Your most recent character is given one wish if they can make the best pizza possible

It's to die for.

The sauce is extra creamy,
The cheese so crumbly,
The meat fresh as possible,
The herbs and spices collected in distant lands.

Meat from both halves of a cocktrice,
Mushrooms from the underdark,
Tomato from the gardens of Priapus,
Mozzarella hand made by a master.

The secret is baked into the bread.
It's a spice called iocane.
Some say it's tasteless, I say those men have yet to try it.

I summon talented fiends to make and bake my pastry of tomatoe and brie as I hurl it through hell to a golden crisp!

I have 14 ranks in both Profession: Chef, and Craft: Cooking.

Iz a rlly gud pizza mang.

Summoned skeletons probably don't make the best pizza so he's out of luck.

Ground and baked Troll bone for the dough, kobold bits for meat, garnish with shattered lich phylactery and served on a blue dragonscale.
>barbarian with copious points in survival and a large bag of monster bits.

Golden Cockatrice Pizza

Drow ranger who was abandoned after his house was razed, raised himself in the underdark. Came to the attention of some scouts after they followed the scent of his cooking fire. Brought back to their house where he served as chief chef, specializing in Masochist Meals (Spicy, sour, excessive amounts of pineapple, captain crunch texture, anything that hurts to eat, but that you cant stop from loving.) Currently adventuring to establish trade for rare ingredients. I party face and cook for the party, and npcs we come across. Sometimes I cook for the group.

Youre on, bitch. A Pain Pizza

Rolled 8 (1d20)

>actually took the cooking skill
My time has come.

What happens if you point out after you win that it wasn't delivery but Digiorno?

Well, how do you think the drow house Di'Jorn'Noh was born? Where else could have learned his ways?

You ask what they would like on their tombstone.

While he would lack the skill of making this pizza, his manservant Kraus would. It would be a pizza worthy of any Rogue Trader, Kill-Marine and maybe the emperor himself.

It would be pretty acceptable, but not like, fantastic. The guy is basically an attempt to genetically engineer the perfect James Bond that went horribly wrong.

He has spent a long time cooking for himself, and while that's mostly at survival rations tier, he's pretty enthusiastic about pizza. In a way that someone who wasn't a character in a movie would struggle to replicate. Like, I guess the question is, would you trust Arnold Schwarzenegger to cook you a pizza? Sure. The best pizza possible? Probably not.

Um... Can I pass the task off on my hireling?

>get Kuo-Toan rogue hireling
>he starts learning to cook
>cooks for the group
>now just for me because the group is no more after one left, one died, and the last became disheartened and pregnant and couldn't continue

Also, can it have pineapple?

Absolutely disgusting. She's never even heard of pizza.

Dangit mega-Satan.

>Black Crusade Renegade
>used to be a noble on a world that was settled by Russians, Scots and North Indians
>Never cooked a day in his life
Would naan topped with borscht, curry, and fish n chips and be any good?

Spiced herbal flatbread, soft goat cheese, boar sausage, ale-sautéed mushrooms, and roasted tomatoes.

It's ugly and lumpy, and the dough isn't a perfect circle, but damn if it's not tasty and filling.

How good of a pizza can a mab who's spent most of his life as a mercenary possibility make?

>obligate carnivore
>has no idea how to cook things that aren't primarily meat
>now has to come up with how the fuck to make bread, and moreover, how to make bread into delicious pizza

I mean, they know what bread is made out of. roughly.

But everything on that pizza besides the toppings is going to be miserable and taste weird.

>best possible
No

what stat determines cooking
wisdom or intelligence?

>Everyone eats it
>Cursed
>Get disqualified

I beg a stipulation: Pray tell that "pizza" is described, at least in general terms, before the contest can begin. Else we may have a problem the likes of which have not been seen since Season 4 Episode 3 of Cutthroat Kitchen.

>Daemon host of Slaanesh
>An absolute gourmand with a taste for meat

It's going to be pretty damn good Meat Lover's pizza. Just don't ask where the meat came from or what it is. You won't like it. At all.

It's shit, but he's gonna try and get the wish with his +35 intimidate instead

She spent years as a slave, and can channel a spirit that makes her skilled in whatever she want.

It's going to be a great pizza, and the best day for House Thrune in a long time.

My paladin isn't a cook. He lost most of his drive to be better when he became a eunuch so he just hopes something will end his suffering eventually.

The definition of "best" is subjective

Who's going to be the judge

Is there anything like Chinese pizza?

>Tomato from the gardens of Priapus
why do you have tomato from the dick god?

Yet you're ignoring the odorless, tasteless powder that instantly kills all save those who have built up a resistance to it?

yeah but, why would dick god tomato be any better than other tomato? you couldn't have said demeter or gaia or something? it had to be dick god? granted, fruits and veg are part of his domain, but why him?

It turns out okay.

His wish would be to eat a pizza.

Oh I'm not the same guy, I just thought it was funny that you were ok with iocane but a funky tomato was RIGHT OUT.

No offense intended!

What if I make a retroactive wish? I wish to better at making this pizza or something? Can I make a time loop with that wish?

He'd mess up the kitchen, eat the ingredients and then trash the oven, rip it out of the wall and bring it to the Techpriest because it doesn't work anymore.

>Dragonborn Paladin of Bahamut
I guess its okay for ameture pizza.

>he's actually a pretty damn good chef, considering he's put about half his points into cooking and has a master-work chef's kit and could call in a favor to use the planetary governor's kitchen.

If he knew what a pizza was, had a instruction book and some practice time, had some dudes to help him he could probably get almost ten factors of success on a good crafting roll.

so... probably the best pizza in the sector, maybe the whole segmentum.

Wisdom like recipes passed down

>He hasn't built up an immunity to iocane powder.
Dude, that's like rule #2 on being a plot important character. How are you going to rescue the hot princess if your wine is killing you all the time?

>instantly kills all save those who have built up a resistance to it
If it instantly kills you if you haven't built up a resistance, how on earth can you get that resistance built up in the first place?

It's not the best, but damn if he isn't earnest about it. He'd work hard to create the best pizza even if he knew the competition would create even better pizzas that would completely overshadow his own decidedly average pizza.

You just expose yourself to less than the lethal dose.

The lethal dose just fucking kills you, but if you can expose yourself carefully enough then apparently you'll eventually become immune to it.

Fairly mediocre.
He's a barkeep, not a chef.

He makes a completely Lovely 4.6/5 Meatlovers 4 Cheese Extra Extra Large Pizza which he then eats in one bite before the judge can try it because fuck that judge he can't have this fucking awesome pizza

It would be a mighty Pizza, the Pizza of a Dwarvish king. However, even having had his kingdom fall to ruin Low King Bergsveinn Hogvandill has never cooked a thing, so it would likely to be trash.

Probably burnt to a crisp.

Twit doesn't eat and has no practice with cooking. He likes fire an awful lot, though.

>Kolo, a high STR and CON meathead with a big heart and an even bigger smile, leaps into action!
>Kolo pulls his masterpiece from oven
>*picture Braum from LoL* "Like mother always said, "if you find recipe you can't make, simply-"
>*lifts tray into view*
>"-bake a cake!"
To be fair, it's a delicious tomato cheesecake with pepperoni garnish.

Tomato have seeds too.
Priaus wasn't limited to dick.

Not very good at all. He is not an accomplished cook and has only had pizza once.

I make a nice 'roni 'go 'za authentic style.