Seinfeld-style episodes in a generic fantasy universe

>Jerry accidentally opens up a portal in the middle of the adventuring guild. No one knows where it goes to, so Kramer and Newman make a pact with the king to dispose of all the city's garbage by tossing it in. In the end, it leads into the Elemental Plane of Earth, who somehow mistake George for flooding their entire dimension with trash
>Meanwhile, Elaine dates an extremely sexy and rich half-elf, but there's one problem: he's constantly on the cusp of sneezing

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I have nothing to contribute but I will be keeping an eye on thsi thread.

>A desperate George tries to resurrect Susan for one more chance at a relationship, but he can only afford a reincarnate, and she ends up as a kobold
>Meanwhile, Kramer is evicted from his home and begins to live in an upright suit of plate mail in front of the paladin guild

top kek

>George implants fake memories into his girlfriend to convince her that she murdered a man so that she'll flee the city and he won't have to break up with her
>Meanwhile, Kramer becomes convinced that he's a silverbrow human and he's been unconsciously dying his hair black since childhood

>“What’s the deal with teleporter food?” asks the uploaded brain of Jerry during a virtual stand-up gig.
>George gets in a bitter fight with his genetically superior girlfriend when she insists that any children they have be biologically engineered. “How can she love me when she disrespects my DNA!” he asks to an empty room. His always-on retinal HUD displays several suggestions that may answer that question. His frustrated attempts to dismiss the suggestions are interpreted by his brain implant as a gesture requesting the next dozen pages of results.
>Elaine stands atop the spire of the J Peterman Building – the tallest in Neoyorkio – clutching Peterman’s head under her arm. “Yes, Elaine,” Peterman’s head telepaths to her, “Soon our nanobot army will rip apart our competition, atom by atom, and rebuild them into loyal servants of our great Corpor-nation.”
>When Kramer invokes his exocortex to artificially augment his brain’s computing power, he manages to create an android that’s actually smarter than himself, accidentally commencing the singularity.

>George concocts a scheme to transform himself into animals, sell the animal to dumb peasants, and then slip away during the night
>Meanwhile, Jerry dates a sorceress who he suspects is reading his mind

This is good.

>Jerry challenges a halfling to a fistfight in an attempt to impress his girlfriend, only to learn the halfling is actually a monk
>Meanwhile George proposes to his girlfriend at a funeral

>George feels tense about visiting his girlfriend's apartment after learning there's an invisible gorilla there. Things culminate when he purchases glasses of true seeing and learns that it's actually an invisible orangataun
>Meanwhile, Kramer is granted three wishes by all-powerful genie and uses them to start a dry-cleaning business

>Jerry needs to get into a theater to talk to a woman, so he somehow convinces the guards that he's Drizzt Do'Urden
>Meanwhile, George is cursed to lose one hair follicle for each adverb he uses

Lurking thread. Good stuff.

>George attempts to impress a woman by claiming that he invented the spell fireball
>Meanwhile, Elaine gets out of being invited to a birthday party by claiming her boyfriend was a famous paladin who just died

>George learns he's the direct male descendant of an ancient hero who sealed away an omnipotent demon lord, and he must renew the seal by sacrificing his own life
>Meanwhile, Kramer somehow replaces all of the oak trees in the city with palm trees

>Desperate for money, George agrees to be the executioner of a wizard who prophecized his killer would meet with an even more painful death
>Meanwhile, Jerry's best friend from wizard school shows up, and he reveals that he's now a hot sorceress

>Elaine becomes ostracized from the adventuring guild after she is tricked into saying she worships Cyric
>Meanwhile, Kramer starts acting suspicious after returning from Werewolf Forest covered in bite marks

>Elaine has been crushing on this new sorcerer at work. Is worried it wouldn't work because they have different mana alignments.
>meanwhile Kramer debates with Newman over which tastes better grilled. Wyvern tail or dragon rib.

>Jerry enters banjo school after realizing the instructor is a hot bard lady
>Meanwhile, George realizes his shadow is missing

>Elaine accidentally joins a guild of lesbian amazons
>Meanwhile, all of the birds in the city start pooping on Kramer, and he doesn't know why

>What's the deal with level 1 male human fighters?
>Hey, Jerry, can I borrow this predigistiation?

>After losing trust in his cleric, George learns to astral project so he can check his own back for moles
>Elaine wants to break up with her boyfriend, but he's just been publicly challenged to a duel for her hand

>George breaks it off with his girlfriend after a vision of his death while they have sex. In the end, she's so obsessed that she hires a male prositute to imitate him only for him to have a heart attack during sex
>Meanwhile, Jerry has to share a table with a man who doesn't believe in magic

>Kramer builds a homemade Jerry marionette, only to find that the scenarios he creates actually come true, and he attempts to use this to his advantage
>Meanwhile, George is banned from the Guild of Awakened Animals when he brings an entire roasted chicken to an inter-guild gala

>Elaine purchases what she thinks is a feminine pointy wizard hat, only to be mistaken for a princess' pointy hat and gets kidnapped
>Meanwhile, Kramer purchases an entire banquet and clones himself so he can eat it all before it goes bad

>Elaine discovers a map to a hidden pirate treasure and slowly murders the other adventurers so she can keep it all for herself. In the end, the treasure turns out to be friendship
>Meanwhile, Jerry has a 95% chance to disable a trap and a 5% chance to spring it

generic FANTASY universe.

>After offending his sorceress girlfriend, Jerry is cursed to be mute until the end of the week--and his big stand-up routine for the king is scheduled in six days!
>Meanwhile, George dates an incorporeal undead, but he can't remember the difference between ghosts, spectres, wraiths, and phantoms. In the end, he accidentally banishes her to another dimension after proposing

>Kramer attempts to enter Evermeet by legally changing his name to Quorariel Forestmoonleaf
>Meanwhile, Jerry learns his new girlfriend is actually a serf--and Newman is her lord!

Someone archive this if it's not copypasta.

>Jerry asks a woman out, then is too scared to break it off when she casually mentions that she's actually a giant who's been shrunken for a few hours
>Meanwhile, Elaine tries to hide her six newly formed legs from Archduke Peterson after finding out about his severe arachnophobia

>/d/laine

>George pretends to be into torture so he can gain magical barbarian scars
>Meanwhile, Kramer attempts to organize a Running of the Driders without the knowledge of consent of the government

>Elaine falls into a vat of blue paint and is mistaken for the leader of a Dark Elf house
>Meanwhile, George finds an abandoned tortoise shell and becomes convinced it's magical

> George finds an abandoned tortoise shell and becomes convinced it's magical

holy fucking shit

>George purchases an amulet that lets him roll three natural 20s on sexual encounters before running out of charge. Each time his girlfriend is unimpressed. At the end, he learns she's immune to critical hits
>Meanwhile, Archduke Peterson tells Elaine to light a candle to Tyr, but she accidentally lights one to Bhaal

too meta/10

>Jerry begins to have tremendous headaches whenever he sees the color orange
>Meanwhile, Elaine kisses a frog who claims to be a prince who can return to being humanoid after being kissed. She does so, but it turns out he's a dwarf prince, and she doesn't want to seem racist by refusing his advances

>Kramer opens a portal to Hell to save the city money on heating bills during winter
>Meanwhile, an angry Elven prince owes Jerry 30000 gold. He pays him in disassembled ladder poles

>The gang attempt to clear a dungeon only to discovered that it has recently been looted. They decide to travel to the end so they can make fun of the previous adventurer's handiwork.
>They discover that the adventurers died to an Ancient Red Dragon at the end of the dungeon who is still nursing wounds from the battle.
>Elaine suggests they slay the dragon but George and Jerry agree that it feels like cheating. They loot the bodies and leave in silence.
>Meanwhile Newman and Kramer get trapped in a bag-of-holding.

>Kramer accidentally crushes the king of a tiny warrior people and becomes their new ruler
>George attempts to exploit this to retrieve a powerful spellbook in his ex-girlfriend's apartment

>Kramer accidentally enters himself into both limbo competitions--at the same time!
>Jerry dates a gnome named Sherry solely because their names rhyme

>George falls in love with a serf, but she won't date any man who doesn't own his own wagon
>Meanwhile, Kramer crafts a crystal ball that lets him read the dreams of dogs

I would watch the Newman and Kramer arc for sure.

>Kramer breaks his entire skeleton and borrows Jerry's without asking
>George attempts to avoid paying taxes by cursing himself to be forgotten by everyone who doesn't look directly at him

>Elaine dates a baker just for the discount pastries
>Jerry starts asexually budding smaller versions of himself from the back of his knees, and becomes upset when one of them has better jokes than he does

>Kramer sets up an elaborate ruse to convince Lord Newman that they are the last people in the Prime Material Plane in order to find out his suitcase locker combination
>George tries to learn Celestial after the city is visited by a hot angel woman

>George believes an assassin is after him, so he spends all of his spell slots on ever more powerful versions of mage armor
>Kramer accidentally opens up an unclosable portal to the Elemental Plane of Kara-Turian pop music

>George and Jerry discuss the ethics of mind controlling women who are into that sort of thing
>Kramer believes he's become a vampire and attempts to suck Elaine's blood

>George exploits a loophole to be crowned King of All Elves
>Meanwhile, Jerry has a blind date with a "Brunhilda Hammerbeard," only to be disappointed when she turns out to be human

>Jerry purchases a new robe that's slightest too bright for the wizarding guild's strict rules
>Meanwhile, George dates himself

George dating himself is something I really want to see.

>George learns to astral project so he can check his own back for moles

kek

>George purchases all of the kingdom's cows to prevent their hides from being turned into manuscript, all so that no one can write down that his pants fell down during a speech
>Meanwhile, Elaine finally makes a female friend, only to lose her when both audition for the same role in a play

>George purchases all of the kingdom's cows to prevent their hides from being turned into manuscript, all so that no one can write down that his pants fell down during a speech
>Meanwhile, Elaine finally makes a female friend, only to lose her when both audition for the same role in a play.

>George learns to speak telepathically to animals, then is surprised and suspicious when it works with his new girlfriend
>Kramer gets back a vacation and becomes convinced everyone in adventuring guild has been replaced by doppelgangers

Is this all just one guy posting these?

>FANTASY

Ok: you are not a cuck, women find you attractive

That's not seinfeld dumbass.

>You're a cuck, Jerry, a KEK!
>I don't see what the big deal is! So I got cucked, big whoop!

>they removed the wordfilter for lowercase cuck but left it for all caps

>You're a KEK, Jerry, a KEK!

...

>You can't get doubles EVERY post, Kramer!

Isn't this basically what seinfelt was?

>No Jerry, see, this guy I know how works down at the docks has this system!

...

Some of these are literally copied and pasted from there

>What about singles? Who's going to roll them?

See, that's the beauty of the system Jerry! It just makes the singles get rolled later. You get the doubles now and the singles later!

Funny.

Bump

>Jerry I bought a screaming sword
>you bought a sword
>yes I bought a Screaming sword every time I take it out of the sheath it screams
>did you know you were buying a screaming sword
>why would I intentually but a screaming sword
>well then return the sword
>I like the sword Jerry
>you like the screaming sword
>besides the screaming I am in love with this sword

>What's the deal with page 10? Who are these posters?

hahaha

>You'll never play fantasy Seinfeld because your players aren't clever enough to roleplay the dialogue.

>What's the deal with dialogue?

It's like Kramer is actually saying it.

>Jerry Potter

no/10 go home you're drunk

Of course, the entire cast would be gnomes.

>Jerry wins the award for "Kingdom's Greatest Fool" but is unsure if it's a compliment or an insult
>Meanwhile Kramer is trapped inside a gelatinous cube but refuses to get out

>George starts dating a mindflayer but doesn't want to eat brains
>Meanwhile Kramer and Elaine are convinced they've found the "Upper Torso of Vecna", Elaine wanting to sell it, Kramer wanting to use it

>Elaine's new boss is a Kender and keeps stealing her spell components
>Meanwhile, George keeps getting summoned by an amateur warlock

>Jerry is hired to do a gig for the psionic guild, but is worried they'll know he imagines them naked
>Meanwhile, Kramer might have polymorphed, cooked and eaten a tax collector!

>Kramer is kicked out of a group consciousness and desperately tries to get back in
>Meanwhile, Elaine is cursed with Mummy's Rot, but finds herself propositioned more as a result

>The Gang contracts lycanthropy from Cricket
>Frank, Dennis and Mac try and figure out who is the alpha
>Meanwhile, Charlie and Dee try and cure their condition through various means
>They argue if they should be "The Pack" now

>George keeps getting summoned by an amateur warlock

This, I would watch.

no.

>Jerry discovers a fantastic garlic bread shop, but his new girlfriend is a vampire
>Meanwhile, George is legally declared a gnome

>George is kidnapped by agents from another kingdom after falsely claiming he works for Count Vandelay.
>Meanwhile, Jerry and Elaine make a bet over whether Jerry's relationship with a Chaotic Neutral woman will work out.

>jerry has his carriage stolen, but finds his stolen carriage back in the spot he left it the next day, with a new coat of paint and a fixed wheel, he doesnt know who did it and its driving him crazy.

>"It's exfoliating! Nobles kill for spa treatments like this!"

this is a good thread.

Its amazing.

...

THREAD THEME

youtube.com/watch?v=_V2sBURgUBI

>"Last time, he got me while I was in the shower, Jerry. In the shower!"

>"In the shower?!"

>"In the shower, Jerry. I was at my most vulnerable, then 'Poof!' and I'm naked and wet at a child's birthday party."

>"A birthday party?!"

>"A child's birthday party. In front of all the kids, screaming and yelling..."

>"Well what did you do?"

>"I curled up and cried until the duration ran out. What COULD I do?"

>"If it's any consolation, George, I doubt he was trying to summon *you*"

>"Gee, thanks Jerry."

>"I'm just saying, you hate kids, so who would ever summon you to a kid's birthday party on purpose."

This thread is my new favorite thing.

>"Jerry you'll never believe it!"
>"not now kramer can't you see I'm helping george with something? "
>"oh, well what happened"
>"a salamander"
>"a salamander?"
>"yeah, a big one. george you wanna tell him?"
>"george just winces in pain under the bandeges"
>jerry looks at kramer "it was a real firey one."
>laugh track
>"okay but jerry you gotta listen."
>"okay i'm listening."
>"Elaine is dating an orc."
>jerry: "an orc?!" george:"am orrmm?!"
>"yeah, yeah, an orc, can you believe it? his name was. Gra- Gru, ah. something starting with a GR."
>"okay that narrows it down to just about every orc in New jork."
>Elaine walks in exasperated.
>"oh no, did he tell you?"
>"he told us."
>"what happened to george?"
>"a big salamander got him."
>"oooh, you know Gra-kruul is a shaman he could help with that."
>"GRA-KRUUL! that's his name!"

More please