more pc stuff like looting, ooc arguments and touhou references.

Establish dungeons in your domain, and spread rumours that they're filled with all kinds of magnificent treasure and magical weapons. PCs, greedy by their nature, are drawn to this like moths to light. Fill these dungeons with some semi-harmless critters to create the illusion of a real dungeon. Don't make them too dangerous, you want the PCs to make it to the treasure room. But when they enter it... surprise! There is no treasure, there's only one of your most powerful subordinates ready to push their shit in! Nip the problem in the bud, ensure that weak PCs never become powerful ones. And because dead men tell no tales, these dungeons will keep attracting new PCs.

But just as a safety measure, give all of your subordinates in these dungeons a special amulet that alters you if they are defeated, allowing you to teleport in and finish the party yourself. Imagine that: your first dungeon, you somehow manage to defeat the crazy unfair boss, and then suddenly the BBEG comes in and fries your ass.

Also, Succu-brothels that provide high quality service to regular customers (avoiding suspicion) but fully drain all the levels of anyone above level 5.

Cast Dominate Person on their GM. Make their GM be an absolute asshole. There, PC-proof.

>5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

I'm going to leave the lynchpin of my entire dominion in the care of a third party that is motivated solely by money. This is a much better idea than keeping it in a heavily-guarded and defended site administered by my own forces.

>10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.

Yes, let's interrogate my enemies in unfamiliar and unsecured territory, surrounded by untrustworthy strangers. This is a much better idea than keeping them locked up in the heart of my empire, surrounded by my Legions of Terror.

>11. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

I, too, will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will not even bother embarking on a campaign of world-spanning conquest, because I don't need to be High King Emperor Overlord Of The Entire Earth to feel good about myself.

>13. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.

And when I say all, I mean ALL. If my Legions of Terror wipe out an entire army, they're going to have to burn and/or shoot up every single corpse they leave behind.

What I'm saying is, every soldier must carry 20 extra magazines of ammo, and no less than 2 jerry cans of gasoline at all times. There is no way this could go wrong.

>15. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.

Because a situation will never arise where having a convenient and immediately-comprehensible timer would be extremely helpful.

>18. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.

>19. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.

I too will neglect to raise any heir to my throne, so that when I eventually die my Evil Empire will crumble into a thousand feuding successor states, and all my hard work will be for nothing.

I am Very Smart, in case you couldn't tell.

>22. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.

Megalomaniacs: well known for their ability to resist temptation.

>23. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

Never mind that this would mean doubling the logistics and training overheads of my Legions of Terror, just to protect against a scenario that's 99% unlikely to ever come up. I've got to cover all the angles, no matter the cost!

>8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

>26. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.

>53. If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.

DOES NOT COMPUTE

>25. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.

It's not like I could develop battle tactics or troop formations to cover for my war-machines' weak-spots, or develop a strategy in which I could afford to lose some of my nigh-invincible war-machines and still win the day. That would be silly.

>27. I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.

Except for completely-indestructible-except-in-one-tiny-spot-war-machines. I will never build any of those, because there is literally no way I could ever possibly protect their weak spots.

>32. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

Though I may occasionally kill messengers because their message enraged me, and I want to vent my frustration on a soft target. This is totally not the same as "illustrating how evil I really am", because I have a reason for doing so.

Also, when I get angry, I will then decide not to be angry. Because that's how emotions work.

>36. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.

I'll also be the person who gives the important prisoners their meals and empties their poop-buckets, since I apparently don't trust my guards to handle such menial tasks themselves.

>38. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.

Yes, I'm going to keep up-to-date information about every single person my Legions of Terror kill, maim, cripple, or leave penniless, including rebels, criminals and citizens of countries outside my territory. And when I do order people killed, I'll be sure to have their entire extended families killed too. I'm sure my genocidal ways will endear me to the populace and any potential allies, instead of making me look like a paranoid madman.

>41. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.

Assuming they haven't already been used to depose me. Which they almost certainly have, because this is time travel we're talking about.

>42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.

Because I will always be 100% informed of the hero's capabilities and those of their allies, and my minions will always be 100% capable of capturing any animal the hero is seen with.

>50. My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.

But I'll probably end up emulating Windows or MacOS on them anyway, because otherwise I'm going to have software compatibility issues out the wazoo.

>62. I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.

I'm sure the men will thank me when they get mowed down by the Hero in my coverless hallways.

>64. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.

What, like the megalomanic compulsion to conquer the world/achieve godhood? Or the deep-seated fear of weakness that drives me to assert my dominance over my fellow man?

>66. My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.

Because I'm sure that after a few weeks every one of my guards will still be sticking rigidly to procedure, and always taking the time to type in the false passcode, instead of just holding down the 5 key until the keypad certifies their prints. Or leaving sticky-notes in visible locations to remind themselves to keep up the facade.

>67. No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.

Because I'm sure that after the 5th time in a week that Security has to seal all doors and windows, lock down the entire computer network, and deploy Alpha Strike Teams to investigate yet another false alarm, everyone will still be feeling really enthusiastic about my ridiculously paranoid policies. They certainly won't be dismissing known faults in problem cameras because "screw it, I'm not being paid to care about the boss' security THAT much. I'll just pop another email to Tech Support and forget about it".

>68. I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.

So if the Hero saves my life I am honour-bound to return the favour, no matter how counter-productive that may be to my overall goals, or how many other points on this list boil down to "stop messing around and just KILL him already".

>69. All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.

Though I'm not sure how I'm going to have any babies delivered in my hospitals when all midwives are banned, since "delivering babies" is their entire job description. I guess I'll make up a new job title. How about "spawn wrangler" or "fanny warden"?

>70. When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.

Yes, let's teach the disposable grunts to be ridiculously paranoid about their own well-being. There's no way this could possibly lead to wasted manpower, stalled operations or resentment among the officer corps.

>72. If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.

Because as we all know, Heroes are incapable of bluffing, and would never try to trick me into not using my unstoppable superweapon for any reason.

>94. When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.

Yes, I will only hire emotionless psychopaths to serve as my Legionaries of Terror. After all, psychopaths are well-known for their loyalty to authority figures, their willingness to lay down their lives for a cause, and their abundance among the general population.

>96. My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.

The men will thank me when the Heroes are able to easily escape my Fortress of Doom by blasting every door panel they run into, and block off all pursuers by blasting the other side as they flee.

>Aaaand I'm done.

You have the personality of a wet blanket and must be wicked fun at parties.

>Implying he gets invited to parties

>Communist necromancer and his Red Army of skeletons tries to take over the world.

I would play the shit out of that.

I wouldn't be so mad if there weren't so many people who treated the Evil Overlord List like a serious how-to on writing villains, instead of a big joke about classic villain cliches.

There are people who seriously think that the way to make a good villain is by making them into an omniscient, omnipotent chess-master, with no weaknesses or personality flaws. This in spite of the fact that many of the best, most memorable villains were characters who weren't omniscient, omnipotent, or level-headed at all.

your reasons for

>11
>13
>15
>22
>23
>27
>32
>36
>62
>66
>70
>72
>94
>96

are all either based on far-fetched assumptions or are generally illogical. Take for example 70, being in teams of two and initiating an alert when one is missing ON PATROL is not at all too much to ask of your paid or loyal guards. Especially considering that encouraging for guards to act on their missing partners means that they know you care for their longevity.

Also 8, 26, and 53 don't clash. You can kidnap a princess and marry her if she doesn't say she won't marry you ever.

Monitor all taverns.

>Some people do a thing I don't like
>Thus any jokes or irony that could be interpreted as suggesting the thing I don't like is good are FOREBODEN
Tumblr's over there

'02' ain't dubs.

No dubs here either.

Are you and the conjurer of trips friends? Cause he said you sucks

If no one ever comes back im sure people will wise up eventually

Destroy all taverns. Adventurers spawn in them.

I love Veeky Forums you guys know what's what

>implying that whole list isn't tumblr tier shit to begin with

Good point. Maybe you need 4-6 shapeshifter subordinates, who can sometimes emerge from these dungeons as victorious "adventurers". Make sure everyone keeps believing there's still loads of treasure left, and make sure they convince everyone that all the adventurers who died were badly prepared scrubs.

Or perhaps they could take on the form of the recently defeated adventurers so everyone in the nearby village/city believes they're still alive. They come back with some phat lewt to let everyone know they're still alive, and then leave. Supposedly on their next adventure, but in reality they just return to report to you and await new orders.